Cartridgegate: What to Take to Your Next H-P Board Meeting

Cartridgegate

That's what I've decided to call it. Hewlett-Packard's Chairwoman resigned after it was discovered that her efforts to stop informational leaks to the media turned into a campaign of spying. Now there are criminal and congressional investigations that will tie up H-P's resources and cost it a bundle of money in legal fees and goodwill.

This is sad in many of the same ways that Enron and the others were sad. Proud employees are going to hear cynical one-liners from their friends. Honest Board members and executives will be subjected to investigations and forced to give lengthy depositions. Costly hearings will be held. And new oppressive legislation will no doubt follow, causing companies to spend more of their time and money filing paperwork and hiring auditors instead of doing the work that that they and their shareholders want done. (Think Sarbanes-Oxley).

I always thought that there are more than enough laws in place that clearly delineate "right" from "wrong." It seems to me that if someone is prosecuted, found guilty, and actually sentenced under existing laws, then maybe people would at least think twice before doing something stupid--and criminal.

Fortunately, the actions of the Chairwoman don't reflect the actions of the majority. But the majority ends up paying for it. Somehow that has to stop or else well-run companies will reach the point where the "legal" cost of doing business will put some of them out of business.

There's also a nice, brief commentary at the Goliath Ate David blog.

That's my own brief, but serious rant about the issue. Since today is Saturday, I've decided to go where my weekend mind has taken me on this issue:

What to Bring to Your Next H-P Board Meeting

Deluxe Rearview Spy Sunglasses

Let's say the Boardroom is set up in a way that seats you somewhere in front of the Chairwoman. The wrap around windows in the room are creating a sun glare that makes you retinally-challenged. This is the perfect opportunity to avoid being stabbed in the back by the Countess of Cartridgegate. Simply don your rearview sunglasses and you will look very chic while covering your corporate behind. Available in your choice of Black from Kopes.com .

Phone Tap Detector

So you excuse yourself to make a business call on the cell phone. You don't want her to know that you're really ordering a large-with-extra cheese-and-pepperoni to take home to the family. This nifty number will ensure that your subversive activity goes undetected. (And if you have teenage children, you might want to...oops. Wouldn't that be the same as...?). Available in your choice of Black from spysite.com .

Spy Mouse

Even Board members are known to bring their laptops to a meeting. That way they can do real-time tracking of the company's stock price, act as if they are taking notes, watch the latest YouTube uploads, or order a "large-with-extra cheese-and-pepperoni" to take home to the family. How do you do all of that and still stay on top of what's actually happening at the meeting? We've got you covered with  the Endoacustica Spy Mouse. Available in your choice of White. Caution: *Exterior look and specifics are subject to change without warning." No kidding; it's actually on the ad.

I hope that these prove helpful in your quest for Boardroom security. I tried to score a free extra-toppings coupon for you from Dominoes but they tracked our IP address and found out that our cat nipped the delivery guy last week. We were punk'd. Sorry.

Comments

[used computers]

Firstly, I really like HP products. If no Macs existed in this world, my computer would be a HP. If not for the iPhone, my favourite 'smart' phone would be an iPaq.