Are you looking for a way to increase your effectiveness with people?
We're going to look at that right now. And I want to share something that I've learned.
Think this way: You--We--I
When you approach someone to talk, you're asking for their time and their
attention. Your topic might be interesting, it might have some tension attached, or maybe it's about something you want to change. Regardless, the other person wants to know that you are thinking of them.
The next time you need to engage someone--especially if it's a difficult conversation--think this way:
You are important to me and this conversation.
We are in this together.
I (hope, need, want) ...
Examples:
"Sarah, you've been designing our marketing materials for three years. We need to sit down and see if there are new ways to look at our product line. I have a new stretch goal to get into the Asian market and believe you can be a big part of that success."
"Raul, you and I have been talking for a few months about how to improve your performance in presentations. Your information is good. We need to talk about how you can become more engaging and hold people's attention. I want to discuss some ways to do that and what you think might be getting in the way."
The principle
This is the most engaging and least threatening psychological sequence.
You are putting the other person first; providing emotional support by indicating the "we" nature of the discussion; and laying out your own needs last. It is not manipulative. In order to do it you have to care to prepare.
Isn't that what you want from other people, too?
Photo Source: www.ciadvertising.org
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