You, Your Boss, and Your Organization

Shortly after my 27th birthday I landed the ideal job following graduate school: Director of PR for a college in New Jersey. I reported directly to the President, participated in the Board of Trustees meetings, and had lots of visibility in the media.

I felt dead inside at the end of the first year. But why? I had "made" it.

What Was I Trying To Change?

I wanted my boss--a good guy and a good President--to manage me a little differently. He didn't.

I wanted my initiatives to move through the organization faster. They didn't.

At the end of the second year I resigned on good terms and took an overseas assignment doing management training while living and working in the Middle East, Europe, and Africa. Jetting from country to country, running workshops, developing managers, designing programs--almost every day was a peak experience.

When I returned to the US two years later I was recruited by a Fortune 50 company. More responsibility. Broader organizational development assignments. Good salary.

But I wanted my boss to manage me a little differently. He didn't.

And I wanted my initiatives to move through the organization faster. They didn't.

So I left on good terms and started by own consulting, training, and speaking practice. I'm still at it.

What changed?

Me. It's the only thing I had the power to change. I was forced to evaluate what I wanted, why I wanted it, who I was and, more importantly, who I wasn't. . .and then take a leap of faith that it would work. It did.  And  my  last employer became a client for nearly 20 years.

What are you trying to change?

If it's your boss or your organization--and you like both--it's worth investing in a conversation to see if you can change your circumstances.

But the one place where you are assured the most impact--and influence--is you.

Are you willing to do that today? It could change the rest of your life.

Comments

[CA]

You hit the nail on the head Steve. I am a firm believer that an individual's attitude is more important than skills or talent. I took a similar leap of faith exactly a year ago. I am in the process of making it work now.

It's funny that we go about life wearing a lens (read perspective) and try to equip others with our lens (and in the process perhaps burn bridges) when all we needed to do was to change our lens.

[Steve Roesler]

CA,

I like your lens analogy...and it looks as if you are immersed in, and having a good time, with your enterprise. Isn't that really the "secret" to ongoing energy and satisfaction?

Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to add to the conversation.

[peter vajda]

Hi Steve,

Last year I coached a client who is working for a Fortune 50 company in Europe. He felt stuck, always in subtle conflict with how he perceived his boss, always in a seeming tug-and-pull relationship with her...he felt she didn't see him or hear him the way he wanted to be seen and heard, he felt neglected, felt almost like a child in his relationship with her.

Long (coaching story) short, when he began to "work" on himself, on the self-defeating images he carried around, on his beliefs around bosses and "female bosses" (his term), on his inferences, assumptions and expectations about their relationship etc., i.e., his "stories", he began to evolve and grow up as an adult...lose his defensive posture, be more open and willing to accept her as she was and little by little their relationship changed.

One day, after six months of coaching, my client said something to the effect, "Gosh, my boss has really changed." When, in fact, she had not changed one bit. It was he who had changed (his perspective, who he took himself to be, his heretofore limiting beliefs...and he evolved and now relates to her in a wholly different, more poisitive, mutually respectful and open and honest relationship. Long story even shorter, he is now formally coaching her (she asked for it) as a part of his own internal professional development program. They get on quite well.

So, yes, Steve, have the conversation (with no quid pro quo or "stories" or "stories" one is willing to check out to see their truth or falsity)...and be sure to make it a dialogue, not a debate.

[Steve Roesler]

What a perfect follow-on story, Peter. We've often had the conversation about "doing the work" with one's self before attempting the futile task of shaping others to our liking. As CA nicely put it in his comment, when we change our own lens it's amazing what we can see.

But how many of us enjoy going to the eye doctor and getting those drops in our eyes?!

BTW: I'm glad you used the story that you did. After re-visiting the post, I was a bit concerned that it conveyed "leaving" as THE answer. Your point was the point to be made. If we don't start with ourselves, we're going to keep re-cycling our frustrations and seeing them as caused by others.

Healthy self-management is the source of healthy organizational and career management.

[peter vajda]

Hi Steve,

You said, "As CA nicely put it in his comment, when we change our own lens it's amazing what we can see."

As Wayne Dyer says, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

And, you said, "...If we don't start with ourselves, we're going to keep re-cycling our frustrations and seeing them as caused by others."

This is one of the main reasons folks keep wandering in and out of meaningless and unfulfilling jobs and/or failed relationships.

When I work with clients who have gone from one job to another, unhappy, or from one failed relationship to another...always blaming, nit-picking, whining, complaining...always something "wrong" about the job or the other person, I always ask them: "What's the one common denominator in all your failed job experiences (or failed relationships)?" It's........YOU! What does that tell you? Hmmm

[Steve Roesler]

And the work begins, eh, Peter?

[Shane]

Great insight Steve. It spoils a person to follow a leader they truly believe in. Nothing less is acceptable after that. And if that leader is yourself, all the better.

[Steve Roesler]

Hi, Shane,

I was really fortunate to have excellent bosses when I started out. In fact, after thinking about your comment, it was really their example and constant encouragement that actually gave me the courage to go out on my own.