Be Still. You Can't Be Engaged All The Time

Sometimes it pays to just stop.

Why?

Because we're not made to "go" all the time.

If you're a regular reader here (and I do hope you didn't delete me from the Great RSS Reader of Life), you may have noticed that my last post was on June 10. This after a series of mostly 5-day-a-week posts since September of last year.

Listen to Your Body, Mind, and Heart

After consecutive days of running workshops, doing some very difficult 360 feedback sessions, and then working through the middle weekend to tie everything together, I stopped. Not for lack of energy, but because of a total absence of focus. So much had accumulated in my mind and calendar that everything came together in a big blur.

So instead of "toughing it out" I just stopped and let it go until things became clear again.

What I Learned (or Re-learned!)

1. Fear is a hideous enemy. Almost as bad as professional narcissism. I began to fear that if I stopped posting, I would never have any more readers. And if I stopped answering the office phone, my clients would never want to work with me again.

Think about the craziness in that. How much does the "never again" fantasy drive us to do things that don't need to be done or cause us to view our lives in distorted ways?

2. If you've been honest with people all along, they'll understand.

I, uh, didn't lose any clients. In fact, more professional engagements came in. When I told current clients what my schedule had been and that I needed a short break to properly sort things out, everyone said "Well, that makes sense." And the emails that arrived from readers asking "Are you ok?" proved that blogging is about relationships and not just about information.

3. Lack of focus is a message that your priorities are out of line. Listen to the message. You won't like it at first, but take heed.

I spent the past week working in the yard, caring for people close to me, and thinking little about leadership, organizations, and professional advancement.

It was counter to the messages that we get from "the world." It was absolutely the right thing to do. (Take a moment to read Decision Making: Confused or Conflicted?)

4. Productivity 24/7 is vastly overrated and probably a contributor to lower productivity.

Well, publishing that statement could be the professional kiss of death. But I doubt it. Any sane person recognizes the need for refreshment and relaxation. The truly successful actually act on it.

Recommendation: While I wasn't blogging, working, or reading posts, my friend The  Coyote at Slow Leadership  suggested that we LIghten Up.

Sound advice. 

Comments

[peter vajda]

Good for you, Steve!

In my perspective, I think it takes a good deal of honesty, self-responsibility, will, courage and strength and guts to say, "I need to step back and take some time for my self" and then, actually do it!

In my years of coaching experience, I can say few ever do, willingly. Talk about it; play at it, but never really "drop out" into the stillness.

The Universe continually gives us little tugs on the sleeve that it's time to rest and reflect and be still, but most never feel the tug.....until the Universe gives us a more powerful slap on the face...major illness or health problem, divorce, accident, loss of job, mental, emotional, psychological exhaustion and burnout...

What's underneath the pathological need to drive one's self (not you as I don't know you Steve, but others I know and clients I work with) is often an unconscious fear of death played out as loss of one's identity...no one will know I exist, or I'll be seen as a failure, or I have this self-image that I have to maintain and if I don't, I'll be a nobody in mine and everyone else's eyes, or someone else will take my place and my (self-selected view of my own) importance in the world, etc., etc. More's the pity.

Nice job, Steve, for telling your truth. I honor and congratulate you.

[Jim Stroup]

Steve,

You are right on the money with this. The productivity you are taking about comes from clarity of mind, and that comes from perspective and balance. If you don't take time for the latter, you will not have the former.

And you certainly have both!

Welcome back!

[Mike St. Pierre]

Steve,

GREAT post! I totally agree that productivity is a means to an end, not the end in and of itself.

Mike

[Steve Roesler]

Peter, Jim, and Mike,

Your encouraging and affirming responses are very much appreciated.

Looking forward to easing back into the rhythm of the interaction that we enjoy so much here.

[Wally Bock]

Great post, Steve. We live in an age where it's tempting to see life as an extreme sport. But studies of psychophysiology and the great religions teach us to take breaks. The insight for me in your post was that lack of focus can signal that your priorities are out of line. I'd add that it can also be a signal that you're too frazzled to think straight.

[Steve Roesler]

Hi, Wally,

Yep. I think "frazzled" kind of gets to the heart of it. Frazzled thinking leads to frazzled decisions, etc., and that leads to self-perpetuating frazzle cycle.

(Probably a potential small book lurking in that phrase)!

[Tate]

Thanks Steve,

I feel more rested simply having read your post. Thanks for the reminder.

With that in mind I'm going to tuck in early and read for pleasure.

Tate

[Mark Goren]

Steve:

Great post, thanks for stating it. It's all about being in the blogger's mindset and, sometimes, when you don't have it, you've just got to step away.

Congrats on being able to do it with peace of mind. 100% support from these parts.

Best,

Mark

[Billy]

Steve

Great to see you are back, but its even better to hear that you are doing well and able to take time to relax and listen. Great post.

I love being an American because we cannot deal with silence. During a meeting or a phone a silent 5 seconds sounds like eternity. Is it because we are scared of the truth we can discover through silence? This also adds to the fact a lot of us struggle to listen because we feel we need to fill the void when it is silent before we actually listen to what was said.

Love point #3 about focus. The one thing I was taught is that the challenge most people have is deciding what the really want,which leads them to be unfocused because they do not know what they are looking for.

Great to see you are back. Look forward to future posts!

Billy

[Steve Roesler]

Hi, Tate,

Wonderful.

Relax, enjoy the book, but don't let the reading light wear down that RV battery!

[Steve Roesler]

Hey, Mark,

Very kind and generous words, and they mean a lot to me.

How about asking your Zaidie and Bubbie for some pearls of wisdom on being still and letting things go for a while? I'll bet they'll have some wonderful things to share.

[Steve Roesler]

Good to see you Billy.

Isn't it fascinating how the cultural norm disdains silence. I do believe that for some (many?) the potential realization of uncomfortable truths causes people to do just about anything but be still and quiet.

Even though the truth will set you free, the big lie is that it's far easier to live with the "false familiar."

[AWDK]

And the backyard is looking good too, Mark!

[ann michael]

Well I'm sure glad you stopped long enough to meet me for lunch. It was great meeting you!!!!!

a

[Steve Roesler]

Wilhelm: Please tell my wife how much you like the backyard; maybe I can do something else this weekend :)

[Steve Roesler]

Hi, Ann,

Our lunch was one of the relaxing joys of the week!

[Brad Trnavsky]

Great post! I think it is important to remember to slow down and take time for ourselves. My wife is a stay at home mom and I think I occasionally take advantage of the fact that we get a few hours here and there together, but I don't think we have had the great quality time we both need together.

I think I need to take a vacation!

[Steve Roesler]

Hi, Brad,

Well, that's a very honest statement. Just the fact that you are aware of it would lead me to believe that you'll do your level best to find the time that you two need.

My wife was also, by choice, a stay at home mom. Our daughter is now 25 and we are thankful to have made that decision.

Now, go on vacation!