One Way You Can Neutralize Fear

"Fear of Success or Fear of Failure?" along with "Fear of Success" in Organizations sparked some terrific, thoughtful conversation. There is no shortage of experiences at an individual or an organizational level.

But the real challenge is:

How do you neutralize the impact of fear and bring out the sunshine?

Forget about saying you will overcome it, just ignore it, or deal with it later. You have to make it real so you can see it and deal with it for what it is and isn't.

Give It a Name and Acknowledge It

Mark McGuiness weighed in with his coaching experience comment here.

Phil Gerbyshak, Mr. "Make It Great!" , says that he likes to "Name it and claim it."

In organizations we know "it" as "The Elephant in the Room." The unspoken "stuff" that is getting in the way of a meeting. People are afraid that if they name it, conflict and disaster will ensue.

Yet the opposite is true. Heck, I've earned significant income intervening with groups to neutralize an issue by identifying the Elephant out loud and then leading the ensuing discussion. It has never--ever--been the disaster that was expected. On the contrary, it usually leads to clarity of issues, acknowledgment and laughter about unspoken misunderstandings, and what could be described as a "breakthrough."

Fear can be equally irrational individually. Fear is like "change." What the heck does someone mean when they say "We're going to change!"? No one knows what to do or how to do it. But if they say, "We're going to respond to customer inquiries within 8 hours instead of 24", everyone has an idea about how to deal with it.

Successful Twelve-Step programs are good examples of the importance of acknowledging or naming a situation in order to deal with it. They all start with an individual, verbal acknowledgment of a struggle, usually an addiction:

1. The problem is acknowledged by name

2. The verbal part acknowledges individual responsibility

3. There is accountability with one or more people to follow through

Name Your Fear Out Loud Now

1. Once you hear your voice speaking it, you own it. (If you keep it in your head it's like mentally practicing a presentation: it's never the real thing once you start the presentation!)

2. Tell someone you trust about the fear. Ask them what they know about it. Ask who else you can talk with about it.

3. Arrive at a point where you have a genuine, realistic grasp of the likelihood of the fear coming to fruition. Then, find out how serious it would be if it did happen.

4.  Determine whether or not it's something that's worthwhile avoiding or something that you want to act on.

Why be stupid or crazy? Some things are worth fearing and avoiding. But you won't know until you've done 1-3. To the extent we can, it's wise to base decisions on evidence and avoid negative fantasies.

Here Is Some Extreme Evidence For Naming It

Peter Koestenbaum is the author of Is There an Answer to Death. (OK, be honest. How many of you just bailed out?).

His intent is to show that there are times when dealing with existential questions can bring a greater meaning to life. He argues that the anticipation of the reality of death reveals who one really is. That act connects people with their deepest feelings, needs, and opportunities.

Koestenbaum says that anticipation of death can have ten consequences. Here is a suggestion:

Substitute the name of your fear for "death". Then, substitute "I" for "the individual."

• By accepting the fact of being condemned to death, the individual can start living and thereby then neutralize fear.

• By recognizing death, the individual is on the way to becoming decisive.

• By remembering death, the individual concentrates on essentials.

• By being aware of death, the individual achieves integrity.

• Through knowing about death, the individual finds meaning in life.

• By recognizing death, the individual will become honest.

• Through the realization of death, the individual will gain strength.

• By accepting death, the individual is motivated to take charge of his or her own life.

• Through the thought of death, the individual is willing to assume a total plan for life.

• By being aware of death, the individual escapes the stranglehold of failure.

What Does This Have to Do With the Workplace?

All growth is personal growth. If we're going to spend (way more than) 40 hours a week at our careers, then we're going to discover fearful situations. After 30 years of consulting I can tell you that no one ever really calls for organizational help. That's the presenting problem. The real issue is always, "I have a situation. Can you help?"

I hope this series has offered help--and hope--to you.

Whatever your thoughts and responses, the conversation is waiting for your Comment in order to continue. You can add something significant to someone else's life today.

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Comments

[Mark McGuinness]

Thanks for the link Steve, yes naming the fear out loud stops it skulking in the background and gives you the opportunity to work with it.

The Koestenbaum book sounds great. Gurdjieff said something like if we remembered death each moment we'd be a lot more self-aware and kinder to each other.

[Steve Roesler]

The human condition is fascinating, eh, Mark?

I like the word "skulking" and will have to find a way to weave it into an article. Maybe I need to start conversing with more poets :o)

[Dean]

Steve ... This series you have been writing has been fantastic from my perspective. You hit on a topic that I think is highly underrated: talk. Any by that I mean talking that gets to the heart of the matter, gets to the issues instead of leaving them simmering in the background. Talking frequently gets a bad rap but it is generally the genesis of action, and when it can inspire and guide us it is fantastic. But all to frequently I have seen (and partcipated willingly) the white elephant syndrome come into play. When issues go underground it causes no end of grief and seems very ineffective from any number of standpoints. You have inspired me to engage in some white elephant hunting myself. Thanks.

[Steve Roesler]

Hey, Dean,

You have no idea how unbelievably encouraging that is and, therefore, much-appreciated.

At the risk of putting my fear out there :-) I will tell you straight out: After hitting the "publish" button last night I thought "Oh, man, people are going to think I'm nuts writing about Fear three days in a row." Yet I figured if it was on my mind that much as a result of working with clients and the online conversation, then it's not "just me."

So again, thanks. And definitely weigh in when you've bagged one of those elephants.

[Wally Bock]

Naming the fear and sharing it give you both a common language and a shortcut to discussion. In our relationship, my wife and I call this "Naming the Beast." Once you've named a beast, you can identify it quickly and move to dealing with it. One of our beast is "Old Tapes." "Ah," my wife will say, "I think you're playing some of those old tapes." That starts me analyzing my behavior without need for lots of discussion or confrontation.

[Steve Roesler]

Wally:

Very cool. Not only do you have a shortcut but I like the idea of a "code" that gets you moving in the right direction and avoids the kind of emotional-triggers when "stuff" comes up.

Are your Old Tapes 8-Tracks?

[Wally Bock]

I think some were originally done on a wire recorder and then copied onto reel-to-reel.

[Shane]

A lot of people who excel in extreme adventure sports say the same thing; "Feel the fear. And do it anyway".

Fear is good. It gives you a moment of pause. To plan. And do something great.