When Work Life Becomes Life

"I am often astonished at how deeply CEOs really love their work. Some have gone as far as sharing with me, "You know, Tony, as much as I love my family, it's work for me to leave this place, to leave the office and spend time with my family—as much as I love them." I even had one client tell me that if he had to give up either sex or running his company, he'd give up sex."

Anthony Smith, consultant and author of The Taboos of Leadership...from a Business Week interview with Marshall Goldsmith.

If that isn't enough to get your attention, according to a new report only one half of one percent of men in Japan take time off to be with their families. That from Tom Stern in his Fast Company article Wins of Our Fathers.

What You Can't Not Do

Readers here will recognize the expression. When people ask about pinpointing their strengths and talents, my first response is always "Look at what you can't not do." It's in your DNA. And if you have  leadership DNA, which seems to be intimated as well in the Business Week interview, then the inclination would be to lead. And to want to do it well.

At the same time, the very gift that allows leaders to successfully run large, healthy, organizations has the the potential to contribute to unhealthy families. If we really believe, as is so often touted, that "children are our future", then what are the future consequences of absentee parents? Are we setting the stage for young people to figure out life by watching their parents on media clips rather than receiving guidance across the kitchen table?

I'm not offering a sweeping criticism of leaders who love their work. In fact, I'm banging this out before heading to two days of client meetings away from home.

What I am suggesting in light of the articles above is this:

Really good leadership requires a soul-searching journey. Regardless of DNA or ambitions, living a full life as an effective adult also means weighing the totality of our responsibilities, choices, and their consequences.

Leaders are talking, with pride, of "giving back to the community" in order to help create a better world. That's great.

What are you giving or taking away from your family that will have even more impact on them and the world in which they'll have to live as a result?

Comments

[ann michael]

I've grappled with this issue a great deal. I do what I love and it's not something that I can turn off. It's what I am. I've found that as a consultant out on my own, I've finally gotten to the place where my family and my work can live in relative harmony (notice I didn't say "balance" - I HATE that word - it's unrealistic - it's more like blending).

What I feel I'm giving my family - especially my children - is the view that you can work hard, and frequently, and still have a life and fun. My kids are often home when I'm working. They've had to learn some boundaries, but I've also been here for them more often than ever before.

Sometimes I even talk through work issues with them and see what they think. As teenagers, their insights are fascinating (getting ready for the next generation!) and I've helped them to see things that aren't always what they appear to be!