Change: Building Conscious Competence, Part I of II

This article is the twenty-eighth in a series about Change from Steve Roesler.

Change is about learning.

Dr. Peter Vajda adds to the personal and relational learning in this two-part article that begins today.

"If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now. -- Marcus Aurelius

Becoming Aware of Awareness

One of the reasons I'm so appreciative of the series on change is its focus on the whole person as well as a focus on "other"--in a word, consciousness.

Not consciousness in the sense of intellect, facts, information or cognition, but in the sense of self-awareness, raising the bar on how you see yourself, knowing more about who you are and how you are in the workplace.

However, it's not simply discovering and knowing more about me; it's about making a conscious effort to understand those with whom I am in relationship, and how who I am affects my relationships; for example, when relating to my self, and to others, around the emotional cycle of change, the Kübler-Ross model.

Learning In Groups and Through Groups

The Community of Men groups I facilitate are composed of businessmen. But our work in these groups is not only about business. Our work in these Community of men groups is focused on the types of awareness discussed in the Change series:

• Do I have a sense of how my heart and soul fit in my work context?

• Do I know not only the facets and facts of healthy, conscious, honest and trusting relationships, but do I walk my talk when relating to others at work?

• Is the mantra, "People are our most important asset" a way of living my life at work, or basically just B.S.?

• How can I show up authentically by bringing my soul to the workplace and life?

The Importance of The F.A.E.

Recently in one of our groups, we discussed the notion of the "Fundamental Attribution Error" (FAE).

This is the tendency to over-emphasize others' personality ( i.e., their disposition, character, attitude, motives or desires) when we judge or explain their behavior, while discounting their life situation or context as a reason or explanation for their behavior.

It's an unjustified tendency to judge their actions based on some notion we think we have about the kind of person they are, rather than on the social and environmental forces that are influencing them.

BUT: when we behave inappropriately, or negatively, we most often excuse our own behavior as a reaction to our social or environmental circumstances, NEVER as a function of  our own personality or character. That is, we point to something outside ourselves, or someone else for our negative actions-- never ourselves.

Two men in the group offered these examples: 

1. I'm walking down the hall toward a colleague's office and pass a co-worker who doesn't make eye contact or in any way acknowledge my presence. I react by assuming (rightly, in my own mind) that this person is a jerk, has a huge ego, doesn't like or respect me, is absent-minded, or unfriendly judgments I have created judgments and assumptions that point directly to this persons personality, character or true and real nature.

2. My team leader walks by at 5:15 and throws a report she's been working on on my desk. Nary a word, a thought, a good-night, or a glance.  I make a judgment to my team-mate about her behavior, her personality and her attitude, a judgment that is demeaning, unkind, cruel and disrespectful.

How Do We Learn to Work With These Kinds of Situations?

Tomorrow, Peter shares some of the key questions that help his groups--and that will be a help in your own situation.

Join us then? I hope so.

BTW: We frequently gravitate toward people who are very much like ourselves when we want to check out the validity of our thinking. Let's face it, it's a lot more comfortable. Yet it's not necessarily the best way to learn something new.

Have a look at today's Lessons from Opposites article from one of my daily reads, Dr. Ellen Weber.

Comments

[Karin H.]

Hi Peter

"NEVER as a function of our own personality or character. That is, we point to something outside ourselves, or someone else for our negative actions-- never ourselves."

That's so familiar and something we all frequently encounter, everywhere. I think it's the easiest way out for someone: blame it on circumstances, so you don't have to change anything or take responsibility for your own actions - or your change for that matter.
Too easy.

Karin H. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)

[Steve Roesler]

I think Karin feels strongly about this!

[peter vajda]

Yes, Karin, blame has truly become an art form. So many so good at it.