Communicating: Vanilla Isn't Really Safe

Communicate Better With Verbal Whitespace caused  a stir with the kind of discussion that leads to a lot of learning.

I was trying (and still am) to emphasize the effectiveness of brevity vs. long-winded, convoluted speech.

My efforts at brevity apparently undermined the intended message. Dr. Peter Vajda pointed out the fact that brevity doesn't automatically equate with clarity. He's right. The point to remember is that clarity comes from thinking before speaking. That leads to "editing" in a way that helps you be understood using crisp, concise language.

The Dangers of Vanilla

Some words are like vanilla: they are filling but don't really stimulate the taste buds. We use them a lot because, well, vanilla is easy, non-threatening, and may intentionally hide what we really mean. Here are three of the most vanilla words I know:

• Good

• Bad

• Interesting

They each substitute for something that has real, specific meaning. Like vanilla ice cream, they don't have any taste until you add some toppings. In fact, Peter and I discovered that we each have a word that our clients are not allowed to use in  discussions. With Peter, "Good" is verboten. For me, it's the word "interesting."

Here's how their generic qualities get in the way of effectively connecting:

1. "Pam, you did a good job today."  Pam needs to know specifically what she did and how it added to the outcome. Right now she's unsure.

2."Ken, that was a bad way to handle the sales call today." Hmm. I wonder what she didn't like about it, why it was sub-par, and what I need to do differently?

3. "Keith, that presentation you made yesterday was very interesting."

Really?  So was my appendectomy.

If we want to do this a little differently, here's what it looks like:

1. "Pam, you laid out the marketing program using terminology that was understandable to everyone in the room. That made it easy for the VP to give approval on the spot. Now we can actually start ahead of schedule, which will take some of the pressure off of everyone."

2. "Ken, when you asked for a commitment today, the customer hadn't asked any questions. That's often a sign that there may actually be some concerns and that he was formulating them. I've learned that until a discussion takes place, it's premature to ask for the sale. The next time we go out on a sales call, I'll help you design some probing questions to ask at certain intervals so that we know where the customer stands each step of the way."

3. "Keith, the presentation had all of the right facts but didn't do anything to engage the managers at a gut level. I think it would be more effective if you showed them exactly how each fact will lead to their success at reducing manufacturing costs."

Good or bad, I hope you found this interesting.

Comments

[Karin H.]

That's a very sweet post Steve ;-)

(Well know word when visiting a new baby for the first time)

The truth of a message lays behind the wrapping I think: the wrapping gets our attention but has no substance - the contents have.

Karin H. (Keep It Simple Sweetheart, specially in business)

[Steve Roesler]

Well stated, Karen. And it takes the guess work out of the conversation.

[Lisa Gates]

Maybe it's because I'm rehearsing a play right now, and actor-ish things are occurring to me here. Sometimes, we have no idea why we're talking, but we talk anyway. What's the intention behind, "You did a good job today"? Active, actionable, memorable intentions like, "I want to acknowledge her, inspire her. I want to help her see what worked, what didn't. Intentions help us rise up from the melt of vanilla.

There's an acronym I learned when studying and doing improv, and later it popped up into my coaching training: WAIT -- Why am I talking?

L

[Steve Roesler]

There it is again, Lisa: The "Why?" question.

It's telling and informative to learn that actors, of all people, are schooled in the importance of not talking.

Is being a Mime the actor's equivalent of a Ph.D?

[David Zinger]

Steve:
I hate to see my cherished vanilla ice cream cone take a licking like this. I love the purity of the white vanilla ice cream, the cool sweetness of the taste, the crunch of the cone, and the way nothing goes to waste. Yes, I could have it chocolate coated or with sprinkles but I am a dedicatd vanilla man.
Anyway your post was both good and interesting.
Thank you.
David

[RobynM]

How we define words is so important, so I appreciate this lesson on being specific. I really enjoyed finding the nugget of "no questions" might mean "concerns being formulated." As Ed McMahon used to say, "I did not know that."

[Steve Roesler]

David,

This has obviously melted the protective covering of your emotional inner-popsicle.

In the future I'll try to be more sensitive to those whose lives are enhanced in ways that only the excitement of vanilla can provide.

[David Zinger]

The inner popsicle Steve would be a creamsicle and you know that would have vanilla ice cream inside. Of course this is too concrete and you were speaking metaphorically about vanilla. The point is not lost on me (or you) and I think humor takes us away from simple vanilla conversations to 40 flavors or more.

[Steve Roesler]

Indeed, David.