10 Lessons For Self-Leadership

Most people seem to be looking "out there" for leadership.

Why?

It starts where you are right now. Every minute you spend waiting for the Second Coming in the form of a business or political leader is a minute wasted developing the only person over which you have any control:

You.

I'm not often a list kind of guy-- but I've been thinking about some constant truths that impact my decision-making every day. This is important because:

Leadership is a result of the actions you take from the decisions you make.

Business is part of life, not the other way around. Here are things that have emerged as important learnings for me over the past 30 years of organizational and consulting life:

Ten Life Lessons From Business and Consulting

1. You can be in charge but you're never in control.

2. If you have a Power Point slide with a graph whose curve always points upward, you're lying. Delete it.

3. If you look at people through your own eyes you'll judge them for who you think they are. If you look at them through God's eyes you'll see them for who they can become.

4. You can't be good at who you are until you stop trying to be all the things you are not.

5. Charge what you are worth. If you don't, resent your employer or client even though you decided to take the assignment.

6. You can't control circumstances. You can control your response to them. Those who learn to respond thoughtfully and peacefully are the ones who are accorded trust and power.

7. Overt displays of position power show weakness.  Quiet humility reflects power.

8. All groups aren't "teams". Often they are just collections of people who work really, really well together. Leave them alone.

9. No one can know how to be an effective leader until they've toiled as a dedicated follower.

10. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is knowledge applied with discernment.

For a no-nonsense look at the nuts and bolts of leadership action, visit Wally Bock at Three Star Leadership today.

What consistent truths are serving you well in your own self-leadership?

               _________________________________________________________

Frode H., a manager in Norway and someone always keen to learn, says this regarding trust, respect, and No!:

"I still believe many here (Norway) and elsewhere in the business world have trouble with saying 'no' to their boss, in some strange twist thinking 'no' means not following orders. The result is that they take on too much, ending up presenting a bad all-over performance.

If you are an employee afraid to say 'no,' you're boss would love it if you gave an honest 'no.'"

You heard it directly from someone who is on the line, managing every day.

photo attribution: www.mnispi.org/cartoon

Comments

[Beth Robinson]

I like #8 because I think I'm living it.

For the online MBA program I am in the organizers grouped us in teams that we would work with for two years. The program kicked off with a week-long residency and we were complimented after our case study presentation that it was clear that we all understood and could support the decision that we had given. But I'm not sure I'd call us the five of us a team, even though we fit one of the technical definitions because we are all working toward a common goal.

When we took Organizational Behavior the professor gave us an article on team building and an ungraded assignment to do things like come up with a name, a reward for getting things done, a charter mission, discuss how we expected to collaborate, etcetera. We pretty much ignored it.

Different individuals take initiative at different points depending on our separate career and personal schedules, but we all do it, without much planning. We contribute ideas and can discuss them and disagree with each other. The work gets done on time and mostly receives As.

There's no special team cohesiveness. It just works.

[Dean Fuhrman]

Steve -

Great list.

Help me out on this one: "3. If you look at people through your own eyes you'll judge them for who you think they are. If you look at them through God's eyes you'll see them for who they can become."

I can't quite lay my finger on it. It seems that in both "looks" there is some projection of what I might like a person to be. The second being potentially as dangerous as the first possibly. I think I know what you are driving at ... we all have potential to be unlocked in some form or fashion. Yet if I don't collaborate with the other person on what it is I might see and seek to see what they see, I am likely no better off than if I just judged them in the first place. Maybe I am not looking at this right.

Nos. 5 and 8 resonate well in my experience.

Cheers.

[Steve Roesler]

Beth,

Yep. Your example works--just like the group.

It sounds as if you've got a group of mature people who are clear about what they need to do, how to do it, and who can do what. Doesn't get much better than that. It's also a little easier to deal with when you've got a short time frame such as the course or a short-term project at work.

But the point here is: Don't force the "teamy" thing. Lots of people have preconceived notions of how people are supposed to think, feel, and act if they are a "real team." That'll kill ya.

Look at the results...

(Howz the MBA coming?)

[Steve Roesler]

Dean!

You popped in the perfect moment. I was going to ask if 100 degrees in the desert is really a whole lot better than 100 degrees in New Jersey? So much for meaning-of-life stuff.

Always interesting to know what resonates with people who have a solid experience base.

As for #3: That's a reflection of my world view based upon faith in a Creator. If one arrives at that decision, then one realizes that there is more to one's self--and others--than immediately meets the eye.

Hope the Southwest is a place of contentment for you. Thanks for weighing in.

[Johny Garner]

I really appreciate the nuts-and-bolts wisdom you share day to day. But today's somewhat more "big picture" insights were a cut above. #s 3 and 6 particularly resonated with me. How different workplaces would be if we took those to heart!

[Frode H.]

Hi Steve.
First of all, thank you for the quote.

Regarding #5. Charge what you are worth. If you don't, resent your employer or client even though you decided to take the assignment.

I can't get myself to agree on this. If you decide to put your effort into something , I think it is too late to back out. If you already took the assignment, give it your best effort. I can not see how this tip can help out? Do I misunderstand?

[Jennifer]

Hi Steve-

Great list! #9 is so true. My husband and I just had a conversation yesterday about past managers and what we had learned from them. You can learn what to do and what NOT to do by following and keeping an open mind. It will make you stronger leader in all aspects of your career and life.

[Jo]

"To find another's voice, follow your own voice, wait until that voice becomes a private ear listening to another."

David Whyte, Start Close In

Does he mean that if he follow our interests we will be able to respect other people's interests more easily?

And if we work the other way around, we will not necessarily hear other people or feel appreciated?

[Steve Roesler]

Hey, Johnny, the encouragement is much appreciated. And it's always useful to know specifically touches people at a given moment.

Hope to see you again soon...

[Steve Roesler]

Hi, Frode,

Perhaps there is some misunderstanding.

The point is this: When one takes an assignment for a lot less compensation than it is worth, eventually there is resentment. One may still put forth effort because of good character; but eventually the disequlibrium will cause problems.

I hope that helps.

[Steve Roesler]

Jennifer,

Pleased to know that this was related to a conversation at home.

I was thinking about this again and realized that during certain times in my life--when I chose to be stubborn and not follow someone's lead--I really missed some good opportunities to learn.

If everyone is waiting around for an appointment to head honcho, it's going to be difficult sailing without the benefit of having followed others, both good and bad.

[Steve Roesler]

Jo,

I've got to say that I haven't the slightest idea what the heck that means!

[Frode H.]

Hi Steve.
I had to look up the word "resent" - I could be remembering a meaning of a word wrong, but no. To me, resent is almost equal to hate.

I would write:
5. Charge what you are worth, If you didn’t, don’t resent your employer or client. You decided to take the assignment.

If you for some reason charge to little, and start to resent your client, you will probably be out of business within weeks? Your income will be to low, the rumors is that you resent your clients...Sounds like a bad way of doing business.

[Steve Roesler]

Frode,

This is one of those words where the tiny differences in meaning make a big difference:-)

Resent isn't the same as hate (although it can be allowed to build up to it over time).

Anyway, we reached the point: It is a bad way to do business.

[Mario]

I see #5 has gotten a few people interested. I have to say, I still don´t get it. If you didn´t charge what you´re worth, it was your choice, not your client´s. So why would you resent them? For not realizing that you were worth more, and offering a higher sum up front?

[Steve Roesler]

Hi, Mario,

No, the issue isn't resenting them at all.

It ends up that you are really angry with yourself and resent the situation that you put yourself in.

I see this all the time with freelancers who undersell their services because they think that's the only way they'll get work; then they discover that they aren't getting paid what the project is worth (which they knew before they quoted it).

It's a matter of accurately judging your value, charging accordingly, and walking away if the exchange is not a fair one.