Working in The Matrix

I had dinner with Mr. Matrix.

His real name is Jim and he is VP of Manufacturing for a global company. We share a common trait: the desire to turn a plausible theory into a practical solution.

Jim's Matrix Insight

Somewhere between the second and third Tapas serving, I heard this:

"You know what really drives the success of a flat, matrix organization?"

Competency. A whole lot of competency.

(If you're a bit unfamiliar with matrix organizations, click here ).

Knowing what happens when Jim has an epiphany, I did the only reasonable thing under the circumstances and ordered another glass of Cabernet. Jim has made the matrix work for a lot of years in a number of different manufacturing and operational assignments. So I was inclined to listen.

Why Competency?

You probably know the pitfalls of matrices: serving two bosses, conflicts over priorities (and a whole lot more), fuzzy roles, and the paradox of increasing complexity while decreasing the hierarchy. So I've always focused on strong leadership and decision-making between the functional and executive managers. That's consistently proven to be a highly productive path.

Jim agrees. With this addition, however.

He has found it easy to work with and coach the leaders in that way. He's also discovered that when that doesn't lead to the right outcome, the issue is competency in the matrix. Here's why:

A matrix depends on highly collegial relationships within the organization. People need to inherently trust the expertise of others to get things done and to hand off tasks. Influence power vs. position power is the byword. In technical disciplines, it's nearly impossible to influence others without professional respect. And that comes from a recognition of professional competency by one's colleagues.

Take-away number 1: Spend time putting highly competent people into flat organizations. Or hire them. You'll have to backtrack and do it later so you might as well do it right the first time.

If Speed Is One of Your Goals, Then Slow Down

Competent people working on individual parts of a project will run with their piece of the action. But it's only a piece. As a result, you need to have brief check-in meetings regularly with the two leaders present in order to solve potential functional/executive conflicts in real time. If you don't, the problems will surface later when they are bigger; ownership and tempers begin to get in the way; and  you'll have to backtrack again. One step forward and two back don't help us with the speed thing.

Take-away number 2: Slow down and meet so you don't have to stop and argue.

What are your best tips for flat organizations? A lot of readers either work in, or consult to, companies that want less hierarchy and more speed. Here's an invitation to add your own "best practices" from personal experience.

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Global Humor in the Workplace

If you're headed for a meeting in another country and want to get a laugh--for the right reasons--get a copy of Laughlab: The Scientific Search for the World's Funniest Joke. LaughLab was created by Dr. Richard Wiseman (University of Hertfordshire) in collaboration with the British Association for the Advancement of Science. LaughLab was an ongoing scientific experiment to find the worlds funniest joke.

Here are some of the findings:

Differences emerged between nations in terms of the jokes they found funny. People from The Republic of Ireland, the UK, Australia and New Zealand expressed a strong preference for jokes involving word plays.

Americans and Canadians much preferred gags where there was a sense of superiority – either because a person looked stupid, or was made to look stupid by another person, such as:

Texan: “Where are you from?”
Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
Texan: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?”

Many European countries, such as France, Denmark and Belgium, liked jokes that were somewhat surreal:

An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
“Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”

The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: “There  are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’for the same price.”

“But,” the dog replied, “that would make no sense at all.”

How about those wild and crazy Germans? Germans did not express a strong preference for any type of joke - this may well explain why they came first in the experiment's  league table of funniness – they do not have any strong preferences and so tend to find a wide spectrum of jokes funny.

And the winner is. . .

I live in southern New Jersey--in the woods--where there are plenty of hunters in season. It's easy to visualize the winning joke as a real conversation:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.”

There is silence, then a shot.

The guy's voice comes back on the line: “OK, now what?

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Something for Your Work Life AND Your Love Life

Have you ever wondered why teasing doesn't always get the intended results?

Because it's ambiguous. And anytime we're ambiguous we risk being misunderstood. Our fun can turn into someone else's humiliation if it's misguided or misinterpreted.

Justin Kruger, a professor at the Stern School of Business at New York University, recently conducted research in this area. He asked roommates to tease each other and found that those who were teased almost consistently felt more antagonized than was intended. Instead of feeling a little "nudge" of teasing, they felt ridiculed.

Here's what really happens: The actual content of a tease is, by definition, negative. But seldom do the teasers intend it to be taken literally. So they try to temper it with body language or a tone of voice that implies "only kidding." Its too late. The person being teased is actually unaware or unmoved by the harmless intentions and perceives it as being malicious.

Teasing: A potential career-ending moment

During the past year I've intervened in two situations that were presented as harassment cases. In one instance the accused apologized immediately in front of a roomful of people.

Not good enough.

A complaint was filed with HR and follow-up action prescribed.

In the second, a similar tease took place but with no apology. Instead, an explanation was offered to explain the tease and why the recipient "shouldn't be offended." It was unbelievably difficult for the "perpetrator" to understand why the person was so deeply offended.

In both instances the teaser was a high ranking executive and the recipient was a woman one level below in the hierarchy. Each situation was ultimately resolved after a number of months. In the interim, both execs were in genuine danger of losing their jobs.

How to Tease

Kathleen McGowan of Psychology Today magazine offers these tips:

• Choose your subject carefully. Being ribbed about something silly you did or said is much easier to take than being kidded about a basic trait like weight or appearance. Harass your friend for bragging, for mispronouncing words or for being unable to parallel park—not about his big nose or her hefty legs.
• Tease up or across your social world, not down. Because teasing playfully punctures another person's sense of self, it is more wounding when directed at someone of lower status.
• Exaggerate the tease. Go for absurdity, not subtlety. Exaggerating your body language and your words clarifies that you're just joking and makes it less likely that your intent will be misread.

Bonus Love-life Tip

From Kathleen: "In the context of romance, women are more likely to feel insulted by teasing than are men, perhaps because guys are used to it: Young boys often express friendship through taunting and banter."

This is a public service of All Things Workplace.

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It Matters How You Say It

"Remember the meeting time."

"Don't forget the meeting time."

Do both of those say the same thing? Not as far as your brain is concerned.

Why?

The brain doesn't register the negative. So if you use the negative sentence “Don’t forget the meeting time,” your brain is ignoring the “don’t” and hearing the statement “forget the meeting time.”

If you use the positive sentence, “Remember the meeting time,” you’ll have a much better chance of seeing your participants show up on schedule.

The mind wants direction, not a sense of "lack." That's why it's important to pay attention to how you say things. If I tell you that something is "not very expensive" you'll focus on "expensive."

Try these:

• "New" vs. "Untried"
• "By 5 O'clock" vs. "By the end of the day"
• "Economical" vs. "Inexpensive"

Note: This is how improvement efforts often get bogged down at the outset.

"I want us to make fewer mistakes" translates differently than, "I want to increase the accuracy of our customer service solutions by 30% before November 30."

photo attribution: www.alfa60.com/lina/

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Conflict and Resolution: On and Off the Job

Conflict is bugging people.

When I check out the search terms that have landed people here, I'm seeing an increasing number of "conflict" and "conflict at work" searches.

I've met people who claim that they like conflict. I don't think so. They might like competition; they might like winning; but the idea of liking conflict in and of itself seems unhealthy at best and perhaps evil at worst. And since none of these people I know is particularly fond of "losing"--(a possible outcome of conflict)--I think that they are exhibiting a bit of competitive bravado. Which, of course, could be a major source of conflict.

What is Conflict?

Well, we know it when we feel it, don't we?

Wikipedia has a lot of entires, info, and resources. They also offer here what I believe are good definitions and discernment of different types of conflict:

Definition: "When two or more parties, with perceived incompatible goals, seek to undermine each other's goal-seeking capability".

One should not confuse the distinction between the presence and absence of conflict with the difference between competition and co-operation. In competitive situations, the two or more parties each have mutually inconsistent goals, so that when either party tries to reach their goal it will undermine the attempts of the other to reach theirs. Therefore, competitive situations will by their nature cause conflict. However, conflict can also occur in cooperative situations, in which two or more parties have consistent goals, because the manner in which one party tries to reach their goal can still undermine the other.

A clash of interests, values, actions or directions often sparks a conflict. Conflicts refer to the existence of that clash. Psychologically, a conflict exists when the reduction of one motivating stimulus involves an increase in another, so that a new adjustment is demanded. The word is applicable from the instant that the clash occurs. Even when we say that there is a potential conflict we are implying that there is already a conflict of direction even though a clash may not yet have occurred.

What Does This Mean In Real Life?

1. Competitive conflict. We are at odds about the "what" question. "What" we want to do will diminish the other person's chance of success if we succeed.

2. Cooperative conflict. Now there's an oxymoron. This one is about the "how" question. "How" you want to do something conflicts with how I want to do it, or think it should be done.

These are classic because they reflect the ongoing tension between goals (what) and process (how).

3. Values conflict. An action or direction violates  "who" we are at our core. 

What Can You Do?

(The suggestions below assume that the people involved are people of good will).

1. Competitive conflict calls for the possibility of re-defining each others' goals. This is the notion of "win-win." It requires honesty about why you are trying to achieve something. Until you understand each other's "why" the "what" will seem conflicting and self-serving.  It calls for a willingness to have a conversation that exposes each person's vulnerabilities.  Someone has to go first.  If your conflict is about the "what," then why not go first? Heck, you're already in conflict anyway. What do you have to lose?

2. Cooperative conflict. This is where the control freak managers lurk in organizations.

Stay with me here.

I can't state this enough. Job satisfaction and personal motivation are closely tied to one's ability to bring one's uniqueness to the task or team. When we sign on for a job, we are saying implicitly that we pretty much agree with the goals of the organization. What we now hope to do is  "ply our craft." And that uniqueness comes in "how" we are allowed to perform the job to achieve the goals.

A manager who has gotten commitment to the "what" and then wants to be involved in everyone's "how" is killing his  people's spirit and undermining the talent that they offer. (Note: certain jobs focused on safety and security do not leave room for personal creativity. I have often hoped that the pilot flying my plane was not feeling in a very creative mood that day).

What to do? Gotta have another conversation. Explain that the over-management is doing two things:

a. It is taking time away from you actually doing the job.

b. It is getting in the way of your ability to stay committed to what your boss wants to accomplish.

Then ask about your results. If you have a wrong perception of how you are doing, this is the time to get it on the table. If your boss tells you your results are good, then your boss will hopefully have an Aha! moment regarding your contributions.

The worst that can happen? You'll find out sooner, rather than later, that this isn't a place you want to be over the long run.

3. Values conflict. When asked to do something that violates your beliefs, you're about to experience a personal growth moment. Do you know why you believe what you believe? If you aren't sure, this is a primo time to find out.

Did you find out that your value wasn't really a value at all, or not in the way that you thought? Then maybe you can re-consider the request.

Your value is rock-solid? Then "no" is the only answer of integrity.

Conflict and Forgiveness

You may not be able to resolve the conflict, whatever it is. But how you respond will determine your peace of mind and ability to move forward. The act of forgiving following a conflict is important to your well-being.

Twice in my life I have been wronged in huge ways by anyone's standards:

I was once actually accused of a hideous crime. After a 2-year investigation and the attendant legal fees and law enforcement interaction, it was discovered and affirmed that I had been the object of a conspiracy.

In the second instance a client unilaterally walked away from a contract. It cost me nearly 1 million dollars. It is the only client in 30 years of practice who has reneged on a contract or payment. I have never had to "go to collection." My attorney told me that I would receive full payment if I took it to court. However. . .his investigation of this company revealed that the president had done this before: contracted with "boutique" consulting firms the size of mine and knew that his legal "team" could keep appeals going far longer than my ability to pay our attorneys. He informed me that although I would win I would be financially broke by the time it got to trial.

In both instances the strangest thing happened: I "let it go." Now, I'm not a saint and I know very well how to get ticked off and stay that way longer than I should. But in these two overwhelming cases I literally forgave and walked away.

Why?

Because bitterness and self-justification will kill you from the inside out. My reputation was still intact and there was nothing stopping me from continuing to run my consulting practice. You can't live well and help others if you are filled with bitterness. Life isn't fair. But it's a wonderful life if you choose to live it that way. And that means emptying yourself of real and perceived wrongs.

Chances are, someone is going to bug you at work today.

What choice will you make to ensure that your personal joy is intact?

photo source: www.und.nodak.edu

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Older Workers? Check Out Bernice and Harold

Having a difficult day? Wondering what the work week or even retirement might bring?

Generational issues and the "aging workplace" are hot topics. Totally  Consumed,  Business Pundit, and Age Curve Blog are each talking about it this week.

When it comes to older workers, there seem to be at least two questions we struggle with:

a. What are the capabilities of those people we're calling older workers?

b. What am I going to want to do or be able to do when I reach the older category?

I think the answer is:

Follow Bernice and Harold

Bernice

I didn't know Bernice until I read her obituary. Take a look and see how it speaks to you.

. . .She was a world traveler, visiting Europe several times, once having the opportunity to visit the Crown Prince of Lichtenstein. She was able to engage in several unusual activities after the age of 85. In Florida her son in law took her for a ride on his motorcycle; in California she flew in a hot air balloon and enjoyed hang gliding over the pacific coastline. On a trip to Alaska, she flew in a helicopter to the top of a glacier and also participated in an exciting white water rafting experience. (Bernice) was a life long member of the Episcopal Church of the Ascension where she had been a Sunday School Teacher and member of the Choir and Altar Guild. She was very active in the OES for over 80 years and contributed countless volunteer hours for the Red Cross. She was well known as a maker of numerous braided rugs, completing two additional ones last spring, in her 100th year. She made many new friends in recent years at (The) Manor where she continued enjoying craft work. . .

Harold

I do know Harold. He's my father. He managed to survive D-Day physically unscathed.  Sixty-two years later he had a leg removed as a result of diabetes and related circulatory problems.

What did he do?

He went to physical therapy 5 days a week; mastered the use of an artificial limb; and, during lunch hour, fed those around him whose ailments made it impossible to feed themselves. Harold said it gave him a sense of worth to help people who weren't as fortunate as he. Some of his high school friends recently took him to a 68-year reunion luncheon. His description: "It was terrific to be with my buddies--the girls and the guys--and laugh together again."

The "girls and the guys." I think that's the key phrase. Bernice and Harold both decided to live life as a "girl" and a "guy" instead of caricatures from a marketing demographic.

Let's decide to do the same!

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Having a difficult day? Wondering what the work week or even retirement might bring?

Generational issues and the "aging workplace" are hot topics. Totally  Consumed,  Business Pundit, and Age Curve Blog are each talking about it this week.

When it comes to older workers, there seem to be at least two questions we struggle with:

a. What are the capabilities of those people we're calling older workers?

b. What am I going to want to do or be able to do when I reach the older category?

I think the answer is:

Follow Bernice and Harold

Bernice

I didn't know Bernice until I read her obituary. Take a look and see how it speaks to you.

. . .She was a world traveler, visiting Europe several times, once having the opportunity to visit the Crown Prince of Lichtenstein. She was able to engage in several unusual activities after the age of 85. In Florida her son in law took her for a ride on his motorcycle; in California she flew in a hot air balloon and enjoyed hang gliding over the pacific coastline. On a trip to Alaska, she flew in a helicopter to the top of a glacier and also participated in an exciting white water rafting experience. (Bernice) was a life long member of the Episcopal Church of the Ascension where she had been a Sunday School Teacher and member of the Choir and Altar Guild. She was very active in the OES for over 80 years and contributed countless volunteer hours for the Red Cross. She was well known as a maker of numerous braided rugs, completing two additional ones last spring, in her 100th year. She made many new friends in recent years at (The) Manor where she continued enjoying craft work. . .

Harold

I do know Harold. He's my father. He managed to survive D-Day physically unscathed.  Sixty-two years later he had a leg removed as a result of diabetes and related circulatory problems.

What did he do?

He went to physical therapy 5 days a week; mastered the use of an artificial limb; and, during lunch hour, fed those around him whose ailments made it impossible to feed themselves. Harold said it gave him a sense of worth to help people who weren't as fortunate as he. Some of his high school friends recently took him to a 68-year reunion luncheon. His description: "It was terrific to be with my buddies--the girls and the guys--and laugh together again."

The "girls and the guys." I think that's the key phrase. Bernice and Harold both decided to live life as a "girl" and a "guy" instead of caricatures from a marketing demographic.

Let's decide to do the same!

Making Changes: The Hole In Your Sidewalk

If you are one of those who use weekend relaxation as a peaceful way to think about some things you might need to change in your life, you may want to reflect on Portia Nelson's There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: An Autobiography in Five Short Chapters:

Chapter 1
I walk down the street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in. I am lost .... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don't see it.I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit ... but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5
I walk down another street. 

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What To Look For In Groups

We're always part of some group

You and I pretty much spend our entire lives in groups. We start off in a family, play with groups of young friends, attend classes school, and work in groups and teams.

So it would make sense to learn as much as possible about the dynamics associated with groups. Some years ago, organizations spent a fair amount of time educating people on the fine points of group dynamics. The research was new and fascinating. New is good. Now that that body of work has been around for a while, it's no longer "what's happening." The human condition--and certainly the organizational mind--is always looking for what's new. The world of advertising slaps the word "new" on packaging and products for a very good reason: new is still good. Old isn't bad--it just gets ignored.

There's no ignoring the importance of understanding groups. So here are some things to ponder when you are leading, or part of, a group or team.

Pay attention to these

1. Whenever one person leaves or one person enters a group, the dynamics change. Why? We learn how to function in our groups based on the roles people play, how they play them, and the balance of power and influence that results. Groups are about equilibrium.

2. That means that each time the group composition changes, it's a signal to sit down and talk. When a new member enters, the first two things that person thinks about are:

• Why am I here? (Task/Role)   

• Who are you? (Getting to know more about the other members and vice-versa)

3. If you skip this step, it will only be a matter of time before you notice that something is not quite right with the group.  That's the indicator to stop, get together, and clarify #1 as well as spend time doing #2).

4. When a reasonable amount of comfort and trust is established, you enable the group to be able to make decisions together. The question then is: how will we make decisions? Which ones are left to the group, which are the purview of the leader, and why?

5. Now you are in a place to implement and actually get the work of the group done. That means  you need to agree on "how" things will happen. Note: "How" is important because implementation is the element of group work that allows individuals to use their talents and uniqueness. People lose interest and morale can plummet when they don't feel as if they are uniquely part of the "how."

6.  If you've attended to all of the steps so far, then solid performance should be the result. That might mean a great performing team at work, a terrific volunteer organization, or a healthy, well-functioning family.

Food for thought: If you find your group struggling, go back one step and see if you paid appropriate attention to the relevant issue. Keep going back until you take care of the business at that step and then start moving forward again.

Groups are a huge part of our lives; it's worthwhile to learn how they really develop. I hope this adds to your thinking today.

What would you like to add to the conversation that would be helpful to others?

P.S.: If you want to know what people are looking for in HR, here are 36 different HR Writers that will bring you up-to-date.

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How's Your Global EQ?

We seem to be everywhere 

You and I are probably doing more business globally than we ever imagined. Whether it's by phone, email, or in person, our international interactions continue to increase.

That means more opportunities for new and interesting relationships--as well as the chance to unwittingly insult an entire room full of customers or colleagues. I recently did a series of posts  during a consulting and coaching engagement in France. Our group of 54 had eleven different first languages and nationalities represented. And the meeting ran smoothly from beginning to end.

So on the way back to the U.S. I began writing a post about culture and business. Then, voilà! I arrived home, started checking some of my favorite blogs, and found Pam Slim's  riff on How not to be a culture knucklehead in a global business world. The comments started piling up there and I thought "Well, maybe I better trash my post. Pam's got it covered." And, I didn't want to appear as if I was suddenly piggybacking on Pam's energy. Just before hitting the Delete key, it occurred to me that this is what blogging and sharing and community is all about. So I went back, looked at Pam's post & comments, made some revisions to mine in order to avoid duplication, and decided to roll with it. So, here goes.

Here is my (hopefully) cathartic confession

I've been traveling globally--regularly--since 1975. During that time I've lived or worked in 15  countries on four continents. As a result, I've been fortunate enough to go on holiday in other countries located near my engagements. I'm also tuned in to cultural differences and sensitivities and can get around in other languages, one fluently. Which makes me wonder: Just what was my brain doing when I uttered these?

    "Enchanté. And my, you have a lovely prostitute."

I think in many ways this is my favorite faux pas. It was in 1980, the sun was shining over the Champs Elysee, and I was feeling linguistically smug having spent the day shopping for a full wardrobe in Paris after my luggage went to Yugoslavia.

The words above were uttered when I met my client and his wife for dinner. My smugness led me to try out a colloquial phrase which I thought meant something else. It meant just what you see above.

Lesson to learn: Every language has numerous meanings for a single word, especially in certain contexts. I now stick to whatever noun is listed as (1.) in the dictionary. Life has been good as a result.

Related lesson: If you are going to mistakenly observe that your client  is married to a prostitute, adding the word "lovely" seems to soften the impact.

    "Would you please pass me a Tampon?"

Oh, fine, go ahead and laugh. So that's not one of your normal dinner table requests?

I couldn't have been in a more proper and uptight setting. Dining with a School Headmaster and his wife at their home in South Africa. She emitted a high-pitched squeal that still hurts my ears after 30 years.

What had I done? I simply asked for a napkin. (Right. Think about that word). The correct request would have been for a serviette. The aftermath was so, uh, distasteful, that I still ask for a serviette even if I'm at Burger King. "Could you super-size my serviette?"

Lesson to learn: British English and American English do not translate universally. I know that we all recognize this, but it extends way past the tube/subway, chips/fries, and hood/boot differences. So check out this, this ,and by all means this.

Related lesson: When asking for something at dinner in a different culture, directly ask the person of the same gender as you. I don't think Winston would have been as trashed as his wife was. And his verbal response wouldn't have been at a pitch designed to be heard only by Schnauzers.

Other related lesson: Doing weird things can sometimes score you some good sympathy stuff. They gave me a little etiquette book in order to broaden my Englamericish linguistic horizons. 

    "Hey, Let Me Show You My Ed Sullivan Impersonation"

So this one is dating me. Go ahead and laugh if you want to. But I do a really, really good  Ed Sullivan. Unfortunately, I did it in front of 2,000 people in a country that--at the time--did not have television!

I was on a 60-day speaking tour in Africa with 4 other businessmen. We got to know each other very well and I became known as "the guy who does Ed Sullivan." So toward the end of the tour, one of the guys (Dan) leaned over as I was walking to the stage and said, "Do your Ed Sullivan. It'll knock 'em out."

So I did.

Have you ever seen 2,000 people--waiting for a motivational speech--gasp in unison? I was amazed at their collective timing. But Dan, behind me, insisted that I was "better than ever" and should maybe do Ed Sullivan introducing Bob Dylan  singing "Like A Rolling Stone." So I did both.

Our sponsor received a phone call and Telex questioning my mental capacity (heck, my capacity was great. You should have heard the Dylan thing). When we returned, I had to account for my "lapse" in judgment:

"Didn't you know those people don't have TV's?"

"You mean not even black and white?"

"You are a dork."

"You wouldn't say that if you saw the Ed Sullivan/Bob Dylan combo."

Lesson to learn: Media are powerful. And to this day, media as we know them do not exist everywhere. And everywhere means places you may go. Check out the local media accessibility and listening/viewing habits before you get there. It will also help you understand what people may--or may not--be talking about.

Related lesson: Do what you were supposed to do in the  Speaking contract. Anything extra is at your own risk.

Other related lesson: Your colleagues are all emotionally still in high school. One-on-one they pass as adults. But in a small group, they would love nothing more than to find some way to play a prank on you in front of as many people as possible. So what should you do? 

Be part of the small group that plays the prank on someone else. Heck, just because you can make a speech for money doesn't mean that you shouldn't act your mental guy age. Think about it. Even now, every time your mom sees you she still says, "Grow up!"

Nah.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Note: This article originally ran in January, 2007. I'm sequestered in two days of talent management design sessions at a client location in Pennsylvania but will be checking emails and comments. If you have any good Pennsylvania jokes, send them this way.

 

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We seem to be everywhere 

You and I are probably doing more business globally than we ever imagined. Whether it's by phone, email, or in person, our international interactions continue to increase.

That means more opportunities for new and interesting relationships--as well as the chance to unwittingly insult an entire room full of customers or colleagues. I recently did a series of posts  during a consulting and coaching engagement in France. Our group of 54 had eleven different first languages and nationalities represented. And the meeting ran smoothly from beginning to end.

So on the way back to the U.S. I began writing a post about culture and business. Then, voilà! I arrived home, started checking some of my favorite blogs, and found Pam Slim's  riff on How not to be a culture knucklehead in a global business world. The comments started piling up there and I thought "Well, maybe I better trash my post. Pam's got it covered." And, I didn't want to appear as if I was suddenly piggybacking on Pam's energy. Just before hitting the Delete key, it occurred to me that this is what blogging and sharing and community is all about. So I went back, looked at Pam's post & comments, made some revisions to mine in order to avoid duplication, and decided to roll with it. So, here goes.

Here is my (hopefully) cathartic confession

I've been traveling globally--regularly--since 1975. During that time I've lived or worked in 15  countries on four continents. As a result, I've been fortunate enough to go on holiday in other countries located near my engagements. I'm also tuned in to cultural differences and sensitivities and can get around in other languages, one fluently. Which makes me wonder: Just what was my brain doing when I uttered these?

    "Enchanté. And my, you have a lovely prostitute."

I think in many ways this is my favorite faux pas. It was in 1980, the sun was shining over the Champs Elysee, and I was feeling linguistically smug having spent the day shopping for a full wardrobe in Paris after my luggage went to Yugoslavia.

The words above were uttered when I met my client and his wife for dinner. My smugness led me to try out a colloquial phrase which I thought meant something else. It meant just what you see above.

Lesson to learn: Every language has numerous meanings for a single word, especially in certain contexts. I now stick to whatever noun is listed as (1.) in the dictionary. Life has been good as a result.

Related lesson: If you are going to mistakenly observe that your client  is married to a prostitute, adding the word "lovely" seems to soften the impact.

    "Would you please pass me a Tampon?"

Oh, fine, go ahead and laugh. So that's not one of your normal dinner table requests?

I couldn't have been in a more proper and uptight setting. Dining with a School Headmaster and his wife at their home in South Africa. She emitted a high-pitched squeal that still hurts my ears after 30 years.

What had I done? I simply asked for a napkin. (Right. Think about that word). The correct request would have been for a serviette. The aftermath was so, uh, distasteful, that I still ask for a serviette even if I'm at Burger King. "Could you super-size my serviette?"

Lesson to learn: British English and American English do not translate universally. I know that we all recognize this, but it extends way past the tube/subway, chips/fries, and hood/boot differences. So check out this, this ,and by all means this.

Related lesson: When asking for something at dinner in a different culture, directly ask the person of the same gender as you. I don't think Winston would have been as trashed as his wife was. And his verbal response wouldn't have been at a pitch designed to be heard only by Schnauzers.

Other related lesson: Doing weird things can sometimes score you some good sympathy stuff. They gave me a little etiquette book in order to broaden my Englamericish linguistic horizons. 

    "Hey, Let Me Show You My Ed Sullivan Impersonation"

So this one is dating me. Go ahead and laugh if you want to. But I do a really, really good  Ed Sullivan. Unfortunately, I did it in front of 2,000 people in a country that--at the time--did not have television!

I was on a 60-day speaking tour in Africa with 4 other businessmen. We got to know each other very well and I became known as "the guy who does Ed Sullivan." So toward the end of the tour, one of the guys (Dan) leaned over as I was walking to the stage and said, "Do your Ed Sullivan. It'll knock 'em out."

So I did.

Have you ever seen 2,000 people--waiting for a motivational speech--gasp in unison? I was amazed at their collective timing. But Dan, behind me, insisted that I was "better than ever" and should maybe do Ed Sullivan introducing Bob Dylan  singing "Like A Rolling Stone." So I did both.

Our sponsor received a phone call and Telex questioning my mental capacity (heck, my capacity was great. You should have heard the Dylan thing). When we returned, I had to account for my "lapse" in judgment:

"Didn't you know those people don't have TV's?"

"You mean not even black and white?"

"You are a dork."

"You wouldn't say that if you saw the Ed Sullivan/Bob Dylan combo."

Lesson to learn: Media are powerful. And to this day, media as we know them do not exist everywhere. And everywhere means places you may go. Check out the local media accessibility and listening/viewing habits before you get there. It will also help you understand what people may--or may not--be talking about.

Related lesson: Do what you were supposed to do in the  Speaking contract. Anything extra is at your own risk.

Other related lesson: Your colleagues are all emotionally still in high school. One-on-one they pass as adults. But in a small group, they would love nothing more than to find some way to play a prank on you in front of as many people as possible. So what should you do? 

Be part of the small group that plays the prank on someone else. Heck, just because you can make a speech for money doesn't mean that you shouldn't act your mental guy age. Think about it. Even now, every time your mom sees you she still says, "Grow up!"

Nah.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Note: This article originally ran in January, 2007. I'm sequestered in two days of talent management design sessions at a client location in Pennsylvania but will be checking emails and comments. If you have any good Pennsylvania jokes, send them this way.

And This Just In...

Sometimes we get a little business blogo-centric.

So here are some good stories, tips, and thoughts from other than the usual suspects:

Generation Q? You heard it right. See what Megan Berry is talking about.

Your Mirror is Your Best Virtual Reality from Natalie Angier at the New York Times.

Aren't We Ever Good Enough? A reasonable question for those wondering about how many coaches it takes to...well, do whatever.

Hope these add some spark to the synapses today.

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10 Lessons For Self-Leadership

Most people seem to be looking "out there" for leadership.

Why?

It starts where you are right now. Every minute you spend waiting for the Second Coming in the form of a business or political leader is a minute wasted developing the only person over which you have any control:

You.

I'm not often a list kind of guy-- but I've been thinking about some constant truths that impact my decision-making every day. This is important because:

Leadership is a result of the actions you take from the decisions you make.

Business is part of life, not the other way around. Here are things that have emerged as important learnings for me over the past 30 years of organizational and consulting life:

Ten Life Lessons From Business and Consulting

1. You can be in charge but you're never in control.

2. If you have a Power Point slide with a graph whose curve always points upward, you're lying. Delete it.

3. If you look at people through your own eyes you'll judge them for who you think they are. If you look at them through God's eyes you'll see them for who they can become.

4. You can't be good at who you are until you stop trying to be all the things you are not.

5. Charge what you are worth. If you don't, resent your employer or client even though you decided to take the assignment.

6. You can't control circumstances. You can control your response to them. Those who learn to respond thoughtfully and peacefully are the ones who are accorded trust and power.

7. Overt displays of position power show weakness.  Quiet humility reflects power.

8. All groups aren't "teams". Often they are just collections of people who work really, really well together. Leave them alone.

9. No one can know how to be an effective leader until they've toiled as a dedicated follower.

10. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is knowledge applied with discernment.

For a no-nonsense look at the nuts and bolts of leadership action, visit Wally Bock at Three Star Leadership today.

What consistent truths are serving you well in your own self-leadership?

               _________________________________________________________

Frode H., a manager in Norway and someone always keen to learn, says this regarding trust, respect, and No!:

"I still believe many here (Norway) and elsewhere in the business world have trouble with saying 'no' to their boss, in some strange twist thinking 'no' means not following orders. The result is that they take on too much, ending up presenting a bad all-over performance.

If you are an employee afraid to say 'no,' you're boss would love it if you gave an honest 'no.'"

You heard it directly from someone who is on the line, managing every day.

photo attribution: www.mnispi.org/cartoon

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5 Must-Haves For Careers and Career Leadership

When asked about your particular job and career choice, it's likely that you respond with one or two of these statements:

• "It's a great place to work" (culture)

• "The guy I'll be working for seems really nice" (command)

• "The people are fun" (comrades)

• "The pay is really good" (compensation)

• "I'll get to do what I want" (contribution)

But Pay Attention to This

The problem is that just one or two of these criteria are typically not enough to keep us excited about our choice. We soon we find ourselves not enjoying our work. Although we love the pay maybe the boss is difficult; or, we’re not getting to do the tasks we enjoy; or, something else we overlooked is now an issue.

You can avoid this problem by thinking about 5 C's of your career at the outset. Here are some questions to consider:

1. Culture

In what kind of company do I want to work? - Large or small? Public or privately owned? Nurturing environment or "sweat shop? Fun or serious?

2. Command

For what type of boss/supervisor would I like to work? Warm and friendly or distant? Micro-manager or hands off? Dictator or leader?

3. Comrades

With whom do I want to work? Team players or mavericks? Highly social or indifferent? Helpful and supportive? Shared work ethic?

4. Compensation

What would I like my financial package and other benefits to be? How much money do I want to make? Do I want professional growth and development? Would I like to work on a commission basis? How important is recognition to me?

5. Contribution

What would I like to give in my work? Do I need to make a difference in the world? Do I need to express myself creatively? Do I need to take on a lot of responsibility? Do I want to lead or manage people?

The 5 C's raise your awareness and ultimately improve your job satisfaction, because you're more likely to be doing and experiencing what you love, than taking what you can get.

Although you can't control all these aspects of your career nor the people in it, being clear will help you ask better questions and do better research as you evaluate your career. The key is in getting the most you can, and also agreeing with yourself that what you are able to get is what you truly want.

Career Leadership for Managers

Managers: Use this list as a conversation starter with job candidates or direct reports. Sometimes it's tough to get the discussion rolling. These are the kinds of questions that your people hope you will ask. And, they'll lead to a deeper understanding of the folks on your team.

This could be an effective step toward becoming known as a Career Leader in your organization.

                             __________________________________________________

Note on the life of the famously obscure(?)

If you are a regular reader here you are aware of our honor as a nominee for Best Leadership Blog of 2008. The voting runs through July 31 and every blog in the running is worth your attention.

And: We're equally thankful to Dustin Wax for his inclusion in Lifehack's "50 Personal Productivity Blogs You've Probably Never Heard Of."

This is creating an identity crisis here this week:-)

 

 

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Do You Have A Cultural "No" Story For Business?

The power of "No!"?

The article "Want Trust and Respect. . .? garnered some comments, a slew of emails, and a serious question from my close friend, Eric the Swede:

"Isn't a negative response experienced and delivered very differently depending upon one's culture?"

Culture, No, and Global Business

We got started on this because Eric reads the blog regularly (he's a professional musician, which means even when he is working he has time to read the blog). Eric the Swede was actually raised in China. He has performed regularly on every continent (except those with penguins or Eskimos) for the past 20 years. I've lived and worked in the Middle East, Africa, Europe, and South America since 1979. So, we started talking about our experiences as well as those of our colleagues. Here are just a few:

• American Bob works for a German company. Whenever he makes a request for something he has learned that if the answer is "No," he actually receives no answer. The issue is allowed to melt away over time.

• While working across the Middle East for a couple of years, I realized that the word "No" was never uttered in any meeting I attended.

• I watched a client's sales presentation in Portugal. Suddenly the room filled with palpable tension. What happened? He responded with a simple, direct, "No" to a request from the client.

The world is shrinking and our experiences are expanding. If we're going to "do business" across oceans and borders--and a "meeting of the minds" requires a yes or no--then it would be a good idea to understand how people view those responses. BTW: "Yes" doesn't always mean "yes," either.

Tell Your Cultural "NO" Story Now!

This is a terrific place to research the "yes/no" global phenomenon. Statistics show that on any given day our readers come from at least 40-60 different countries. Everyone who has ever traveled knows about the yes/no distinctions. Yet none of my research sources have turned up a good treatise on this aspect of interactions.

So we'll do the research.

Take a minute to share your experience, your culture's predisposition (and why), or what people should know when they do business with you.

If we can generate a significant number of responses I'll publish them (with attribution) in a special post.

What's your story?

Adorable attribution to: craigandtanya.com/images/

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I Know You're Smart. Do You Play Well With Others?

"Collaboration is a key driver of overall performance of companies around the world. Its impact is twice as significant as a company’s aggressiveness in pursuing new market opportunities (strategic orientation) and five times as significant as the external market environment (market turbulence).

As a general rule, global companies that collaborate better, perform better. Those that collaborate less, do not perform as well. It’s just that simple.”

That is a pretty powerful claim. It is substantiated by a research study done through a collaborative effort of Frost & Sullivan, Microsoft, and Verizon. 

The researchers created a collaboration index to measure a company’s relative “collaborativeness” based on two main factors:

	An organization’s orientation and infrastructure to collaborate, including collaborative technologies such as audioconferencing, Web conferencing and instant messaging
	The nature and extent of collaboration that allows people to work together as well as an organization’s culture and processes that encourage teamwork

Do You Play Well With Others?

This may seem like an abrupt switch from the serious tone of the study. But I needed that kind of data to help lead into an important career trait: playing well with others.

The study is right on target by highlighting the need for the right tools, systems, and culture. Yet it ultimately comes down to the individual. If you work in a global organization, you've got some extra challenges: time zone differences, language differences, cultural differences in what constitutes teamwork...(add your own experience by sending a comment!)

I just spent 3 hours coaching a client who is now forced to deal with a highly intelligent, high-performing manager who isn't viewed as collaborative. By anyone. No one at any of their worldwide locations gave him decent feedback on teamwork and collaboration. And this has been happening for a few years. (He continues to achieve all of the goals set out for him--and no one dislikes him personally.)

His side of the story

I sat down and spoke with the manager some months ago about these perceptions and what that might mean to his career. He understood that people didn't see him as collaborative. His take on it is that they are universally wrong. He communicates when he believes it's necessary. I told him that he had to simply initiate more, share more information--even if it didn't make sense to him--and mend some strained relationships with those who thought he was actually hiding something. He  listened, gave intellectual rebuttals for why that didn't make sense, and chose not to do anything differently.

What happened?

His management career is finished...at least with his current employer. He'll probably have a shot at being an individual contributor in a specific discipline; but upward mobility is no longer a possibility.

Some people burn bridges. He never built them. We should take seriously the lessons we can learn from this real-life situation:

1. Organizations thrive because of collaboration. If you want to be seen as a player, then be one.

2. A high IQ doesn't compensate for low EQ. Your Emotional Quotient--your willingness and ability to relate and connect--can make or break your career.

3. Task results don't always matter if your behavior disrupts the rest of the system.

4. The study I cited noted the importance of processes, systems, and culture. This company's culture valued teamwork. That was one of their systems. Roesler's rule: Unless you have 51% of the vote, don't fight the system. The system ultimately prevails.

Photo source: Pacific Lutheran University

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Want Trust and Respect? Say "No"

There's some twisted thinking going on about building trusting relationships. It goes like this:

"If I make people happy by not disagreeing with them they will like me more. Then they'll trust me more because I'm agreeable. Wow. Then when I need something or want something I'm more likely to get it. And if I'm a manager, that's good."

Right?

Think for a moment about the people--or person--you trust the most. Do they always say "yes? No. And that's why you trust them.

We trust people who have limits and beliefs, then care enough to state what they are. A relationship of "yeses" leaves us suspicious at best.

People don't have to be disagreeable in order to disagree. We often respect someone who tells us not only that (s)he sees things differently, but who then takes time to calmly explain "why." Taking time to explain "why" is a sign of respect toward us.

When you mean "yes" say "yes." When you mean "no" say "no." And share your reason.

In an era that seems to beg for leadership, become someone who people want to follow because they trust that you mean what you say. An honest "no" to others will get you an honest "yes" on their trust scale.

Photo source: www.tvacres.com/

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Management by Kermit: It's Not Easy Seeing Green

You are in the meeting room with your team. Your manager is in her office with what looks like a lava lamp. You all laugh at a joke. She smiles when her lamp turns yellow. You are happy so she is happy.

GS Yuasa and the University of Tokyo released a Symbiotic Hosting Online Jog Instrument, or SHOJI, that supposedly gives a manager--or anyone--the ability to tell what the mood in a particular room is like.  Using LEDs, the SHOJI can determine  the mental condition of the occupants of a room. A single terminal determines the mood in one room (using the sensors and microphones) and transmits it by way of the internet to another room. The LEDs show the final output using color codes for each mood; in this case there is red for anger, blue for sadness, yellow for happiness, and green for peace.

So I'm wondering: what happens if half the room is angry and the other half is happy? Does the manager see orange? And what happens if a decision makes some people angry but gives those in agreement a sense of peace? OK, I think the technology looks like fun. Sort of a high-tech parlor game.

If a manager were to take this seriously--and some will--it's one more way to keep them from actually relating with their people. Instead of gazing at a managerial mood ring, they could say something really profound like, uh, "Hey, how do you feel about the new project software?" Then a real discussion might follow that leads to better implementation of the software. Suddenly, the skies would open and a yellow and green glow would fill the room.

In the meantime, I can see a lot of side benefits from having one of these gizmos at the company Christmas party.(If you want to save up to give it as a gift, it will set you back US$2,500-3,000).

Until then, "Hi, I'm Steve. I'm an Aquarius and I feel really Yellow about you. I like quiet walks on the beach when I'm feeling Red. Most of all, I hope everyone joins together for World Green."

And thanks for indulging me. This was my way of recuperating from a meeting that lasted well into the evening.

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Employee: A Person Or A Role?

Director of Sales. VP of HR. Research Associate. Customer Service Agent.

Every time I receive a call to consult or coach, one of the first things I hear is the person's title and location on the organization chart. Invariably, the client turns out to be an actual person:

Laura. Luis. George. Dottie.

There's something about organizational roles that allow them to--at least initially--take precedence over the identity of the humans behind them.

I'm quite practical and get the need for org charts, functional titles, and visual relationships. I'm also aware of how the initial focus on titles and roles can subliminally influence the beginning of a working relationship. Here's what I mean:

1. Manager to direct report: "Set up a meeting with the Director of Sales, Europe to review the projections for next month."

Direct report doesn't know the Director. Conjures up images based on title, function, and location. Puts them through the "great mental filter of life." Starts to lose confidence about the ability to interact successfully.

2. VP of HR to external coach: "I'd like you to work with our CFO. She's a real detail person and needs to get the big picture regarding our business. The CEO has a time line for this. Could you get involved as soon as next week?"

Not unusual. If it were me I'd ask the clarifying questions needed to get a more complete picture. But all I can see at this point is the top of an organizational chart.

3. New Director of Customer Service, pointing to screen: "Here is the re-organization as I see it. Notice how the Call Center associates will have a dotted line relationship with Distribution as well as reporting directly to me."

OK. I know what it looks like in a presentation. But who are these people and how will we actually work together?

Humanize or Objectify: The Choice Matters

Humanize: The faster we can begin to relate to other people as people, the more of a chance we have of making a connection that matters. (You may find that you don't like someone, but at least it's based upon real data).

Objectify means that we assign meaning to things, people, places, activities, and the like. But they may not be correct and can be based upon preconceived notions, stereotypes, and the comments of others. The worst part: it makes the person an object. Once we do that, we no longer see them as someone with the same kinds of needs, wants, frailties, talents, and humanity as ourselves. And then begin to act accordingly.

What I hope you'll think about today:

1. When talking about your organization, talk about the people by name. Mention an interesting characteristic that you value about them. Then mention the title and role.

2. If you're calling a coach or consultant, talk about the person by name if you can (sometimes you can't at first). Offer some insights regarding their experience and background--their uniqueness. Then talk about their role and the developmental goals.

3.Talent Management. When you are discussing the movement of people up and around the organization, talk about characteristics as well as skills. Humanize the roles that need to be filled. How often have you seen really intelligent people cause distress because they simply didn't have the characteristics--or character--to relate to others.

4. It seems safe to keep a distance from others. It's dangerous if you want to have a fulfilling life on or off the job.

It would be useful to hear situations or comments around this phenomenon. It's tough for people to work with each other--or help each other--if they don't actual know each other.

What's your take?

Speaking of roles: We want to thank Kevin Eikenberry and Best Leadership Blogs of 2008 for nominating All Things Workplace. You can vote at the link and check out the lineup of terrific leadership blogs in the action this year.

Image source: www.tunetribe.com/

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Learning in Three Easy Lines. . .

Simplicity helps our memory.

Here is an offering courtesy of Miki Saxon at RampUpSolutions...

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When Managers Engage In This Way, People Learn

How Do You Successfully Build Up People?

Success is often attributed to mutual chemistry, technique, and readiness to learn. I agree that those are important ingredients in the process. But in reality, they are steps to achieving results. And that's what we're looking for, right?

When Can You Start Your People-Building? kicked off a passionate discussion. Read through the comments and you'll see the depth of feeling surrounding the topic.

Longtime management pro Wally Bock of Three Star Leadership offered up two of the most succinct thoughts I've seen associated with managerial coaching or, for that matter, any of the helping professions:

                                       _______________________________________________________

"When looking outward, try to concentrate on the things you can witness and describe, what people say and do, and don't try to guess what might be behind them.

When looking inward, try to judge yourself by your results instead of by your intentions."

                                       _______________________________________________________

What Should We Pay Attention To?

In the midst of a coaching session I started paying attention to what was happening--like watching a movie where you are one of the actors. When I looked at the plot, it reflected four distinct components that I think are essential for any coaching session to be successful:

1. Clarity

Ultimately, nothing will happen until you gain laser-like clarity on the issue or goal. The client in this case needed to put a lot of information out there before I could start to ask the right questions after hearing overlapping themes. Finally, he uttered a single phrase that summed up his goal. I've learned that when you hear a single, powerful sentence instead of a rambling paragraph, you're probably there.

Total clarity before continuing.

2. Confirmation

When I repeated the phrase and asked him if that's where he wanted to go he smiled and his energy level went up noticeably. As a coach or client, ask yourself the question: Is the excitement increasing because you've hit upon the real thing?

Confirm the real deal or go back to step 1.

3. Communication

Yes, according to the spell-checker, I made that up.

When we keep a goal or an issue to ourselves, there's no accountability for action. Once we state our desires or intentions to other people, we have a much greater chance of success. It's human nature. Tell someone else that you are planning on doing something and the likelihood of you doing it increases. Ask "Who else will you tell about this?" "Who else needs to be involved to help you accomplish this?"

Communicate to motivate.

4. Commitment

Create an immediate action--something that will happen today. Too often we become satisfied with the "Aha" and ignore the "Ah, when?" I ask for an action that can be taken before the end of the day. It creates momentum, makes something happen (we both get paid to make something happen), and shows genuine commitment. It also provides a specific action that allows for follow up. "What was the outcome of your phone call to the customer?" "How did your team react to your initial meeting about the new software integration?

If the manager/coach hears about how things went, then it opens the door to identify next steps. If the action didn't happen, it's a signal for both to examine what is happening and to get quickly on track. That could ultimately lead to a return to Clarity. Without a commitment and follow-up, it's easy to feel good about the session and still have nothing happen. (I hate when nothing happens!)

Commit to an action that will happen today.

                                       _______________________________________________________
 

Whether you're a manager/coach--or someone being coached--you may have your own take on "Essentials." If so, click on the Comments link below and share with others what they are. I'll collect them and offer them as "Coaching Essentials from Real Life" in a later post.

And: Three Good Reads

• Leadership alert for hard-working, ordinary people: Jim Stroup's As Bad As All That?

• Listening, Attention, and Patience at Slow Leadership will help manager/coaches everywhere.

• What we're talking about is individual change. Doing it in an organizational context can be a challenge. Check out Michal McKinney's post at Leadership Now.

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Leadership: When Managers Coach

You may already have the right people to enable your company to "win"--however you define the word.

A couple of years ago I was involved in designing a leadership program to develop the top talent in a global company. We created a model that used the management committee as coaches for the learning activities. First we coached the coaches on how to coach; then we turned them loose. It's been the most effective learning in nearly 30 years of leadership development and design.

What's happening that works?

• The top leadership learns a lot about their own abilities.

• They learn about their people while developing closer relationships with them.

• The high potential participants receive coaching and company insight from the leaders who know it best.

• The participants also "step up" their game. How often do you see the top leadership in a company totally dedicate two full days to the talent beneath them?

You Can Do It, Too

Managers are the natural lighting rods for developing talent. Coaching isn't another job--it is their job.

Companies are always looking for ways to develop people economically but effectively. Every research study on the planet shows that employees are most influenced--pro or con--by their immediate boss. That's exactly why managers at every level have the ability to make the most difference when it comes to grooming people for the future.

The mission: Give them the capability.

Three things managers can start now:

Appreciate: Focus on identifying the very best in others.

Encounter:  Seek the truth, wherever that path will lead.

Improve: Insist upon personal responsibility for performance growth.

When managers coach, we get "two personal bests" for the price of one.

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When Can You Start Your People-Building?

When you start seeing clearly who they really are.

Do people at work know who you really are?

Do you see the people around you clearly enough to know who they really are?

I was thinking about the things an executive coach and advisor really does--or should be doing. One of the most important is this: Seeing people for who they are, realizing what they can be, and helping to take them there.

If that doesn't sound very "business-like," it probably isn't in the traditional sense of "business-like."

And therein lies the issue. Organizations of all kinds hire the best people they can find. Those folks look at the "people are our most important asset" blurbs in the corporate recruiting brochures.Then they  sign on with high hopes.

But what happens down the road that causes discontent, retention issues, and the need to search for "talent?" Weren't those people talented when they were hired?

This Is What I See

I see highly motivated people getting performance appraisals that are designed to force rankings on a curve so they never accurately portray an individual's contribution and worth. I see employees at all levels  getting feedback on the gaps in their performance--and then receiving orders to "close the gaps." I see the same people then coming to workshops and seminars, hearing theoretical--but good--teaching, only to go back to work and say "what do I actually do with that?"

In nearly 30 years of managing, consulting, and coaching, I can count on one hand the number of people I've seen fired for technical incompetence. They get released for issues of character, the inability to relate well with other people, or not being able to "close the gap."

Here are my thoughts as a result:

1. The character issue can be discerned during the hiring process. Discernment should be a highly valued talent possessed by those interviewing.  If not, get an objective third party to help with that element. Someone who sees others clearly and quickly for who they are.

2. Relating well with other people. You can send people to class to learn skills. But does the day-to-day interaction at work encourage and reward healthy relationships? A manager with a coaching/relational approach can set the tone for how things get done and how people are expected to interact in the process

3. Workshops and Education. Two things I enjoy with a passion. Neither immediately changes my own behavior very much. But I learn ways to think differently and more clearly. Then, when presented with an opportunity to actually do what was taught, the education leads to application. People have the most chance of bumping up their game when given a chance to discuss and apply new knowledge right away.

Manager As Coach

Managers can coach effectively when they see their people clearly because they've built relationships that let them know who their folks really are. If they don't have the time or inclination, then they need to get some help to build the talent that seems, at times, to be hiding. It's probably not hiding. It might just be invisible to the naked eye.

What to Do:

If you want your talent to be valued, you've got to let people know who you really are. Make it impossible for them not to see you clearly.

If you are a manager, be intentional about "seeing clearly." If it's a little difficult for you, get some help.

You and I wouldn't build a house in the dark. We need light to see in order to build. And unless your a truffle, you need a lot of light in order to grow and use your talent to perform.

And a request:  Our writing has been honored with a nomination to Best of Leadership Blogs 2008. If you enjoy the articles here, help us with a quick click and a vote for All Things Workplace. Much appreciated.

Related Reads:

• Nettie Hartsock's riff on cognitive dissonance looks at the importance of presenting one's self clearly.

• Managing and coaching are both about sharing knowledge. Yet there are those who think that power and promotions come from hoarding it. Have a look at this from Torley at Lifehack.org.

As always: weigh in. Share your thoughts on clarity, talent, and building people by seeing them clearly. Let the community learn from what you've learned. Click on Comments and join the discussion.

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Office Professionals: Office Arrow Is Your Online Champion

Try to get anything done and done right without an effective assistant or other office pro.

Now there is a resource "For Office Professionals By Office Professionals." It's called Office Arrow.

This is an ambitious undertaking already offering practical tips that the office pros and their bosses will find beneficial. Everything from travel hints to online resources to tricks of the trade when it comes to using different software and web platforms. Here's a tabbed look at the variety of resources available:

Chrissy Scivicque, Senior Content Manager and Founder of EAToolbox.com, is working hard at getting the word out. We did a podcast (no URL yet, will let you know) and you can join the community (or suggest it to your office pros!).

Here's a tip of the hat to another level of leadership in the office...

And: If leadership is important to you, we hope you'll acknowledge All Things Workplace. We're honored to be included in the voting here:

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Work, Expecations, And Choice

Unmet expectations and the Chicken Little Effect

Isn't that what really lies underneath many of the alleged workplace "issues?"

Not unlike newspapers and TV, actual online headlines scream out:

"Businesses Must Close the Disengagement Gap"

"Six Fatal Flaws of Employee Compensation Programs"

"Managers Fail to Live Up to Expectations"

Each of these implies that there is some "way of being" that has been denied. That there is a huge chasm between "What is" and "What Should Be." That you and I are somehow being short-changed and we shouldn't put up with it any longer.

Closer examination will show that many of those headlines are generated on sites and blogs written by businesses that provide services in Employee Engagement, Compensation, and Management Training.

I'm all for improving one's condition in life. To do so, we have to have an accurate assessment of What Is Actually Possible, What Is Actually Probable, and What We're Willing To Do in all of this.

So I think an important question is:

Who Are We Allowing to Influence Our Expectations?

Rowan Manahan brings a wealth of experience to the world of career management. He sees--and has seen--a lot. So Ireland's Evening Herald interviewed Rowan about career expectations.

He notes that some parents, in a misguided quest to "build self-esteem," actually produce a houseful of "Little Emperors." Here's what he sees at college graduation/employment time:

Graduates, Manahan says, have hopelessly unrealistic expectations of what any job will entail. “They think the world is a simple meritocracy, and they believe that their talent will out,” he says. “They think teams are collaborative and co-operative. They are convinced that they will have it all. Work comes as a huge culture shock.

So now we've got two undeniably powerful influences on expectations: Parents and Media. If either or both of those is inaccurate--regardless of the generation--it's understandable how any individual or group expectation can become skewed.

What Do You Expect and Why?

This is a reasonable and potentially life-changing question that can lead you to a genuine breakthrough, especially if you are feeling inexplicably discontented.

It took me nearly a lifetime to understand this about work:

The overarching concern of profit-making companies is to make a profit. They may genuinely want to be "people-oriented," "socially-conscious," and collaborative. But profits are the corporate equivalent of the blood running through human veins. No blood? Death.

When you and I start bleeding, we don't care (primarily) what the ER folks do as long as they stop it and keep us alive. When corporations start bleeding, they don't care (primarily) about what it takes to sustain life and live another day. That's why some folks are laid off and find themselves hired back 6 months later. Expecting that companies run by humans will behave in an other-than-human way under threat and duress is an unrealistic expectation.

It may feel inhumane; but the stimulus-response is quite human and, therefore, to be expected.

Do this:

If you woke up this morning alive and with the prospect of a full day ahead, you were presented with a canvas on which to paint your life. And some expectations to go with it.

Did someone else somehow start filling in the space without consulting you first? If so, you'll be completing someone else's painting. Sooner or later you'll become frustrated and may not know why.

The weekend is upon us. What a perfect time to reflect and ask, "What do I really expect--and why do I expect it?"

Monday may be a lot more satisfying as a result.

 

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Are You Who You Say You Are?

In order for people to trust you and me, we have to be who we say we are. The totality of our lives need to match our actions and promises. And when we stumble and fall, we quickly ask forgiveness and demonstrate that we can get back on track again.

Three things converged this week to prompt me to write this article:

1. A request to design a survey to help a leadership team determine whether or not they are living up to who they say they are. (The fact that they care enough to initiate that kind of activity is probably an indication of what the overall results will be).

2. Participation in Carnival of HR 38: CSR & Social Justice hosted by Natalie Cooper at Changeboard.

3. An email alert from Dr. Peter Vajda at SpiritHeart  regarding the recent G8 summit in Japan which focused on famine and an urging by its leaders to "stop wasting food."

The G8 leaders are shown in the photo below at the summit.

You can read the entire Daily Mail Online article for a more complete commentary on the scenario. Also, Peter has done a very thoughtful piece in this month's free SpiritHeart newsletter. You may be quite surprised at how he approaches the situation.

"What on earth were they thinking?"

In a world begging for leadership, this is at best a botched opportunity to gain help for those souls who cry out for a morsel of food each day.

I don't begrudge anyone a decent meal after a full day of work. But don't we all question the actual commitment and intentions of people who do the opposite of what they ask of others--and, on a grand scale.

Every day we're faced with decisions that will either deepen and affirm our character in the eyes of others; or, paint us as a caricature of our selves.

Character or Caricature?

There's an easy-to-remember reminder to help guide our decisions today.

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Talent: How Big Is Your Organizational Aquarium?

If you are involved in any way with the issue of "growing talent," I hope this will add something to your mental map of the subject.

Because I'm in the middle of designing a talent management process, the topic is in the front of my mind.

Designing a process isn't difficult. There a million models out there.

Designing a talent process that people want to use and that works the way it's supposed to--that's the real trick.

However, there are some alluring intellectual traps that get in the way of workable talent processes:

1. Too much information about human behavior but not enough insight into how it works in the context of "our" organization.

2. A shopping list of competencies from which to select our faves for each role being examined. The trap: Piling on a laundry list of competencies that actually can't be delivered by a single human being.

3. Because lists of competencies already exist, they are frequently allowed to drive the talent process. It's easier that way.

4. Talent management is about the future. To make it meaningful you've got to look at your longer strategy, ask yourself "What would we see happening around here if that were being executed successfully?", and then define the kind of talent needed.

5. Related to #3 & 4: Most organizations start by looking at what and who they already have. That causes an unconscious (albeit well-meaning) tendency to form a baseline using existing standards rather than what the ideal will require five years from now.

6. Viewing classroom learning and training programs as the path to development.

They are paths to skill development. The path to professional and leadership development lies in the deliberate introduction of new experiences and assignments.

What Will Your Organizational Fish Tank Allow?

If you catch a small shark and confine it, it stays proportionate to the size of the aquarium. Sharks can be fully mature but only six or seven inches long. If you turn them loose in the ocean, they'll sprout to their normal length of eight feet.

So the real talent question for your organization becomes: "How big an aquarium will we create?"

1. Let people swim, sink, and bob to the surface so they can learn from it.

2. Build progressively larger tanks.

3. Don't treat the sharks like guppies.

4. Let them know how much they're growing and how far it is to the ocean.

What are you doing with your talent process or with your own professional development?

Reminder: Our "sharkness" has been noted and we're honored to be nominated for Best of Leadership Blogs 2008. We consider your vote fish food for All Things Workplace:-)

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Leadership: Facilitating The Show You Are In

I was asked what it takes to be successful at group facilitation.

My answer: You have to be an active part of what's going on and be able to watch it from the outside at the same time.

It's like acting in a theater production while sitting in the audience. You focus on the script that's  being acted out while interacting with the other characters; you watch how it unfolds,  then offer direction and coaching based on the performance.

We short-change our managers when we don't make facilitation an integral part of management development.  Effective facilitation requires an unbelievably deep awareness of self, task and process. In fact, it's exhausting because it requires "being there."

That's exactly what we're looking for in leadership:

People who are engaged with what needs to happen while orchestrating how to make it happen.

And this is why I'm looking forward to tomorrow's engagement. Developing this kind of expertise with managers who want to learn is as professionally rewarding as life gets.

Back at you after the curtain comes down. . .

photo attribution: www.laperladelmarchapel.com/2008/01/advanced-...

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Leadership by Crane. Really.

Working forces you to get down to what's practical. That is, what "works."

Since this is a busy travel week, I'm doing some synthesis when it comes to writing. That's good, because it leads to simple ways to view and apply what can become unwieldy and complex.

So, I offer up:

Sandhill Cranes as Leaders

These are large birds that fly unbelievable distances that span continents. While doing this, they exhibit three remarkable traits:

1. No one crane stays out in front the entire time.

2. The ones who do get to lead have demonstrated some instinctive ability to handle turbulence.

3. While one bird leads, the rest honk affirmation and encouragement.

Is there a better model out there?

Note: It is not advisable to be directly under the cranes while observing their leadership pattern.

And a big honk of encouragement to young Patrick whose online gallery made the photo possible.

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Curiosity, Passion and Leadership

You're looking for a workplace that will embrace your professional passion.

Leaders are looking for people to be passionate about their company's mission.

Everyone is tossing "passion" and "leadership" around like ingredients at a salad bar.

Dr. Susan Corso at Huffingtonpost created an "Aha!" for me that leads to workplace application.

She did a well-deserved "duh" after reading a New York Times article that used three decades of research by Dr. Carol Dweck of Stanford to arrive at the conclusion that some people have "fixed" mindsets while others have "growth" mindsets.

Dr. Corso grabbed my attention with this:

"If you want to discover your own talent pool, there's a simple method that sits in between Dr. Dweck's binary options. Put down the fixed mind-set and the growth mind-set. Both are too needy and attached to outcomes. Instead, pick up a curious mind-set."

This describes powerfully what I see happening in the case of "best-fit" employment scenarios:

Leaders value people who display a never-ending curiosity for the many facets of the business. Similarly, successful employees of every ilk display a never-ending curiosity that emerges as "passion" in a meeting room filled with people.

Companies aren't in the business of self-help or personal growth (although that's often a by-product). They are about learning how to do things better to improve the condition of the business.

What better measure of passion than curiosity? You can see it's presence or absence in interviews, meetings, telephone conversations, or luncheon chatter. You can display it and you can discern it.

Keep it simple

Stop the intellectual tedium surrounding "learning organizations" and focus on what prompts learning: curiosity.

Job candidates: If you want to demonstrate your passion, show your curiosity through questions that have real meaning.

Leaders: If you want to hire and promote people with passion, use curiosity as a barometer to detect it.

(For a visual reminder, feel free to print the pop-out image compliments of All Things Workplace).

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Leadership: Making Someone Else Larger Than You

No Rewards, Little Recognition, Real Leadership

We all learned in school about Isaac Newton's run-in with the falling apple. Newton revolutionized astronomy when he discovered and introduced the laws of gravity back in the 1600's.

But did you know that Newton may have simply eaten that apple had it not been for Edmund Halley, our favorite comet guy?

Halley prodded Newton to think through his original assumptions. He even double-checked and corrected Newton's math and created geometrical drawings to support his discoveries. Ever the coach, Halley bugged Newton to write his now-famous work, Mathematical Principles of Natural Philosophy. Halley edited, supervised, and financed the publication even though Newton had more money and could have paid for it himself.

Newton reaped the rewards almost immediately. Halley received very little credit.

Halley did, however, use the principles to predict the orbit and return of the comet that would later become Halley's Comet. Only after his death, though, did he garner any acclaim. Since the comet returns only once every seventy-six years, Halley's recognition is rather spotty.

Yet Halley remained a dedicated scientist who didn't care who received the credit as long as the mission was being advanced.

In a world that promises 15 seconds of sound-bite fame, let's become the kind of people who can lead a successful mission even--especially--when the camera is pointed at someone else.

This is leadership that leaves a legacy.

May your comet shine brightly.

Keeping with the spirit, would you help light up our star here at All Things Workplace? We've been nominated for Best of Leadership Blogs 2008 and would value your vote. Give a click on the link!

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"How'm I Doin'?": More Feedback, Relationships, and Success

Feedback on Feedback

Let's get something out in the open: I don't like the word feedback. It's a buzzword. Once a word falls into that category it loses its power and effectiveness. It becomes a cliche. Like buzzword.

I've got some suggestions today for finding out how you are doing with people in relation to your mutual goals. The latent professor in me feels the need to first provide some context for the whole feedback thing.

 The Whole Feedback Thing

The feedback thing started with the Space program back in the 1940's (that would be Outer Space, not MySpace . The rocket scientists needed a way to know "how they were doing" when it came to directing the flight path of a rocket. So they set up homing devices to send signals back to earth regularly. That way, they would know whether to make a direction-correction or whether they--and the rocket--were performing as they should. (Maybe that's how the idea of simply talking with other people about 'how things are going' turned  into rocket science:-)

You and I probably don't want to take the rocket science approach with our boss, colleagues, and friends. Regardless of your title or position in the grand food-chain-of-life, you are accountable to someone for your performance. So here are a few practical tips to find out how it's going:

1. Performance improves with frequency of feedback.

Ken Blanchard evangelized that in the early '80s. It's every bit as relevant today as it was then. The more information people get, the more opportunities they have to use it to improve.

2. When you ask "how am I doing?", you create an expectation that you will try to improve.

 Make sure you are ready to commit to your part of the bargain before asking the question.

3. Allow the other people some time to think about how they'll answer your request.

Giving  down-to-earth, honest feedback can feel like risky business. If some of your performance is really on the negative side, they need to ponder:

• "How do I say this?"

• "Will it wreck the relationship?"

• "Do I want to risk that?"

Which leads to number four:

4. Your best relationships are with people who say "no" to you. 

This isn't about someone refusing to give you feedback. It's about the paradoxical dynamic that surrounds difficult news.

It takes a high level of trust to say "no" to someone. As a result, we learn to develop trust with people who say "no" as often as they say "yes." Why? Because we know they aren't telling us what we want to hear. Therefore, we can trust them. Check it out. Who do you trust the most? Who trusts you the most?

If you hear honest comments about less-than-acceptable performance, realize that you are sitting in front of someone who cares enough to make the emotional investment needed to give you that information. It may be a real gift.

5. At the end of the conversation, say "Thank You" and describe what you plan to do--or think about--as a result of their willingness to talk.

6. Check back and see how you are doing after you've had some time to work on the specific item. (That's how the rocket scientists got to be rocket scientists).

What tips do you want to add?

photo attribution: www.af.mil/.../photos

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"How'm I Doin?" Will Get You Some Feedback

In the middle of lunch at Grand Central Station I looked up and heard a familiar voice from the past say, smilingly, "How'm I Doin'?"

It was, of course, Ed Koch.

Ed Koch was Mayor of New York City for from 1978-1989. And he was the Master of Feedback. His technique was quite simple. He would constantly turn to the people around him and ask, "How'm I doin'?"

He must have learned something from the answers in order to win three mayoral elections in New York City.

How Are You Doing?

Your boss and your co-workers all have impressions about how it is to work with you. Why not ask? Let's face it, if you wait until (drumroll) Performance Appraisal Time, you're likely to get information that is:

• too old to do anything about now.
• sandwiched between other kinds of  information, making it hard to sort out.
• somewhat benign if you have a manager or supervisor who is uncomfortable telling it like it is--good or bad.

"But why should I even ask? I might hear something that I really don't want to hear."

Yeah, that's true. But you might also find out what you are really doing well.

You might also discover things that you need to do just a little more of or less of to stay on track with the boss or the team. In any event, no news is not good news.

No news means a total lack of awareness regarding how you stack up against peoples' expectations. The longer you wait to ask the question, the harder it becomes to get back on track. Why? If there's a problem, it grows larger and more aggravating with time. If you catch it straight away, it's smaller and easier to fix--and, it hasn't become a big bother to those around you.

Two Observations: 

1. Most people are more surprised when they hear really good feedback than the critical kind.

2. At some level, most of us know when we're falling short in some way. The longr we carry that around in our heads without getting an accurate read, the more distorted it becomes. We can blow it out of proportion or totally misconstrue the real issue. So: you won't know until you ask.

What will you ask about today?

Speaking of feedback: All Things Workplace has been nominated for Best of Leadership Blogs 2008. I'm grateful for the honor and hope you'll give a click and a vote.

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Update: Age of Conversation 2

Drew McLellan and Gavin Heaton are shooting for an August release of Age of Conversation 2.

The purpose of this effort is to improve the lives of children around the world by donating the proceeds to Variety: the Children’s Charity.

As soon as the book is available, we'll post the details at All Things Workplace.

In the meantime, here is a list of contributors whose blogs you just might want to check out:

1. Adrian Ho
2. Aki Spicer
3. Alex Henault
4. Amy Jussel
5. Andrew Odom
6. Andy Nulman
7. Andy Sernovitz
8. Andy Whitlock
9. Angela Maiers
10. Ann Handley
11. Anna Farmery
12. Armando Alves
13. Arun Rajagopal
14. Asi Sharabi
15. Becky Carroll
16. Becky McCray
17. Bernie Scheffler
18. Bill Gammell
19. Bob LeDrew
20. Brad Shorr
21. Brandon Murphy
22. Branislav Peric
23. Brent Dixon
24. Brett Macfarlane
25. Brian Reich
26. C.C. Chapman
27. Cam Beck
28. Casper Willer
29. Cathleen Rittereiser
30. Cathryn Hrudicka
31. Cedric Giorgi
32. Charles Sipe
33. Chris Kieff
34. Chris Cree
35. Chris Wilson
36. Christina Kerley
37. (CK)
38. C.B. Whittemore
39. Chris Brown
40. Connie Bensen
41. Connie Reece
42. Corentin Monot
43. Craig Wilson
44. Daniel Honigman
45. Dan Schawbel
46. Dan Sitter
47. Daria Radota Rasmussen
48. Darren Herman
49. Dave Davison
50. David Armano
51. David Berkowitz
52. David Koopmans
53. David Meerman Scott
54. David Petherick
55. David Reich
56. David Weinfeld
57. David Zinger
58. Deanna Gernert
59. Deborah Brown
60. Dennis Price
61. Derrick Kwa
62. Dino Demopoulos
63. Doug Haslam
64. Doug Meacham
65. Doug Mitchell
66. Douglas Hanna
67. Douglas Karr
68. Drew McLellan
69. Duane Brown
70. Dustin Jacobsen
71. Dylan Viner
72. Ed Brenegar
73. Ed Cotton
74. Efrain Mendicuti
75. Ellen Weber
76. Eric Peterson
77. Eric Nehrlich
78. Ernie Mosteller
79. Faris Yakob
80. Fernanda Romano
81. Francis Anderson
82. Gareth Kay
83. Gary Cohen
84. Gaurav Mishra
85. Gavin Heaton
86. Geert Desager
87. George Jenkins
88. G.L. Hoffman
89. Gianandrea Facchini
90. Gordon Whitehead
91. Greg Verdino
92. Gretel Going
93. & Kathryn Fleming
94. Hillel Cooperman
95. Hugh Weber
96. J. Erik Potter
97. James Gordon-Macintosh
98. Jamey Shiels
99. Jasmin Tragas
100. Jason Oke
101. Jay Ehret
102. Jeanne Dininni
103. Jeff De Cagna
104. Jeff Gwynne & Todd Cabral
105. Jeff Noble
106. Jeff Wallace
107. Jennifer Warwick
108. Jenny Meade
109. Jeremy Fuksa
110. Jeremy Heilpern
111. Jeroen Verkroost
112. Jessica Hagy
113. Joanna Young
114. Joe Pulizzi
115. John Herrington
116. John Moore
117. John Rosen
118. John Todor
119. Jon Burg
120. Jon Swanson
121. Jonathan Trenn
122. Jordan Behan
123. Julie Fleischer
124. Justin Foster
125. Karl Turley
126. Kate Trgovac
127. Katie Chatfield
128. Katie Konrath
129. Kenny Lauer
130. Keri Willenborg
131. Kevin Jessop
132. Kristin Gorski
133. Lewis Green
134. Lois Kelly
135. Lori Magno
136. Louise Manning
137. Luc Debaisieux
138. Mario Vellandi
139. Mark Blair
140. Mark Earls
141. Mark Goren
142. Mark Hancock
143. Mark Lewis
144. Mark McGuinness
145. Matt Dickman
146. Matt J. McDonald
147. Matt Moore
148. Michael Karnjanaprakorn
149. Michelle Lamar
150. Mike Arauz
151. Mike McAllen
152. Mike Sansone
153. Mitch Joel
154. Neil Perkin
155. Nettie Hartsock
156. Nick Rice
157. Oleksandr Skorokhod
158. Ozgur Alaz
159. Paul Chaney
160. Paul Hebert
161. Paul Isakson
162. Paul McEnany
163. Paul Tedesco
164. Paul Williams
165. Pet Campbell
166. Pete Deutschman
167. Peter Corbett
168. Phil Gerbyshak
169. Phil Lewis
170. Phil Soden
171. Piet Wulleman
172. Rachel Steiner
173. Sreeraj Menon
174. Reginald Adkins
175. Richard Huntington
176. Rishi Desai
177. Robert Hruzek
178. Roberta Rosenberg
179. Robyn McMaster
180. Roger von Oech
181. Rohit Bhargava
182. Ron Shevlin
183. Ryan Barrett
184. Ryan Karpeles
185. Ryan Rasmussen
186. Sam Huleatt
187. Sandy Renshaw
188. Scott Goodson
189. Scott Monty
190. Scott Townsend
191. Scott White
192. Sean Howard
193. Sean Scott
194. Seni Thomas
195. Seth Gaffney
196. Shama Hyder
197. Sheila Scarborough
198. Sheryl Steadman
199. Simon Payn
200. Sonia Simone
201. Spike Jones
202. Stanley Johnson
203. Stephen Collins
204. Stephen Landau
205. Stephen Smith
206. Steve Bannister
207. Steve Hardy
208. Steve Portigal
209. Steve Roesler
210. Steven Verbruggen
211. Steve Woodruff
212. Sue Edworthy
213. Susan Bird
214. Susan Gunelius
215. Susan Heywood
216. Tammy Lenski
217. Terrell Meek
218. Thomas Clifford
219. Thomas Knoll
220. Tim Brunelle
221. Tim Connor
222. Tim Jackson
223. Tim Mannveille
224. Tim Tyler
225. Timothy Johnson
226. Tinu Abayomi-Paul
227. Toby Bloomberg
228. Todd Andrlik
229. Troy Rutter
230. Troy Worman
231. Uwe Hook
232. Valeria Maltoni
233. Vandana Ahuja
234. Vanessa DiMauro
235. Veronique Rabuteau
236. Wayne Buckhanan
237. William Azaroff
238. Yves Van Landeghem 

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Office Romance? Sometimes It's Patriotic

Talk about an office wedding!

Philadelphia's own "Ben Franklin" and "Betsy Ross" tied the knot last night in a ceremony right in front of Independence Hall.

Ralph Archbold (Ben) and Linda Wilde (Betsy) met while playing their ongoing roles in the city's historic district. Both are familiar to locals and tourists. As a native Philadelphian (my family came here in 1683), this prompted a huge smile at the All Things Workplace office.

Here's a video of the wedding; give it a few seconds to get past the commercial lead-in.

Interested in a historical view of the documents of independence? Check out Charters of Freedom.

Chris Guillebeau offers his personal reflections on Patriotism 2.0 . He acknowledges that it may not be happy-making to some, but he's thinking through the issues as he sees them. He's also doing it while making one of my favorite former commutes: the "ferry" between Tallin and Helsinki.

When we pause and look back at history, it's impossible to do it without reflecting upon the leadership involved. Dan McCarthy gives us a topic that will help create some conversational fireworks around the grill today with Defining Leadership--Go Ahead, Try It, I Dare You

Oh.. . exercise your freedom to vote:-) and help by supporting All Things Workplace with a click at Best of Leadership Blogs 2008. I really appreciate it.

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Nominated for "Best of..." Help Out With a Vote!

All Things Workplace has been nominated for the Top Leadership Blog of 2008 by a crack team put together by Kevin Eikenberry.

This really is an honor, especially after seeing the other nominees.

I would appreciate it if you would cast your vote here for All Things Workplace. If you've enjoyed the posts and learned something new, it would be terrific to see that acknowledged in the most "bloggy" way:-)

And thanks, as always, for your daily support and comments.

--Steve Roesler

Person Steve Roesler

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You, Creativity, and Business

Do you consider yourself to be "creative?"

Do you want to breed some creativity in your workplace?

Then we need to help people, including ourselves, get back to first grade. And be intentional about it.

I started my career as a teacher. If you ask first-graders how many of them are "creative," pretty much all of the hands in the class go up. They smile. They show their colorful drawings and finger painting and maybe even compose a song along the way.

What happens when the same question is asked of the same kids a few years later?

The responses drop to nearly zero. And the kids are still in elementary school.

Fast forward to your business meeting. Someone says, "Let's get creative about how to grow the market in Asia. We've got until 5 o'clock."

Are you and I seeing the same thing here?

We've got little kids who are convinced they are creative. Then we've got bigger little kids who begin to think not. Now we've got adults who are sure they aren't creative but are being asked to create--and with a deadline.

This post is a call for thought, not a rant. (Well, a little one). It seems to me that we have taken an entire population of creative youngsters, told them to color inside the box (or else!), and now tell them to "think outside the box"--(or else!).

Nine things to encourage creativity

Silvano Arieti  wrote a book in 1976 called Creativity: The Magic Synthesis (you can get a used copy through amazon.com). Here are his nine conditions and the reasons why:

1. Aloneness. Being alone allows the person to make contact with the self and be open to new kinds of inspiration.

2. Inactivity. Periods of time are needed to focus on inner resources and to be removed from the constraints of routine activities.

3. Daydreaming. Allows exploration of one's fantasy life and venturing into new avenues for growth.

4. Free thinking. Allows the mind to wander in any direction without restriction and permits the similarities among remote topics or concepts to emerge.

5. State of readiness to catch similarities. One must practice recognizing similarities and resemblances across to perceptual of cognitive domains.

6. Gullibility. A willingness to suspend judgment allows one to be open to possibilities without treating them as nonsense.

7. Remembering & replaying past traumatic conflicts. Conflict can be transformed into more stable creative products.

8. Alertness. A state of awareness that permits the person to grasp the relevance of seemingly insignificant similarities.

9. Discipline. A devotion to the techniques, logic, and repetition that permit creative ideas to be realized.

So now we go to our boss and say "I'd like to have some extended alone time for inactivity and daydreaming so I can come up with a creative idea for your strategy."

(Please let me know how that conversation goes).

You can act to create creativity

Then next time you're in charge of a meeting or idea session, how about using some of the above items to lay a foundation for creativity.

• Build in "alone time" by having people think about the task well in advance.

• Use something like a mind-mapping activity to address numbers 4 and 5.

• Suspend judgment and encourage the craziest ideas in the room, because

• Alertness (number 8) will connect the "crazy" dots

I hope you'll use these to start thinking about how you can recapture creativity. And be intentional about it. It sounds almost like an oxymoron--"intentional creativity"--but according to number 9 it isn't.

Intentional Creativity--that's a lot easier to sell to your boss than some alone time.

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The Business of Forgiveness

Downsizing. Corruption. Bullying. Harassment. "Do more with less." Reduced benefits. Add to that list some of the people with whom you have to work every day (see Bob Sutton's No Asshole Rule).

There's a lot of opportunity for anger and hurt on the job.

Where you find anger, you find the need for forgiveness.

Why?

It's good for you. For your physical and mental health. For your relationships. For your ability to move on peacefully and productively.

Why forgiveness instead of revenge?

Christina M. Puchalski, M.D. is the Founder and Director of the George Washington Institute for Spirituality and Health and Assistant Professor of Medicine at the George Washington University School of Medicine. She says:

"On a personal level, forgiveness of self can help us achieve an inner peace as well as peace with others and with God. Wrongdoing against others and ourselves can result in guilt and resentment.  This can then lead to self-recrimination and self-loathing; it also can create a distance or disconnect from self and others. Resentment can give away to hate and intolerance. Forgiveness is the first stage of self-love and acceptance. It is also the basic building block of loving relationships with others."

It's not the offense. It's your response to it.

I confess, I'm not always a quick-to-forgive person once I've felt "wronged". I give people a very long leash and a long time to "get their act together" if things aren't going well. But there is some point at which I just say "that's it" and cut them off from my life. It is very infrequent, but the pattern is always the same. I decide that the differences are irreconcilable. So, the relationship in its present form is finished.

Does that serve me well?

Only if I genuinely forgive. It is both possible and imperative to do that and, at the same time, acknowledge that the nature of the relationship may not be productive. This is the harder part, I think. It begs the nagging question, "If I can forgive, why can't I just continue?"

Sometimes it's possible. More often, it becomes apparent that I wasn't seeing clearly to begin with and that continuing the relationship--without changing expectations--would not be peaceful or productive for either of us.

Dr. Frederic Luskin specializes in Learning to Forgive. He explains that:

"The practice of forgiveness has been shown to reduce anger, hurt depression and stress and leads to greater feelings of hope, peace, compassion and self confidence. Practicing forgiveness leads to healthy relationships as well as physical health."

Dr. Luskin's 9 Steps to Forgiveness

1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a trusted couple of people about your experience.

2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else.

3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning their action. What you are after is to find peace. Forgiveness can be defined as the "peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story."

4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes--or ten years ago. Forgiveness helps to heal those hurt feelings.

5. At the moment you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique to soothe your body's fight or flight response.

6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you. Recognize that "unenforceable rules" you have for your health or how you or other people must behave. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, peace and prosperity and work hard to get them.

7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt seek out new ways to get what you want.

8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you.

9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.

If you would like to explore other resources, check out The Forgiveness Web  and Forgiveness Net.

Think about this today: Your workplace is a web of relationships. Being at peace with them can only make your own life a lot more satisfying.

photo attribution: www.thirdway.com 

 

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Communicating on the Right Wavelength

"The two words 'information' and 'communication' are often used interchangeably, but they signify quite different things. Information is giving out; communication is getting through."--Sydney J. Harris

Communication: Don't Mix and Match Your Verbal Wardrobe

I want to offer an easy, uncluttered model to use when you want to bump up your communication game.

Think about your levels of interaction on a scale of Nicety all the way to Intimacy. One of the keys to keeping your interactions on target is making sure that you "meet people where they are" and not try to take them where you want to go before they are ready. (They may never be ready).

Here's a way to look at it on five levels of increasing depth:

1. Niceties. "Hey, how are you?"

"Fine,how are you?"

"Ok."

Polite acknowledgment of another person is part of social graciousness. If you or the other person doesn't want to take it any further, that's fine. Just don't mistake it for anything other than what it is.  But don't discount the social importance of niceties, either. It' s amazing how many people get miffed when they offer a "Hey, waddup?" and don't get a response.

2. Facts. If the other person is into facts, stay with the facts until (s)he moves on. If that's where they stay, just ask if there is anything that you should do with those facts.

3. Thoughts and Ideas. These are different from facts. They reflect what's going on inside someone's head. This is also where we get into difficulty by passing judgment on someone in the middle of their personal brainstorm. Stay in non-evaluative brainstorm mode with them.

4. Feelings. When people start expressing how they feel, you've hit a pretty high level on their personal trust scale. The best way to keep it is to acknowledge the legitimacy of how they feel. The best way to lose it is to tell them they shouldn't feel that way.

5. Intimacy. Familiarity that reaches a deeply personal level.

In the workplace you may not reach this level inside the confines of the office building. In fact, it may be totally inappropriate. But highly relational people can have a tendency to unconsciously go here because it's so innately comfortable and meaningful (for them).

I can't tell you the number of coaching/advising engagements I've had with people who have gotten themselves into difficulty at this level. They've said things that were taken as "way too intimate" by others. Fortunately, most well-meaning people "get it" when they are coached regarding the distinctions in levels and how other people may interpret personal warmth or familiarity.

If you want to keep your emloyer--and yourself--out of litigation, save your intimacy-level conversations for home and friends.

How to Use This?

The next time you're engaged in a discussion, pay attention to where the other person is operating on the "depth" chart.

1. Listen and stay with them.

2. If you want to move from one level to another, say something like: "We've been talking about the factual data related to the Romanian project. Would you be willing to hear some thoughts and ideas I have about this?"

They'll tell you if they need to play with the facts some more. And your question will be appreciated because it acknowledges that you've really heard them and aren't going to automatically step on their "stuff."

3. Building trust takes place at levels 3 and 4. The more time you can spend there, the closer the working relationship can become.

Share this with the people around you. It may get you out of "mix" and into "match."

What do you think?

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