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peter vajda

Another topic near and dear to my heart, Steve.

Some initial thoughts...

"The group dynamic can bring synergy or tear things apart."

The underlying reason groups are used in therapy and other personal development efforts is because every (read: every) group reminds us of our family...and our underlying social- and psycho-dynamics, triggers and buttons will be (not might be or could be, but will be) activated by others in the group.

Groups are a wonderful opportunity to gain insight about our emotional and spiritual maturity or immaturity, our self-image, our calcifed and reified beliefs, and our "private voice" that we use to judge and criticize other group members quietly and covertly...and if we choose to look deeply into our own behavior in a group context, we can learn much about ourselves...

If you hold regular group meetings, one way to keep the freshness alive, and the mind awake, is never to allow people to sit in the same seat/chair at every meetings. And in longer meetings that include breaks, ask folks to sit in new seats when they return from the break. Why? Sitting in the same seat, meeting after meeting creates a somatic, psychological and emotional "comfort zone" and from this place folks are more likely to hang on to old patterns of do-ing, be-ing and thinking, be passive, and be disengaged. It's interesting how there's most often a tacit "group approval" that everyone can sit in the same seat ("my seat?!!) again and again. Listen for the moans and groans, and experience the discomfort, when you institute this new arrangement. What do you think is underneath the moans and groans and discomfort? An interesting exploration, at best. Moving around keeps the body, mind and spirit fresh; maybe uncomfortable for a while, but it will keep the environment fresh.

Trust, for me, is not how the safe group container is created...but speaking up is how the safe container begins...having the strength and courage to speak up and speak out creates trust...and speaking up begins with me. Waiting for others to speak up does not lead to trust and safety...just paralysis, stuckness, judgments, blaming, etc. Speaking up and speaking out, in a place of safety and trust, allows the elephants to be "outed" which only builds a greater degree of openness and trust (again, not always comfortable, but if honest, sincere and done self-resposibly, can lead to greater and greater degrees of mutuality, safety and trust).

Jo

You've presented this schema really well - thanks.

What can I add? Once was asked to do team building for a senior management team. Some preliminary diagnosis indicated they hadn't had time to have a meeting since they were formed! I must confess I was a little disappointed not to be confronted with something more complicated. Still begin where we must - introductions all round!

Wally Bock

Great post, Steve. Surely we love chase after the new and the wonderful and older ideas and techniques, even good ones often are abandoned for the new. We also lust after the magical and the instant. Your process includes spots where we need to wait for trust to build or for relationships to develop. Most good things take time.

Steve Roesler

Peter,

That's a treatise in itself, filled with useful ideas.

I smiled during the part about changing the seating arrangements. It is simple; the action changes the energy and dynamic; and the results are always positive. Yet the act of making that seemingly inconsequential change can prompt stubborn behavior by even the most enlightened!

You've offered a sound starting point for all: Speaking the truth and making the truth the norm is what build trust. Polite silence creates no movement, no growth, and at the extreme breeds suspicion. After all, how can we build trust if we don't even know what someone else is thinking?

Steve Roesler

Jo,

Well, sometimes it just isn't too complicated, eh?

But there are many who wouldn't realize the importance of "getting to know you."

I think it's worth it to take a moment to feel satisfied about doing the right thing, no matter how elementary it may have seemed.

Steve Roesler

Wally,

Sometimes the most difficult thing to do in business is to allow the time needed for the right things to happen in the right way.

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