The Language of Leadership and Influence

I started out my career as a PR director for two college presidents.

There was a lot of speech-writing involved, which meant listening carefully to what they wanted to say. My job was to do everything possible to make sure the audience actually heard the intended message.

The challenge was never finding enough words; my bosses possessed no shortage of thoughts about a given topic. And, like you and me, they could wax poetic about every possibility pondered as well as how deeply they understood that different people might like to have different options, depending on the issue at hand.

This is where I learned the language of leadership and influence.

A Line in The Sand

The learning was this: Audiences want to see and hear a clear position. When they make judgments about leadership, they don't want to deal in the realm of "maybe" this or 'maybe" that. Even those who disagree with a stance still perceive the person as a leader because of the strong, clear position taken.

It's human nature to want to be accepted. The nature of leadership, however, is that everyone won't agree to follow you. But if you want to maximize your chances, draw a line in the sand. State your position and the reasons for it, then tell the group that's where you're headed until you find compelling evidence to the contrary.

We live in a world where there is a popular notion that "everything is relative" and "there are no absolutes." This is nothing but a cop-out to avoid personal accountability to other members of the human race.

Genuine leadership is all about accountability.

I put together the diagram below to serve as a visual reminder the next time you find yourself leading a meeting, a group, or a corporation. I believe it will serve you well, because it gives only two choices for how to develop and evaluate the message you are about to send.

The choice is yours: what kind of a path do you want your words to create? The answer will determine "who you are" in the eyes and ears of those in the room. Choose carefully.

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More "Language That Diminishes" And Why We Do It

How To Reduce Your Influence In A Few Easy Words rang the chimes of readers globally.

The post highlighted how people diminish their presence by using self-deprecating language at the very moment they need to act with boldness. Not haughtiness, but boldness.

Prem Rao wrote from Bangalore: "One that puts me off is having someone say 'I am not the best person to talk on this' at the start of his/her presentation."

"One of my biggest pet peeves on this topic is when ANYONE says: 'Well, I'll be real honest with you' ....
(So...any other time, they're not?)" from Skip Reardon.

"During a meeting, someone prefaces their question with 'Can I ask a question?' "   Dan McCarthy.

And Jackie Cameron weighs in from Scotland with: "' am very nervous...' and guess what ? The audience then focuses on you being nervous and not what you have to say. "

Why Do People Diminish Themselves?

Dr. Peter Vajda offers up this psychological framework:

Among the many defenses we use to feel good about ourselves is to play "small", and one way we do this is by (often unconsciously) "apologizing" in some way, shape or form for who we are or by being self-deprecating in some manner...somehow thinking that by "apologizing" we'll get people to "like" us, i.e., approve us, be "OK" with us and so then, too, we can also like our selves.

Those who are truly secure in their own skins feel no need to play small or be invisible. They are who they are, warts and all and feel little need to "be liked". They appear before a group, authentically, do what they do, be who they are, personally and professionally, without apologizing, without shoring themselves up, or needing to diminish who they are in any way. Their security and sense of value and self-worth comes from within not from without...so they have no need to play any "role" whatsoever, or be anyone else than who they are.

Does your language convey a healthy sense of comfort with who you are?

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Language Loses a Six-Figure Sale

I spent time with a client this week screening two software vendors.

The demos were all done online with different platforms. I only saw the software screen shots and heard the voices of those involved, never a face to go with the information. The result?

We cut one vendor immediately. The software seemed to work just fine and, as far as we could tell, would probably do the job. My client needs the ability to enter data and configure reports as needs change. So one of the criteria is WYSIWYG functionality. When we asked each vendor to explain their capability in that area, here were the responses:

Vendor We Recommended: "Tell me more about what you want to do with it so I can give you an accurate answer." We did. Then we heard (and saw), "Here's how you would do that. (Demo). What are some other potential reports you might generate?" We described them, he demonstrated how to do it, we watched, and the conversation continued.

Vendor We Nuked: (In a very deep, officious, voice): "Our platform offers configurable functionality. The back-end capability is state-of-the-art and clients have access to data entry. Of course, it is also designed for maximum security so you never have to be concerned that those without the proper passwords can ever access the information."

By the time he was finished I expected to hear, "For English, press 2."

I'm sure that Nuke-boy thought he was impressing us. Actually, he depressed us to the point of boredom. His software could probably do the job. The client didn't want to have a long-term relationship trying to communicate with someone who responded in buzzwords and platitudes. He wanted someone who would work with him to build a system that could be operated and tweaked by anyone.

Thought for Today: Language can communicate or obfuscate. Speak WYSIWYG.

 

Photo attribution: www.keeneview.com/2008/06/buzzwords-20-what-i...

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Lots of Stuff Going On, Including Language

A quick note:

I'm in the middle of helping a client meet a deadline for a Talent project. So I'm off the radar screen until late tonight when we get this completed.

In the meantime, I've been following the comments and realize that the issue of language and it's impact on listeners really hit some hot-buttons. Looks as if we should pursue it.

See you all shortly.

Steve

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How To Reduce Your Influence In A Few Easy Words

"I'll only take a few minutes of your time."

That opening line made me wonder why I had scheduled more than a few minutes of my time to listen to the speaker.

What is it with the apologetic nature of so many skilled people once they stand up in front of a group to speak?  When you invite someone to your home do they arrive saying, "I''ll only take a few minutes of your time."?

I've worked with literally hundreds of managers on their meetings and presentations over the years. Nothing makes me wince more than seeing someone who is confident in his material stand up and use words that undercut the power of the message.

Three Common Lines That Make You Small

"I just want to . .  ."    "Just"?  (Oh, it isn't really all that important).

"I know how busy everyone is. . ."  (Right. But we put you on the agenda. Start talking).

"Thank you for taking your time. . ."  (You're welcome. You just took up even more of my time with that wimpy intro).

Whether you are standing up or seated at a conference table, people want you to lead with confidence. Not arrogance, but confidence. When you do something to apologize for your presence you diminish your presence.

Language is one of your most powerful leadership tools. People all around you are looking for leadership.

Check out your leadership language today.

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Decision-Making: Remember "Z"

Everyday we make more decisions than we realize. Some are as simple as whether to super-size that burger and where to sit down to eat it; others involve choices that impact family, health, and finances.

Decision making can be tough enough when you do it solo. It becomes even more challenging sitting around the conference table with colleagues. When it comes to information, we each prefer to approach it from different starting points using our favorite questions. So the trick becomes to bring everyone together at the same starting point, then systematically move together until you've explored all of the important elements of sound decision-making.

Decision by Zorro

Some of you may recall the TV/movie character Zorro. His trademark was carving a "Z" with his sword as a reminder to his foes that he was alive and well, and ready for action.

Last week I drew this model on a flip chart during a decision-making meeting with a group of managers. If you follow the quadrants in sequence--just remember "Z"--you'll focus participants on the same elements of the decision process at the same time.

1. First, walk through the factual details about what you know, what you don't know, and any other verifiable bits of information.

2, Then, take a big picture approach to think long term, see opportunities, possibilities, and connections between cause and effect.

3. When you've handled the information, use objective thinking to logically deal with risk/benefit. What are the pros and cons? Are there other options that haven't been discussed? Does each option carry a consequence of some sort? How likely is it that it would happen? If it did, what would the seriousness be?

4. Finally, take the "people factor" into consideration.  How will this affect others in the work group? Where else in the organization would people be impacted?  How will you feel about the result? Will it gain support or meet stiff opposition?

 

I've received a number of emails and comments from young managers who are looking for tips and hints to help boost their effectiveness. This is the kind of model that can help create focus and reduce conflict.

Note: For those of you who are intimately familiar with the MBTI®, this may prove useful:

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Management Advice from a Manager

What a novel idea.

Blogs are filled with advice from former managers and consultants (I plead guilty to both counts), so it's refreshing to hear from a manager who is slugging it out in the trenches every day.

Enter Frode Heiman at Proper Pants. Frode is in the midst of a series titled 12 Steps to Becoming a Great Employee. The title says it all.

At Frode's invitation I authored an article for Step 9: Involve Yourself.

As I look back over the series, it occurred to me that this is the kind of direction that young people could use in their senior year at university or as part of a a corporate orientation program.

And, they would no doubt do well to land a job with a manager who looks at his role the way Frode does.

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Working With Groups: When Someone Enters or Leaves

When only one person leaves or enters a group, the dynamics--and group effectiveness--change.

Why?

Groups--no matter how large or small--are about equilibrium. That equilibrium comes from a balance of power. Over time, we all learn where we "fit" in a group given the topic, our role, and how things operate. When someone comes or goes, our sense of influence changes. That's because new relationships and alliances begin to form in order to establish a new balance of power.

Did You Say Power?

That's exactly what I said. If you think groups aren't about power, try taking power away from someone.

Regardless of what you would like to think, everyone in every group has a need when it comes to power and influence. Some people want a lot, some a little, and some want to just blend in with the wallpaper and disappear. That's why every time a new person enters a group or a regular member leaves, the balance of power needs to be re-established.

The important point: Armed with this knowledge you can do it intentionally. This accomplishes two things:

• The unspoken (but known to each) is brought into the open and legitimized.

What's the best way to neutralize a potentially tense issue? Call it for what it is, make it perfectly acceptable, and have a process to move through it.

• Everyone will breath a sigh of relief--even if it's a silent one. Once the unspoken tension is reduced, people are more relaxed and able to help create the new group.

Here's How To Do It

1. Stop action.

2. Read the paragraphs above to the group.

3. Re-visit why the group exists, make any necessary modifications, and ask for agreement from each person.

4. Clarify each person's role. Whether someone leaves or someone new arrives, there has to be a change in responsibilities and how things will get done. If you talk about it now, you won't have to resolve the inevitable conflict about it later.

Groups and organizations are systems. Systems work the same way as our bodies (human systems). If you pinch one place, you'll get a referent "ouch" someplace else.

The next time membership is about to change in your group, go through the four steps above. You'll minimize the ouches and get back to equilibrium and productivity because you've taken good care of the system.

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Introducing Something New: Part II

Yesterday I noted that Resistance refers to the assumption that many people will balk at doing the "new" thing because it is different.

Self-fulfilling Prophecy

I've been involved in initiating and running "change" projects for nearly 30 years. Some have been really successful and others have failed miserably. So it's been important to dissect each one in order to learn what each type had in common.

There were a number of factors. But the key difference I've observed in each has to to do with the attitude of the leader and the leader's team toward the employee population as a whole. When the leadership saw the organization as a willing partner they behaved accordingly. When they viewed them as a bloc of resistance that would have to be overcome, they also behaved accordingly. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy and the results were pretty much determined at the outset. If you are going to start a successful change initiative:

1. Use the "vision thing" for context but keep it brief.

2. Lay out the specifics so that people know what success looks like.

3. Avoid the resistance model espoused by so many well-meaning firms. While the psychological underpinnings may be real, the accompanying navel-gazing and chin-stroking can lead to an "us" and "them" approach that will only lead to divisiveness when your goal is unity.

What to think about instead of "Resistance"

Here are some factoids that I hope will set the stage for "what to do":

1. You are enthusiastic because you like change. That may be true--as long as it's the change that you want the way that you want it. Everyone else feels the same way when it comes to their lives. Waxing poetic about the joys of change using textbook biz-speak isn't going to score a lot of points.

2. All people carry around an implicit mental employment contract. When you first join any organization you learn how things operate. In fact, you joined because things operated in a way that matched enough of your values and needs to make 'signing up' an attractive proposition. When it seems as if certain fundamentals are about to change--and you don't know why--the unspoken contract kicks in. "I didn't join for this." "How is this going to affect my ability to do my job well?" "Will I even be able to do the new thing?" "If I can't, what will happen?"

3. In times of uncertainty people look for clear, firm direction that spells out "what" and "when." This shows that the new thing has been thought through and is more than a dream.

4. In the midst of any kind of change we all want some sense of control. That's why it's critical to engage people, across the board, in the "how."

Think about that for a moment: There are a lot of people who do what you do. But "how" you do it is unique. It's also what gives you a sense of satisfaction and control. Million dollar advice: When you start hearing "How will we do that?" you're on your way to success. Once people start discussing "how" they will do something, it's a signal that the "what" has been accepted.

5. It takes everyone a different amount of time to reach understanding and acceptance of new ways of doing things. You can't wait until the last person shouts, "I've got it!" to move ahead. You also can't move ahead until you have a critical mass of "I've got it!"s.

Note: If you are ready to start something new, you have been thinking about it for quite a while. You've wrestled with the pros and cons. You've visualized success and failure. You've gone through the entire range of intellectual and emotional activity.

• You have arrived and are ready to begin.

• Everyone else is where you were when you were on the airplane thinking "Wow, what if we...?"

6. Be seen and be seen often. Talk about the new thing, talk about it often, and talk about it in person. Your physical presence shows leadership, support, and personal involvement; your absence turns the initiative into "one more program."

Readiness, Resistance, What They Did and What You Should Do

In yesterday's post I talked about the Utility that conducted the Readiness survey that sparked unnecessary speculation and angst. I promised that today I'd tell how it was handled and how you can get it right the first time.

The Rest of the Utility Story

• As soon as the executives realized the impact of the survey, they organized small group meetings of everyone in the company.

• At the meetings they explained what they hoped to do, why they were doing it, and what the proposed "changes" would be.

• We then turned the meetings into the equivalent of marketing focus groups and problem-solving sessions (many of the people were engineers, long-time employees, and well-versed in the company's operations). After laying out the information and the intended goals (changes), we then asked a series of open-ended questions that turned the sessions into "How can we make this happen?" discussions.

• The CEO or one of his direct reports was at every meeting and sat at the table as a participant.

What we learned from that (which now seems obvious) is today's tip:

How to Start Your Change Initiative

Readiness

1. Be very clear about what you want to have happen. Be clear about when you want it to happen. Deadlines  produce action.

2. Explain why it's important to the organization and the people in it.
    a. What will be better?
    b. What could be worse if things don't change?
    c. How do you know a and b are true?

3. Jack Nicholson's "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth" was a great movie line.

    Your organization needs the truth in order to provide truthful solutions. People deserve nothing less.

3. Schedule small group meetings to discuss the what, when, and how.

4. Be seen, be involved.

5. Set a deadline for the themes of the small group meetings to be synthesized, presented, and discussed.

6. Listen.

7. If you listen and watch, you'll know what--and how much-- to do next.

8. Keep your data-gathering face-to-face. Surveys produce numbers that are easy to graph. In the absence of context and direction they also produce anxiety and rumors. Even if you have the best survey in the world you still won't know what is behind the numbers unless you talk with the people anyway. Save yourself time and go for the real deal.

I am not opposed to surveys and questionnaires; they can be very effective and I use them in some form at the outset of almost every kind of consulting engagement as a starting point for discussion. I am opposed to using them as the sole data source to kick-off a major change. That viewpoint is based on numerous real-life engagements.

9. Openly acknowledge the validity of people's fears as well as any of your own. The first step in neutralizing a negative is to bring it out into the open. When something is seen clearly it becomes easier to deal with. The unseen takes on a subversive life of its own and everyone knows its there, even if it isn't verbalized.

10. Always--always--communicate more rather than less.

What have been your experiences introducing something new?

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Introducing Something New: Part I

Readiness and Resistance

Every systematic approach to making large-scale change usually talks about these two factors.

Readiness refers to whether or not the people who will be involved are prepared for the changes that are coming.

Resistance refers to the assumption that many people will balk at doing the "new" thing because it is different.

I'm no longer sure that the word "change" has any real impact. Everyone knows that life is filled with changes. Many of the programmed approaches have been designed in a way that creates an "us and them" dynamic, not unlike "employee" engagement. In other words: "I want something different than I'm getting now so you have to change." (That approach is content for a future article).

Making changes for the better, whether at work or in your personal life, both have some common elements. Here are some real-life, practical tips accompanied by some semi-deep thoughts:

If you, as a leader, have done a thorough job of explaining your organization's situation and why it is critical to do specific things differently, you will enable readiness and reduce resistance before it even starts.

Why? Because the human condition demands a reason for doing something differently. Until you answer the "Why?" question satisfactorily, forget about trying to get to the "What." (See, I just did it).

Readiness is all about understanding and acceptance. Yes, both of those. You can understand something intellectually but you need a certain amount of acceptance to want to act on your understanding.

What to do: When a change is needed, start talking about the situation and what you think needs to happen differently. Engage other people in the discussion. Tell them what you think ought to happen. Ask them what they think could be done. Tell managers to talk with their people about the situation.

Why? (See, I am trying to model this thing). When the decision to make the change finally happens, it's not a surprise. Save surprises for a significant birthday.

How not to "survey for readiness"

One of my Utility clients hired a firm that specialized in Change Management to come in and honcho the process. The system made sense on paper. It made no sense when it was applied. The first step in the process was a company-wide, pencil and paper assessment of individuals' "readiness for change." Yeah, think about this. A gazillion people answered questions--with obvious organizational and psychological underpinnings--about how they "felt" about changes. But they didn't know of any impending changes. Well, not until they were asked to do the questionnaire and asked themselves the "why?" question.

Then the results were tabulated  and "fed back" to the top levels of management. (The entire employee population knew their managers were at a meeting looking at whatever it was that they had generated in the survey. So,they began developing a "resistant" attitude before anything ever happened.)

I watched as a profile of readiness and resistance was displayed on the PowerPoint slides. Then came the somewhat unbelievable: the presenter noted that everyone not sitting in the room would be referred to as a Target for change. It was suddenly an "us" and "them" situation. "We" will be known as the change agents--"they" will be our targets.

Resistance is all about not having enough information to decide that making a change would be in one's best interest.

As you've already guessed, the "Readiness" exercise created "Resistance" that wasn't there to begin with.

BTW: If you are trying to do something differently at a personal level--but struggling--try your own, candid, readiness/resistance diagnostic.

Stop back for the inside scoop on how this was dealt with and how it can be done more effectively the first time around.

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Want Creativity? Make Rules For People to Break

Counterdependence: The act of overcompensating as a result of feeling very dependent and subconsciously moving in the opposing direction.

Think "teenagers".

Once teenagers figure out the rules, they begin to look for creative ways to break them as a way to assert their independence. Adults do the same thing. You can choose to funnel that dynamic into productive counterdependence.

Here are some proven (that means I did it at least once) ways:

1. Implementing Changes.

The warm-and-fuzzy school of thought says to get people involved at the outset of a change to help create it. Well, that might work if they known what to do and how to do it.

a. If they don't know either, then they require direction. When people know the over-arching purpose of the change, they'll be able to help refine it.

b. If they know what but not how, they need educational direction.

c. If they know how but don't want to do the what, they need a darned good reason. Perhaps even an offer they can't refuse. Then, listen for the responses to get an accurate readiness diagnostic that you won't have to pay for.

2. Brainstorming Past The Glazed-Over Eyeballs.

People who are highly expressive and verbal often enjoy brainstorming. That's who the "storming" part was meant to accommodate.

But what about the deep thinkers who want to reflect thoughtfully  before participating?

They need something upon which to reflect, then react. They need content. Give them some. Instead of expecting your engineers and accountants to view your blank flip chart page as a Monet canvas, put some of your ideas up there first. Don't worry about how lame they are. (Your ideas, not the engineers). Just get something up there for people to "bounce off of."

Think of yourself and your content as  "trampolines for engagement." (Did I just say that?)

3. Overcoming Senior-itis.

I frequently hear this from managers:

"I don't want to tell anybody what I think of Project X until after they've discussed it in the meeting. Then I'll give my opinion. Otherwise, they may be intimidated and try to please me." The thinking is this: The most senior person in the room should wait until last to speak.

That may be true if:

a. You have a pant-load of wimps working for you, in which case it won't make any difference.

b. These people used to offer up a stream of ideas until they figured out that you always wait until the last minute to unveil your brilliance and tell them how wrong they all are. Gotcha!

c. You somehow believe that the accurate definition of "leadership" is "I'll go last."

I actually do understand how strong managers arrive at the "I'll go last" methodology and most of those with whom I've worked believe they are doing a good thing. They aren't.

At the beginning of the meeting the manager needs to say something like:

"Here's my thinking on this right now, and why. I don't have all the answers or the nuance. Let's talk about how to look at Project X in it's totality and see what we come up with." Then sit down, listen, and stick to clarifying questions.

Why go first? Because everyone in the room will hold back to some extent until the senior person puts a stake in the ground. Pound the stake, tell them you are more than willing to move it, and get out of the way.

Note: If you aren't willing to budge, say so and have a "best way to implement" discussion. Don't do a "faux" participative activity. You can get away with it once or twice but it will ultimately wreck your credibility and the group's participation.

That's what I'm thinking about this today. How about you?

Bonus: For an interesting, real-life example of how the entire population of a city used creative counterdependency, read Wally Bock's When People Construct Windows You Can Walk Through.

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Reminder: If you want to grow your small business, there's no better and more affordable opportunity to learn how than the Winning Workplaces 2008 Top Small Workplaces Conference in Chicago on October 14-15.

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HR: Your Dream Candidate?

I haven't the slightest idea of the original source, truth, or accuracy of the article below. It was forwarded by a friend.

But wouldn't it be refreshing to receive a job application that was straightforward and humorous at the same time?

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The Threatening Gift of "Why?"

You ask your four year-old to do put away her toys. The response: "Why?"

Your eyeballs bulge.

Then, your teenager asks you for $20. You ask, "Why?" His response: "I just need it."

You go into your "money doesn't grow on trees" routine that you swore you would never do (because your parents did it).

You tell your boss you think you need about $200,000 to beef up your marketing efforts and $100,000 to outsource the graphics and production. She leans her head at a 45 degree angle, looks at you, and utters the magical, "Uh, why?"

You think to yourself, "Isn't it obvious given our targets for market-share?"

"Why" Does This Matter?

Purpose and Context. That's why.

The human condition requires context for what's being asked or done.

Idea people fall in love with their ideas.

Action people fall in love with do-ing.

But everyone around them needs to know why the ideas and actions are important. We talk about "engagement," then fail to provide the purpose and context that people need to become engaged.

I've watched managers bark absolutely appropriate directions at employees. The response was appropriate as well: "Why do you want us to do it this way?"

That's not insubordination, it's an intelligent question. Knowing the purpose allows people to make good decisions when problems arise. If an action is going to cost 20% of budget and part of the purpose is to stay within 10%, employees know how to respond effectively.

"Why" Brings You Clarity and Confidence

If you and I are at all alike, one immediate reaction to "Why?" is often defensiveness. ("How dare you question my thinking?")

Yet this is the question that will keep you out of trouble--but only if you are willing to take it as a gift and spend time re-visiting your answer. If you do, you'll gain the clarity that gives you confident strength to move ahead boldly.

And engagement--yours and theirs--won't be a buzzword.

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Reminder: Today is the last "discount day" for the  Winning Workplaces 2008 Top Small Workplaces Conference.

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Winning Workplaces: Be There

Do you have a small business? Want to learn how to make it grow from those who have proven track records?

This is an opportunity to learn from, and talk with, the best of the best--and the cost is minimal.

The Winning Workplaces 2008 Top Small Workplaces Conference is the place to be October 14-15 at Chicago's Mid-America Club.

Here is what you'll learn about from those who have done it:

• Employee retention
• Sustaining culture while growing
• Engaging employees in the business strategy
• Succession planning
• Managing through lean times

Here's who you will learn from, amongst others:

• Colleen Barrett, President Emeritus of Southwest Airlines
• Alan Murray, Executive Editor, The Wall Street Journal Online
• Trish Karter, CEO/Cofounder, Dancing Deer Baking Company
• More than 20 other inspiring business leaders speaking on critical issues faced by small business

Minimal cost with Maximum benefit

I spoke with Mark Harbeke of Winning Workplaces. It is a not-for-profit organization providing consulting, training and information to help small and midsize organizations create great workplaces. The organization was founded by one of the families who owned auto parts manufacturer, Fel-Pro, Inc., which was nationally recognized for its innovative people practices and outstanding financial performance.

Sound like a winner to you?

For more information and sign-up, simply click on the links or the logo above or in the sidebar.

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Five Reasons Why "Who You Are Really" Matters

It's not about. . .

. . . a title. That's the role an organization says you're supposed to play. And that can change in a fleeting moment.

This is about who you really are.

Why is that so important?

1. Who You Are determines How you are.

2. How You Are determines the quality and depth of your relationships.

3. The quality and depth of your relationships  determine your ability to mobilize your people--workers, family, or friends--in time of need.

4. The quality of your relationships  determine  the breadth and depth of help you'll receive in your time of need.

5. Who You Are determines your brand while you're alive and your legacy afterward.

Take time today to build a firm foundation that won't shake and crack with the first sign of adversity.

I hope that provides at least 5 good reasons for action.

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Note:  I'm conducting an off-site client meeting through Friday. This article first appeared in June, 2007 and I thought it fit well with our current series here at All Things Workplace.

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Life & Careers: What Does Success Mean To You?

What Do These Success Quotes All Have in Common?

"I don't know the key to success but the key to failure is to try to please everyone." Bill Cosby

"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do." Bob Dylan

"Try not to become a man of success, but rather to become a man of value. He is considered successful in our day who gets more out of life than he puts in. But a man of value will give more than he receives." Albert Einstein

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose." Benjamin Disraeli

"Success is the progressive realization of predetermined, worthwhile, personal goals." Paul J. Meyer

I think the commonality is this:

1. Each person thought about what success meant personally.

2. None defined it in terms of others' expectations.

Have You Defined Your Own "Success" Expectations?

If you haven't, then maybe today is the day to start. Otherwise, you are at risk.

Think about it.

Without a clear sense of what a successful life means to you, everyone else controls your time, your choices, and your career. You have no firm basis on which to make decisions. And no way to tell yourself "I'm doing just fine!"

It also means that others can tell you how they think you are doing as well as what they think you should be doing. Wouldn't it be nice to be clear about why they are so wrong?!

I believe you already know what success means to you. The moment you acknowledge it and start doing something aligned with that definition, you will experience the focus and momentum needed to move forward.

What do you need to acknowledge to make this happen?

Do it. If it's closely work-related, talk with your boss about it. Most of all, put it in motion. Now.

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Talent: What You Can't Not Do

Successful People and Their Struggles

Richard Branson, the Virgin brand mogul, gets bored easily. He channels this "problem" into a positive by "getting himself into numerous businesses that he can spread himself around in."

Charles Schwab was dyslexic and almost flunked out of Stanford, having failed English twice. In business, he overcame this reading problem by speaking from the heart (nixing the need for reading and writing long memos and speeches).

Cisco CEO John Chambers was also dyslexic, so he relies on memorized speeches and interacting personally with people as much as possible.

Each of these people found a way to succeed in the face of some weakness.

Strengths from Weakness and Natural Talent

I'd like to propose that you and I look at our lives in light of those two gifts. And they are both gifts, although the first one may be difficult to see at first.

Strengths from Weakness

This isn't happy talk or psycho-babble.

Each of us is faced with some struggle around which we have to make a choice. Either we succumb to the struggle or we see it through. What we label as "overcoming" is really the molding of our character through adversity. In that process, we discover and develop strengths that serve our natural talents and purpose in life. All of the examples above reflect that.

If you choose to acknowledge your struggle and see it through, you'll end up leading and mentoring others who are struggling with similar challenges.

Why?

You'll possess knowledge, wisdom, and empathy about the issue that others cannot gain from classroom study. It will become an area of passion and personal meaning. You'll become known for your insight and strength.

What You "Can't Not Do"

Your Natural Talent(s)

If you're reading this, you are probably committed to personal and professional development. So at some point, you ask yourself "What are my real talents?"

I do a lot of mid-career counseling with executives who also wrestle with that question. Every one has read about  Following Your Bliss, Pursuing Your Passion, and Discovering Your Strengths. They get the idea. But they find it difficult to separate skills that they've developed from the talents they possess.

During one session--in the midst of my own frustration--I blurted out, "What can't you not do?"

That proved to be a breakthrough question and has turned into a cornerstone of the career counseling part of my practice.

Look at your life. What can't you not do? No matter what your job title or job description, what do you find it impossible not to get involved with? What are you always getting in trouble for because you're not supposed to be doing it--or doing it that way?

Start paying attention to that and you'll start to identify your natural talent(s). And when you're using those talents, you won't even feel as if you are working. That's one of the reasons they can be hard to identify. We're so good at them, we don't recognize them for what they are. And we tend to place a low value on them because they don't "seem like work." Yet they are the part of you that makes you a star.

What to take away

1. When faced with a struggle, recognize that seeing it all the way through will present you with a new strength. You don't yet know what that is.

2. When you make that choice, it will become an area of your life where you will help, guide, and mentor others. Your burden will become one of your gifts.

3. If you are an HR person or manager who is interviewing candidates: Ask the candidate to describe a struggle that has led to a new talent, and how they use it. Pay attention to this. It will be a powerful part of their career potential

4. What can't you not do?

Stop not doing it.

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Talent: The Ever-Changing "Unique You"

You are a moving target needing to pause and catch up with yourself.

Not the navel-gazing kind of pause but the "Where Am I Now?" kind.

Thanks to Beth Robinson I realized that The Intersection That Is Uniquely You is dynamic.

Beth writes:

I agree with your point that all three must be considered and there are two ways that I might alter your diagram based on my experience...

A more dynamic background. The "uniquely you" spot moves. Interests change. Skills develop. Different ways to use talents are identified. And it will keep moving.

More than one question mark option in the pop-out box. The "uniquely you" spot is an area not a point. There are often multiple potential points that can fit in that area and some are reachable by more transactional paths and some require the transformational paths that you mentioned in your last post.

It helps to have a gifted chemist/artist/writer as a reader and contributor. Talk about talents!

The Original

The Dynamic You

Over the course of a lifetime, what you bring to your life and work is dynamic. As Beth points out, talents and interests change and grow; you may become more closely aligned with your values and priorities; and the "uniquely you" transforms as a result.

Individuals: This is a good reason to stop and self-assess periodically. Is your career in sync with your development? Are you developing talents and skills that could be better-used and more highly rewarded?

Note: We often discount the very things that make us valuable contributors. Why? Because when we are using a great deal of our natural talent it often doesn't "feel" as if we are working "hard." As a result, we undersell the value of what we bring.

Employers: The change-dynamic is the very reason that ongoing feedback and developmental discussions are critical.  People achieve increasing mastery within their talents and skills by virtue of how they use them and learn from them each day. You want to know how that's going, the best way to support it on behalf of the organization, and how you can channel that growth into bigger things for the company and the individual.

Need some incentive?

A  2008 survey by Right Management of mid-level and senior leaders showed the top reasons employees are leaving their jobs include: 30% for lack of new internal opportunities, 25% due to poor leadership, 22% because of poor relationships with their boss and 21% because they felt their efforts were not valued.

This is quite straightforward:

• People grow and develop, they want to keep doing so, and they want it to be acknowledged and recognized in some meaningful way by employers.

• Employers want people who get better at what they do, can then take on new challenges, and ultimately make a difference on behalf of the company.

Doesn't that sound like a good reason to sit down and have a talk?

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Talent, Expectations, and the Guy Curve

I was watching a sales presentation and it came to me: The Guy Curve.

The sales manager was waxing poetic about how he and his team were going to beat last year's numbers, exceed expectations, grab more market share.  .  .he might have mentioned something about settling the whole world peace thing, too.

These kinds of presentations aren't limited to sales people. You see them all the time. Managers promise increased productivity, R&D claim that a breakthrough is imminent, and the training & development folks offer "Wow" performance following a new, improved, behavioral workshop.

Why the Guy Curve? After thinking about it, it occurred to me that I simply haven't seen many women feel compelled to consistently deliver the same kinds of pumped-up, one-sided projections. (Any thoughts or conflicting observations are definitely welcome).

All of us who own a  "guy computer" have a secret, blank presentation template that looks like this:

As I card-carrying official guy, I wake up each day with my goals flashing on the computer screen as a reminder to hunker down and ride the one-way escalator to success! Until, at the end of the day, I see a graph that resembles this:

Managing Your Talents In Real Life

I'm not suggesting that you reduce your aspirations and settle for a lowest-common-denominator existence. That's not fun, productive, nor making the best use of your talents. I am suggesting that you consider the following:

1. Your talents usually expand over time if you are using and developing them. That means you'll hit a point where the current situation may not seem satisfying. Your level of motivation and productivity suddenly and mysteriously drop and you wonder why. This is a signal to re-think your situation and decide how best to proceed. The straight line takes a drop.

2. Your situation may change. Your new boss has higher standards for your performance and you find that you have to add to your repertoire. There's a learning curve involved and at the end, you are performing better. But in the middle, the learning part causes some doubt until you hit the new level of mastery.

3. Here's a tough one. You are, in fact, the very best at what you do. But you discover that the financial compensation for your talents isn't what you hoped it would be. Do you continue being the best at your craft or do you decide that it's more important--or even necessary--to find a "job" that pays better even though it doesn't use the full range of your talents? This happens frequently and really causes one to come face to face with what one truly values.

Note: You are in charge of your life but you aren't in control.

You can, however:

1. Manage your expectations more accurately

2. Learn to accept and adapt to the inevitable changes that take place around you

3. Recognize that some days will produce huge wins

4. Recognize that some days will produce agonizing setbacks

5. Recognize that your real success is not what life throws at you, but how you choose to respond to it. This is the single life skill that will separate you from others in the workplace. And it's the one that all employers value and notice. (Even if they have one of those guy-curve templates).

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Talents: When Changes Make You Go "Huh?"

It's a win for everyone when you find the kind of organization in which your talents can flourish.

But we live in a working-world filled with changes:

1. A CEO may decide it's more profitable to become a manufacturing-focused company than a sales & marketing-driven organization.

2. Mergers and acquisitions create new cultures. New cultures lead to new values and priorities.

3. Customers change their technology, causing your company to change it's tech service response.

4. Downsizing. Fewer people, more responsibilities for those remaining.

What Happened to the Talent?

I've watched each of the above grow into a crisis of confidence for employees and employers:

• Mysteriously, you don't feel as talented and capable as before.

• At the same time, the organization is wondering where it's talented people went.

Fact: no one suddenly got stupid!

Second fact: Something else will now need to change.

You or Them?

When you were hired it was a good fit because of how business was conducted. Now it doesn't seem that way. Here are some considerations when companies and employees find themselves in a talent mismatch as a result of changes:

1. Companies: Take time to assess the breadth of talent that exists in your employee base. You may not have been using the range of talents that individuals possess because you (naturally) hired on a given set of criteria.

Real-life example: In the past few years I've had the opportunity to assess three executives who were on the "We've changed, their role isn't needed, I guess they have to go even though they've been really effective" list. In two of the three cases a broader assessment showed that they were gifted in areas that hadn't been tapped before. Those two remain with their organizations in new roles and are contributing meaningfully and productively.

2. Individuals. Maybe it isn't such a good fit.The faster you figure out the reality of the situation the faster you can make a decision to stay or look elsewhere.

Bonus tip: The longer you hang out in a mismatch the more you will question your adequacy. So, knock it off! You are talented and you've been performing in a talented way. The situation changed, not you. Get yourself into another winning situation before you conclude that the problem is you.

A Final Thought

Our educational and career counseling entities need to become very deliberate in painting an accurate picture  of "careers."

My take is that the approach is still, "What will you do when you grow up?", the assumption being that one will "become something" and "do it at a company" for a lifetime. The reality is that a person needs to find out their range of talents and prepare for a series of long-term projects in multiple places vs. lifetime employment.

Building awareness of talents, project orientation, and transitions would go a long way in offering genuine help in accurately preparing young people for the future.

What do you think?

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Talent: Where's The Best Place to Use Your Strengths?

There are a lot of places where you can work.

What you want to know is: Which ones will allow me to use my talents for peak performance and satisfaction?

Talents, Learned Skills, and The 60/40 Rule

I spend a lot of time in developmental discussions and career transitions. A good rule of thumb to follow is this: make sure your situation allows you to use your innate talents about 60% of the time and your related, learned skills about 40%.

Why?

It will keep you operating at peak performance because:

a. Your talents inherently seek to grow and improve

b. Your talents are flexible and adaptable to change. If you want to know how you'll do in a new job, see how closely it relates to talents and not the rote skills you've developed in support of those.

c. Talents are transferable from one job to another.

d. They ultimately make the best use of one's time and yield the highest quantity and best quality when it comes to results.

Organizations take note: Instead of looking for "excellence" in every aspect of job duties, start paying attention to where your people are talented. That's where they will excel. When it comes time to appraise individual performance or assess for future opportunities in your company, focus on where the person is talented. Talents transfer across job descriptions, departments, organizations, and even careers.

Where You Fit Is Where You Should Be

There are all kinds of organizations and settings in which you can exercise your talents in return for compensation. Not all of them are good fits for you.

I've been in the military but didn't consider it for a career.

I worked in education but came to a similar conclusion.

I've been a manager in a large corporation as well as a sales manager in a smaller one. Nope.

Now, my client list is represented by each of those organizations. The organizations weren't the issue.

I had to come to grips with the fact that none of those would allow me to do things fast enough and creatively enough to satisfy me. So I decided to ply my craft from the "outside" and the decision has been a good one. Clients allow me leeway to use my expertise in ways that they wouldn't allow internally. (That's because they can also make me vanish rather quickly if they so choose).

Note: In an ironic twist, I've had two clients for 16 and 20 years respectively. That may come close to qualifying as a career person at each:-)

Here's where we are:

1. In The Intersection That Is Uniquely You, we took a look at how your talents, interests, and values come together at the place that makes you unique.

2. Today, think about the kind of organization that's a fit for you and your talents:

If you aren't big on structure and procedures, the military or law enforcement may not be the right arenas for you regardless of your related talents.

Gifted at sales and influencing? Then you've got some options. If you value a high income, then business may be a good fit. But if it's important to you to use your talents on behalf of a cause or the community, then selling or promoting on behalf of a regional theater company (Performing Arts) would be a good fit.

You get the idea.

Just remember: Your talents will grow in an environment that values them and allows you to use them. Take some time to choose thoughtfully.

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