Feedback, Truth, and Love

Sodium is an active element found naturally only in combined form; it always links itself to another element. Chlorine is the poisonous gas that gives bleach its strong and offensive odor. When sodium and chlorine are combined, the result is sodium chloride--the common table salt that we use to preserve meat and bring out its flavor.

Love and truth are a lot like sodium and chlorine. Love without truth is erratic, often blind, and even willing to attach itself to anything that seems desirable in the moment. On the other hand, truth by itself can be quite offensive, even poisonous. Spoken without the intent of kindness or a spirit of love, it can turn people away from what they really need to hear.

Feedback is a big deal in organizations. It can be used to guide people to greater heights of performance or break someone's spirit in an instant.

Before delivering what you know to be true, check out your mental salt shaker and let your heart catch up with your mind.

Comments

[David Zinger]

This is so much better than pouring salt on the scars of wounding feedback. It is like when someone asks, "Can I be really honest with you right now?" Not only do you wonder what they have been the rest of the time the statement is usually a set up for an attack.

[Wally Bock]

Lou Heckler is a great speaker and a coach for many other speakers, including me. Before our first session he said something to the effect that "I will never say anything with the intent to hurt, but I may do so unintentionally. When I do, please let me know so we can work things out an not let a wound fester." I'm sure he said it much better than that, but I found that both helpful and freeing.

[Jessica Lee]

holy moly. i dunno what inspired your post... but as simple as the message is, it's a lovely one. thanks for this. :)

[Steve Roesler]

David,

Yeah, that's one of the most terrifying lead-in lines in feedback history. My experience is that by using the word "honest," the one delivering it somehow justifies the "dump" that is about to take place.

After all, who wouldn't want "honest" information?

[Steve Roesler]

Wally,

Lou is clearly a wise man with a high level of self-awareness. His "heads-up" shows humility and lets one know the kind of guy he is.

What a simple but useful thing to do.

[Steve Roesler]

Hi there, Jessica,

It was actually inspired by watching someone in a corporation give "feedback" by rattling off a list of sins--perceived and otherwise--without any consideration for the other person.

Very pleased to know that it holds some meaning for you. I appreciate the encouragement and the fact that you took time to weigh in. Hope to see you again soon.