Bring Your Emotional Awareness To Work

Workplaces are filled with people urging you to "Stay rationale" and, by all means, "Don't get emotional."

That's just not sound advice. They  have a significant effect on us, but to what end?

Call To Action

Emotions prompt you to act. Without them you wouldn't do much, including survive.

When you start to feel an emotion your muscles tense or relax; blood vessels dilate or contract. What you feel emotionally produces a related physical response. As a result, emotions can make us feel uncomfortable or comfortable, sending signals to urgently do something or to stay in our comfort zones.

What Happens On The Inside?

In trying to understand a situation or make a decision, emotions help you deduce whether what you have concluded is a good idea. When you think about something that contradicts your values, your emotions will signal the contradiction. When thinking about something that could hurt you, your emotions will tell you that this is not a good idea. In fact: simply imagining what might happen sparks your emotions in ways that can lead to better decisions.

How You Signal Your Social World

Body language is very, very real, although the accuracy of interpretation by others is less than scientific. The fact is, you and I display our inner emotions on our outer bodies. Your face alone contains about 90 muscles, 30 of whose sole purpose is sending emotional signals to other people.

Unless you are playing poker these signals can be unbelievably useful because they help others decide how to behave towards us. If someone appears angry, then hassling them or trying to get an agreement at that moment is probably not a good idea. If they look fearful you could offer help or support, leading to an enhanced relationship.

So?

Everyone wants to be influential in some way. Cutting off or ignoring emotions at work actually reduces the chance of making effective decisions (ignoring the inner-twinge could be costly) and connecting with your boss and colleagues. They've  each got 30 facial muscles designed to provide you with reading material--heck, that's easier than War and Peace.

Don't worry about always reading the emotion perfectly. What others want to know is that you recognize something is going on, you aren't making judgments, and you are there as another human being if something is needed.

Finally: stay in tune with your own emotions. They're designed to tell you something is happening on the inside and you need to pay attention.

These are the original text messages of the heart and soul. At minimum, keep your inner-iPhone on vibrate.

Comments

[Jim Stroup]

Outstanding, Steve.

Research has shown that when a person experiences damage to the parts of the brain responsible for emotions, decision-making ability degrades - even when logical thought-processing remains unimpaired.

Decision-making is not a left-brain, but a whole-brain, enterprise. Our capacity to generate emotional views of things gives us the perspective and rationale needed to impart meaning to our "logical" assessments of those same things. They are the trigger to our decision taking.

Bravo - an enlightening expression of this - thanks!

[peter vajda]

Hi, Steve,

An insightful post, and thanks.

Some thoughts:

Emotions are in the body, not in the mind/brain. The mind/brain can have a "thought" which triggers emotions that show up in the body. Candace Pert's seminal work "Molecules of Emotion" focuses on how one can understand their emotional reactivity and deal with their emotions by being in direct contact with their body. Many folks choose to "bury" their emotions, deny their sensate/somatic feelings and deal with their emotions "with their mind"..the unfortunate downside of which is that when we bury our emotions, we bury them "alive"...and they return again and again, leaking out when we least expect it, often feeling confused because "I thought I dealt with that emotion in my mind "logically" and I thought I was over it." Couldn't be further from the truth.

The baby in your graphic is important, very important...in that every negative emotion, every one, is a "childhood reaction/emotion" that had never been dealt with or processed and so still residing in the body, gets triggered by adults but the reaction is that of a 3-4-5 (i.e., child) year old in an adult body wearing adult clothes.

In your previous post one of the elements to effective creativity was "to deal with past trauma" Peter Levine's work on "somatic exprience" is one way of learnng how do deal with metabolizing these past tramatic experiences, and emotional reactivity, freeing onself from the hold they and their attendant emotions have on us as adults. Past truma is a huge cause of our negative emotional reactivity.

Many of us live so much in our heads that we intellectualize our emotions. We analyze, rationalize and explain them away so quickly that we don’t actually experience them. Learning to be aware of feelings, how they arise and how to use them creatively so they guide us to well-be-ing, is an essential lifetime skill.

Many of us believe that we need to keep a tight lid on our emotions. We fear that if we ever allow these emotions to be expressed, they will do serious damage so we make up false rules and normailzations like "don't bring emotions to work." Hmmm

But if we summon up the courage to truly feel our emotions, we discover that they don't last. If we are willing to experience our emotions completely, without resistance of any kind, they burn themselves out in only a few minutes. But that's a scary proposition for many.

The only thing that keeps emotions alive within us over long periods is our unwillingness to acknowledge them. Emotions are energy in motion. They bring us information if we are willing to experience them, explore them, inquire consciously into them. Unfortunately, many of us are afraid of the energy of emotions and so we automatically resist them. And when we refuse to experience our emotions, we block them.They become trapped in our bodies and that entrapment drains our energy and brings continuing discomfort, pain and suffering-mental, physical, emotional and spiritual.

Deepak Chopra says, "Instead of resisting any emotion, the best way to dispel it is to enter it fully, embrace it and see through your resistance."

And Doc Childre suggests, "We have to become more conscious of our feeling-world. By learning to identify the ‘emotional baggage’ and manage our feeling-world reactions, we can view life based on current information instead of being held captive by our past."(as children in adult bodies)."

Eastern traditions have long said, "the belly is the brain of the body." Look here to sense the "truth" of one's experience...not in the "mind" trying to "logically figure it out." Benjamin Disraeli said, "Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth.”

[David Zinger]

Wow Steve:

Original text messages of the heart and soul...well said. Emotions without the e are motions...if for no other reason than that we need to pay attention. I do so much teaching and often ask a group of 20 to go around and just say how they are. It is incredible to see what a challenge it is for many people to figure out how they feel.

This is not touchy-feely stuff...when we lose touch with how we feel we lose touch with a big part of being human.

David

[dawnajones]

Great overview Steve. The geek in me feels inspired to toss some science into the discussion. The vibration that kids feel and adults forget about is also known as an electromagnetic field which emanates from the whole body but the heart's is about 5 X stronger than the brains. Secondly, the limbic processor handles data far faster than the mind...like 80,000 times faster, so when someone says ignore emotion they are ignoring their innate wiring. Finally, emotional IQ and, more importantly, a persistent dedication to personal growth
over time clears the energetic field. When you are emotionally aware and have cleared your emotional harddrive you have far greater access to your emotional sensitivity. That is one of what I call energetic competencies that accesses intuition. Thanks for tackling this one head on. We are whole beings and in order to take our whole selves to work must embrace all the talents we have.

[Steve Roesler]

Jim,

Thanks for adding the medical research to the mix. It underscores the contribution of emotions in a way that could help those from the "everything is rational" camp.

Well-stated and much-appreciated.

[Steve Roesler]

Peter,

I started to reply to your comment in one way and then this came to mind:

a. It is observably true that expressed emotions are not welcome in many corners of life, certainly organizational life.

b. Reliable research sources, including ones you've cited, show the true nature, usefulness, and importance of emotions when it comes to overall health and decision-making.

c. The research says there is a relationship between past trauma and current inability or unwillingness to fully experience emotions in a healthy way.

My question to the doctor: Would it be reasonable to think that when one encounters a boss or colleague who insists on the "rational" and overtly belittles the "emotional", we are dealing with someone who may have more "unresolved issues" than the average person? If so, wouldn't that offer a cue that perhaps this won't be the healthiest department to work in over the long run?

[Steve Roesler]

David,

I was visualizing your "How are you?" opening activity and thinking about similar experiences. It occurred to me that that question frequently leads to responses that describe what people have been doing, accomplishing, and thinking about; not how they are doing.

There are no doubt numerous reasons for that, not the least of which is that "How are you doing?" has become a throwaway greeting line where it is understood that the honest, complete answer isn't really desired. It's nothing more than a longer "Hello."

[Steve Roesler]

Dawna,

Your encouragement on this topic is appreciated. Whenever I sit down to write something that ties together "emotions" and "workplace" I'm always prepared for everything from agreement to anger.

As for the growth element: No one would plant a garden and ignore the water and weeding. It's fascinating how humans can often ignore their own care and feeding, eh?

[peter vajda]

Hi, Steve,

you ask, "Would it be reasonable to think that when one encounters a boss or colleague who insists on the "rational" and overtly belittles the "emotional", we are dealing with someone who may have more "unresolved issues" than the average person?

Not knowing the "average person", my take is that if one is quite "verbal" or "out there" about not expressing emotions as you suggest, yes, they have a "reason" (excuse?) for being so and it's most often based on their past dealings with emotions (theirs and others) growing up. So their inner fears or discomforts around expressing or expressed emotions are leaking out and one way they deal with this is to remove themselves from their own and others' displays of emotion. (and BTW, everyone has unresolved issues, everyone, especially those in denial)

You continue: "If so, wouldn't that offer a cue that perhaps this won't be the healthiest department to work in over the long run?"?

It depends. There are folks who are "rational" and there are folks who are "rational". One type is low-key and just matter-of-fact rational who focuses on facts, logic and the like. With them, a consistent and level tone (verbal and non-verbal), humor, and questions help "break the ice" sometimes and emotions can surface. Conversations out of the office, off-line, can also be a help. Often, in such cases, when one creates a container of safety, the "non-emotional" person might feel safe enough to begin to open up, disclose their human feelings, or allow others to do so, etc. Safety and trust are the component elements.

There are those who are more extreme in their "rationality" and who are in fact "emotional" about their "rationality" but who under the influences of the chemicals that seep out in their manic state say they are "being rational" when that's the farthest from the truth. We all know folks who get really exercised when angry, for example, and think they are being "rational" in their state of upset. "Rational", they aren't.

So, it depends. On the other hand, with these folks, if I need to express my emotions (not to an extreme), I will make an attempt. It's important to remember the distinction between "having" an emotion and "be-ing" the emotion.
I think that's the difference. Some folks are OK with someone who says, "I'm sad about that." Or, "I'm really angry this took place." What they fear is that someone will act out their sadness (cry) or their anger (raise their voice) and this possibility scares them...they don't know how to handle it, or respond to it and so fearing folks' acting out their emotions, prefer "no emotions, just be rational."

Over the long term, one will have to just play it by ear and perhaps over time, folks change....depending on how one expresses their emotions and how one chooses to deal with the person who is 100% "rational".

Finally, if I am one who needs to express ("be", in addition to "have") my emotions all the time, indiscriminately because that's "who I am" perhaps that's something I need to explore about myself.

Does this help?

[Steve Roesler]

Very clear and understandable explanation, Peter. I suppose I was referring to "Rational Person #2."

As I slowly read your comment it became obvious--once again--that one's breadth and depth of awareness become the key to managing life in a healthy way.

I want to ponder this a bit more for a future post, as people are becoming more highly stressed--and "emotional"--in light of current business and financial conditions.

With thanks. . .