Your Mother Was Right Because She Said So

Visualize this: If you read this article you will be a more effective HR pro, management coach, and communicator. All because of two very important words and why those words are so powerful.

Both words can be found in the first sentence. Did you identify them?

If not, keep reading, because the answer will unfold below.

The Most Important Word: “You”

Did you find the opening sentence engaging? If so, why?

Better yet, who was the first sentence focused on?

Consider this:

HR is seen as a service organization. Forget that the general population may not understand the number-crunching and agonizing decisions related to comp, benefits, and headcount. They only know that you either have--or haven't--done something for them.

You benefit when the rest of the organization knows how you've benefited the general population and long-term well being --even when the decisions and actions are difficult ones. Truth be told, much of HR's time is spent explaining. Think about it.

When it comes to the spoken word, “you” is the most powerful one in the English language. Why? Because people are ultimately interested in fulfilling their own needs.

The same substantive content will be more effective with the focus shifted toward the reader. One of the easiest ways to do that is to maximize the use of “you”, while minimizing or eliminating “I” and “me”.

Every time you enter a discussion, coaching session, or presentation, check your focus. How many times does you and its derivations appear? What about I, me, "the company?"

Adjust accordingly. I know it sounds simple; the results will be profound.

“Because”

One of the most important characteristics of influential conversation  is specificity. The more specific you are, the more credible your position.

There are many ways to be specific. One of the best is simply giving a reason why. And the most effective transition word when giving a reason why is because.

The power of because has been documented by Ellen Langer and related by influence researcher and expert Robert Cialdini. Social psychologist Langer conducted an experiment where she asked to move ahead in a queue to use a copy machine.

She tested three different ways of asking, and noted the results:

Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine?

60% said Yes.

Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I’m in a rush?

94% said Yes.

It appears that giving the “reason why” of because I’m in a rush boosted the effectiveness of the request immensely.

But here’s the biggie:

Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I have to make some copies?

93% said Yes.

The triggering word “because” is so powerful that it didn’t seem to matter that the “reason why” was no different than the reason others were in line.

Be specific with your assertions and always offer a reason why: especially when you want people to take action.

Bonus suggestion: Share this with your internal clients because you want them to bump up their game, too.

Comments

[Frode H]

Hi Steve. This was interesting.
I have been coaching a lot today, and "you" was very frequently used. "Because" will be more interesting to bring into a coaching session. I do believe I explain "why" very well, and I feel they understand what is going on, but I will be more aware of "because" to motivate for action. Thank you for pointing out some small but important details. You have a great blog because of that. :)

[Steve Roesler]

Hi, Frode,

Good to see you and I'm pleased that you found this practical and useful. That's what we're trying to do here!

Good luck!

[Mile High Pixie]

Brilliant, sir. I coteach a communication class for women, and my colleague (an educational psychologist) has mentioned the study you described above. Having any reason for your requests or assertions can help, but I might add that the reason you give while convincing someone to do something or agree with you should be somewhat related to how it helps the other person. We recently lost a job because we talked so much about us and not about the client ("you") during the interview. Lesson learned.

[Steve Roesler]

MHP,

Aww, shucks (shuffling feet and staring at the ground).

You are one passionate learner because you always use the info or relate it to a situation right away. I hope your boss is squirreling away some big bucks for the much-deserved bonus.

Your example is an unbelievably common one. I'll bet your corporate brochure waxes poetic about qualifications, past accomplishments, and all-things-wonderful regarding the firm. What would happen if the opening line read: "Design is all about you because your ________ has to reflect your taste, your budget, and your comfort." (You get the idea).

I remember a workshop that I did years ago for a pharmaceutical marketing firm using that proven approach. It caused an uproar about what was "professional" and what wasn't. That really was not the issue. The issue was tradition. They confused professional with traditional.

OK, I'm getting off of the soapbox. Influence strategies based on sound principles and integrity are the most important skills one can learn and use for professional and corporate growth.

[Gretchen Anthony]

Steve, interesting post. When in the midst of trying to get complex thoughts out of our heads we forget even the most basic of things, I guess. Thanks for the reminders.

[Steve Roesler]

Gretchen,

No doubt your experiences in your consulting practice has shown that, at least in the corporate world, complex "analysis" is more valued than concise "synthesis".

That's a dynamic that gets in the way of specificity and simplicity.

Thanks for stopping by...

[Lynn M]

I'm looking forward to trying out "because." Thanks for the interesting article. Maybe it's why we totally bought into the Wizard of Oz, eh? They were off to see the wizard...because, because, because, because, BECAUSE!!!! Because of the wonderful things he does! :)

[Steve Roesler]

Lynn,

You have prompted a vivid flashback because of the Wizard reference.

Our daughter's childhood obsession was with the Wizard of Oz. I'm guessing we watched it 2-3 times/day for 3 years, culminating in the three of us dressed as the Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, and Scarecrow for Halloween.

"If I, were the King, of the For-esssttt!..."

Thanks for the memories. Whoops. That was Bob Hope.

[Lynn M]

My pleasure, Steve! There's no place like home.