When Silence Can Be Golden At Work

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Mary Jo Asmus joins us as guest author today. She is Founder and President of Aspire Collaborative Services where she partners with Senior Leaders, "High Potentials", and their teams to support them in achieving their goals in leadership excellence. Mary Jo has been a frequent part of the discussions here at ATW and generously agreed to add a different take on Silence Is Not Golden Unless. . .

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Trusting relationships that are formed through good communication are the foundation for leadership. 

When we think of what good communication means to us, we usually think of the words that are spoken.  Good communication entails so much more than words……including silence. “Not talking” can be a vital part of effective communication and great leadership.

The business world rewards us for our knowledge and for having the answers.  For most people, especially those in leadership positions, having a point of view and letting others know about it is a behavior that is encouraged.  Yet, holding back on our opinions and allowing silence to unfold in a conversation is an important way of engaging others, and assuring that all opinions that are important to making decisions are heard. 

Two Types of Energy

Carl Jung described a framework for the way we orient to the world that has great implications for effective communication and the power of silence.  This framework includes a “preference pair” that describes distinct and very different ways of communicating: extraversion and introversion. 

Extraverts seem to dominate leadership in our organizations and communities. They tend to be fast paced, sociable and energized by moving forward and taking action.  Extraverted leaders prefer to talk (rather than listen) – it’s how they think. Simply by talking, their brains engage, producing a sensation of forward momentum and progress.  In the extravert’s mind, this is how decisions are made, if only by them. 

Introverts are a calmer lot, more energized by thoughts and ideas in their inner world than by interacting in the external world. They require time and reflection to do their best thinking.  When given the chance, introverts will respond carefully and thoughtfully, generally waiting for a pause in conversation before speaking. 

How To Improve Communication

The good news for extraverts is that introverts are usually very good listeners. The bad news is, if they aren’t careful, extraverted leaders may never get to hear the wonderfully thought-out ideas that an introvert can convey. As long as an extravert wants to talk, the introvert is usually happy to listen. So how do you encourage an introvert to speak up? As luck would have it, introverts are usually quite comfortable with silence.

If an extraverted leader isn’t aware and intentional in their communication style, they can verbally run over introverts, never giving them the opportunity to express their best thinking. When this happens, some great ideas can lost to the introvert’s inner world.  “Not talking” can be a powerful tool for encouraging introverts to speak up.

Allowing silence in a conversation can require great discipline. Our world is noisy, and the temptation to jump into the silent spaces by wagging our tongues can be overwhelming. With practice and intention, leaders can learn to hold back. Conversation isn’t a competition (he who speaks first doesn’t win) and you’ll notice that if you hold off in a conversation with an introvert, they will (eventually) speak – and more often than not, with great wisdom.

Take notice of those who aren’t speaking up. Allow silence into the conversation by “not talking”. As long as you have good, trusting relationships with the people around you, you should expect to receive input that will help you to engage others and get their best thinking on that project, problem or opportunity. The wisdom you receive in return can be worth its weight in gold.

Copyright 2009 Aspire Collaborative Services LLC

Comments

[Hayli @ Rise Smart]

There's a great scene that makes a similar point in Hank Azaria's movie, Tuesdays With Morrie, when he reunites with the professor after several decades apart. Allowing silence is a very difficult concept, but it does seem our lives would be richer for it, just like the character in the movie.

[Lynn M]

This is a great post and it points out that we don't often give consideration to communication styles that are different from our own. Silence is a very useful tool and while it gives other people opportunity, it can benefit you as the listener with information that you would have otherwise never received. Silence can help introverts have space and time to talk, but most people are quite uncomfortable with silence (including, perhaps especially, extroverts). Most people will just talk to fill the void -- you never know what unexpected gems can come out of a silent pause! That's why the best salespeople are good listeners.

[Lisa Gates]

Mary (and Steve) thank you for this. Doing a little strengths-based work recently in a workshop, I had a realization that my love of collaboration was not so much borne out of a desire for connection, but to extrapolate and execute on ideas. My take away was that I could do more shutting up. Thanks for being another compass point on this journey.

[Dan Erwin]

This is a needful post. I've also found that a well-formatted, thoughtful question, supported by silence, will usually smoke out an introvert's ideas. When working with teams, an informal sociogram on the amount of "air-time" each member takes will help you identify introverts that can be invited to contribute.

[Steve Roesler]

Hayli, I've been looking for something new to check out at the video store. Thanks.

[Steve Roesler]

Lynn,

I'm glad you tossed in the line about sales. When I was a regional sales manager, I spent more time getting the reps to be quiet than spouting off product knowledge. There's nothing that gives a sales manager a sinking feeling quite like watching an associate talk right past the sale.

[Steve Roesler]

Lisa, glad to know this had meaning for you and your practice.

[Steve Roesler]

Dan,

I hope that our readers take to heart your mention of the sociogram. It can be unbelievably useful and will generate more than a few "Ahas" that can be turned into operating differently as a group.

[Janice Bera]

That’s excellent, thanks for that!

By the way if you’re looking for a new job i recommend http://www.pure-jobs.com, all you have to do is upload you CV/Resume, and let employers find you good luck.