Fear of Success and Lasting Change: Part 1

Apparently fear of failure takes a back seat to fear of success in the search engines. After two years, I'm still getting regular traffic to an article I wrote in July, 2007 titled Fear of Success vs. Fear of Failure. When I say 'regular' traffic I mean every day. Really.

Getting what you really want in  your career and your life requires lasting change and a sustained vision of the future. This picture serves not just as an ongoing source of motivation to get there, it helps you identify and move through the obstacles that have held you back up to this point.

We Get The Failure Thing...But Fear of Success?

However, that vision quickly conjures up obstacles that include fear of failure and doubts about your own worthiness for success. If you're like most people, that also involves fear of actually achieving the very things you want.

Fear of success is a very unique issue that arises when you are genuinely creating change and moving forward in your life. The reason 'fear of success' is real is because the future is real and what we imagine for our future has an enormous influence on us.

The Problem?

We're pretty clueless how to deal with fear of success because it's in the future and, heck, how do we concretely live and deal in the future? If you think about your business you can see just how steeped western culture is in fixing the past. (How much time does your team spend fixing things instead of creating opportunity?) It's almost as if we drive through life focused on the rear-view mirror.

Creating and sustaining success involves some very personal "work." Fact is, the more you leave the task undone, the more your fears will control you. And the longer you put off taking small actions now, the bigger the dilemma becomes.

What Gets In The Way?

One of the real fears about making a personal change is that success will lead to loneliness. We know what our lives are like now and we have a sense that how we live has brought us friendships and love. In their most honest moments, many people have admitted that they fear success because they are afraid that being bold enough to create the life they want will make them different and, therefore,  unlovable.

Some fears are very real. When you change, the relationships around you will be forced to change. Some friends will encourage and applaud you while others are so grounded in jealousy they'll find ways to belittle you for moving forward. (You'll find out who your friends really are).

Here's what more than one of my psychologist friends has shared: "The deepest fear is that when we step up and succeed, we have to face the fact that we've always had the power to change and we could have changed a year or five years ago." Change comes from choices and we have always had that ability to choose.

But that's not all...

Whether you are reading this at work or on the beach, there are changes you want to make. So we won't leave you hanging with the problem. Stop back tomorrow for Part II when we look at the specific questions you can ask yourself to get the kind of forward motion you want in your career and your life.

Comments

[Jackie Cameron]

What a fascinating topic Steve. I think here in the UK we might be even more afraid of success than in the rest of the world. I don't know this for sure of course but we do have a tendency to play success down so - I am looking forward to the next post....

[Becky Robinson]

Steve,
I am new to your blog so I never saw the first post. Thank you for returning to this topic. The idea that we fear success because it shows that we have the power to change resonates deeply with me. I also agree that we fear the unknowns of the future; we fear that success will bring other changes to our lives, not all pleasant.

[Rodney Johnson]

Steve, great post. As I've looked at my career and followed some others, the concept of "reinventing oneself" certainly appears to track with your fear of success theme. Personally, I do the reinvent theme every 7 years or so. And I can emphatically state, each time I exited one stage and walked onto a different one scared, and at the same time, extremely excited. Yes at times, we have nothing to fear but fear itself.

[Lisa Gates]

Steve, wonderful post. It's interesting to see how we meet change and fear--usually by avoidance. One of my pet processes is to lean into the fear and spend a little time with it, see what it points to. Inside that place we can find our next right action.

To borrow from Byron Katie, what if we ask, "Who would you be without that thought?"

[Steve Roesler]

Jackie,

Don't know if I have mentioned this before, but I have lived and worked in the UK and continue to speak and consult there. My experience is that the word "success" is viewed as a bit of overstatement in a traditionally understated culture.

[Steve Roesler]

Rebecca,

Welcome.

Isn't it fascinating how we long for a wonderful future, yet fear what might come with it?

[Steve Roesler]

Rodney,

Well, that line worked well for FDR, probably because it is an accurate reflection of truth.

Your "every 7 years" journey tracks with research that indicates one's body chemistry changes every 7 years.

Have you ever thought about that one?

Thanks for weighing in again...

[Steve Roesler]

Lisa,

"Leaning into the fear" is not a phrase I've heard before. Thanks.

It makes a great deal of sense, sense the longer we spend with some thing or some one, the more knowledgeable we become about the truth.