Fear of Success and Lasting Change: Part 2

When you think about the common factor in every roadblock in your life, here's what you discover: you were there when it took place.

My experience has been that people do realize this and are then faced with a choice:

a. to stay mired in self-defeating "See, I'm not really any good" thinking; or,

b. to commit the same act of forgiveness for themselves that they give to others. 

"Forgiveness" isn't a term you hear very often in business articles. But business is conducted by people--people like you and me who are very human and who are subject to the immutable laws of nature regardless of title or position.

Closure Is Really An Opening

When you consciously forgive yourself it leads to a sense of completion. This lets you move ahead and not feel compelled to repeat self-defeating acts over and over again.

But you need to understand why you held onto these for so long. There are (often insidious) payoffs for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory and failing to change.

Here are some some foundational questions that can help you understand what you are really holding on to:

• What am I afraid of losing if I succeed?

• Who do I think I'm punishing by doing this?

• What emotion am I not willing to release? (For many it's anger).

• What guarantee am I holding out for?

• By doing/not doing this, what do I get to avoid?

• How does this make me seem better or less than ____________(name of person)?

•Am I using self-pity to manipulate someone or some situation?

The big question: What do I hope to get out of pretending to be powerless to change?

Once you do the work you already know you need to do: pinpoint your fears and understand why you he hold onto them--you can commit the act of forgiving yourself and move ahead.

Bonus: A big part of your situation is that you are trying to "go it alone." Sit down with a trusted friend or associate and tell them what's going on. The like-minded experiences they share will not only amaze you; you'll discover that you are a member of a very large club.

Membership has its rewards.

Comments

[Mary Jo Asmus]

Steve,

Thanks for starting a dialog about the stuff we avoid talking about in the workplace.

I can think of at least two emotions that mask fear in the workplace: anger and hatred. Yet, when asked behind closed doors "What is the emotion behind your anger (or hatred)?" - Ninety percent will admit to fear. Now, fear is something we can deal with - its personal, and human, and it can be explored.

Unfortunately, as horrible as their consequences can be, anger and hatred are often more acceptable to express and admit to in the workplace.

Someday - words like "fear", "foregiveness" and just maybe -"love" will be acceptable words to use at work. And our workplaces will be all the better for acknowledging these aspects of humanity in our organizations.

[Steve Roesler]

Mary Jo,

Since we have both worked in large corporations, it's pretty safe to say that "fear" isn't a popular word and is considered to imply weakness rather than a sense of simple humanity.

In those places where this is true, it would be safe to say that the work environment may be something less than "real". In a time when people are seeking "real" experiences, this could prove self-defeating for those organizations.