Change, Transitions, and You

"Things do not change; we change." Henry David Thoreau

You've read the self-help books and sites that talk about the "comfort zone" and how you need to step out of it. Like much advice, it's a bit too simplistic. It's a one-liner that doesn't account for personal style and disposition.

My real issue is with the sweeping statement that "change" requires a lot of effort and mental energy.

It All Depends: What's Your Preference?

When you boil it down psychologically, there are two types of people:  those who score high on Openness and those who score low on Openness in the Big Five Personality Measures. Those who score low generally seek and love routine. They go to bed at 10:00, wake up at 6:30,  do grocery shopping on Fridays and balance the checkbook on Sunday.

Just as some could never imagine moving from  their hometown or giving up a steady job, others can't function that way. They are naturally curious, seek out new experiences, prefer complexity, and  "step out of their comfort zone" frequently. They don't need tips on how to expand their comfort zone. It's fun. What they often need is focus.

Regardless of which group you fall into, expanding your comfort zone just for the sake of expanding your comfort zone is a waste of time. If you catch yourself in the "I must change" zone, ask yourself:

• What am I trying to accomplish?

• How will I know if I've succeeded?

Do Something

Think about what you really want and what you need to do to get it. The start doing things that are related to it. If you are a "list" person, make a list. If not, just start doing. Some things will be easier to accomplish than others, but that's the point. It takes all of us some period of time to get over the mental barrier of expanding boundaries. If they are emotional, it may be a little longer.

It all gets easier eventually. The difference is that some people cross that bridge in 30 seconds and others hit a brick wall that seems eternal.

When I wrote my first blog post I waited three hours to press the "publish" button. Now it's what I do almost every day and I miss it when I don't.

Whatever you want to do, it will involve--by definition--change. Regardless of which category you fall into, do something.

It's called "living."

Comments

[Mary Jo Asmus]

Good Monday Morning Steve,

I believe you've described what some need to begin the process of transition to change. Taking action is such a wonderful thing, and having some success at that action, no matter how small, is freeing and empowering.

One of the most important things for many is to have some accountability to take some action. A mentor, manager, or external coach that they trust can make all the difference in the world. Clients often tell me that they've considered a particular change for years - it rolls around in their heads, but never gets acted upon. Having some accountability seems magic for many to "begin doing".

Thanks for another thoughtful post. And lucky for us that it no longer takes you three hours to push the "post" button.

[Keith Bossey]

Wonderful post for a Monday Steve. Key points for me:

What am I trying to accomplish?

How will I know if I've succeeded?

I tend to lean towards being "too open" to change and benefit from focus. I think many change agents are similar. A regular reminder to stay on path is welcome.

[Steve Roesler]

Mary Jo,

The idea of some kind of accountability partner makes all the sense--and as you say, all the difference--in the world.

Believe it or not, one of the reasons I blog is to hold myself accountable for getting the thoughts in my head down in writing. Many of them show up in workshops and speeches.

If I don't do what I'm supposed to, there's no post:-)

Was wondering: Is the coaching business so prolific because managers themselves are no longer having the management discussions they once had? Although coaches aren't and shouldn't be "managers", perhaps in a special way they are serving an accountability function.

[Steve Roesler]

Hey, Keith,

Thanks for stopping by and adding to the conversation.

Apparently we are very similar. Change isn't my problem; maintaining focused change is the ongoing challenge.

Those two questions are what I have posted on my computer monitor to (hopefully) keep things in check.

[peter vajda]

Hi Steve,

Some thoughts:

You write, "those who score high on Openness and those who score low on Openness in the Big Five Personality Measures." The major problem with assessments is that they're like trying to measure the depth of the ocean with a ruler. "Gee, all the assessments say s/he or you should do/be/have…" and yet so often the opposite or something close to it is the reality.

The two questions you suggest are apt. However, there is a third that, in my work and experience, is more paramount. "What are the obstacles (mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, etc.) that are standing in the way (the "leverage your strengths" and "positive psychology" type schools of thought notwithstanding).

Again, for me, so many folks are caught up in, often unconscious, competing commitments, that they seldom effect change. For them often there's something deeper operating - a blind spot, a repressed fear, belief, premise, misperception, assumption, etc., that keep them from forwarding the action of their life and they often engage in self-sabotaging habits, patterns and actions that augur against change. Many of these folks are those who spend the first half of their life explaining what they're going to do and the second half explaining why they couldn't do it.

In my experience, 99 of the learning about one's self, i.e., self-awareness and insight, in the change process comes with honestly, sincerely and self-responsibly identifying and dealing with the obstacles that stand in the way of change and these obstacles are 100% about "me", not "him, her, it or them." That's why change is so difficult for so many. Knowing thyself is just too scary.

The idea of change, the lofty ideals of change, are as small as the tiny brain molecules that contain them…until one takes action.

Change is a whole-person amalgam…that needs the cooperation of the mind, body and spirit. If change were all about "just doing it" and will power then 100% of those who make New Year's resolutions would be successful and we know that 98% have failed by Valentine's Day. Those I work with who have a history of failed attempts at change have little or no Chi energy flowing in their bodies; their subtle energy is blocked. Their life force is stunted. They are very much out of touch with their bodies. Even those who go to the gym and are in good "shape" – are not in good (emotional, mental or psychological) health. Their emotional bodies are stuck or for them "non-existent." The "mind" alone is not sufficient effect lasting change or transformation. Old habits and patterns die hard.

Contrary to popular "wisdom," our lives really begin to change when we learn to shift our perspective on ‘problems.’ From the spiritual perspective, problems offer our best path to growth. Like it or not, pain gets our attention. Pain also challenges the ego's perception that it is in complete control of life. This opens the door for soul’s guidance. If we want to be rid of the pain, we must do the work that leads us to greater consciousness. Paradoxically, we can only get rid of the pain by moving through it, not over, around or under it.

Just as the seed must struggle through its hard shell in which it is wrapped to blossom, and the caterpillar must struggle to move through its cocoon to morph into a beautiful butterfly, so must we mortals move through the pain to come out the other side – why so few are really able or willing go change.

The key word in your bog's title, " transition" – the passage from one state or stage to another; movement, development or evolution from one form, stage or style to another - is the operative word.
Many want to change but, in fact, they don't want to, or fear to, be different. That's the paradox and the reason for the high degree of recidivism when it comes to change.

Stepping out of one's comfort zone is a huge challenge. It takes strength, courage, steadfastness, will, discipline, self-love and compassion and a conscious focus on the body and spirit as well as intentionality, the mind.

I like your graphic, Steve. It says a lot. Which path, and why and why not? What are the roadblocks, the bumps and the hurdles and am I willing to confront them or not, and why? What support do I need along the way? What is my history around change and failed attempts at change? What are my blind spots? Do I really even want to change? What are my fears and concerns and why? Will I hold my self accountable fore what I say I'm going to do/be/have?

Good stuff, Steve, and thanks for this post today.

[Mary Jo Asmus]

Steve,

Of course I can't resist responding to your question about coaching!

Someday (if I can find someone to hold me accountable :>) I'll survey past clients to ask them what they got out of the work we did together. Was it accountability? New and creative thinking? Behavior change? Although clients may come into a coaching engagement expecting to get one thing, I suspect that the reality is that they leave with something else. And the reasons that coaching has proliferated in the business world are as varied as the leaders themselves.

I also believe that a segment of leaders who contract with coaches are there for the conversations they wouldn't normally have. Particularly those at the top of the organization - it is lonely - and who else besides an outside party who is paid to tell you like it is - can you expect honesty from? The board of directors isn't a good place to go. The team and peers may have some vested interest. Friends avoid this kind of conversation (especially in the Midwest). A good coach is willing to get fired to say what needs to be said to a client.

Gosh - I know I haven't exhausted the reasons why I think this profession has expanded. I could go on forever, and coaching wasn't even the main topic of your post. That'll teach you to ask me a question like that!

Recent blog post: Is Kindness a Leadership Competency?

[Steve Roesler]

Peter,

There's a lot going on here, eh?

Let's start with the "assessments" thing. I've found no other way to get people to listen without acknowledging a known and trusted source for measuring or categorizing behaviors and inclinations. To simply say what we all know from experience: "Some of us are this way, some that way" usually prompts a "How do you know?" ('Duh' is apparently not an acceptable, professional response).

"What's getting in your way?" is one of those probing questions we probably don't ask ourselves until we fail to see the results. Even then, don't we humans often go back and 'try harder' in ways that already aren't producing the desired ends?!

I'm glad you picked up and acknowledged the "transition" term. Really, once we exist, I don't think that we "change" until we've gone through the passages that you note. I've often thought that, when I hear "change", I'm going to have to 'slug it out.' But when reflecting upon transitions, there's a sense of smoothness that seems to make the journey--whether at work or elsewhere--a lot more appealing.

Pleased that the post tweaked your thinking, Peter, and thank you for adding so much for the readers.

[Steve Roesler]

Mary Jo,

That's exactly the beauty of blogging.

If one idea can lead to an expanded conversation that makes sense and offers new insights, how much better can it get?

Keep writing. . .

[agammy]

I definitely agree there are people who are more open to change, and people who are less open to change, but I don't think it is as black and white as open/not open. You mentioned the 5 Factors - I myself am an avid user of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator - the MBTI acknowledges that different types of people respond differently to change, but suggests that how the change is presented/enacted is what contributes to the success of the team. Basically, anyone can be open to change, or anyone can be good at change, or enjoy change, but it really depends on the situation the change is presented in. Some people are ok with change as long as there are logical reasons given for the change, others want to make sure the change is aligned with personal values. In my own life, I LOVE change, but only when I am instigating it, and when it comes as a solution to a problem I am dealing with. I think the most important thing when instigating change is to make sure some of these conflicting needs are addressed within the organization.

[Steve Roesler]

agammy:

I like your points about the situational nature of change as well as the MBTI work regarding logical/values-based reasons.

The Big 5 is always a fairly safe place to start. My experience has been that those instruments are not at all inconsistent with what is sorted out via the MBTI. While I don't like rash statements made by many MBTI practitioners, the work that M-B did, along with Temperaments, will pretty much have confirmed by participants that "SJs" start the process from Misssori (Show Me!) and NPs are already bored by the end of the explanation:-) So the issue becomes, as you note: How best to introduce it given the range of people in your audience?

Very wise and practical.

BTW: At last count I've administered a little more than 3,000 MBTIs and still going. It is a most useful tool when one is willing to genuinely take time explaining and exploring the depth of the dynamics and interactions between the scales.

Appreciate the well-presented approach...keep writing!