Choices, Expectations, and Happines

Unmet expectations and the Chicken Little Effect

Isn't that what really lies underneath many of the alleged workplace "issues?"

Not unlike newspapers and TV, actual online headlines scream out:

"Businesses Must Close the Disengagement Gap"

"Six Fatal Flaws of Employee Compensation Programs"

"Managers Fail to Live Up to Expectations"

Each of these implies that there is some "way of being" that has been denied. That there is a huge chasm between "What is" and "What Should Be." That you and I are somehow being short-changed and we shouldn't put up with it any longer.

Closer examination will show that many of those headlines are generated on sites and blogs written by businesses that provide services in Employee Engagement, Compensation, and Management Training.

I'm all for improving one's condition in life. To do so, we have to have an accurate assessment of What Is Actually Possible, What Is Actually Probable, and What We're Willing To Do in all of this.

So I think an important question is:

Who Are We Allowing to Influence Our Expectations?

Rowan Manahan brings a wealth of experience to the world of career management. He sees--and has seen--a lot. A while back Rowan was interviewed by Ireland's Evening Herald about career expectations.

He noted that some parents, in a misguided quest to "build self-esteem," actually produce a houseful of "Little Emperors." Then, he sees this at college graduation/employment time:

Graduates, Manahan says, have hopelessly unrealistic expectations of what any job will entail. “They think the world is a simple meritocracy, and they believe that their talent will out,” he says. “They think teams are collaborative and co-operative. They are convinced that they will have it all. Work comes as a huge culture shock.

So now we've got two undeniably powerful influences on expectations: Parents and Media. If either or both of those is inaccurate--regardless of the generation--it's understandable how any individual or group expectation can become skewed.

What Do You Expect and Why?

This is a reasonable and potentially life-changing question that can lead you to a genuine breakthrough, especially if you are feeling inexplicably discontented.

It took me nearly a lifetime to understand this about work:

The overarching concern of profit-making companies is to make a profit. They may genuinely want to be "people-oriented," "socially-conscious," and collaborative. But profits are the corporate equivalent of the blood running through human veins. No blood? Death.

When you and I start bleeding, we don't care (primarily) what the ER folks do as long as they stop it and keep us alive. When corporations start bleeding, they don't care (primarily) about what it takes to sustain life and live another day. That's why some folks are laid off and find themselves hired back 6 months later. Expecting that companies run by humans will behave in an other-than-human way under threat and duress is an unrealistic expectation.

It may feel inhumane; but the stimulus-response is quite human and, therefore, to be expected.

Do this:

If you woke up this morning alive and with the prospect of a full day ahead, you were presented with a canvas on which to paint your life. And, some expectations to go with it.

Did someone else somehow start filling in the space without consulting you first? If so, you'll be completing someone else's painting. Sooner or later you'll become frustrated and may not know why.

Monday is upon us. What a perfect time to reflect and ask, "What do I really expect--and why do I expect it?"

The rest of the week may prove a lot more satisfying as a result.

 

Comments

[peter vajda]

Hi, Steve,

You end with, "The rest of the week may prove a lot more satisfying as a result."

Me: ...or not...depending on

1. "If you woke up this morning alive and with the prospect of a full day ahead, you were presented with a canvas on which to paint your life.

In my experience, many folks consistently and obsessively choose to focus on a corner of the painting and miss seeing the big picture and how the corner fits into that big picture. Mostly because they are caught up in the immediate, e.g., their short-term goal is this week and their long-term goal is, surprise,...next week! Hmmm. Not surprising that so many of their short-sighted decisions and life choices don't either pan out, backfire or are self-sabotaging.

2. Expectations that are either someone else's expectations which they trying to meet or other folks' they are trying to please, or their expectations are just plain unrealistic.

3. Remember the equation: happiness is expectations divided by reality. Wonder why there are so many unhappy folks around? Check out their expectations.

Lacking a true sense of life purpose, clarity about "why I'm on the planet", a clear sense of Core Values, and how these relate to living my life at work, at home and at play often brings one a sense of fear, dread, victimization or...the doom and gloom perspective - the sky is falling...

Conscious, healthy choices can lead to a healthy sense of well-be-ing. Unconscious, knee-jerk, reactive choices, e.g., those precipitated and perpetuated by a fear-mongering media, and by well-meaning but misguided parents often lead to some flavor of catastrophe.

[Wally Bock]

Great post, Steve. In most of life, the way we decide on whether things are good or not is by comparing our expectations to our perceived reality. You can err in either direction on either of those dimensions.

In the Working Supervisor's Support Kit and my writing on what makes a great working environment, I talk about "clear and reasonable expectations." What I don't discuss often enough is that they exist of both sides of a relationship.

Part of a boss's job is to set reasonable expectations for team members and make sure that everyone understands them. But part of the boss's job is also to help team members develop a set of reasonable expectations about the workplace and, sometimes, the entire world of work.

[Rodney Johnson]

Expectations... One could write a book about them, yet they are a cornerstone of our world and how we interface with it. And maybe the most challenging part of them is what I refer to as "Creeping Expectations." This is where what was exceptional yesterday, becomes satisfactory today, and unsatisfactory tomorrow (makes one wonder how the orgs that have "to meet or exceed expectations" in their value statements actually achieve such a daunting task). Consequently, if we don't consistently and persistently reset the expectation mindmap, we will eventually disappoint and be disappointed. This is one of the reasons where individuals that have experienced a tramatic and life-changing moment, often have much lower expectations when looking at the future.

[John DeFlumeri Jr]

We must paint our own canvass, make our own goals, and do it ourselves, I got it!

[Lluc Potrony]

The second culture shock came when you discover that this «overarching concern of profit-making companies to make a profit» is not as universally true as everyone says. I know some people that became quite surprised when they realised that the decision-making was based on personal issues rather than based on profit as they expect it to be. In certains countries it is very difficult to find the campany that doesn't work this way.

[Miki]

Hi Steve, many of our unconscious expectations are learned when we are children and we carry them unwittingly into adulthood.

Those raised singing "I am special, I am special, look at me, look at me..." come to all actions with out-sized expectations, while those raised believing that they have no intristic value expect the world to fall on their head at every turn.

Realistic expectations start with a conscious understanding of yourself; without that none of the rest is likely to happen.

[peter vajda]

I think Miki's comment is on target. And, there are variations on this theme - personality types formed in childhood that we carry into adulthood and play out at work, at home, at play an in our relationships, for example:

The overachiever (Miki's special person) - steeped in shame or emotional loss whose expectations are often over the top.
The persecutor-who has experienced abuse or neglect as a child whose expectations are about succeeding at the expense of others, expecting to control everyone and everything
The victim-who always expects someone to come to their rescue
The Drama queen/king-who expects to be the center of attention-always
The martyr-who expects to always be put in charge of things and be consistently recognized for all s/he does.

There are others; the point being that there are several personality types whose expectations are based on how they were raised.

Finally, there are some who have certain expectations of God, or god, or Source, or Spirit, etc. to make their life complete, happy, fulfilling, whole, etc. These are folks who've been "raised" to believe in an omnipotent entity.....whose expectations are often in mis-alignment with what their soul needs...vascillating between a good God and a punishing God...depending on the day and whether their expectations bear fruit...many of these folks play the "spiritual victim" role but continue on with unrealistic expectations wanting God (AKA God, daddy, their boss, their spouse...) to take care of them.