"Communication" Doesn't Communicate

How many workplace issues are introduced to you as, "We've got a communication problem?"

Communication is a catch-all phrase. It's  generic, socially acceptable, and really just sends the signal that someone wants to start a conversation. But it probably won't end up being about communication.

Psychologists and counselors refer to these kinds of introductory pronouncements as "presenting" problems." They're  a call for help when someone doesn't know what to do or may not even be aware of the real issue.

Unless you know the genuine issue, you can spend a lot of time creating an elegant solution for the wrong problem.

In organizations, communication is the #1  presenting problem.

The next time someone lays a communication issue on you, follow through with:

"That sounds interesting. Help me out. Describe specifically what you see happening and why it's a problem."

You may discover that the Marketing group refused to follow guidelines from Research and ended up slightly misrepresenting a product.

You don't yet know the cause. But you do know the real situation and where to focus your energy.

How many presenting problems can you uncover today?

If you've got a favorite "presenting problem" story, toss it into the mix with a comment below. You may help someone else see how to probe and work on the right thing at the right time.

And if you enjoyed this post, you might also learn from: Use The Right Words At Work

How about When You Know The Words But Don't Understand the Meaning ? Jackie Cameron highlights a new communication challenge prompted by social media.

For those of us who do a lot of coaching and development of presentations, here's a treat from Steve Kayser on how he satisfied the corporate need to have 110 Slides in 5 Minutes. Really.

Comments

[Linda Zdanowicz]

I manage a dental practice and usually feel like I'm on the same page with my boss, the dentist. Until...I have a situation that troubles me, that I want to run by him for feedback. He thinks I want him to solve the problem. It's even worse when I have an issue with something between him and I. I can see the shutters close behind his eyes and I watch him go inside his brain to formulate his "defense." I want to get to a statement of the issue, a discussion of his thoughts and mine, and a solution that works for us. He immediately feels threatened. He is 15 yrs younger than me, but I don't think that's part of it, he is very secure in himself and we have great respect for each other. We really enjoy working together and want to continue for years to come. These episodes are very upsetting for both of us and tend to make life uncomfortable for days. When we finally sit down and have the calm and civilized conversation I'd initially hoped for, we vow to find a better way to handle issues. I hate to say it, but I think it's a guy thing. He hears things that I'm not saying or even thinking. On the other hand, I wonder if I could present these type of issues in a way that would be completely non-threatening. I am more than willing to change my approach and verbiage in an effort to achieve better communication. In every other way, we are completely compatible in our professional relationship, so I want to have it all. I don't want to get side-tracked by conflict, so I would like to work on my part of the problem. He also wants to avoid as much conflict with me as possible so I will pass on any suggestions to him, as well.

[Thomas Waterhouse]

I have a "presenting problem" story to share. When people say they are having a session with me because they are "depressed", I always give this challenge. "Tell me five descriptive words or phrases that will more accurately portray this feeling experience that you are calling 'depression'". I hear words like "sadness", "frustration" and "grieving words" of every variety. "Depression" can be just an "umbrella term, much like "communication". I love your line, "Unless you know the genuine issue, you can spend a lot of time creating an elegant solution for the wrong problem." Wonderful and thought-provoking post. Thanks!

[Wally Bock]

I like this Tom Lehrer quote from years ago: "I think that, if a person can't communicate, the very least he can do is shut up."

[Becky Robinson]

Wally, thanks for the laugh! Thomas, that sounds like a great technique!
So glad I stayed around to read the comments, too!

[Steve Roesler]

Linda,

At the risk of selling out my buds, yeah, it's probably a guy thing. We like to solve problems rather than talk through them, and probably more so when we are hearing a problem from a woman we respect and care for. (Our idea of caring is solving problems whether you want us to solve them or not:-)

Here's a suggestion:

1. Since you have mutual respect, suggest to your boss that you have an idea about problem-solving in the office.

2. Unplug any devices that cut, grind, or do bodily harm.

3. Tell him you were reading an article from a guy who mentioned that guys like to solve problems and that that can actually get in the way of good communications in the office.

4. Then, tell him that you appreciate his desire to solve problems but that that isn't what you really need. Then tell him what you really need.

5. After he doesn't hear what you just said, gently mention that his mind is so quick that it actually runs a bit faster than the conversation at hand. The result: he listens and genuinely wants to help, but frequently misses what you are saying.

6. Reiterate that you don't always bring up an issue to have anything solved, but want to talk "about" it. And that his willingness to simply listen will go a long way to helping you do your job well.

7. Tell him how much you appreciate the mutual respect and his willingness to listen to you.

8. Let me know what happens.

9. Plug the nasty stuff back in the wall socket.

[Steve Roesler]

Thomas,

I appreciate the example using "depression" as the presenting problem. It's fascinating how many words we have available to us to act as a facade for the real issues behind them.

[Steve Roesler]

Wally,

We can always count on your treasure trove of quotes to make things more lively.

And that's darned good advice.

[Linda Zdanowicz]

Great advice! Telling him what I'm hoping to get from him in the conversation before I present my problem or idea will actually put him on equal footing right from the start of the discussion. Totally non-threatening place to be. You're a smart guy!
Thanks, Linda

[Steve Roesler]

Linda,

My mother would have been thrilled to hear you say that:-)

Looking forward to hearing back. . .

[RickSmithAuthor]

Good advice. But what do you do when this communication is all back-channel, behind closed doors. You don't even know its going on, but it is so disruptive. In my company, World 50, I was never able to deal with this effectively. Would love to hear any thoughts.

Rick Smith

[Linda Zdanowicz]

I told my boss about this discussion today and he agreed that it would be great if we could define what is needed before we start talking about an issue. Not every conversation needs to be defined, of course, just the ones that tend to go off and get convoluted. We even agreed to stop a discussion if we feel tense or unclear about where it's going and begin again with a better presentation of what we need to be trying to achieve. He said he's already realizing that not every discussion requires him to come up with a solution, and that makes it easier to listen. For my part, I like that he often has a very different way of looking at things than I do, and often gives me a different, and sometimes better, perspective. So, thanks Steve, your discussion on presentation really helped us find clarity. What is it they say, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Sure fits in this case.
Linda

[Steve Roesler]

Linda,

Thank you for getting back with the follow-up and results of your discussion. It's a treat to know how our conversation here led to "good stuff" on the job. And, your description is written in a way that will be helpful to readers looking to have a similar experience.

Nice going. . .

Steve

[Steve Kayser]

Hey Steve - love that first name - we related? Thanks for mentioning my presentation above "110 Slides in 5 Minutes.. I've since tightened it up. 119 slides in 4 mins. 56 seconds. Not that I actually pay attention to details like that. But the real treat is telling a group of tired, bored, lost in PPT Zombie-land folks you only have 110 slides to show them.

A KODAK moment for me ... a Maalox Momemnt for them.

Once again, thanks for the hyperlink-nod.

Best

Steve Kayser