Conflict: Integrity, Reruns, and Focus

We humans have mastered countless ways to start or extend conflicts, at work and at home. Here are three ways to help keep the air out of those 'conflict balloons:'

 1. Integrity: Don't Question It

We can handle a comment like, "You should have completed that marketing plan on the 15th, as agreed, with the data available at the time." But, we don't want to hear: "You didn't think I was paying attention so you were trying to sneak past the deadline, weren't you?"

The first is descriptive; the second impugns integrity,  is accusatory, and will stir up a tsunami of anger and denial.

2. Reruns are for TV

Watching reruns on TV can be fun and a nostalgic way to kill some time. Not so when you're wrestling with conflict.

Things that happened in the past do have some impact on you now. But this isn't the time to offer them as re-reruns. It will get you worse than nowhere. Sure, you'll feel a sense of smug satisfaction which will then add to the situation.

Memories are fallible; ask any detective. What to do?:

Stay current. Focus on now, not then.

3. Stick to One Issue

Fine, so you've been ticked off since the Y2K thing didn't happen. Don't start barfing up a bag full of wrongs into one conversation; you'll never get to the heart of the issue. Past sins and experiences--even if they're relevant in some way--will only cause more confusion. And, it's next to impossible for the other person to respond to everything in addition to feeling as if they are being arraigned in court.

One conversation. One issue.

________________________________

If this is a topic that hits home right now, I think you'll also be helped by:

• Conflict At Work?
  

• Help For Your Worklife and Your Love Life!

• The Business of Forgiveness

Comments

[@HRMargo]

This is an awesome post. There's a wonderful book, entitled: "The Magic of Conflict." Some of the points you make remind me of this book. When you said, "Integrity, don't question it," I realized how important personal integrity is. It's best to be authentic. Stay focused in the present. Great ideas that will stay with me for some time to come.

Happy Holidays,

@HRMargo Margo Rose http://hrmargo.com

[Steve Roesler]

Margo,

I appreciate the book reference and will have a look (readers: check out Margo's suggestion).

Here's to a wonderful season for you as well.