Three Tips To Help You Negotiate

Negotiations play a large role in our work lives.

We interview for and land a job, buy and sell services, and resolve conflicts. But  even as we do these again and again, they don't seem to become a lot easier. Here are a few thoughts that I hope you'll find useful:

1. Whenever possible, don't use the word "negotiate".

Really. When you think about it, it implies a winner and a loser.

For some it implies a compromise between two people who both walk away somewhat dissatisfied. Words go a long way toward framing the context of a conversation. This isn't an issue of political correctness. It's an issue of creating the best atmosphere for both parties.

So, try using phrases such as "arrive at a workable solution," "come to an agreement," or "work out a plan together." All imply cooperation.

2. Put your "stuff" out there sooner rather than later.

Ok, so you gamesmen gameswomen weasels won't like this and might be thinking, "What a wuss!" That's OK because you're just wrong. I recently watched an executive who was about to be hired lose a $300,000 job (plus benefits, stock options, and bonuses) because she decided to keep tacking on "Oh, and..." items to the employment contract. It didn't work.

Every time you hold back a key point and then plop it down later, the other person is likely to consider your tactics--and you--deceptive. Is that what you think will get you what you want?

Start off by putting your list of issues on the table. Avoid creating doubt about you and your intentions.

3. Focus on the other person first.

Demonstrate that it's about "you two" and not about you. Build trust by asking the other person what their needs and wants are, then listen. Ask questions to be sure you understand. Then, work at figuring out how to help them get what they want. Experience and observation show that this will, more often than not, enable them to help you get what you want.

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I'll bet you've found your own tweaks to the whole "negotiation" thing. Add your favorites in a comment below. When we collect enough for another list I'll make them into a post with, of course, the appropriate attribution.

Comments

[twitter.com/GAStroz]

I still think it's important to keep your "BATNA" in mind (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement), so that you know what your walkaway point is. Of course, this isn't a tip that helps keep the negotiations cordial, but it does help you recognize when the time has come to agree to disagree and at least part ways amicably.

[Gordon R. Clogston]

As a hiring manager with some experience, I wholeheartedly agree that it is best to reveal all your desires, wants, and must haves so that you an work toward a solution that works for all parties. I have had the occasion to ask candidates if we had covered all their needs only to have them come back with something else after I have already cut the offer. That's the point when I normally rescind the offer and suggest that this might not be the best situation for either of us.

In other aspects of our lives, however, the negotiations model is much more complex and sometimes requires a strategy of withholding to a point. I recently read "Negotiation Speak" by Michale Schatzki that I found quite useful. There is no conflict with the points you have so eloquently made in your article, but he does a great job of applying an easy-to-understand negotiations model to more complex situations.

I like your straight-forward approach to the interview process and I believe that we would all be better served through the application of your suggestion.

[LarsenGAmericas]

You provided a valuable perspective. People often approach negotiation process as if it occurs in a vacuum with a definitive beginning and an end. However, it is more advantages to think of it as a stage of relationship with its own dynamic and process. Every negotiation is an opportunity to build a relationship. It shows how someone approaches business relationships, how they think on their feet, problem solving skills and conflict resolution approach.

This may be hard to do but entering into salary negotiation as an enjoyable process and a step towards further advancing business relationships is a more constructive approach. During the process it may feel like a root canal but it can really be enjoyable if the candidate has the right perspective going in.

[Steve Roesler]

Hey, Greg,

Indeed, you gotta know when to fold 'em. I hadn't heard the BATNA acronym before but I like it.

[Steve Roesler]

Hello, Gordon,

I haven't seen that model but will have a look; have used others throughout life and, yes, there are situations that have greater degrees of complexity. My purpose here was to get people of goodwill thinking and acting like people of goodwill in "normal" situations.

Now, if we could just get everyone we have to negotiate with to use the same model as we use. . .

[Steve Roesler]

"Larsen":

I think you actually captured what I was trying to frame in the post. That is, the "perspective" going in will deeply influence the tone of the discussion and the level of goodwill involved.

I've negotiated salary agreements over the years from both sides of the table--union and management--and I have to say, your "root canal" metaphor has me nodding.

Thanks for weighing in.