Communication: Meaning Is In The Response

"We see things not as they are, but as we are."
   --H.M Tomlinson

Meaning is in the Response You Get

We often deal with new ideas, with changing how things are done, with trying to persuade others about our point of view. The longer you've lived, the more you realize the number of obstacles to people automatically accepting and absorbing your information.

Maybe the greatest single stumbling block to real communication is the one-sided nature of speaking.

I know that you already know about this: intellectually. But let's face it:  Most of us concentrate on what to say and how to say it. In our zeal to  get our message across we forget that at the other end of our message is a real, live person with her own zeal, goals, and concerns. These may not coincide with ours, especially at the moment when we are about to start communicating our new ideas.

So, Do This:

1. Openly acknowledge the areas of similarity first.

2. Re-state why you are together and what you hope to accomplish.

3. List the areas of disagreement or fuzziness. Don't discuss them yet, just list them.

4. Identify and work through the items that have the least value or emotional attachment. This creates a quick track record of successes.

5. Get to the tougher ones, with this important element:

Explain why it is important to you.

It's a lot easier to work together when you understand the deeper issues involved. Without this, you aren't really operating at a human level--you are just exchanging information whose underlying realities may be much more sympatico and understandable than the statement given on the surface.

Remember: Meaning is in the response. The deeper, more honest the response, the more chance you have of understanding the truth of each other's reality.

How do you approach these kinds of situations?

_____________________________________

Leadership Carnival Alert! Thanks to Sharlyn Lauby, the Leadership Carnival Anniversary Edition is filled with advice and thoughts you won't want to miss.

Comments

[Sharlyn Lauby]

Great reminder Steve. It's so easy to focus only on our reality when we're trying to make change happen.

And, thanks for the HR Bartender mention. Your contribution to the carnival was terrific (as always!)

[Rhett Laubach]

Insightful, powerful, simple. As always! Thanks, Steve!

[Raj Menon]

Steve, I posted a new post on my site last night about the "communication disconnect" that prevails in project teams.

Would love to hear your take on it?

http://leadership.13apples.com/the-communication-disconnect/

[Kevin W. Grossman]

Right on, Steve. Being in the moment of each interaction and being reciprocally interactive are key to facilitating meaningful communication - whether with an employee, a colleague, a team, a division, a company or any other audience (family and frien