I'm not sure where these originated, but they were emailed to me by an ex-boss. I'm not sure what that means, either.
For those 'special' moments in meetings and cube interactions, here are:
Useful Work Phrases Guaranteed To At Least Make You Feel Better
1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
12. How about never? Is never good for you?
13. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
14. You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication.
15. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
Yeah. You really do want to try one out, eh? :-)
They definitely appeal to the darker (sarcastic) side of me. Love these, thanks for a Friday chuckle Steve.
Posted by: Mary Jo Asmus | October 01, 2010 at 10:58 AM
Steve, now this is the kind of email I wouldn't mind being forwarded to my inbox. Then again, maybe this was your boss' way of finally saying all the things they wished they could have said (just kidding!).
Seriously, though, thanks for the laugh, Steve.
Posted by: twitter.com/TanveerNaseer | October 01, 2010 at 12:10 PM
Mary Jo and Tanveer,
You are two of the most encouraging souls I know. It is a relief to know we have tweaked your darker side:-)
Have a terrific weekend!
Posted by: Steve Roesler | October 01, 2010 at 01:17 PM
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
lol! I'll try that on my co-worker sometime.
Posted by: HR Exhibition | October 04, 2010 at 10:58 AM
Here's another:
A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
Best, cj
Posted by: Connie Mayse | October 04, 2010 at 12:07 PM
If only I had the guts to actually say one of these to somebody at work.
Posted by: CommDiscussion | October 04, 2010 at 01:01 PM
Connie, I think we could expand the list, eh?
Posted by: Steve Roesler | October 04, 2010 at 01:17 PM
NICE! I can think of many more that would be appropriate as well. Unfortunately one can only get away with these in certain types of environments.
Posted by: Gina | October 04, 2010 at 03:43 PM
#15 is my fave! Works for Twitter too!
Posted by: Mike Henry Sr. | November 26, 2010 at 05:56 PM