Choosing Who Will Influence You

Every leader must also follow.

Those who show no accountability to others--in business, non-profits, or government--may hold a position of leadership but won't hold on to it without some version of brute and/or "political" force, overt or covert. (If that kind of leadership appeals to you, you may want to check Craigslist for the "Dictators Wanted" ads).

Be selective about who you allow to influence your thinking, attitudes, decisions, and behavior. What are the values that you hold most dear--the ones you would like others to adopt as a result of being influenced by you?

Take time to think about that question. Then, make sure that the influences on your life mirror the same values.

If you do, your life and your leadership will be reinforced and lifted up. If you don't, you put yourself in a position to be led away from your life's vision. Perhaps even worse, you'll lead others in the wrong direction.

Choose carefully who you will follow.

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Influence and Leadership: Raise the Standard

"Fitting in" is a big deal, and in many organizations it's seen as the way to career longevity.

That's a problem.

People are influenced by those they see as being "ahead of them." If you simply match the rest of the workforce and blend in, your influence is diminished. Eventually, you become invisible.

If you want to lead, be willing to raise your personal standards to exceed the common expectations of your organization or work group. "Raising" equates with "elevating." Once you raise the bar for yourself, you begin to view things from a heightened position that expands your perspective. When that happens, you're able to see and describe a greater vision for those around you.

What can you start doing now to raise your standards and impact your ability to lead?

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For more insight into nearly every aspect of leadership, check out the just-released February Leadership Carnival hosted by Talented Apps' Mark Bennett.

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Influence Through Agreements

There's a misconception about influence that gets people into trouble. It's the idea that influence is a matter of "positional negotiation": one side lays out a case while the other counters with a stronger argument on a different position.

This is actually a kind of competition that most often ends in conflict. The one with the most power wins while the loser walks away filled with resentment.

Start Thinking "Partnership"

Influence has its roots in agreements. In order to genuinely persuade someone to pursue a certain course of action, there needs to be an agreement about what is to be done and by whom. When agreements serve the interests of both parties the chances of success multiply. Why? Because there is increased commitment, and commitment leads to the laying of  the strongest foundation of influence--relationship.

Six Self-Assessment Questions

The best place to start being influential is with yourself. The clearer you are about what's important, the easier it will be to work through an agreement, especially the parts where you need to explain calmly and clearly why you don't want to do certain things. You can start by asking yourself these before entering a situation:

• What do I want to achieve through this partnership?

• What does (s)he want from our relationship and especially from this situation?

• How can I meld these in some way to begin to create a framework for mutual satisfaction?

• What can I give up, if needed, that will not do anything to sacrifice my overall goal?

• What can (s)he offer that may not be obvious?

• What new options or solutions could serve our common purpose?

Finally, when you get together, do these:

• Look for shared interests

• Listen to each others' ideas, synthesize mutual goals 

• Work together and stay in touch to make sure you're both satisfied with how things are going. If not, start talking about what you can do differently to reach your mutual targets.

Which of these do you need to start doing to become more influential in your world?

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Meet Commitments. Build Trust. Say No.

Who do you trust?

Probably those who you determine are reliable. So, those who don't keep their promises quickly lose the trust of their friends and colleagues.

Before you commit to a new project or obligation, be sure you can fulfill it. If you really aren't certain, then say so. It's better to simply disappoint someone now than show up empty-handed on the day of your big promise. If, despite your best effort, you think you'll miss a deadline or milestone, then contact the other person and explain what has happened. We've all been in similar situations and again: disappointment is a lot different than "I can' trust you."

5 Ways To Become Reliable

1. Before you agree to a new obligation, check that you have enough time--then keep your promise. 

2. Say "no" to demands that may stretch you past your capacity. This means being honest with yourself, about yourself, first.

3. Be honest and realistic about the scope of work and related deadlines.

4. Quickly alert people when you know there will be a delay.

Note: Thanks to a comment and reminder from "Lean" afficionado Jamie Flinchbaugh, this isn't a matter of "Oh, I'm going to be late." It may very well be the beginning of a renegotiation of the project. If the boss tells you "that's the date," you'll need to lay out everything else that's on your calendar and re-prioritize together. FYI: I have seen more than one boss say, "You committed to it, I announced it would be done, do it regardless of the other 'stuff'." Which underscores the point: Be thoughtful and careful about your commitments.

5. Meet deadlines and create trust.

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Speaking of reliablity: How about a reliable source for those of you who are thinking about a business start-up?

My online friend and serial entrepreneur, GL Hoffman, has written a small book called Startup: 100 Tips To Get Your Business Going. There are over 100 short paragraph answers in the book, such as:

1.  Should you jump in and save every sales situation?  Number 59.  This answer makes you a leader.

2.  Do you have to know everything that's happening?  Number 39.

3.  What is the one thing that makes people join  your new company? Number 38.

4.  Is having fun at work over-rated?  Number 6.

5.  Why is firing someone at your startup extra hard?  Number 7.

6.  Why do you have to be an energy-creator?  Number 96.

7.  Why you don't want your people to worry like you are worrying.  Number 82.

8.  Why the "new guy" could be doing more harm than good.  Number 66.

9.  Why you shouldn't trust those who say they can help you raise money.  Number 67

10. What is the biggest sign of a culture that is developing badly?  Number 54.

11. Are your customers always right in a startup?  Number 47.
12.  On the priority list for a startup, where does SALES rank?  Number 30.
13.  What one thing can you do to motivate yourself? Number 23.

Darned good deal from a guy who has started and sold a lifetime-worth of companies.

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Influence: Help Competent People Grow Through Questions

Leaders do have to tell people exactly what to do when a person isn't yet competent--and confident--about the task or assignment. (The whole "leader" thing isn't just about high-concept and vision).

But how do you develop managers who are knowledgeable and committed?

You can build increased confidence and deeper understanding by asking questions designed to help them make their own discoveries and decisions. Here are seven questions to get you started as  a "coaching" leader:

 

As you become more comfortable with probing questions, you'll develop your own. In fact, what are some of your favorites now?

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Fistful of Talent names All Things Workplace in Top 25 Talent Management Power Rankings. We're buzzed! The FOT folks are all top-notch themselves and use some serious criteria vs. "popularity" to create the rankings. There are some new blogs at the top of the charts that are good additions to your RSS feed.

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Effective Leaders: Balancing the "Either/Or"

“What would you say is the first key skill of a leader who hopes to balance over-assertive and under-assertive in order to  lead from between their two extremes?”



That was the email question posed by a reader who had seen research by Ames and Flynn.  That pair observed that, according to workers, their leaders managed better when they walked somewhere between the lines of too much and two little assertiveness.

This underscores the situational nature of management and leadership.


What About Over-Assertiveness, Under-Assertiveness and Leadership?



It’s easy to lapse into confusion based upon individual misunderstanding of terminology as well as one’s own “issues.” One person’s “assertiveness” is someone else’s “over-controlling.”  I find that the absence of behavioral jargon can make it a lot easier and more natural to discuss topics whose buzzwords can build tension.



There is a recent history of attempting to carefully delineate behaviors using very specific language. This is, in part, the result of approaching human behavior in a more scientific way. Since behavior is, indeed, quite situational, this approach serves at least three purposes that I can see:



1. It provides a common language that, when used appropriately and above board, highlights nuance and helps one understand how specific actions impact one's effectiveness.



2. It provides specific definition of attributes that can lead to promotion, rewards, or dismissal. Which means that it also makes dismissal more explainable. (Likewise, terminology can become great fodder for one's attorney in the event of a dismissal).



3. It lends a "scientific" aura to common-sense training and development which, while fully understood as desirable by most reasonable managers, can't be bought and paid for without the "proof" that comes from a smathering of statistics and a few 6-syllable words that prove how deeply meaningful those statistics must really be.

The real issue: situational effectiveness.

If I don't know what to do or how to do it, then my boss has to be very directive and explanatory. If my task is something that I've done well a million times, then I want to know what the deadline is and I'll deliver it. Nothing more. If I need something along the way, I want a manager who I can go to for advice or re-direction.

In the first case, the manager manages me closely. In the second, the manager is my consultant.

The reason that Ames and Flynn saw what they did is really rather simple: Since most of us as workers are at least somewhat competent and, hopefully, somewhat mature, any behavior that operates at either extreme will be seen as:



1. Unnecessarily overbearing and somewhat demeaning



2. Unreasonably absent of relationship and connection, and therefore not engaged. Or overly focused on 'relationship and happiness' to the exclusion of completing the task successfully.



Anything in between will be close enough to respectfully  engage one's employees as well as create an atmosphere that invites questions and help, when needed.



So, Then: What is Effective Leadership?



The desire and ability to meet other people where they are and then spend the right amount of time helping them get where they need to go. 



Sometimes it's a long walk together. Other times a brief conversation and a nudge in the right direction.



What does a person need to manage in such an effective way?



1. A high degree of self-awareness regarding one's innate tendencies toward one extreme or the other



2. The desire and ability to manage those tendencies in a way that serves the needs and performance of others



3. The humility to pause regularly and ask "How am I doing?"



4. The decency to listen to the answers.



5. The wisdom to make selfless changes as a result.



That's my take, minus the jargon. 

What's yours?

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Reconcile Your Relational Accounts

Reconcile: 1 a : to restore to friendship or harmony <reconciled the factions> b : settle, resolve <reconcile differences> 2 : to make consistent or congruous <reconcile an ideal with reality. Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary. 2010.

You and I wouldn't think about going through life without reconciling our bank accounts, ensuring that   deposits, withdrawals, and balances are accurate. We know that unreconciled accounts can lead to overdraft charges and painful penalties. So we do our best to sit down, sort through the facts and figures, and when we see an error we do what it takes to reconcile the account. The longer we hold off, the more we risk creating a financial deficit.

 Workplace Reconciliation

The same dynamic holds true for on-the-job accounts: relationships. We talk about the importance of credibility, integrity, influence, and trust. But do we take the time to sit down and reconcile real and perceived wrongs with the people whose trust we need and value?

I'm seeing a couple of workplace phenomena that demand relational reconciliation in order to move ahead free, unencumbered, and "in relationship":

1. The protracted economic situation, along with its uncertainty (we want control) and attendant downsizing, is prompting normally relaxed people at all levels to lose their cool. Things are being said and done "in the moment" that are leading to disciplinary action and strained relations between people who have to work closely together to "get it done." Intervening to stop "it" and take disciplinary action is the right thing to do. However, although it stops the undesirable behavior, it doesn't re-start the relationship in a satisfying way to all those involved.

2. 360 Feedback. The Merriam-Webster definition #2 above mentions reconciling an ideal with a reality. That's what 360 Feedback is all about: surfacing any differences between intentions and actual impact. If you've ever been on the receiving end of a stack of 360 comments that were a total (negative) surprise, it's easy to feel "put upon" and defensive. It's equally easy to want to go on the offensive and even to make a biting remark or two about the results.

What To Do

Both instances demand a follow-up session, albeit a bit different for each.

In example 1, someone did something offensive. That means, when things cool down, it's important for the individual to sit down with any others involved and:

a. Admit the error in judgment and the ensuing behavior

b. Apologize

c. Ask for forgiveness

Those who were impacted need to:

a. Acknowledge that it was hurtful, and how, without belaboring the point. (The worst thing that can happen is saying nothing at all or "Oh, that's ok; it wasn't that bad." It was, or you wouldn't be there.

b. Thank the person for caring enough to take time to reconcile the relationship.

Both parties then need to express (if truthful) the wish to move on together and restore a mutually respectful working relationship.

Example 2 is a bit different, yet still requires a conversation. When people take time to offer feedback, especially the kind that requires numerical ratings and narratives, they've made an investment. Like corporate surveys, participants want to know the outcome and what, if anything, is likely to change.

For the sake of example, let's say a manager has received in-depth feedback from direct reports. A follow-up session would have this kind of framework:

a. Thank the people for their willingness to invest in his/her development.

b. Share the over-arching themes--not the details--of the data.

c. Acknowledge that there are clearly areas for development. Ask for any needed clarification and suggestions for specific changes that would lead to improved performance.

d. At the next regularly scheduled meeting, take time at the outset to let the direct reports know what the focus of the changes will be, after considering their suggestions. Ask for verbal reinforcement  when a change is seen. Likewise, if something isn't happening as it should, invite continued reminders, especially "in the moment."

Healthy workplaces require healthy relationships. What's happening in your working world where reconciliation could move people, and the organization, toward a better place?

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Be Unique But Get With the Program

"We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people."
   --Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860)

Teenagers are my favorite people to watch. Their crusade to be different leads them to dress alike, talk alike, and act alike. They are uniquely the same. It's also a survival mechanism that leads to acceptance as well as the avoidance of getting whupped for standing out in a crowd and being too different.

I'm not sure that this phenomenon is any different in organizations. Let's face it: if expectations include cookie-cutter behavior, who wants to be the first to respond to a call for innovation, creativity, and risk-taking? In fact, it's probably difficult for people to believe that the request is even genuine.

How to Be Unique At Work--And Thrive

Your boss is looking for "better." Better methods, better revenue, better savings, better results, better quality. These give you two meaningful ways to show off your individuality:

1. What you produce that is different from anyone else's output (see "better" above).

2. How you go about doing it using your own methodology.

Once you're successful at those two, feel free to spike your hair, put rings in places they shouldn't be, and invite your boss to sing with you on company Karaoke night. We'll upload the photos here.

photo attribution: http://www.aeropostale.com/home

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Feeling Stressed? Do Something.

Think about this:

In order to induce terror, you never have to actually commit the act. It is the unresolved possibility of terror that keeps one--or the world--in a state of fear and stress.

So it is with daily stress, on and off the job. Whatever is unresolved becomes a stressor. Carried to the extreme, inaction causes us to, in effect, terrorize ourselves. And others. So:

Have you been putting off asking for or giving feedback at work?

• If you're a manager, you have thoughts about people's performance that you are carrying around. And they are building up.

• Your employees don't know how they're doing. And the first thing we humans do in the absence of truthful information is fantasize about it--negatively.
  
  
• Do something now. Feel the relief that follows.

What is reappearing on your to-do list that's giving you second thoughts about yourself?

• Do something now. Feel the relief that follows.

Who has been waiting for a decision from you?

• Do something now. Feel the relief that follows.

You and I have more control over our stress than we sometimes care to acknowledge. Why terrorize yourself when you can get relief by taking even one definitive action toward a tick mark on your checklist?

Each step you take brings an additional sense of relief.  

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But there's more!

Online friend Mark Harbeke of Winning Workplaces added this resource from J. Alex Sherrer of Project Management Road Trip®. It's a terrific paper on Combating Workplace Negativity. Let's face it: negativity breeds stress and knowing how to counteract negativity offers value to all of us. Thanks, Mark and Alex.

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What Do We Expect From "Real" Leaders?

There's an entire industry built around Leadership. Graduate programs, consulting businesses, workshops, seminars, books, DVD's...I sometimes wonder if it hasn't become a cult in search of an idealized organizational savior. If that's the case for some, then the search will continue indefinitely but the conversation will be wonderfully angst-filled.

"Most people who want to get ahead do it backward. They think, 'I'll get a bigger job, then I'll learn how to be a leader.' But showing leadership skill is how you get the bigger job in the first place. Leadership isn't a position, it's a process." --John C. Maxwell

Let's Begin Here

For those seeking a realistic and practical approach to building leadership abilities, maybe we need to start by asking:

1. What do we really expect? This is based upon each organization's strategies, value system, and the ability to bring in "the right person at the right time for the right leadership role."

2. Are we willing to invest the time, money, and energy to build mature leadership capability by purposefully putting people in positions of leadership? Are we committed to making an investment in a process?

3. If "yes," how will we do that?

4. If "no," then are we willing to change our expectations and live with the results?

If it's about speed, it isn't about maturity

The business climate now is about speed, quarterly results, and change.

It is almost impossible to develop people's abilities for the long run in the context of a single organization's culture and needs. When there was commitment to-- and from--employees, you could track, train, develop, and promote with longevity in mind. Companies had a sense of confidence about an individual's real capabilities because people had been tested and observed in different situations over a long period of time. You could assess, first hand, both skill and maturity under pressure.

Perhaps many organizations aren't developing for the "long run" but instead, for a specific shorter-term window.

Leadership and the "Project Culture"

With so much job changing due to corporate change, downsizing, and personal goals, the notion of a traditional "career" is all but dead in most industries. Maybe we should get real and start to look at work life as a series of projects. If so, then perhaps we're looking to develop leaders whose strengths include the ability to move in and out of new relationships and situations as well as adept at gaining trust and unifying people under those conditions.

One thing I am sure of: You can't microwave leaders and expect a 5-Star Experience

Leaders can be developed. It seems to me that if we're genuinely concerned with leader development, it may be time to examine the validity of both our assumptions and expectations.

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Update: Respected consultant and writer, Jackie Cameron, pointed me to a local example (Scotland) of someone who has stepped up and has exercised self-leadership in his early career search. His name is Antonio Greer.

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The Business of Forgiveness

This originally appeared here in July, 2008. Since the human condition hasn't changed since then, I thought it might prompt some much-needed and quiet reflection at a time of year that epitomizes the hopefulness of reconciliation.

Downsizing. Corruption. Bullying. Harassment. "Do more with less." Reduced benefits. Add to that list some of the people with whom you have to work every day.

There's a lot of opportunity for anger and hurt on the job.

Where you find anger, you find the need for forgiveness.

Why?

It's good for you. For your physical and mental health. For your relationships. For your ability to move on peacefully and productively.

Why forgiveness instead of revenge?

Christina M. Puchalski, M.D. is the Founder and Director of the George Washington Institute for Spirituality and Health and Assistant Professor of Medicine at the George Washington University School of Medicine. She says:

"On a personal level, forgiveness of self can help us achieve an inner peace as well as peace with others and with God. Wrongdoing against others and ourselves can result in guilt and resentment.  This can then lead to self-recrimination and self-loathing; it also can create a distance or disconnect from self and others. Resentment can give away to hate and intolerance. Forgiveness is the first stage of self-love and acceptance. It is also the basic building block of loving relationships with others."

It's not the offense. It's your response to it.

I confess, I'm not always a quick-to-forgive person once I've felt "wronged". I give people a very long leash and a long time to "get their act together" if things aren't going well. But there is some point at which I just say "that's it" and cut them off from my life. It is very infrequent, but the pattern is always the same. I decide that the differences are irreconcilable. So, the relationship in its present form is finished.

Does that serve me well?

Only if I genuinely forgive. It is both possible and imperative to do that and, at the same time, acknowledge that the nature of the relationship may not be productive. This is the harder part, I think. It begs the nagging question, "If I can forgive, why can't I just continue?"

Sometimes it's possible. More often, it becomes apparent that I wasn't seeing clearly to begin with and that continuing the relationship--without changing expectations--would not be peaceful or productive for either of us.

Dr. Frederic Luskin specializes in Learning to Forgive. He explains that:

"The practice of forgiveness has been shown to reduce anger, hurt depression and stress and leads to greater feelings of hope, peace, compassion and self confidence. Practicing forgiveness leads to healthy relationships as well as physical health."

Dr. Luskin's 9 Steps to Forgiveness

1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a trusted couple of people about your experience.

2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else.

3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning their action. What you are after is to find peace. Forgiveness can be defined as the "peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story."

4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes--or ten years ago. Forgiveness helps to heal those hurt feelings.

5. At the moment you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique to soothe your body's fight or flight response.

6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you. Recognize that "unenforceable rules" you have for your health or how you or other people must behave. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, peace and prosperity and work hard to get them.

7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt seek out new ways to get what you want.

8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you.

9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.

If you would like to explore other resources, check out The Forgiveness Web  and Forgiveness Net.

Think about this today: Your workplace is a web of relationships. Being at peace with them can only make your own life a lot more satisfying.

photo attribution: www.thirdway.com 

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How To Measure Relationships

“It’s only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart away.”
 --Maurice, Robin, & Barry Gibb, The Bee Gees: “Words”

Listen to the Lyrics

Do you want to know a way to check the depth of how someone is relating to you at a given moment? Just listen and check out their language. You’ll be fascinated at how revealing it will be. Here’s what I mean:

• When people operate at a surface level, they often share catch-phrases or clichés: “Well, the new design isn’t moving along too fast. But hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day. I’ll hang in and hunker down; it’s all about ‘getting more efficient and effective’.”

• Move a step deeper and folks will offer some facts: “I want to improve the quality by 10%.” “Jessica said she’ll give us three people from her team when the software project gets approval.”

• More intimate: You’ll notice that you hear people offer personal judgments, opinions, and thoughts: “I’ve been watching your progress and I think you could use some help with the engineering. We’ve been getting some comments from the design folks who are concerned about the execution. Let’s see if we can get to the heart of this and make sure you get the results you want.”  “If the new talent development program isn’t in full swing by November, I believe we’re going to lose some people to our main competitor. They’re hiring.”

• Most intimate: Listen for people to actually express how they feel. “I’m fed up with trying to launch this program. It’s been a drain on me since I’m not getting the financial support we need. I’m even sorry that I took it on. Even my friends tell me my demeanor has changed. I need some help about what to do next.”

One more thought. You’ll be able to tell, over time, when others view their relationship with you more deeply. They’ll start using first-person pronouns more frequently: I, You, We, Us.

What cues have you become conscious of over the years?

photo attribution: Picture Sleeve and Album Art Museum 

What kinds of other cues do people send at work and what is "acceptable?" Check out FOT's Kathy Rapp and Thongs Need Not Apply. (Now I've got to change my Christmas list).

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HR Online Influencers: Top 25

I've been tracking John Sumser’s unfolding list of top 100 HR influencers with interest. 

John has now published a new list which uses algorithms to rank online footprints and identify the top 25 online HR influencers -we're ranked at #19. Check out the HRExaminer site for info on all of the writers; you'll find some unique contributors.

I found John's approach to the rankings refreshing. He took time to decide upon a set of meaningful criteria and stuck to them. The ranking is a combination of three different percentages:

• Reach: This score (a percentile) estimates the number of people who see the material. It’s a measure of "eyeballs" or audience size.

• Resonance: This measures the number of inbound links, mentions, blogroll listings, & community participation

• Relevance: This score describes the fit of the individual's work with a cloud of keywords.
  

Many thanks to the other influencers and contributors for linking here.  And special thanks to you for reading!

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Four Ways To Gain Support

"One of the best ways to persuade others is by listening to them."

    --Dean Rusk, former U.S. Secretary of State

Just Pay Attention To Me sparked a stream of comments. Most focused on how simple it is to talk with other people yet how difficult it continues to seem for many managers. Check out the thoughts and add your own to the mix.

Getting Attention to Gain Support

Managerial attentiveness is certainly high on the list of employee wants/needs.

But how about when it's time to gain support for your idea or program? Managers at all levels will give you their attention if you understand how to legitimately capture it. Here are four ways to diagnose listener preferences and deliver your message. (It's often helpful to be able to sort and classify).

1. The "Trend-Chaser": Help Them Follow The Fad

These folks pay attention to what others are doing. Perhaps they need to feel like they "belong"; maybe it's just a matter of not thinking too much. Who knows? It doesn't make any difference. You need to provide social proof--testimonials--of what other people think about your ideas.

Use these phrases:

"The benchmarking companies have implemented . . ."

"The top experts in (name the appropriate field) have just written that. . ."

"Statistical trends now show that. . ."

2. The Analytical: Facts and Stats

Even though we know for a fact that people decide based on emotion, these people need to hear supporting evidence. And you'll be questioned on it, so be prepared. They won't go to a fast food outlet without seeing which one has the "best" value meal: $1.00, $.99, or $1.03. Why? One reason is that they want to be confident that they can give a "logical" answer should someone ask them. So, give them the confidence with facts and figures. Quantify everything.

3. I Love A Challenge!: Overcome Obstacles

Routine bores this group. When the sun rises, they're ready to assault a mountaintop. When they hear that something can't be done, it energizes them to prove otherwise. So, tell them:

• The system doesn't work

• It's too late too change (or too early)

• They can't afford to do what will really make a difference

Watch them leap into action when you present your ideas as barriers to be overpowered. 

4. What's the Payoff? Incentives & Rewards

Here's the group that examines the benefits of your idea, both organizational and personal. They want to improve their situation every day. Show them "how to".

• How to increase profitability

• How to reduce conflicts

• How to be more effective at managing

• How to leapfrog their career

These are the Four Biggies that I see regularly. If you have experiences that show another category with descriptions, weigh in with a comment!

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Recommendation: Ryan Williams writes Listen To Lead and offered the a helpful resource in the comments on Just Pay Attention To Me. Thanks, Ryan. He doesn't post very regularly but has substance when he does. And, you can follow him on Twitter: @willy26.

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Just Pay Attention To Me

In the 1920s, physiologist Elton Mayo conducted experiments at the Hawthorne Electrical Works in Chicago.

He was trying to confirm his theory that better lighting led to greater productivity. So, he had the lights on the factory floor turned up. Voila! As he expected, production levels increased, too. Done deal?

As an afterthought he decided to turn the lights down just to see what would happen. Production went up again. In fact, he found that whatever he did with the lighting, production increased.

Novel thought: Mayo discussed his findings with the workers who were involved. They told him that the interest Mayo and his researchers showed toward them made them feel more valued. They were accustomed to being ignored.

While the increased lighting no doubt made things brighter and healthier, it was the increase in morale that most impacted improvement in productivity. This became known as the Hawthorne Effect. 

Most people schooled in management & organization development are well aware of the studies.  However, I'm finding more and more business folks who haven't been exposed to them; I thought it might be a good idea to revisit what is the beginning of the "human relations"  movement in management.

While scientists and pseudo-scientists have argued everything from methodology to the number of toilet breaks employees of that era received, the simple learning is this: When you pay attention to people, tell them what you are doing, and ask their opinion about things, the response--all else being equal--is a boost in morale and productivity. I dare say that Elton had stumbled upon Employee Engagement long before the term became popular.

I'm wondering: after 80+ years, why isn't this fundamental learning a part of every organization's modus operandi?

photo source: www.library.hbs.edu

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How To Gauge Other People's Concerns

Employees at all levels are giving high priority to the issue of respect in the workplace. As a result, "emotional intelligence" and empathy at work have catapulted to importance in the management/leadership realm. And, for good reason: mis-reading or totally missing someone else's "stuff" can create sticky situations and bad blood. On the other hand, the ability to pick up on cues and accurately follow through is a hallmark of relation-building and something that we all value from managers and co-workers. For sales people, it can mean the difference between no client or a huge bonus.

Empathy: Get Some

Look, I know that empathy is one of those "soft skill" things. Fine. But absent any degree of it, you'll spend your life being an individual contributor with yourself as the only customer. That's just not a good income-generating plan.

What is empathy?

Empathy is the ability to read or sense someone else's responses by imagining yourself in his or her place.

Some folks are born with a predisposition toward, and a sensitivity to, the feelings of other people. They often develop their intuition in this area as they mature. Even so, they also learn to ask questions along the way to clarify issues and confirm (or disaffirm) their intuition. 

Note: Part of being empathetic is not telling someone else exactly how they are feeling without checking it out first.

How to Boost Your Empathy Quotient

When you're watching or listening to someone:

• Use your imagination and similar past situations to give you clues about what the other person is feeling and experiencing.

• Imagine that you are the other person. What might your needs be?

When people talk with you about what's on their minds it's common to hear them talk around the topic instead of getting to the heart of the matter. (Often, they don't know the heart of the matter; they just know how they are feeling).

So, here are Four Questions that will make you genuinely helpful:

1. "Can you explain three things that really concern you about this issue?"
2. "If you had the choice, what would you most like to have happen now?
3. "What do you think is the single thing that would help you most?"
4. "What are some other aspects of this that are also worrying you?"

Once you've picked up some solid information, summarize what you think you've understood. Then, pause and ask: "What do you think would be most useful to do next?"

Most people actually do think of a next step.

Remember this: Employees and colleagues aren't looking for you to know answers. They're looking for someone to ask good questions and listen in ways that help clarify the situation and alternatives.

That's the kind of respect that leads to solid relationships and professional growth.

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Holidays At Work: Reduce Stress, Increase Joy

If you are experiencing stress at the very time you are expecting joy, you aren't alone.

The National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health reports that:

• 40% of workers report their job is "very or extremely stressful".

• 26% of workers report they are "often or very often burned out or stressed" by their work.

• 29% of workers report they feel "quite a bit or extremely stressed at work".

Stress Levels Rise During the Holidays

Why do stress levels rise?

The statistics show that 40% are already stressed out before the holidays arrive. In a poll of 600 full-time employees, Accenture’s HR Services found that 66% of the respondents reported additional stress at work during the holidays.

Let's face it. During the holidays you're faced with gift-buying in the midst of an already-stretched financial life; trying to shop while meeting job deadlines and other responsibilities; and thinking about the family dynamics that get played out each year.

I think there's one more big reason as well:

Unrealistic Expectations

For some reason, year after year, we cling to the hope of a perfect holiday, a perfectly loving family, and the perfect balance of work and life during the season. We're surrounded by images of happy families, ads that tell us how much we should be giving, and that joy will reign.

Yet the reality is that work and its deadlines remain (and are often shortened due to the holiday schedule); families continue to be families with all of their inherent challenges; our bank accounts don't allow us to give our spouses new cars or diamonds; and the gap between what we're told to expect and what is actually happening drains the joy from our hearts.

What Can You Do?

Individually:

1. Know that your family and friends don't care if everything is perfect. What they want is a relaxed atmosphere, according to the Harvard Medical School.

2. Money --and therefore, gifts--don't buy happiness. Yeah, I know you've heard that before.  Different studies suggest that, although poverty and low pay can cause unhappiness, once a certain level of compensation is reached, there is not a “significant relationship between how much money a person earns and whether he or she feels good about life” (Easterbrook 2005).

3. Supportive family and friends, on the other hand, appear to be crucial. This comes from Drs. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania and his colleague Martin Diener at the University of Illinois. Both are heavily involved in the study of happiness.. When Seligman and Diener studied a group of students, they found that the happier ones tended to socialize more. “It is important to work on. . .close interpersonal ties and social support in order to be happy,” says Diener. It's all about relationships.

Organizationally:

1. Provide employees with a more flexible schedule to accommodate added demands outside the office. The Accenture study found that 54% of the surveyed workers said that flexible hours during the holidays would help reduce workplace stress. Twenty-six percent said they would like to telecommute once in a while until the seasonal rush is finished.

2. How about a shopping day? Some employers provide one day between Thanksgiving and Christmas to give people a chance to do just that. And they say it reduces angst and is appreciated by the employees.

3. Provide an online shopping catalog and allow online shopping. Plenty of companies offer hard-copy versions produced by firms who specialize in such programs. Why not do it online and save people time?

A Final Thought

Dr. Seligman, arguably the premier researcher and proponent of the psychology of happiness, says that happiness has three essential components:

First: the ability to savor life’s pleasures.

Second: there’s a true engagement with one’s work, avocations, and loved ones.

Third: the sense that one is serving a larger purpose beyond one’s self (“Reflective,” 2005; Wallis 2005).

I think it's the third that we need to attend to.

Whenever we focus on something greater than ourselves--especially the well-being of others--our sense of satisfaction and peace grows exponentially.

So give yourself this year. Your stress and anxiety will begin to melt away. And for once, the people around you will actually get what they want.

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Want To Be Real? Start Subtracting

Most career inventories and branding activities are additive. They ask you to identify success factors by adding up your talents, hopes, and goals. That's part of the process.

One of the desirable ingredients for personal and business success that we constantly hear shouted from the rooftops is "authenticity" (being real). Fine. But in order to "get real" we first have to "get honest" about all of the things we are not. Authenticity is nothing more than a buzzword until we acknowledge:

1. What we think we should be--but we are not.

2. What someone else told us we should be-- but  we are not.

3. What we think others want to hear that we are-- but  we are not.

4. What we think we can become--but we know we cannot.

Let's face it: self-knowledge is a never-ending journey. Accurate self-knowledge makes it a healthier one.Part of that journey is humility. (Humility is not false modesty--false modesty is unauthentic). Humility is  the element of self-knowledge that frees you from carrying the heavy burden of "What I want you to think I am" and allows you to relax and be "Who I am."

Before you continue adding, do some subtraction. The answer will be authentic.

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It's Not The Feedback, It's What Follows

Finding out "how we're doing" is an important part of life, on and off the job.

360 degree feedback tools can be especially helpful when you want to know how you are doing in relation to your boss, your direct reports, and peers in the organization. I like 360's because they:

1. Let you see how others believe you are doing in specific areas that are important to on-the-job success

2. Provide a quick look at how each of your constituencies is experiencing you.

For example, your direct reports may be getting everything they need, while your peer group may tell you that they need something other than what they are getting now. So you know where to keep doing what you are doing now, and where to make some changes. That helps you prioritize things.

3. Offer the opportunity for a structured conversation.

When you want to talk about your performance it can be difficult to know just where to begin. The 360 process allows you to get specific feedback in specific categories. When you see the results, you can sit down and ask questions that address meaningful areas of work life. And, you are dealing with information already acknowledged as important by the different groups of respondents. It can be a lot easier discussing things that have already been generated--and therefore owned--by the people who are important to your success. You have a place to start--and isn't that sometimes the toughest part?

360: It's the Conversation That Matters

Raw data are just that. What's important is the "why" behind "what" was said. Without finding out the answers, you really don't have an accurate picture. Why not?

Always remember that feedback is more indicative of the sender than the recipient. Feedback says, "Here's what I think based on my expectations of you in these specific areas. The real payoff can come from discovering where you need to clarify or re-visit what's really expected and honestly discussing what's really possible. And, when people of goodwill have those kinds of discussions, it can lead to a quick boost in trust as well as new energy to move ahead.

Are you or your organization using 360 feedback? Then make sure there are conversations that follow. Without them, no one knows the real meaning of the data. With conversations, you stand to get an exponential payoff in understanding, trust, learning, and improved performance.

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5 Solid Tips for Leaders & Managers

One of the benefits of working with lots of leaders & managers in many different organizations is the chance to see what really works, regardless of the individual personality or industry. I'll use the term "Manager" to avoid extra words and acknowledge the truth that leaders manage.

So, here are:

5 Tips That Make A Difference

1. Managing starts with clarity. The time a manager spends getting clear about what needs to be done will pay off in focused effort from increased understanding.

When things aren't clear, the day doesn't  go well. Minds and bodies gravitate toward something that does seem clear. The world abhors a vacuum. When one is created, people will fill in the blanks with their own content.That content seldom matches your fuzzy intent.

2. The Manager is the Mediator of Meaning. Clarity is the first part of  the issue. The other part is taking the time to show exactly how "what" you are proposing to do is directly connected to the success of over-arching goals. Your kids will tell you to "make it real." Your employees are thinking it.

3. Managers Understand How People Learn and Work. Intellectually, we all acknowledge that people learn differently and work differently. Really successful managers take time to pinpoint what those styles are and genuinely acknowledge their inherent value. Hands-on 'Doers,' Readers, Questioners, Ponderers. . .

4. Managing Means Knowing How to Orchestrate the Experience. When to have a meeting or not have a meeting; who needs one-on-one attention? What isn't negotiable and what will work best with a full discussion? Is the objective really achievable--at the level of quality desired--in the originally designated timetable? Managers, go ahead and add your favorites to this list.

5. Managers Lead from Every Proximity. You'll spot a good manager out in front of the group; alongside of a direct report who is struggling; or standing in the back of the room listening to a discussion and only joining in when re-direction or a fact is needed. And everyone knows how they're doing in relation to what's expected.

Consistently add these five to your repertoire and you'll bump up your game exponentially.

What would you add to the mix that's proven a "must do" for you?

__________________________________________________

If you're leading and wonder what people are really looking for at work, check out:

People Looking For Jobs Want. . .

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The Mark of Leadership

Chesty Puller, considered by many to be "Mr. Marine Corps," said once that the corps needed men who could lead, not command. Commanders tell people what to do; a leader shows people what to do by personal example.

Who would have thought that Mr. Marine was all about servant leadership?

One of the hardest parts of sitting in the proverbial "corner office" is remembering that leading requires action. Without action, no one has an example of how to "be" in the organization.

We all like to be acknowledged and fawned over--especially when we've reached a perceived pinnacle of career success. Truth be told, few of us like to roll up our sleeves and wait on others. Yet this is exactly how people are drawn into the service of our vision. Few things are as magnetic as seeing an individual help someone else. 

When was the last time you quietly helped a hassled co-worker or direct report put the finishing touches on a project? Or maybe something as simple as pouring coffee for the participants gathered around a meeting table?

Here's an example of The Mark of Leadership that I can't get out of my mind:

During an executive gathering in a mahogany filled suite on the top floor of a corporate building in Philadelphia a few years ago, a glance out the window revealed that a blizzard was sweeping in. The CEO--coincidentally a former naval commander--noticed as well. This man had been brought in to make some difficult, long-term changes and had done so quite successfully. But what he was about to do is why I remember him.

There was too much food for the participants in the meeting. Everyone invited couldn't get there. At the end of the brief luncheon meeting he said: "There are people within 3 blocks of here who are homeless and probably huddled under the walkways. Let's gather up these sandwiches and chips, find those people and feed them."

Really.

The Mark of Leadership.

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5 Ways To Pay Attention: White Space for Your Life

Distraction is the new enemy of success. Everyone is consistently interrupted by emails, text messages, phone calls, and meetings--some called to discuss future meetings. That's not breaking news.

But the result of this may be something you hadn't realized: mental exhaustion followed by frustration. Why frustration? Because you never properly finish what you started.

How you focus your attention determines what you think about and ultimately do. Jumping from task to task isn't a sign of workplace excellence and productivity; it's an indicator that you may not being doing much of anything very well. 

Each of us has 100 percent of a time allotment. OK, so we'll divide our time between two projects, 50-50. But hey, we like Project X a little more than Project Y, so now it's a 65%-35% arrangement. Then, the boss comes in to discuss a new idea, someone from the family sends a text message, and the printer needs a new cartridge. Do the numbers.

White Space is a design concept most of us are familiar with. Good page layout allows for breathing room, or "white space", so the reader can attend to what's important. Doesn't it make sense to do the same for ourselves?

 Since All Things Workplace is about practical solutions, here are:

Five Ways To Create Personal White Space

1. Know your own priorities. Then, hold fast to them.

Yeah, you were expecting that one because you already know it's true. Why it's important is the key. When you have clear priorities and are in the habit of acting on them, other people notice. Then, when you take time to explain why you can't do something else at the moment, they're more likely to understand. 

2. Schedule Thinking Time. Put it on your calendar the same way you would anything else of importance. Why would you spend a day, week, or lifetime working at anything that's not a result of some purposeful reflection?

3. Start creating the habit of "Singletasking" vs "Multitasking. Tackle things in sequence and  complete each one--or reach some sensible break point-- before moving on to the next.

4. Manage distractions. Be clear with people: "I'm not always available." Turn off the mobile, Skype, Twitter, and email for set periods of time. Figure out how often you really have to check them in order to remain informed. 

5. Make "paying attention" a conscious part of your life and worklife. Observe how much of your time is being orchestrated by you and how much is being pilfered by others. The very act of doing this will anger you just enough to do something about it. 

White Space is a design concept most of us are familiar with. Good page layout allows for breathing room, or "white space", so the reader can attend to what's important.

Thought for Today: Create some White Space for your work life.

If you're thinking along the same lines, you might also enjoy:

Leadership: When "No" Is More Important Than "Yes"

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Five Good Tips For Busy People

"Unless you are an hourly worker in America, boundaries between work and leisure are dead. Work bleeds into life, and life bleeds into work. People have the smart phone, aka the “digital leash”. Work will never be the same. It’s already gone."

          Kris Dunn, VP of People, DAXKO, The Blurring Line Between Work and Life

___________________________________________

Kris and the group speak the truth. We all know it although we may not like it.

So, what do you do to "mesh" the elements of your life without it becoming blurry. I'm not a fan of blurry; clarity yields a more peaceful lifestyle.

So, as I head off to sunny (hopefully) Florida to moderate a Learning panel at IQPC Corporate University week, I'm thinking about personal blurriness and how to clear it up.

Here are 5 Tips that work for me and I believe will do the same for you:

1. Scrutinize Meetings: Look at every invitation skeptically. If there's no clear agenda, stated ending time, or no purpose that involves your own purpose, "no" would be the right response. BTW: A lot of people would rather avoid the "no" and believe they can sit in the back and work unassumingly on something else. Nah, doesn't fly--and, it's not very courteous.

2. Learn when to stop: There's a fascinating dynamic at work here: the more pressure we feel the more we tend to hunker down and work even harder and longer. Harder and longer usually lead to working past the point where we're 100% attentive. The result: Reduced, or little, effectiveness.  And, it often requires going back and doing the work all over again.

3. Do take time:  to accurately convey your thoughts to others. How easy it is to rattle off instructions by phone or email when we're hassled. The result? Discovering (too late) that someone responsible for a key part of your project misunderstood what you said you wanted.

Accurate communication is always a time-saver over the long run.

4. How many ways can you learn to say "No!"? Develop at least a half dozen polite variations until you can say them on cue.. Then use them. A lot.

The best way to prevent personal overload is to stop saying "Yes" to requests.

Oh, the person requesting your time is your boss? Here's what to do: seriously and politely ask for clear priorities and explain that you need to know what to drop to make room for the new assignment. I think you'll be surprised at how often this will prompt your boss to reconsider the work assignment; and, (s)he will realize that your request has been helpful in clearing up departmental priorities.

5. Consider Consequences. Think ahead, and not just about what you want to see happen. 

Business folks are, by nature, results driven. "Driven" can lure us into focusing only on the goal and forgetting about the fact that bad things can happen. Tight deadlines can really be an enemy to ignoring risks. Rushing into action without counting the cost can prove to be the most costly way of operating.

What could go wrong and what will you do if it does? An ounce of prevention. . .

Off to Orlando in the (too) early a.m. Will try not to do the next post from the back of the room!

Related reading for busy people:

• Leadership: When "No" Is More Important Than "Yes"

• How To Influence Up
  

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The Paradox of Choices

The rallying cry of product managers and politicians is "Choices! We offer choices!"

My observation? 

We really don’t like having too many choices. It makes us a little nervous. Every option leads to a chance to foul something up. Heck, a lot of people are more worried about not being wrong than about being right. So, we allow our experiences and habits to narrow our options to just a couple of familiar ones. It reduces the anxiety and relieves stress.

So, how do you make genuine changes faced with the siren song of habits?

The first move is to re-capture your sense of conscious choice in place of habitual reactions.  This leads to new options and frees you up from repeating the mistakes that have risen from repetition.

Be aware: it's not a single event, but a way of life.

More Good Options Than You Think!

You can choose how to respond, regardless of the situation and circumstances. Here are some possibilities that can change your world today. None of the options is confusing and you have permission to pick just one to get started:

• Don’t take yourself too seriously. Try something new and different, and don't worry about getting it wrong. People who never made a mistake never made anything else.

• Caught up in your emotions? Over-enthusiasm, revenge, or frustration will each whisper lousy advice in your ear. Wait until they stop talking, chill out, and re-visit the decision.

• Listen longer before you respond to someone, at work or at home. The other person will feel more respected and you're just liable to see something from their viewpoint--in which case, you may end up in agreement. At the least, you'll learn something new.

• Eschew snap judgments. It's easy to take a stand; the workplace smiles upon "strong"people. But when it comes to who is right and who is wrong, a knee-jerk reaction can wreck relationships. Besides, do you like it when someone makes a judgment about you?

• Stop the self-talk about what you can’t do. Once you start doing that, you'll make it come true. Give your idea a try and see what happens. If it doesn't work, so what? Really. So what? If it does work, think about how you'll feel.

Now there's only one option: Will you choose to try doing something differently?"

_________________________________________

If this is something important to you, you'll also want to read:

Fear of Success and Lasting Change: Part 1

Fear of Success and Lasting Change: Part 2

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Are You Grateful Enough To Be Happy?

What do you do when surprised with a gift?

And what if it's at work?

Yesterday I was getting a tour of a corporate university when my hostess, the VP of Learning, was approached by a group of 5 employees. The next thing I knew, one of the guys was reading a short, heartfelt note of thanks from the group for her learning leadership, followed by the presentation of a small gift.

I moved back a few steps so they could savor the moment together. It was clearly a total surprise to the VP. What surprised me was how quickly and deeply she expressed her gratitude, and how articulate she was. It was also more than I think I could offer, given the same set of circumstances. After the group left she continued to beam and openly, but humbly, verbalize her feelings.

Gratitude and Gender

Gratitude--the emotion of joy and thankfulness when responding to receiving a gift--turns out to be one of the foundational ingredients for a good life. This comes from Todd Kashdan, associate professor of psychology at George Mason University. In a recent issue of Journal of Personality, Kashdan noted  the research revealed gender plays a role. Apparently, men are much less likely to feel and express (my italics) gratitude than women. 

No doubt women everywhere are now going, "We already did that research."

In one study, Kashdan interviewed both college-aged students and older adults. He asked them to describe, then evaluate, a recent instance in which they received a gift.

What did he find?

Compared with men, women reported feeling less of an obligation and higher levels of gratitude when presented with a gift. Additionally, older men reported greater negative emotions when the gift-giver was another man.

Kashdan: “The way that we are socialized as children affects what we do with our emotions as adults. Since men are generally taught to control and conceal their softer emotions, this may be limiting their well-being.”

He also says that if he had to cite three factors that are essential for creating happiness and meaning in life they would be meaningful relationships, gratitude, and living in the present moment with an attitude of openness and curiosity.

What Does This Mean At Work?

Surveys consistently show that employees often say they don't receive any kind of recognition for a job well done. In many instances, survey data show that some bosses take the posture: "Why would I "recognize" you? That's why you get a paycheck."

Maybe there's more to this than just a lack of gratitude. If we follow the research, we're looking at a large portion of the population that may not even feel it to begin with. If this is true, then "a job well-done" is one more thing on the intellectual "checklist-of-life" and not something that will prompt recognition, even though that's all people may really need to get buzzed about their jobs.

So guys, the next time your wife or girl friend tells you what an ungrateful slug you are, at least you can respond with: "Yes, I understand the research indicates you are correct."

Let me know how that one goes.

If you enjoyed this, I think you might also like:

• Build A Culture of Thanks

• Performance Speaks For Itself...But Not At Work

• How Do You Measure Workplace Happiness?

And, if you'd like to learn more about the research above, Professor Kashdan has written a book titled “Curious?,” which outlines ways people can enhance and maintain the various aspects of well-being.

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One More Time: What Do People Want At Work?

Getting the very best (or most) from employees has become the holy grail of business. Millions of  dollars are spent to determine how to achieve a state where workers function at high levels of productivity and, supposedly, satisfaction. 

Every employee survey I've seen over the past 30 years shows the same results as this, conducted in 2007 by Towers Perrin. The survey population was 90,000 employees, worldwide.

What do Employees Want? 

The #1 element on a global level was an employee's belief that senior management was interested in his or her well-being.

Imagine.

Employee's relate their success on the job to feeling cared for and about. Not money, not flex time, but feeling that people above them care about their well-being.

For years, employers have focused on perks and incentives: pay raises, performance bonuses, extra vacation time; less-inspired employers have their own method of inspiration in the form of threats of "downsizing". Or, if they are really euphemistically astute, "Right"-sizing. This means that the "right" size is minus you.

These aren't necessarily bad ideas--with the exception of threats--but they're all short-term and  inevitably lead to an eventual drop off in performance again. How "motivating" is a bonus check or vacation that’s ten months away? Three decades of research tells us that hanging the carrot out there doesn't create sustained productivity, commitment, and satisfaction. Despite all the effort to bring quantifiable science into the realm of employee effectiveness, we discover what we've known for thousands of years: people respond to be treated like humans--not like numbers.

We've Done The Work For You

It's only a bit more involved and systematic than I've described. After reviewing volumes of research in  performance, productivity, effectiveness, and change, we've boiled down the findings into five categories of what employees say they want in order to "be their best":

1. Employees want to have a "good fit" in the organization, one that matches their skills and interests at a given time.

2. Employees want to be clear about their job: what is really expected and how it will be measured.

3. Employees want managers and organizations who support what they're doing and get roadblocks out of the way.

4. Employees want to feel valued for who they are and what they bring that is unique.

5. Employees want to be part of something that inspires them. There are lots of ways to earn money. But over the long-term, they (we) want to be part of something that lifts us up because there is something personally meaningful about it.

So, how do you develop sustained performance and satisfaction?

Scratch the survey. Sit down and talk with your people about these five things and how each one is going. Then listen. Then, figure out together how to move things along the great curve of life. 

Management by Truman

When asked his formula for leadership success, former U.S. President Harry Truman responded:

"I find out what people want and then help them get it."

Duh.

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Changing Behavior: The Fun Theory

That headline ought to confuse the search engines.

Why does nearly every corporate meeting about "behavioral change" end up with some kind of a solution that involves sanctions or carrot-and-stick incentive programs that can only get bigger and more expensive to have any impact over the long run?

Which leads me to: "How can we make something so much fun that people can't not do it?"

Here's a look at The Fun Theory in action:

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Top Talent Management Blogs Named: We Thank You!

The busy pros at Fistful of Talent + HR Capitalist published the results of their latest top Talent Management Blog Power Rankings, and we're buzzed to be in the #3 spot.

How'd they come up with the results? Pretty spiffy methodology this go around:

". . .we decided to use HubSpot Website Grader's tool to tell us who is the best of the best. According to HubSpot, their grading tool gives a score, with 100% the maximum possible score. They evaluate "marketing effectiveness" which is based on a proprietary algorithm that blends over 50 different variables including search engine data, traffic, backlinks, etc.  Now we realize, this takes out of the equation the human factor, the FOT factor."

 Great reading and learning in The Top 30 List:

1.    Personal Branding Blog  99.8 HubSpot score| 13th Place, (07/2009 Rankings)

2.    HR Capitalist 99.7  HubSpot score  |  ineligible

3.    All Things Workplace 99.5  HubSpot score  |  10th Place

4.    Punk Rock HR 99.3  HubSpot score  |  6th Place

5.    HR Bartender 99.2  HubSpot score  |  3rd Place

6.    Tom Peters! 99.0  HubSpot score  |  unranked

7.    Compensation Force 98.9  HubSpot score  |  4th Place

8.    Fistful of Talent 98.8  HubSpot score  |  ineligible

       Recruiter Guy 98.8  HubSpot score  |  9th Place

10.   Know HR 98.6  HubSpot score  |  15th Place

       Marketing Headhunter 98.6  HubSpot score  |  unranked

       Your HR Guy/Rehaul 98.6  HubSpot score  |  2nd Place

13.   Effortless HR 98.5  HubSpot score  |  unranked

14.   Jibber Jobber 98.2  HubSpot score  |  unranked

            Systematic HR 98.2  HubSpot score  |  unranked

16.  Simply Lisa (HR Thoughts) 98.1  HubSpot score  |  15th Place

17.  Workplace Prof Blog 98  HubSpot score  |  unranked

       Oracle Talented Apps 98  HubSpot score  |  unranked

19.  Taleo Talent Management 97.8  HubSpot score  |  unranked

       My Global Career 97.8  HubSpot score  |  unranked

21.  HR Lori 97.7  HubSpot score  |  unranked

22.  Sylvia Ann Hewlett 97.6  HubSpot score  |  unranked

23.  Renegade HR 97.6  HubSpot score  |  7th Place

24.  The Recruiters Lounge 97.5  HubSpot score  |  19th Place

        Sirona Says 97.5  HubSpot score  |  unranked

26.  Great Leadership 97.1  HubSpot score  |  22nd Place

27.  Compensation Cafe 97  HubSpot score  |  unranked

28.  Employee Factor 96.8 HubSpot score  |  unranked

29.  Michael Specht 96.6  HubSpot score  |  unranked

30.  Workers Comp Insider  96.5  HubSpot score  |  unranked

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What About Self-Deception At Work?

You know about this.

You're at work and Jerry in Marketing is a pain in the butt. Jerry got 87 pieces of 360 feedback that told him he is a pain in the butt. What does Jerry say?

"I am committed to my belief system."

In Jerry's case, that appears to be some secret code phrase for "Regardless of what you show me, I will ignore your evidence and bless you with my unbending wonderfulness."

When asked about the 87 pieces of consistent feedback, Jerry laments that he is misunderstood. By 87 people. All the time.

The Truth About Self-Deception

Thankfully, WE aren't like Jerry. Or are we?

The folks at one of my faves, PsyBlog, tell us:

". . .it's not hard to spot the tell-tale symptoms of self-deception in other people. So perhaps we are also deceiving ourselves in ways we can't clearly perceive? But is that really possible and would we really believe the lies that we 'told' ourselves anyway? That's what Quattrone & Tversky (1984) explored in a classic social psychology experiment published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology."

If you want to understand more about the ease of self-deception, read The Truth About Self-Deception.

The conclusion:

"This experiment is neat because it shows the different gradations of self-deception, all the way up to its purest form, in which people manage to trick themselves hook, line and sinker. At this level people think and act as though their incorrect belief is completely true, totally disregarding any incoming hints from reality."

Now, send the link to Jerry in Marketing. (I kept one for myself, too).
__________________________________

Suggestion from Dr. Peter Vajda at SpiritHeart:

"Some folks might also want to read the Arbinger Institute's book, Leadership and Self Deception. For folks who think, "How can I be (part of) the problem - at work, a home, at play and in relationship - this is an eye-opening, tug-on-the-sleeve journey to self awareness.

The real problem with self deception is that, being "blind" to the truth, none of the solutions we bring to the table ever work. How could they?

When we blame, we blame because of ourselves, not because of others - the crux of self-deception - a harsh reality to explore for many. If we stare into that mirror long enough, we'll see its true reflection."

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Do You Have The Commitment of A Gurkha?

Even if you're a student of history, this one may have flown under the radar.

Back in 1964 there was a confrontation between Malaysia and Indonesia. In his book One Crowded Hour, Tim Bowden tells about an incident that happened in Borneo during this time.

A group of Gurkhas from Nepal were asked if they would be willing to jump from transport planes into combat against the Indonesians should the need arise. The Gurkhas had the right to give the request a "thumbs down" because they'd never been trained as paratroopers. Bowden quotes cameraman Neil Davis' account of the story:

"The Gurkhas usually agreed to anything, but on this particular day they provisionally rejected the plan. But the next day one of their NCOs sought out the British officer who had made the request and said they had discussed it further and would be prepared to jump under certain conditions.

"What are they?" the British officer queried.

"The Gurkhas told him they would jump if the land was marshy or reasonably soft with no rocky outcrops, because they were inexperienced in falling. The officer considered this and noted that the drop zone would almost certainly be over the jungle. No rocky outcrops there. So, they would surely be all right. Anything else?

"Actually, yes," answered the Gurkhas. They wanted the plane to fly as slowly as possible and no more than a hundred feet high. At that point, the British officer explained that the planes always did fly as slowly as possible when dropping troops, but to jump from 100 feet was just impossible. The parachutes would not open in time from that height.

"'Oh,' the Gurkhas replied, 'it's OK then. We'll jump with parachutes anywhere. You didn't mention parachutes before!"

What does it take to have, or receive, Gurkha-like commitment and courage?

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Team Leaders: Do You Do This?

Where Have You Experienced This?

When one person leaves or enters a group, the dynamics--and group effectiveness--change.

Why?

Groups--no matter how large or small--are about equilibrium. That equilibrium comes from a balance of power. Over time, we all learn where we "fit" in a group given the topic, our role, and how things operate. When someone comes or goes, our sense of influence changes. That's because new relationships and alliances begin form in order to establish a new balance of power.

 Note: When someone new joins a group, most of us at least recognize the importance of acknowledging the person and talking about the new role. However, a single person leaving a group will create the same disequilibrium and requires the same kind of acknowledgment and discussion. (That phenomenon is the rule rather than the exception right now). So. . .

What To Do?

1. Stop action.

2. Read the paragraph above to the group.

3. Re-visit why the group exists, make any necessary modifications, and ask for agreement from each person on

4. Clarify each person's role in light of the new situation. Whether someone leaves or someone new arrives, there has to be a change in responsibilities and how things will get done. If you talk about it now, you won't have to resolve the conflict about it later.

Groups and organizations are systems. Systems work the same way as our bodies (systems). If you pinch one place, you'll get a referent "ouch" someplace else.

The next time something is about to change in your group, go through the four steps above. You'll minimize the ouches and get back to equilibrium and productivity because you've taken good care of your system.

What About You?

You no doubt have made plenty of changes in your own life. 

What stories or insights do you have about organizational/personal change that could help another reader?

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What Can't You Not Share?

I was thinking about a Mercedes Benz TV commercial that shows their car smashing into a concrete wall as part of a safety test. Then, someone asks their spokesman why they don't enforce the patent on the Mercedes Benz energy-absorbing car body. The design is evidently copied by other companies because of its success.

The matter-of-fact reply: "Because some things in life are too important not to share."

What do you have that's just too important not to share?

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Seven Elements of Effective Coaching

There's been a much larger-than-anticipated response to the Coaching For Managers eGuide (available to you in the right sidebar). So, we're figuring that this is a topic that's genuinely helpful.

I'm in the midst of finishing the wording for a contract with a new coaching client. Since my mind wanders a bit when hunkering down with details, here are some coaching thoughts that emerged during the periodical mental breaks. In my experience, these hold true for both internal and external coaches:

Seven Coaching Tips To Consider

1. Take time to accurately diagnose the situation. Begin coaching conversation using open-ended questions, then sit back and let the client hear what (s)he is saying in response. Clients often become  start to recognize behavioral patterns through their own answers to good questions.

2. Ask the unexpected question. How often have you experienced that feeling of being stuck with no apparent options to escape a situation? This bumps up the stress level. The secret here is for the coach to create brainstorming questions that will generate alternatives to the current situation.

3. Get really, really clear about goals. We've all experienced goal-setting of some sort. However, for a goal to be really useful it needs to be meaningful to the individual. Dedicate significant time to working with clients to refine their goals and sign off on them. (I have them physically sign a document. It increases a sense of accountability).

4. Initiate options. New coaches sometimes rush through this and quickly offer advice. (Hey, it's a lot easier to say, "Do this." Of course, the coach has just taken ownership of the solution).

Effective coaches take time to ask questions that allow the client/employee to come up with some new options that will lead to action and new behavior. Only when options come from the client will you get real commitment to change. The loudest statement a coach can make is by quietly asking a question, then remaining silent.

5. Help evaluate options. Work with the client/employee to develop a set of criteria to evaluate the different options. What investment (energy, money, time,) is needed to put a specific option into practice?

6. Design an action plan. Gee, how mundane, eh? Spending time identifying how a goal will be reached will pay off big time if any glitches are experienced. All you have to do is backtrack and see where things went off track. Also: The plan needs to have a "Here's how you'll know you're successful" element. Coaches help people celebrate; make sure you know when to hold the party.

7. Encourage momentum. Sometime cheerleader, sometime nag; we all need someone to keep us on track. Use phone calls, emails, water cooler conversations, whatever it takes. Remember, it's about moving toward a goal or some kind of change. And you'll enjoy being part of the celebration."

What are you doing that's helping your clients or employees?

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Do These And You'll Be Coaching

This week has been busy and kind of professionally eclectic, with projects ranging from editing video for a client's marketing kick-off to facilitating the merger of two professional firms to launching the Coaching Managers to Coach eGuide (see the sidebar). I hope you'll find the free download helpful and use as many tips as possible for yourself or with your organization.

The good question that briefly delayed the eGuide launch got me thinking about how we often wait for a corporate directive to do what we already know is right. I think Coaching falls into that category.

Managers can certainly coach and in the absence of a corporate initiative or full-blown, formal training program.

If you'd like to get started, here are a half dozen things you can do. Try one or two at a time until you've built a coaching element into your management repertoire. Your team will appreciate it and you'll find you have more time for those bigger-picture issues that your own boss has been asking you about. The first one is actually something you don't have to do!

Six Steps to Coaching

1. Stop fixing everyone's stuff.

OK, the next time someone brings you a problem, stop. Do nothing. Then. . .

2. Ask them for more information using open-ended questions.

You already know how to ask questions. (And you may already know the answer to the question. But no one will learn much if they don't learn to think through issues on their own). The trick for "coaching managers" is to click a mental switch that triggers a question instead of an answer. An easy way to to develop the questioning habit is to think of yourself as a journalist and start your responses with:

• Who. . .?

• What. . .?

• When. . .?

• Where. . .?

• How. . .?

3. Use the bonus question that will automatically buy some time and gather more information: "Tell me more about that?"

4. Listen. (That means "Shut up, don't speak.")

You'll be surprised at how much you'll learn by listening. Once the other person stops talking, give them  space to say more. Count silently to 10 if you have to. You'll discover that this block of information will reveal more than the first and often gives them the self-revealing "Aha!" needed. In which case, you'll be a hero.

5. Ask More.

OK, so they didn't get to the heart of the matter in #4. When your person's responses and energy start to fade, that's your cue to ask another open-ended question. Ask it about something they've just told you. Ask anything that will help continue the exploration of the issue. You can't really ask a "wrong" question.

Note. The reason you can't ask a wrong question is this: Your role is to alternate between helping them explore (questions) and being silent (just listen). The act of listening after a question is a gift that few people get. Listening shows respect. When it comes from "the boss" it's an indication of trust in one's ability to problem-solve. 

6. Support giving "it" a try. You'll find that the Q&A process will have generated ideas and actions in your person's mind. This is where you help them stretch by suggesting, "Do you want to give that a try and let me know how it's going?" 

So, What Just Happened?

You've helped someone develop more confidence in themselves, built trust in your mutual relationship, and created a little more time for your own strategic thinking while they're working on the agreed-upon action.

If you are spending more of your managerial life answering than asking, you may be working way too hard. You may also be making yourself indispensable in your current job. That may work well if this is where you want to spend the rest of your career--and, if the job doesn't go away.

________________________________________

What I'm Reading

Managing Leadership's Jim Stroup has a good post, Reconciliation, that's related to this one in a way. Jim asks what happens when we step back to see what the other people around us at work really need.

Sound advice on Assuring Sustainable Learning from MaryJo Asmus.

Brett Simmons on a favorite topic of mine: The Courage to Take Moral Action.

Wally Bock's review of The Pursuit of Something Better.

The energetic article from Fistful of Talent's Jessica Lee on Social Network Recruiting = Discriminatory Hiring Practices .  Looks like the lawyers are at it again.

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Choices, Expectations, and Happines

Unmet expectations and the Chicken Little Effect

Isn't that what really lies underneath many of the alleged workplace "issues?"

Not unlike newspapers and TV, actual online headlines scream out:

"Businesses Must Close the Disengagement Gap"

"Six Fatal Flaws of Employee Compensation Programs"

"Managers Fail to Live Up to Expectations"

Each of these implies that there is some "way of being" that has been denied. That there is a huge chasm between "What is" and "What Should Be." That you and I are somehow being short-changed and we shouldn't put up with it any longer.

Closer examination will show that many of those headlines are generated on sites and blogs written by businesses that provide services in Employee Engagement, Compensation, and Management Training.

I'm all for improving one's condition in life. To do so, we have to have an accurate assessment of What Is Actually Possible, What Is Actually Probable, and What We're Willing To Do in all of this.

So I think an important question is:

Who Are We Allowing to Influence Our Expectations?

Rowan Manahan brings a wealth of experience to the world of career management. He sees--and has seen--a lot. A while back Rowan was interviewed by Ireland's Evening Herald about career expectations.

He noted that some parents, in a misguided quest to "build self-esteem," actually produce a houseful of "Little Emperors." Then, he sees this at college graduation/employment time:

Graduates, Manahan says, have hopelessly unrealistic expectations of what any job will entail. “They think the world is a simple meritocracy, and they believe that their talent will out,” he says. “They think teams are collaborative and co-operative. They are convinced that they will have it all. Work comes as a huge culture shock.

So now we've got two undeniably powerful influences on expectations: Parents and Media. If either or both of those is inaccurate--regardless of the generation--it's understandable how any individual or group expectation can become skewed.

What Do You Expect and Why?

This is a reasonable and potentially life-changing question that can lead you to a genuine breakthrough, especially if you are feeling inexplicably discontented.

It took me nearly a lifetime to understand this about work:

The overarching concern of profit-making companies is to make a profit. They may genuinely want to be "people-oriented," "socially-conscious," and collaborative. But profits are the corporate equivalent of the blood running through human veins. No blood? Death.

When you and I start bleeding, we don't care (primarily) what the ER folks do as long as they stop it and keep us alive. When corporations start bleeding, they don't care (primarily) about what it takes to sustain life and live another day. That's why some folks are laid off and find themselves hired back 6 months later. Expecting that companies run by humans will behave in an other-than-human way under threat and duress is an unrealistic expectation.

It may feel inhumane; but the stimulus-response is quite human and, therefore, to be expected.

Do this:

If you woke up this morning alive and with the prospect of a full day ahead, you were presented with a canvas on which to paint your life. And, some expectations to go with it.

Did someone else somehow start filling in the space without consulting you first? If so, you'll be completing someone else's painting. Sooner or later you'll become frustrated and may not know why.

Monday is upon us. What a perfect time to reflect and ask, "What do I really expect--and why do I expect it?"

The rest of the week may prove a lot more satisfying as a result.

 

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What To Do When People Avoid Conflict?

When we talked about Conflict At Work?, management authorities Jamie Notter and Wally Bock extended the discussion as a result of their experiences with conflict.

But there's another side to the dynamic: Some people on your team or in your family will have a tough time expressing--or even acknowledging--anything related to "negative" feelings. These folks want to keep the peace at any cost and are skilled at pretending that everything is fine. The ironic result:  underlying resentments that grow and eventually destroy relationships on and off the job.

Five Ways To Be Helpful and Effective

What do you do when you find yourself in a relationship with someone who totally avoids disagreement?

Here are some thoughts that will help you encourage those who are uncomfortable to work with you toward healthy problem solving. The goal: Get some honest conversation rolling before small irritations morph into significant issues that harm productive relationships.

1. Create opportunities for give and take.

By definition, people who avoid conflict really won't take the initiative to come to you about things that are bothering them. What to do? Create regular, scheduled times for discussion in which you invite the airing of issues, pro and con.

2. Emphasize how helpful accurate information and feedback--even the critical type--is to you.

Let's face it: folks who shun disagreement are often “nice” people and want to be seen that way. Take a moment to show them  that critical feedback is a way of helping you and that it's something you value highly.

Something along these lines could get it going: “One thing that helps me is to have someone who sees my ideas from a different point of view. That way,  I can refine the way I think about things and be more effective. Would you be willing to help me with that?"

3. Watch non verbals.

We have the human tendency, through unconscious body language, to show that something is bothering us even though we remain silent. So, those who avoid conflict verbally will still give off a signal--even if it is total silence--that something is going on "inside". This may also come in the form of a change in normal behavior or habits.

Let's say that a colleague has been completely engaged in a discussion, then becomes strangely quiet.

You can use this objective observation to non-threateningly dig a little deeper. “Meaghan, I’ve noticed that you became very quiet in the meeting yesterday and haven’t talked much with me since then. Is that would be helpful to talk about?”

4. Make conflict normal.

When starting off meetings and discussions, consistently set the norm with: “We all have ideas and ways in which we disagree at times. That keeps things interesting. What really matters is how we respond to these differences to discover what's really there and what there is to learn."

5. When someone tasks a risk, respond with support.

Understand that people who don't like conflict are taking a risk when they do speak out. Acknowledge the comment or suggestion and thank them. 

What else do you do to help people engage rather than "drop out" when there are conflicting views?

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Conflict at Work?

Conflict is bugging people.

When I check out the search terms that have landed people here, I see an increasing number of "conflict" and "conflict at work" searches.

I've met people who claim that they like conflict. I really don't think so. They might like competition; they might like winning; but the idea of liking conflict in and of itself seems unhealthy at best and perhaps evil at worst. And since none of these people I know is particularly fond of "losing"--(a possible outcome of conflict)--I think that they are exhibiting a bit of competitive bravado. Which, of course, could be a major source of conflict.

What Is Conflict?

Well, we know it when we feel it, don't we?

Wikipedia has a lot of entires, info, and resources. They also offer here what I believe are good definitions and discernment of different types of conflict:

Definition: "When two or more parties, with perceived incompatible goals, seek to undermine each other's goal-seeking capability".

One should not confuse the distinction between the presence and absence of conflict with the difference between competition and co-operation. In competitive situations, the two or more parties each have mutually inconsistent goals, so that when either party tries to reach their goal it will undermine the attempts of the other to reach theirs. Therefore, competitive situations will by their nature cause conflict. However, conflict can also occur in cooperative situations where two or more parties have consistent goals. Why? Because the manner in which one party tries to reach their goal can still undermine the other.

A clash of interests, values, actions or directions often sparks a conflict. Conflicts refer to the existence of that clash. Psychologically, a conflict exists when the reduction of one motivating stimulus involves an increase in another, so that a new adjustment is demanded. The word is applicable from the instant that the clash occurs. Even when we say that there is a potential conflict we are implying that there is already a conflict of direction even though a clash may not yet have occurred.

What Does This Mean In Real Life?

Let's look at it this way:

1. Competitive conflict. We are at odds about the "what" question. "What" we want to do will diminish the other person's chance of success if we succeed.

2. Cooperative conflict. Now there's an oxymoron. This one is about the "how" question. "How" you want to do something conflicts with how I want to do it, or think it should be done.

These are classic because they reflect the ongoing tension between goals (what) and process (how).

3. Values conflict. An action or direction violates  "who" we are at our core.

What Can You Do?

(The examples below assume that those involved are people of good will).

Competitive conflict calls for the possibility of re-defining each others' goals. This is the notion of "win-win." It requires honesty about why you are trying to achieve something. Until you understand each other's "why" the "what" will seem conflicting and self-serving.  It calls for a willingness to have a conversation that exposes each person's vulnerabilities.  Someone has to go first.  If your conflict is about the "what," then why not go first? Heck, you're already in conflict anyway. What do you have to lose?

Cooperative conflict. This is where the control freak managers lurk in organizations.

Stay with me here.

I can't state this strongly enough. Job satisfaction and personal motivation are closely tied to one's ability to bring one's uniqueness to the task or team. When we sign on for a job, we implicitly  are saying that  we pretty much agree with the goals of the organization. What we want to do is  "ply our craft."  And that uniqueness comes in "how" we are allowed to perform the job to achieve the goals. A manager who has gotten commitment to the "what" and then wants to be involved in everyone's "how" is killing his  people's spirit and undermining the talent that they offer. (Note: certain jobs focused on safety and security do not leave room for personal creativity. I have often hoped that the pilot flying my plane was not feeling in a very creative mood that day).

What to do? Gotta have another conversation. Explain that the over-management is doing two things:

a. It is taking time away from you actually doing the job.

b. It is getting in the way of your ability to stay committed to what your boss wants to accomplish.

Then ask about your results. If you have a wrong perception of how you are doing, this is the time to get it on the table. If your boss tells you your results are good, then your boss will hopefully have an Aha! moment regarding your contributions.

The worst that can happen? You'll find out sooner, rather than later, that this isn't a place you want to be over the long run.

3. Values conflict. When asked to do something that violates your beliefs, you're about to experience a personal growth moment. Do you know why you believe what you believe? If you aren't sure, this is a primo time to find out.

Did you find out that your value wasn't really a value at all, or not in the way that you thought? Then maybe you can re-consider the request.

Your value is rock-solid? Then "no" is the only answer of integrity.

Conflict and Forgiveness

You may not be able to resolve the conflict, whatever it is. But how you respond will determine your peace of mind and ability to move forward. The act of forgiving following a conflict is important to your well-being.

Bitterness and self-justification will kill you from the inside out. You can't live well and help others if you are filled with bitterness. Life isn't fair. But it's a wonderful life if you choose to live it that way. And that means emptying yourself of real and perceived wrongs.

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Getting The Response You Want

Today's Guest Writer: Frode Heimen, whose Never Mind The Manager always has the ring of experience because Frode lives the life each day as a Department Manager at a Telecom in Norway. Frode is a constant champion of best management practices and productivity.

Do you want to buy me a house?

It is not about asking the right question, it is all about asking the question in the right way. I asked a friend to buy me a house, and I got a positive response! How is that possible at all? Could you then ask for favors at work and get more positive responses? Yes it is all in the way you ask.

I asked my friend if he was interested in making an extra $600 per month for four years, earning him $28.800. I got his attention. I said, you need to buy a house, rent it to me for four years, and I will buy it from you then with an extra reward of $10.000. I am renting today, and by renting from my friend the money would help a friend instead of a stranger. He was very interested until I pulled the plug of my social experiment. But I managed to get someone interested in investing approximately $270.000; so, shouldn't you should be able to get people to simply do their job as well?

Changing A Response to Lateness

I once had an employee who struggled getting to work on time. She was always late. I could ask her to get to work on time again and again. It would not help.

So, I started by getting her to be more effective. Remember, my goal was to get her to arrive on time for work. I had follow up conversations once per month and did not mention her being late at all. I made sure that she was improving in quality and efficiency. So one day I sat down and said, "You have been working here for a while now and doing a great job, improving in all areas." I continued by talking about the future. How she had been working at a call center for more than two years now, quite an accomplishment! How getting a good resume from such a job is gold when applying to future jobs. Working in a call center for 3 of 4 years would show that she are a fighter could handle high workloads and stress.

And finally: "You are heading for a valuable resume for the day you decide to move on, but there is just one thing: if you can improve your tardiness you will get a flawless resume, but tardiness is not a liked skill with future employers. If you evaporate tardiness from a future resume, you will be guaranteed to get good jobs later on."

She has not been late since.

The Lesson

It will be more likely to get a positive response when displaying the value while asking for a change in behavior. And if you have managed so that you know each person well you will know what values they treasure, making it easier to create your questions.

How do you get the response you want?

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Four Leadership Writers, Four Different Backgrounds

We're headed out to Ohio to spend an extended Labor Day weekend with Barb's family. It is my yearly opportunity to graze through their refrigerator--always a treat.

In the meantime, there's a treat for All Things Workplace regulars in the form of four pros who know leadership from four different perspectives. While I'm away, you'll have the opportunity to learn from and start conversations with:

Rebecca Robinson of LeaderTalk, the voice behind the cohort Leadership Studies program at Mountain State University. Becky knows how to help universities bridge the communication gap between what's happening educationally with what's happening in the business world. She'll kick off the series on September 3rd.

Frode Heimen, whose Never Mind The Manager always has the ring of experience because Frode is a, uh, manager. In Norway. And a champion of best management practices and productivity.

Erik Rebstock, a former successful business owner and now Pastor of Men's Ministries at Fellowship Alliance Chapel in NJ. Erik works daily with men on issues of leadership and character and how to model and maintain those in the workplace.

Wally Bock is probably familiar to most readers here. An avid blogger and sought-after authority on real-life application of management theory, Wally can be found at Three Star Leadership when he's not out helping clients build their management expertise.

I know you'll enjoy this eclectic lineup. Look forward to seeing everyone September 9th after some grazing and water skiing.

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Career Success? Start With These

Every so often a young person starting out will ask, "What does it take to be successful at work?"

It' easy to wax poetic and get all philosophical. It's also not very helpful. So, here's my most recent stream-of-consciousness:

Start Doing These. Now.

Business is made up of ambiguous victories and nebulous defeats. Claim them all as victories.  Keep track of what you do; someone will ask. Be comfortable around senior managers or learn to act that way. Never bring your boss a problem without some solution.

You are getting paid to think, not to whine. Long hours don't mean anything; results count, not effort. Write down ideas; they get lost like good pens.

Arrive at work before your boss. Be sure to sit at the conference table, not over by the wall. Help other people who are networking  for jobs.

What goes around comes around. Don't take sick days--unless you are. Assume no one can/will keep a secret. They won't.  Always have an answer to the question "What would I do if I lost my job tomorrow?"

Go to the company holiday party. Don't get get drunk at the company holiday party. Avoid working on the weekends. Work longer during the week if you have to.

The most successful people in business are interesting.

Sometimes you'll be on a roll and everything will click; take maximum advantage of those times. When the opposite is true, hold steady and wait it out.  Never, ever, ever  in your life say," It's not my job."

Be loyal to your career, your interests and yourself. Understand the skills and abilities that set you apart. Whenever you have an opportunity, use them. When you use them in the service of others outside of work, you'll find that your career mystically mushrooms.

People remember the end of the project. Every boxer still standing will remind you, "Be sure to finish stronger than you start."

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Work-Life Balance Isn't

A few years ago my wife and I were visited by a young married couple (I'll call them Phil and Ann) who wanted to talk about some choices they were confronting about their life together.  The real issue emerged when Ann said, "I think I will need professional fulfillment over the long run. We really want to have children soon, too. How do you achieve that kind of balance?"

It was at that moment that I realized that work and life were being viewed as slices of a pie that could somehow be sliced, with every piece equally tasty and available for consumption when desired.

 The reason they came to us is...?

My wife, Barbara, was also my consulting partner for a number of years. She has a dual Ph.D. in Business and Counseling. (She'll analyze your financials, tell you you're going broke, then switch chairs and ask in the best Rogerian fashion, "How do you feel about that?"). Ann knew about Barb's background and the fact that we had a daughter (a teenager at that time). So her real question was "How do you have it all?"

The answer:  You don't have it "all"  at  the same moment in time.

(Intuition tells me that there is probably some law of physics that would bear that out. However, my party-life balance in college caused me to miss that class.)

Barb explained that we had made a choice together about raising our daughter. We had decided that it was important for her to come home to a parent each day. There was too much going on in our daughter's life to leave the development of her own decision process to chance or to others with values inconsistent with ours.  Yes, it would cut our income considerably. Yes, there were things that we wouldn't do as a result. No, she (Barb) didn't feel any "less of a woman" by not having a professional identity at that time. No, she didn't feel as if she had wasted her education ("Ann, try raising a teen-aged daughter without a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology!"). And so on.

 A way to re-think this

Work-life balance is really a deceiving term. It has the impact of separating work and life. It then visually nudges you toward making decisions that fall into those two categories instead of integrating the elements of your life into a sensible whole.

The issue of work-life balance is about what kind of a life you want to have. Work plays a part in that. Decisions that you make about life determine how much work and what kind of work you do. Spending time getting clear about who you are and how you are talented is time well-spent. You may not even like the answer at first. It may conflict with expectations from you, your family, the community, and even society at large.

Maybe that's the place to start. For those who work best with a label, perhaps Life Integration would offer a better target than Work-Life Balance.

FYI: Phil and Ann now have two children, 5 and 3. Ann is a volunteer leader in an organization where she can bring the 3 year-old along and it works. She does intend to continue her "professional" life in a couple of years and is exploring ways to do that. She told me that she likes her life, is happy with the decision, and doesn't think about "balance" any more. Instead, she and Phil look at where they are, where they want to be, what they value, and then make decisions accordingly.

They took the approach that life is not a "have-it-all-at-this-moment-in-time-every-time" proposition. It is, indeed, a journey, and one best made with plenty of honest conversation filled with love.

________________________________________

If you are a Working Mother, you are invited to participate in a research project about working moms being conducted by doctoral student Cynthia Alexander. You can click here to participate or email cynthia.alexander@walden.edu for more information.

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Leadership: You'll Know Them When They Know You

Do people at work know who you really are?

Do you see the people around you clearly enough to know who they really are?

I was thinking about the things an executive coach and advisor really does--or should be doing. One of the most important is this: Seeing people for who they are, realizing what they can be, and helping to take them there.

If that doesn't sound very "business-like," it probably isn't in the traditional sense of "business-like."

And therein lies the issue. Organizations of all kinds hire the best people they can find. Those folks look at the "people are our most important asset" blurbs in the corporate recruiting brochures.Then they sign on with high hopes.

But what happens down the road that causes discontent, retention issues, and the need to search for "talent?" Weren't those people talented when they were hired?

This Is What I See

I see highly motivated people getting performance appraisals that are designed to force rankings on a curve so they never accurately portray an individual's contribution and worth. I see employees at all levels  getting feedback on the gaps in their performance--and then receiving orders to "close the gaps." I see the same people then coming to workshops and seminars, hearing theoretical--but good--teaching, only to go back to work and say "what do I actually do with that?"

In nearly 30 years of managing, consulting, and coaching, I can count on one hand the number of people I've seen fired for technical incompetence. They get released for issues of character, the inability to relate well with other people, or not being able to "close the gap."

Here are my thoughts as a result:

1. The character issue can be discerned during the hiring process. Discernment should be a highly- valued talent possessed by those interviewing.  If not, get an objective third party to help with that element. Someone who sees others clearly and quickly for who they are.

2. Relating well with other people. You can send people to class to learn skills. But does the day-to-day interaction at work encourage and reward healthy relationships? A manager with a coaching/relational approach can set the tone for how things get done and how people are expected to interact in the process

3. Workshops and Education. Two things I enjoy with a passion. Neither immediately changes my own behavior very much. But I learn ways to think differently and more clearly. Then, when presented with an opportunity to actually do what was taught, the education leads to application. People have the most chance of bumping up their game when given a chance to discuss and apply new knowledge right away.

Manager As Coach

Managers can coach effectively when they see their people clearly because they've built relationships that let them know who their folks really are. If they don't have the time or inclination, then they need to get some help to build the talent that seems, at times, to be hiding. It's probably not hiding. It might just be invisible to the naked eye.

What to Do:

If you want your talent to be valued, you've got to let people know who you really are. Make it impossible for them not to see you clearly.

If you are a manager, be intentional about "seeing clearly." If it's a little difficult for you, get some help.

You and I wouldn't build a house in the dark. We need light to see in order to build. And unless your a truffle, you need a lot of light in order to grow and use your talent to perform.

As always: weigh in. Share your thoughts on clarity, talent, and building people by seeing  yourself--and them- clearly. Let the community learn from what you've learned. Click on Comments and join the discussion.

How about related reading? Thought you'd never ask.

• Wally Bock's "How Do I Trust Thee" fits the bill. I've read it more than once.

• "The Nature To Nurture" is one of my favorites from the deep-thinking Jim Stroup at Managing Leadership.

• Lisa Gates asks women some insightful self-knowledge questions at Craving Balance.

• "Noticing That We're Not Noticing" is Bob Burg's way of highlighting the importance of--well, "noticing."

• Hmm. "Who Do You Love?" has Mike Henry, Sr. exploring who companies really put first.

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What Is Your Managerial Talent?

We all have natural talents--those inherent capabilities that put us in "the zone" when it comes to performance. Those are the moments when everything seems easy and the results are first-class.

It's also possible and desirable to learn new skills. But unless they're directly related to our talents, we'll have the sense that we're out of our "zone" and the effort isn't very sustainable. 

Managerial Talent: The research

Research done by the IDAK Group shows that:

1. There are three distinct managerial talents.

2. No one in the studies has been found to possess more than one as a talent.

3. Thirty percent of respondents had a managerial talent. Yes, that means that 70% did not have a natural talent for management.

The 3 talents defined: which one is yours?

The following are from the CareerMatch™ diagnostic tool:

--Developing/Initiating. Successfully supervises others in starting up new programs, new systems, branch offices, etc. Think "start up" and getting things up and running. Then, likes to move on when the new thing becomes institutionalized. People like to follow because of the focused energy and enthusiasm this kind of manager brings.

--Planning. Successfully maps out long range details to reach organizational goals. People follow this kind of manager because of the sensibility and clarity of the plan.

--Managing. Successfully supervising others in an established organization, department, branch office, etc. This is the kind of person who enjoys managing performance, getting one-on-one with employees, and running an established system well. People follow the dependability and even-handedness of many of these managers.

Hmm. Every executive/management want ad I've ever seen reads something like this:

"Initiates new programs and implements related changes; responsible for strategic planning and industry-related trend analysis; develops and coaches employees and provides appropriate, ongoing performance feedback..."

Weighed against the research, these kinds of descriptions are setting unattainable expectations. If you have one of the talents you can develop skills in the others. But you need to know that they aren't going to shine through the way your talent will. And that means that the performance expectations have to be discussed according to reality and what's possible in each area.

We've used the CareerMatch™ assessment tool for the past ten years with managers and executives. Three things usually happen:

1. They are relieved to gain a reality-based understanding of the differences in their managerial performance by task. It delineates the various talents that are too often lumped together in job descriptions to try and describe one person--just like the typical ad.

2. Once organizations see a person's managerial talent strength, it becomes more productive for purposes of accurate evaluation and talent movement within the organization. For many it's the first time that actual talents have been identified. (Management is just one area. Communication, Relational, and Functional natural talents are also identified).

3. Managers whose talents really lean toward "individual contributor" are able to be matched with future positions that benefit both them and the organization.

The lesson? It's possible to make "best fit" decisions when it comes to management talent and organizational needs. That means increased performance and increased satisfaction for everyone involved. The healthiest part: Reality-based assignments and developmental plans without the guilt of "You ought to be a _____."

Everyone isn't a manager. But everyone is a performer when they're in the right role at the right time for the right reasons.

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What Happens When Managers Coach?

You may already have the right people to enable your company to "win"--however you define the word.

A couple of years ago I was involved in designing a leadership program to develop the top talent in a global company. We created a model that used the senior management team as coaches for the structured learning activities. First we coached the coaches on how to coach; then we turned them loose. It's been the most effective learning we've experienced in nearly 30 years of leadership development and design.

What's happening that works?

• The top leadership learns a lot about their own abilities.

• They learn about their people while developing closer relationships with them.

• The high potential participants receive coaching and company insight from the leaders who know it best.

• The participants also "step up" their game. How often do you see the top leadership in a company totally dedicate two full days to the talent beneath them?

You Can Do It, Too

Managers are the natural lighting rods for developing talent. Coaching isn't another job--it is their job.

Companies are always looking for ways to develop people economically but effectively. Every research study on the planet shows that employees are most influenced--pro or con--by their immediate boss. That's exactly why managers at every level have the ability to make the most difference when it comes to grooming people for the future.

The mission: Give them the capability.

Three things managers can start now:

Appreciate: Focus on identifying the very best in others.

Encounter:  Seek the truth, wherever that path will lead.

Improve: Insist upon personal responsibility for performance growth.

When managers coach, we get "two personal bests" for the price of one.

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Change And Delayed Gratification

"Aha. Time to Make a Change!"

I just met with what I thought was a former client. He called and said "I've got to talk with you about the assessment feedback you did with me (drum-roll) three years ago." He went on to say that he wants to explore some changes in his corporate career path and couldn't get our conversation out of his head since our original meeting. Fooled me.

If you're a manager, coach, or freelancer who gets a lot of satisfaction from seeing people develop, then delayed gratification is part of the game. You can change lots of "things" in an instant--but not people. When it comes to making professional changes (which are really personal when you get honest about it), we need to allow time for people to put new information into context, validate it, try it out in some private way, and then figure out what and how much to change. Then they decide the when question.

For Managers

If you are managing a performance issue, then it's your job to set the deadline for when. If you're working with high potential people whose development plans include four or five different areas, be prepared to delay gratification for a while. And if the organization really needs one of those areas to boost its performance, let the person know when and why. It can help speed up the learning process or enable the individual to realize "that's not for me."

Either way, you've laid the groundwork for an honest response that's going to benefit both the company and the person.

Photo attribution: Grolier 1999 Encyclopedia Multimedia Edition

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Ten Business Lessons Learned

The messages here are right on target.

There is a bonus 11th lesson: having a clear message and displaying it with thoughtful simplicity engages the reader or listener and makes it easy for them to absorb details.

This is what makes a visit to David Zinger's  Employee Engagement Network  (@DavidZinger on Twitter) a must.

10 Business Lessons Learned

View more presentations from rfashing.

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Valueless Leadership

Last week, here in New Jersey, a two-year federal probe into a money laundering scheme operating between the New York area and Israel mushroomed into one of the biggest bribery and corruption stings in the state's history (notice its' only one of the biggest). Forty-four people were arrested including three New Jersey mayors, two members of the New Jersey Legislature, a bundle of local officials, five rabbis, and a Brooklyn man accused of trafficking in human kidneys.Today, one of those arrested committed suicide.

What does this have to do with leadership in the workplace?

For those of us who live here, New Jersey is where we work to build our families. Those we elect are entrusted with providing leadership that supports our efforts and doing it with integrity consistent with that trust.

How can this happen?

I was reminded of a real-life situation that took place in a Teaneck, New Jersey school a few years back.

A girl in a "Values Education" class had found a purse containing $1000 and returned it to its owner. The teacher asked for the class's reaction. Every one of her fellow students concluded the girl had been "foolish." Most of the students contended that if someone is careless, they should be punished. When the teacher was asked what he said to the students, he responded, "Well, of course, I didn't say anything. If I come from the position of what is right and what is wrong, then I'm not their counselor. I can't impose my views."

J. Allen Smith, considered a father of many modern education reforms, concluded in the end, "The trouble with us reformers is that we've made reform a crusade against all standards. Well, we've smashed them all, and now neither we nor anybody else has anything left."

The teacher in the story above used the "counseling" gambit as an excuse to circumvent the teaching/leadership role that parents assumed was happening after they put their kids on the school bus.  When leaders in any organization--business, non-profit, or governmental--announce that they are "counselors" or "totally inclusive" or "totally participative", they are really announcing that the longevity and power of their position is more important than declaring what they actually stand for.

Think About This

When this happens, they are making a declaration: "I am all about my self."

Leaders whose stock-in-trade is glib talk with survey-driven promises are nothing more than beach dwellers who build sand castles instead of possessing the courage to draw a line in the sand.

Look around at the organizations in your life. Find out who has the courage to draw a line in the sand and is willing and able to completely explain the values behind it as well as the reliability of the foundation for those values.

In the absence of that you'll be left with a plastic bucket and shovel. And watch out for the waves.

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Assessment Made Simple: Look For the Gold

At one time Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America.

He came to America from  Scotland as a small boy, did a variety of odd jobs, and eventually ended up as the largest steel manufacturer in the United States. At one time he had forty-three millionaires working for him. In those days being a millionaire was rare; conservatively speaking, a million dollars in his day would be equivalent to at least twenty million dollars today.

When a newspaper reporter asked Carnegie how he had hired forty-three millionaires, Carnegie responded that those men weren't millionaires when they started working for him but had become millionaires as a result.

The reporter's next question was, "How did you develop these men to become so valuable that you've paid them this much money?"

Carnegie replied that people are developed the same way gold is mined. Tons of dirt needs to be moved to find a single ounce of gold. But you don't go into a mine looking for dirt--you go looking for the gold.

That's exactly the way we managers need to view our people. Don't look for the flaws, warts, and blemishes--they're too easy to find and they're abundant.

Look for the unique expression of talent that caused you to hire a person in the first place.

It's a fact: you'll find exactly what you decide look for.
_____________________________

( "All Things Workplace" has been selected as one of the 10 finalists for the 2009 Best of Leadership Blogs competition hosted by the Kevin Eikenberry Group. It's an honor to be selected. If you are interested in voting for your favorite, please vote at Best Leadership Blog 2009 by July 31st.)

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Will You Survive Your Branding?

A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name. "Well," said the would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son liked the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y." "But where are all your cattle?" the friends asked. "None survived the branding."
--- D.A.C. News
 

• How many different business cards do you carry?

• Do you need the entire height of the Sears Tower to complete your elevator speech?

• Have you learned not to answer the question "What Do You Do?" but instead respond with, "Here's how we help people like you?"

The best line I've ever heard for the relationship between focus and success comes from comedian Bill Cosby: "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."

Branding ourselves is a bit of a misnomer. Other people brand us by how they experience who we are, what we do, and how we do it.

What do you unbelievably well?

Now, stick to it so you survive the branding.

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Purge The Victims and Villains Syndrome

You've seen it, I've seen it, and maybe we've all participated in it.

For me, it happens during a consulting engagement. Others may experience it as water cooler conversation, a team meeting, or as part of survey feedback.

Here it is:

People talk, authoritatively, about what a villain a certain manager is. 

"Our Director never listens to anyone." "Ashley makes micromanagers look like big picture thinkers." "You can't trust our Controller."

The fascinating thing I've noticed is that this "feedback" isn't usually about a direct boss, but often about someone a few levels up in the hierarchy. Hmm. How do folks know these things to be true if they don't have much direct contact with the accused?

Because their manager is telling them. There are a lot of ways
to say, "I don't trust our Controller" without using the words. Employees listen closely to subtle cues and innuendo. After a while it all adds up.

Managers get paid to buffer a lot of the "jerk" stuff from above and can erode confidence by criticizing company leadership.   Even if we think our observations are true, it's not really helpful to share it.

What Managers Can Do

1. Deal directly.  If your boss really is a poor listener, tell her. Telling your team does nothing to fix the problem and, quite frankly, makes you look a bit less trustworthy yourself ("What is he saying about me that he won't say to me?). 

2. If you've had the conversation from #1 and there's really no change, figure out how you will manage that reality.

3. In order to be a victim there has to be a villain. Think about your task: to manage a high performing group of people. The more villains you create, the more victims you develop in your team. Do you want to build up your people or ultimately be a counselor to an "ain't it awful" pity party that you created?

In fact, your bosses may be jerks in many ways. Heck, we all are.

What a great opportunity to differentiate your personal brand.
__________________________________________

( "All Things Workplace" has been selected as one of the 10 finalists for the 2009 Best of Leadership Blogs competition hosted by the Kevin Eikenberry Group. It's an honor to be selected. If you are interested in voting for your favorite, please vote at Best Leadership Blog 2009 by July 31st.)

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You've seen it, I've seen it, and maybe we've all participated in it.

For me, it happens during a consulting engagement. Others may experience it as water cooler conversation, a team meeting, or as part of survey feedback.

Here it is:

People talk, authoritatively, about what a villain a certain manager is. 

"Our Director never listens to anyone." "Ashley makes micromanagers look like big picture thinkers." "You can't trust our Controller."

The fascinating thing I've noticed is that this "feedback" isn't usually about a direct boss, but often about someone a few levels up in the hierarchy. Hmm. How do folks know these things to be true if they don't have much direct contact with the accused?

Because their manager is telling them. There are a lot of ways
to say, "I don't trust our Controller" without using the words. Employees listen closely to subtle cues and innuendo. After a while it all adds up.

Managers get paid to buffer a lot of the "jerk" stuff from above and can erode confidence by criticizing company leadership.   Even if we think our observations are true, it's not really helpful to share it.

What Managers Can Do

1. Deal directly.  If your boss really is a poor listener, tell her. Telling your team does nothing to fix the problem and, quite frankly, makes you look a bit less trustworthy yourself ("What is he saying about me that he won't say to me?). 

2. If you've had the conversation from #1 and there's really no change, figure out how you will manage that reality.

3. In order to be a victim there has to be a villain. Think about your task: to manage a high performing group of people. The more villains you create, the more victims you develop in your team. Do you want to build up your people or ultimately be a counselor to an "ain't it awful" pity party that you created?

In fact, your bosses may be jerks in many ways. Heck, we all are.

What a great opportunity to differentiate your personal brand.
__________________________________________

( "All Things Workplace" has been selected as one of the 10 finalists for the 2009 Best of Leadership Blogs competition hosted by the Kevin Eikenberry Group. It's an honor to be selected. If you are interested in voting for your favorite, please vote at Best Leadership Blog 2009 by July 31st.)