Talent Package: Include A Smart Heart

When a brief post generates wonderful discussion, it's fascinating and satisfying.

Many of the readers here are coaches, consultants, and training/HR pros; so, the  conversation can lead to even more learning as well as helpful information like this from Dan McCarthy.

A Smart Heart or a Well-Bred Head?

We are enamored of intellect and expertise. Yet when we look at who are asked to leave organizations, it's often the people who are "brilliant."

The problem? That "light of brilliance" shines down upon an area of content as well as the individual. It doesn't spread its warmth around in ways that touch and help the system as a whole. As a result, it's not life-sustaining.

My experience is that such folks do get a lot of feedback from their bosses along the way. No one really wants to see them fail; no organization wants to lose their expertise. But ultimately, some combination of unwillingness and inability to adapt to the needs of others becomes untenable; so, they have to go.

Talent Implications

Few would dispute the importance of learning in organizations. So here's something to ponder:

Is your organization deliberate about identifying--up front--people who have the heart to learn about themselves and the humility to make changes accordingly?

There are a lot of 4.0 grads out there who have been taught --and absorbed-- a body of knowledge exceedingly well.

I want my clients to get the grads who want to learn how to use it in the service of the people around them. People with a 'smart heart.'

A well-bred head lights up just one office.

A smart heart lights up the organization.

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Talent Development: Evidence or Magical Thinking?

"I don't understand how a system can predict high potentials. It can predict if I'll continue to perform well or poorly as an engineer, for example, but it has no data on how I'll perform as a manager or in marketing or in logistics.

No data = no prediction of any significance, statistical or otherwise.

Those deliberate job assignments and coaching opportunities and so forth have to come first in order to generate the data needed. After all, a mediocre, but generally honest, employee could become great at something else, if they are interested in that path"

This astute insight comes from Beth Robinson, a wonderful writer, chemical engineer, and MBA candidate whose web log tag line is Thinking Towards the Whole. Beth's comments are extra-welcome since we're focused on Systemic Thinking.

Talent Investors: Follow the Financial Caveat

Every financial prospectus carries the warning that "Past performance is no guarantee of future returns."

As Beth points out, the same is true of our own performance. Yet companies are locked in to the idea that past performance in one role can somehow indicate future success in another. The entire reality of systemic influence guarantees that the only way you know if someone is going to be successful is to put them into a new role. Assessment Centers offer the promise of simulating reality and many of them are darned good at placing candidates in situations to see how they will respond to given situations. They are helpful to the extent that you can see someone's actions and reactions, but in a sterile environment.

At work, people report to a real-life boss who is the biggest influence on their willingness and ability to perform; actual organizational systems and their idiosyncrasies are different than simulated ones; reward and recognition systems can lift up or demoralize the best performer; real marketplace changes will create sudden situations that will test character and adaptability; and none of these can be accurately captured outside of the system in which one has to operate.

Do you want to develop talent? Then give people hands-on experiences so they can learn and you can have evidence upon which to base decisions.

We don't put our money in a savings account to see how it will perform in the stock market. Why not show the same thoughtfulness to the organization and the people in it?

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When Is Help Helpful?

When I asked, "Do You Have The Strength to Ask For Help?", I had no idea that the discussion would bring forth such meaningful and insightful responses. It also stirred up memories of situations of people being talked at when what they really wanted was to be asked and heard.

Check out the full range of comments from pros such as Lisa Gates, Karin at KISS2, Lead Well and Prosper author Nick McCormick, long-time leader and executive Dean Fuhrman, trusted business advisor Richard Calderwood, EQ expert Galba Bright, and Dr. Peter Vajda: coach, consultant, and seeker of truth.

Help! They're Trying To Help Me

Have you ever been the recipient of "help" and wondered what the heck was going on?

(Sure, that's a cheap, cheesy, rhetorical question, but I've got to make the segue somehow).

If you are going to be a helper, then you've got to do some work on your own discernment at two levels:

1. Your ability to discern the origin of your own intentions

2. Your ability to discern what kind of help is actually helpful

Is It About You Or Them?

Most of us want to be helpful when we think we see someone in need. A problem arises when our own urge to help is the driving force for our action.

Whose real need is about to be satisfied?

• Managers get themselves into difficulty when they start "showing and telling" at a point when an employee really needs to talk through a situation. (Or vice-versa).

• Those of us who are parents can think back on times when "we wanted what was best for our children". So we did something or bought something for them.  Unfortunately, at a specific moment in time, what we wanted was to avoid seeing our kids struggle through a necessary lesson that could only be learned via a tough experience. Understandably, we wanted to circumvent pain for everyone concerned. Unfortunately, it only postpones the pain--which may cause it to be greater as a result of re-trying and re-learning.

(Secret bonus for men and husbands only):

• Your wife/girl friend/significant other/female co-worker does not necessarily want you to "do" something or "solve" something. She wants you to listen and understand her.

           Exceptions to the rule:

                a. Putting out the trash
                b. Sawing firewood (unless your wife is from Montana)
                c. Buying jewelry at any time of the day or night, even on the Home Shopping Network

How do I know this? Let me count the undiscerning ways. . .

(End of secret guy paragraph)

Discern Before Acting

If you define helping as "facilitating another's growth", it may make it easier to filter your ultimate action--or non-action--through a more discerning lens.

Peter related a tale in one of his comments that says it all. So I won't. Here it is:

There's the story about a man who found a butterfly inside a cocoon. One day a small opening appeared. The man (manager, supervisor, leader, coach, colleague...hmmm) sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through the little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared stuck.

The man (manager, supervisor, leader, coach, colleague...) decided to help the butterfly and with a pair of scissors he cut open the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. Something was strange. The butterfly had a swollen body and shriveled wings. The man watched the butterfly, expecting it to take on its correct proportions. But nothing changed.

The butterfly stayed the same. It was never able to fly, eventually dying. In his kindness and haste the man did not realize that the butterfly's struggle to get through the small opening of the cocoon is nature’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready
for flight.

Lesson learned: In life, first as children, then as adolescents and then even as adults, in business, training, parenting, and etc., we all need the frustration of struggling to build our strengths.

A final note: When you realize that you need to allow a struggle to take place, understand that help means "being there" to support your colleague, friend, or direct report. Being left to struggle without another's support is like being allowed to sky dive without a parachute.

Here's hoping that this week finds you being the parachute. . .

A word of thanks to Mark Shead at Productivity 501 for including our suggestions in his Distraction Free Internet piece.

Graphic source: www.youngwriterssociety.com/ 

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Do You Have the Strength to Ask for Help?

Employee engagement, management engagement, leadership, passion in the workplace. . .

These rallying cries fill books, blogs, and backroom banter. The real issue: "How can we get done what needs to get done and create a sense of "we're in this together" at the same time?

It's actually quite simple:

To Get Something Done, Ask for Help

There is nothing that sparks the human spirit--and thus adds meaning to a task--than the satisfaction of providing help to someone who needs it.

Yet my experience--at least in many western cultures--is that it is somehow viewed as  "weak" to ask for help. After all, if I'm a guy who gets things done, I don't want people to think that I can't get things done.

I know you already see the fallacy in this. Most textbook definitions of management include some version of: "Management--getting things done through others."

Hmm. As a manager that means, by definition, I need your help.

What Actually Happens Vs. The Simplicity of Help

See if this isn't a little closer to the norm:

Manager: "Andrew, our sales goals are up by 8%. You supervise the customer service reps. You need to be able to support that. Make it happen."

Now, that 's not too bad a directive at all in the grand scheme of things. (For those who only respond to warm and fuzzy, it's probably not). It's fairly specific, understandable, and has an action attached. However, we've got an entire generation of management research that everyone has been exposed to through workshops and reading. The essence of that research is that people want to be respected, involved in solutions, and have a sense of meaning in what they do.

So, I suggest:

Manager: Andrew, our sales goals are up by 8%. I need help. (Shut up).

Note to managers: Really, you do need help. You're getting paid to make the 8% happen--through other people.

Andrew: How can I help?

Honestly, if the manager & Andrew have a decent relationship, "helping" is about as meaningful as life can get at that moment.

Manager: You supervise the customer service reps. We need to be able to support that 8% bump. How would you go about doing that with your people?

• Statement one: Places next level of responsibility where it belongs.

• Statement two: Specifies the  issue.

• Statement  three:  Involvement and  more meaning.

    (In the event that Andrew struggles a bit, this is the "teachable moment" for management coaching).

What will you do?

What someone does for a living is part of the working agreement. How they do it is why they--as individuals--were (hopefully) hired in the first place. When you allow someone to exercise the personal how, you have created the intersection of individual meaning and engagement .

Are you strong enough to ask for help today?

Special thanks to Adrian at Slow Leadership for sparking today's thoughts.

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Change: Building Conscious Competence, Part II of II

This article is the twenty-ninth in a series about Change from Steve Roesler.

Building Conscious Competence, Part I began with: "Change is about learning."

Change also means learning about yourself, especially in relation to those around you.

Today, guest author Dr. Peter Vajda  sheds more light on personal change and shares how things tend to unfold in his groups.

---

In our group work, we look at our "issues" and explore how our "stuff" plays out in life, at work at home, and in relationship--for example, in the context of the Fundamental Attribution Error (FAE). In the two examples we ended with yesterday, we openly explore how raising our level of self-awareness can affect the person I am in relationships at work. I other words, do I just "know about" the Kübler-Ross Emotional Change Cycle or do I actually enter into an empathetic, compassionate relationship with another person who is experiencing grief--even though I may not be able to change their circumstances?

Another Example: Helicopter Parents

We all know who they are.

But what about Helicopter Bosses?

In our group, there are three managers who are micro-managers. Initially for these men it was all about "getting things right." A deeper look, however, led to discovery of some unmet psycho-social-emotional needs that prevented them from leaving others alone. They found that these needs were rooted in some kind of

1. Insecurity

2. Need for control and power

3. Need for perfection

4. Need to be needed

Interfering and bothering other people was how they assuaged one or more of these needs at work and at home.

Our work is spiritual work. Not religious or proselytizing, but examining how we live our lives at work, at home, and even at play.

In the context of the workplace, we ask the question: "How do I look at life at work?" Then we may do an exercise where we write 15-20 adjectives or phrases that describe life at work. After that, it's a matter of exploring the threads that run through those items. Do the threads point to passion, purposefulness, challenge, growth; or, to war, battle, win-lose, and power/control, etc.,and why?

The overall intention of our work is to explore the "whole person"at work and at home in order to look at how we can bring our hearts and souls to work.Spiritual awareness is the changing of one's point of view. There is only one way to recognize progress in this arena: examine the progress in one's own outlook on life and to ask one's self:

• "How do I look at life?

• "Why do I look at life in that way?"

Our work--similar to that in this series on Change--is to support ourselves to make our sight clear enough to see if our outlook on life at work is conscious, self-aware, and mutually supportive for the good of the order.

---

I want to thank Peter for his time and willingness to provide real-life insights into the kind of personal development activities that business people are doing to impact the impact of their lives in the workplace and at home.

If you have questions or want to add a personal experience to the conversation, jot a note by clicking on "Comments" below.

And if you enjoyed this look into Change and Personal Development, I think you will also like:

Part I: "How'm I Doin'? Feedback, Relationships, and Success

Part Deux: "How'm I Doin'?" Feedback, Relationsips, and Success

"Who Do I Want To Become?" vs. "What Do I Want To Be?"

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Change: Building Conscious Competence, Part I of II

This article is the twenty-eighth in a series about Change from Steve Roesler.

Change is about learning.

Dr. Peter Vajda adds to the personal and relational learning in this two-part article that begins today.

"If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now. -- Marcus Aurelius

Becoming Aware of Awareness

One of the reasons I'm so appreciative of the series on change is its focus on the whole person as well as a focus on "other"--in a word, consciousness.

Not consciousness in the sense of intellect, facts, information or cognition, but in the sense of self-awareness, raising the bar on how you see yourself, knowing more about who you are and how you are in the workplace.

However, it's not simply discovering and knowing more about me; it's about making a conscious effort to understand those with whom I am in relationship, and how who I am affects my relationships; for example, when relating to my self, and to others, around the emotional cycle of change, the Kübler-Ross model.

Learning In Groups and Through Groups

The Community of Men groups I facilitate are composed of businessmen. But our work in these groups is not only about business. Our work in these Community of men groups is focused on the types of awareness discussed in the Change series:

• Do I have a sense of how my heart and soul fit in my work context?

• Do I know not only the facets and facts of healthy, conscious, honest and trusting relationships, but do I walk my talk when relating to others at work?

• Is the mantra, "People are our most important asset" a way of living my life at work, or basically just B.S.?

• How can I show up authentically by bringing my soul to the workplace and life?

The Importance of The F.A.E.

Recently in one of our groups, we discussed the notion of the "Fundamental Attribution Error" (FAE).

This is the tendency to over-emphasize others' personality ( i.e., their disposition, character, attitude, motives or desires) when we judge or explain their behavior, while discounting their life situation or context as a reason or explanation for their behavior.

It's an unjustified tendency to judge their actions based on some notion we think we have about the kind of person they are, rather than on the social and environmental forces that are influencing them.

BUT: when we behave inappropriately, or negatively, we most often excuse our own behavior as a reaction to our social or environmental circumstances, NEVER as a function of  our own personality or character. That is, we point to something outside ourselves, or someone else for our negative actions-- never ourselves.

Two men in the group offered these examples: 

1. I'm walking down the hall toward a colleague's office and pass a co-worker who doesn't make eye contact or in any way acknowledge my presence. I react by assuming (rightly, in my own mind) that this person is a jerk, has a huge ego, doesn't like or respect me, is absent-minded, or unfriendly judgments I have created judgments and assumptions that point directly to this persons personality, character or true and real nature.

2. My team leader walks by at 5:15 and throws a report she's been working on on my desk. Nary a word, a thought, a good-night, or a glance.  I make a judgment to my team-mate about her behavior, her personality and her attitude, a judgment that is demeaning, unkind, cruel and disrespectful.

How Do We Learn to Work With These Kinds of Situations?

Tomorrow, Peter shares some of the key questions that help his groups--and that will be a help in your own situation.

Join us then? I hope so.

BTW: We frequently gravitate toward people who are very much like ourselves when we want to check out the validity of our thinking. Let's face it, it's a lot more comfortable. Yet it's not necessarily the best way to learn something new.

Have a look at today's Lessons from Opposites article from one of my daily reads, Dr. Ellen Weber.

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Change: Who Are Your Resources?

This article is the twenty-seventh in a series about Change from Steve Roesler

When it comes to real-life change, Karin H.  comments that. . .

"it is good, healthy and profitable -- one way or the other -- to be able to talk these things through with others. Having a mentor or confidant is gold!"

I agree.

So I've invited Dr. Peter Vajda of SpiritHeart to relate the kind of work he does with businessmen (the specific groups he's discussing are men's groups) and some of the deeper individual changes that are addressed in those groups. You may be surprised at the kinds of issues these folks deal with in order to bring about genuine change in their lives and, as a result, their companies.

Peter's article will be published in two parts on Thursday and Friday. I hope you take advantage of his visit here at All Things Workplace.

Help Is Only a Click Away

Regardless of the improvement or change you want to make, you'll find outstanding insights and practical ideas through good sources right here online. To save you time, the list below should keep your learning curve headed in the right direction:

1. If you want to change how you manage your time, Mark McGuinness put together a terrific free e-book to help you do just that.

2. New employees need help with the job change. So, OD pro Joe Raasch has a series running that shows you how to do it effectively.

3. Your IQ won't overcome a lack of EQ. That's why you should Tune Up Your EQ  with Galba Bright.

4. Viral Change (TM) offers alternative ways to look at the whole process of change. Tom Haskins is always thinking about Change and Learning in interesting ways. And anyone who says "If you can't explain it to your grandmother, forget it" is a man after my own heart. So check out Luc Gallopin.

5. If Leadership and Management are on your list, then put these folks on there, too: Carmine Coyote, Jim Stroup, Wally Bock, and George Ambler. For a look at Strategy, check in with Mark Howell at Strategy Central.

These are just a handful of my regular reads...more to follow.

In the meantime, I hope you'll make it a point to stop back Thursday and Friday and learn a lot from Peter's work with personal change.

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Part IV of III: Thinking of a Mid-Career Change?

Make Your Career About Your Talent

Yep. This does say Part IV of III (see yesterday's rant) in Rowan Manahan's Definitive Job-Hunt  group project.

The notion of mid-career change came up because of my work with corporate executives. Many reach a point where they wonder if there is a "better fit" within their organization or if it's time to re-evaluate things and perhaps look for a good match elsewhere.

Either way, we all spend lots of time at work. As a result, satisfaction and "best fit" become important.

Five-Minute Overview

The self-playing (give it time to load and yes, there is a little audio here and there) will give you a big-picture view of the key elements in career decisions.

It's my first go at using the new Keynote software and YouTube so I'm pretty far down on the learning curve but am pleased that I finally got it on here!

RSS readers can also view Using Your Talents.

More Good Career Tips?

The Right Career is Yours For The Taking says Penelope Trunk.

For a manager's viewpoint, Ask A Manager.

Handling rejection is handled well by Declan Chellar.

Finally: What are your career tips? We all have a story or two that can help someone else along the way. I invite you to add yours to the conversation and weigh in with a Comment!

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Part III: Thinking About A Mid-Career Change? (I am)

The gestation period for this post was slightly longer than that of a small elephant.

When Rowan Manahan decided to start a group writing project on the Definitive Job Hunt, I figured that I'd follow up Part I and Part II with a fully narrated, multi-media Part III.

What a great idea (in theory).

The result: A new rung on the Ladder of Learning Mastery:

The Unconscious time line:

Wednesday, 15 August

• Although I own many microphones, I discover that none fits the computer input and I can't seem to come up with an adapter in a reasonable period of time.
  
  Fine. Lots of people enjoyed moving pictures before "talkies" in 1927. Suck it up.
  

• I want to use the Apple Keynote  software because it's really elegant. I have used it once before (see where this is going?).
  
  But today I'm lucky. When I open Keynote I get the announcement that there is a new version available for download. God forbid I should use a perfectly good older version with which I have some familiarity.
  

• Naturally I download the new version. I am immediately Consciously Incompetent and feeling smug about my advanced state of Consciousness.

• I spend the rest of the day and evening finding the Toolbar.

Thursday, 16 August

• Clients who pay me actual money begin to call and annoy me in the midst of my learning curve. I discover that my only reason for being has turned into conquering the new software. As a result, I will soon be living in a cardboard box at the Port Authority bus terminal in NYC.

• Suddenly, it doesn't matter. Now I will be able to give Keynote formatting advice to executives who are  tossing me loose change on their way to work. I feel vindicated regarding my decision and am considering an eBook.

• The postal carrier delivers a package. Wow. CB has sent along Curious George on his Age of Conversation worldwide book tour.
  
  It's my job to have George delivered to Greg Verdino.
  
  But first, I have to take some photos of CG, the fam, the neighbors, etc., to pump up the AoC buzz.
  
  Uh...

• My daughter has borrowed my digital camera. It is not in the state of New Jersey. I am.

• It now occurs to me that there is still no Part III, I'm sitting in my office alone with a stuffed animal, and am probably about to spend +/- $300 at the camera shop.

Friday, 17 August

• Up at the crack of dawn to complete and publish Part III

• Need to edit photos. Open Photoshop Elements 4.0. Realize that I haven't actually used it before.
  No problem finding Toolbar(s). They cover the entire screen on every side.

• Phone starts ringing. Clients again.

• 11 am. Scheduled phone call with Wally Bock. We find much in common, have 90 minutes worth of good laughs, and agree that we should connect again. Since that time our electricity has been interrupted by an automobile/transformer love fest. The portable phone doesn't ring.

• I also agree to add a post to the Carnival of Human Resources that Wally is hosting on August 22. I'm thinking about something I'm really good at, like "How to manage your time and your life."

• More client calls. Less online productivity.

Saturday, 18 August

Cell phone starts beeping with the text message: *Congratulations. You are a great uncle.*

• I think it's my nephew finally realizing what a terrific uncle I really am.

• Nope. My niece delivered a beautiful baby girl (as yet unnamed). Madeline Clare

Please note that she is the first baby in the world who does not look exactly like Winston Churchill.

• We spend the rest of the day at the hospital making baby sounds and arguing about which  side of the family she resembles most.

           The conclusion: Winston Churchill's side.

Sunday, 19 August

• Headed out the door to spend the afternoon with a client/good friend and his wife.

• He is one of the people who called on Friday.

• I will take his picture with Curious George, post it here, then send a copy to his boss and the company psychologist.   

Please note that you have not yet seen the actual Mid-Career Keynote presentation.

You think I don't know that?!

Before Rowan launches the Dublin Admiralty and begins the siege of New Jersey, I will be posting the expected installment this evening Eastern Time as soon as Slideshare finishes the upload.

It will be Part IV of III.

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Part II of III: Thinking About A Mid-Career Change?

Rowan Manahan threw down the Job Hunt gauntlet and called for a Group Writing Project. Not one to shy away from a good project, here's today's offering.

Yesterday's Part I  ended with:

So here you are at mid-career:

• You may be seeing yourself as the sum total of a degree, a title, and work experience. The result is confusion about career aspirations and possibilities.

• Your organization has set--and changed--job standards over time. The result is confusion and reduced confidence about your real talent, aptitude, and all the ways you are smart.

• Your hope needs to be encouraged, sparked, and given a foundation for the future.

Natural Talents: The Importance of What You Can't Not Do

Everyone has natural, innate talent. Just watch them. Pay attention to yourself, too.

Watch who can't not organize something. . .who can't not run the numbers when a project is proposed. . .who can't not ask just the right question at the right moment.

These are all indicators of one's innate talent. What can't you not do?

There's a lot of confusion about differentiating between skills and natural talents.

Here's a way to start thinking about them that I hope you will find helpful:

Learned skills

These come from repetitive "doing" of tasks. They are often rigid and fixed to a certain job application. They don't imply intuitive understanding, growth, or adaptability to new situations.

Innate skills

These flow from natural talent. When you are using these, you intuitively understand the task at hand and the context for it. You start to add your own little elements, look for ways to increase mastery, and even find that you are more flexible when faced with new situations requiring these. Why?

They are you.

That sounds easy enough. If so, then what happens on life's journey that causes us to suddenly feel out-of-step in our careers?

Check out the graphic and explanation that follow:

Use the ages as approximations and pay a little more attention to the "stages" of life.

Birth to Age 18: Most of what we think we know about ourselves is the result of what other people notice, tell us about, or think we ought to be doing. It's just the way it is. We go to school and are involved in activities that we like or don't like. But we don't deliberately think a lot about our talents. We're doing stuff.

Something that can cause confusion later:

Teenagers with reasonable intelligence can do just about anything. They've got enough energy and time to overcome lack of natural ability. So they'll start getting kudos about, say, "soccer" or "science,"only to find later on that they had really worked long and hard to become a little above average. In their local community they were stars. In the world at large, they can't compete with the real stars.

Bonus for parents: You really can't test for the innate "talents" of young people. But you can watch and encourage their successes. (You can test for interests, preferences that will give you a way to see their uniqueness, and even enthusiasm).

Age 19-30: Busy studying at college, learning a job, or both. Not thinking so much about a "career" as about "how do I make some money and get my life started?!"

Still lots of energy to devote to tasks. Still able to compensate for lack of innate talent as a result.

Age 30: Yes, this is special.

Why?

According to my medical sources (now drinking decaf) in the coffee room at All Things Workplace, cell birth is faster than cell death up until about age 30. That means we have a reserve of life. At about 30, the cellular birth/death rate is about parallel, and then...you get the idea.

So it's no surprise that in our early 30's we begin to re-evaluate what we're doing. We no longer have the surplus energy to consistently put out extra time and effort to perform well in areas that aren't really in our inherent talent zone.  If you hear yourself talking positively and reminiscing about jobs or experiences that were 2 or more iterations ago, consider it a sign from God.

It's also at this stage of life that reality sets in. "Wow. I am going to be as old as my Mom and Dad. Wow. They've worked for 40 years. Arrgh!  Do I want to do this for 40 more years?"

Suddenly the notion of congruency, talent, and meaning really kick in.

Age 45: We live in a youth-oriented culture. Yet mastery of one's talents takes off on a steep curve at this stage. Wisdom and discernment make one's talents and skills even more effective.

There is an even bigger issue for many, though: peace (or not) with one's life.

A person with a passion can muster energy and resources to get the job done--and frequently has more resources available at this age.

If there is a problem with lack of peace with one's self: Instead of simply being discontented like those in their 30's, the incongruent 45-ish person begins to die on the inside. Finding and using one's real talents become increasingly important for one's total well-being and view of life ahead.

Fast forward to 55-65: People become "bitter" or "better."

Those operating in their "talent zone" continue to learn, grow, and perform. The upward curve is just not rocket-steep.

Those who don't resolve the bigger issue of integrating life/career/natural talents experience deep discouragement and can become angry with the world. (You've seen them). Sadly, they may never know why.

Note: My personal experience has been that the "bitter" outlook is much more characteristic of men than women.

Where is your Career Hope?

I believe it lies in the ability that I know you have to understand the process above, pinpoint your unique talents, skills, and values, and live a life where your career is a part of who you are--not the other way 'round.

Coming up in Part III: Some practical ways to look at talents, skills, and values.

What's happened in your career life that can help someone else, refine a concept, and add to the conversation? Jump in with a comment of your own!

And: expand your chances of job success and check in with (the really not-so) Evil HR Lady, Jason Alba, Jason Warner, and Karen at Please Don't Call Us Headhunters!

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Part I of III: Thinking About A Mid-Career Change?

Note: This series is part of a collaboration with Rowan Manahan at Fortify Your Oasis. Rowan wants to help people who are on the hunt for a job. But what if you already have one yett feel that it isn't quite the match you hoped it would be?

A significant part of my organization development consulting practice finds me coaching and counseling mid-career professionals who feel that way.

So Rowan said, "Go for it!"

Here goes:

That Queezy Career Feeling

You've been educated as an engineer, an accountant, a researcher, an HR specialist.

Suddenly--or naggingly--over time, you feel dissatisfied.

Is it my job, my department, the company? Is it me?

The answer: It could be any one, a  combination, or all of the above.

When you're facing a career conundrum, here are considerations to structure your thinking. Please don't brush them off, grab a daisy, and yell, "I'm going to follow my passion. I don't need to think!"

I want you to follow your passion. Thoughtfully. So you can be successful (whatever that means to you).

The Mid-Career Challenge

1. You want to discover your very best career options and:

• Maximize your hopes, dreams, and goals

• Minimize your stress and chance of burnout

• Identify and maximize realistic expectations

2. If you want to identify other career goals within your current organization, you need to:

• Identify and maximize your talents, strengths, and aptitudes

• Get clear on where--and at what level--you really want to be in the organization

The Wrong Way To Begin Thinking About Yourself

People approach me and say, "I'm educated to be a financial analyst. What else can a financial analyst do?"

Wrong.

It's amazing how we form our identity based upon our educational background or professional title. If we allow these to define our being--which is easy to do--we no longer see ourselves as gifted individuals and we run out of options.

The Organization's  Influence

Career aspirations and even self-image are conditioned by current and previous  employers.

• Think about this: organizations are concerned about productivity. In the grand scheme of things, your career advancement is for the company's benefit, not necessarily your own. I'm not saying that's evil. I am saying it's realistic to recognize it. The messages you get are not necessarily about you. They are about what you've produced based on the organization's desires at a given moment. And those probably aren't the same as what you were originally hired for.

• Worth to the organization is often determined by three factors: how well you get the job done in a timely, orderly, and quality way.

• The training programs you and I attend are designed to teach skills related to the organization's needs. And that's the way it should be. However: as you progress in your career, you may find out that they  aren't compatible with who you really are.

So here you are mid-career:

• You may be seeing yourself as the sum total of a degree, a title, and work experience. The result is confusion about career aspirations and possibilities.

• Your organization has set--and changed--job standards over time. The result is confusion and reduced confidence about your real talent, aptitude, and all the ways you are smart.

• Your hope needs to be encouraged, sparked, and given a foundation for the future.

Join me for Part II when we begin to Resolve the Confusion and Focus on the Right Things.

Do weigh in with a comment on your own experiences and tips. The conversation is designed to help make someone's mid-career challenge a bit easier!

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Building Strengths Through Groups?

The idea of personal growth is terrific.

The idea of doing it alone is awful.

Why?

1. You have no accurate way of knowing how you're really doing. You may know how you feel, but you don't know the real impact of your growth on others.

2. When you carry ideas around in your head without discussing them with others, you get frustrated.

3. If you aren't just frustrated, you may start to literally feel crazy: "Am I the only one thinking this way?!"

4. When others add to or refine your thinking, everyone benefits from the outcome.

Put Together a Master Group. (Call It Whatever You Want).

This isn't a unique idea but it's a dynamic that works.

• Gather a group of 6-8 people who simply want to meet for a set period of time once  or twice a month.

• Explain that the idea is to meet regularly to share what each person is "working on" (could be work-related or growth-related issues).

• Each person would be expected to have one concrete item for discussion at each session.

• The role of the group members would be to ask refinement questions, offer similar experiences, and suggest alternative ways of looking at the item.

• One person could be the group facilitator for a set period of time or you can do it based upon some other method.

• There does have to be an attendance, as well as confidentiality, policy.

You get the idea. Any sensible variation on the above will work as long as the group has a common, agreed upon intent and guidelines.

Here Is Your Payoff

1. Intellectual Development. Thoughts that are incubating can become full-blown, successful "projects" as a result of new questions, discussion, and refinement.

2. Emotional Development. New and deeper relationships can result from the discussions and help provided to each other.

3. Sanity Check. You may discover that what you thought was a unique personal issue is, in fact, a common concern of many. The cathartic effect of that alone can free you up to move ahead with more energy.

I know that some of you have done this, tried this, and are involved in learning groups.

What experience and advice can you offer?

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Free Coaching Session: An Offer You Can't Refuse

Passion + Talent = Success.

Mistake + Reflection + Action = Growth.

Focus + Action = Results.

Mess with The Godfather + Get Caught = Sleep With the Fishes

Act Now!

This is an unabashed plug for Kent Blumberg's  very cool way to give you a shot at a free 40-minute coaching session with him. Kent is a verrrry experienced executive who can offer you a lot in 40 minutes. He also looks a lot like Don Corleone.

All you have to do to enter is visit Kent and leave your favorite formula in the comment box.

Deadline and drawing Sunday, July 29.

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360 Feedback: It's About the Conversations That Follow

Finding out "how we're doing" is an important part of life, on and off the job.

360 degree feedback tools can be especially helpful when you want to know how you are doing in relation to your boss, your direct reports, and peers in the organization. I like 360's because they:

1. Let you see how others believe you are doing in specific areas that are important to on-the-job success

2. Provide a quick look at how each of your constituencies is experiencing you.

For example, your direct reports may be getting everything they need, while your peer group may tell you that they need something other than what they are getting now. So you know where to keep doing what you are doing now, and where to make some changes. That helps you prioritize things.

3. Offer the opportunity for a structured conversation.

When you want to talk about your performance it can be difficult to know just where to begin. The 360 process allows you to get specific feedback in specific categories. When you see the results, you can sit down and ask questions that address meaningful areas of work life. And, you are dealing with information already acknowledged as important by the different groups of respondents. It can be a lot easier discussing things that have already been generated--and therefore owned--by the people who are important to your success. You have a place to start--and isn't that sometimes the toughest part?

360: It's the Conversation That Matters

Raw data are just that. What's important is the "why" behind "what" was said. Without finding out the answers, you really don't have an accurate picture. Why not?

Always remember that feedback is more indicative of the sender than the recipient. Feedback says, "Here's what I think based on my expectations of you in these specific areas. The real payoff can come from discovering where you need to clarify or re-visit what's really expected and honestly discussing what's really possible. And, when people of goodwill have those kinds of discussions, it can lead to a quick boost in trust as well as new energy to move ahead.

Are you or your company using 360 feedback? Then make sure there are conversations that follow. Without them, no one knows the real meaning of the data. With conversations, you stand to get an exponential payoff in understanding, trust, and improved performance.

What has your experience been with 360 feedback, pro and con? Take a moment to add to the knowledge base and add a comment.

Click on your preferred subscription area at the top of the sidebar on the left. You'll always get the newest post!

 

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Success and Authenticity Draw a Crowd

Yesterday's post on success and authenticity drew some very thoughtful comments as well as a nice mention by Liz Strauss in her Blog Herald post on the same topic.

Jim Stroup at Managing Leadership had this to say:

"In a world where managers are inundated with advice on how to make mythic figures - heros or saints - of themselves, this post is an important splash of cool, clear water. I especially like the caution about humility not being false modesty - humility is generally promoted in such grandiose and elevated terms that it is adopted, or, rather, affected - we all have seen this - with the most unsettling arrogance.

You are speaking of authenticity in a way similar to the way I define integrity: being what you represent yourself to be, and representing yourself to be what you, in fact, are."

Who Am I? Who Are You?

Why do we find ourselves and others struggling in the workplace--often in mid-career--asking "Who Am I and What Should I Be Doing?

Dr. Peter Vajda, who is a values-based coach, counselor, and trainer in Atlanta, Georgia (USA) took time to serve up such a well thought-out response that I wanted to make it readily available. Here's what Peter has to say about authenticity:

"The kicker for me is that everyone is born authentic. It’s just that we then spend countless minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years separating from our innate, authentic self. Then, of course, we become confused. “Who am I, really?” becomes the operative question.

Spending our time wearing one mask to ourselves, and other to the multitudes we meet along the way at work, at play, at home, in relationships, we become confused souls. Stressful and bewildering. Many of us don’t really know who we, ourselves, are.

Because of our inner sense of insecurity, something we learn to internalize in childhood, many of us have become actors trying to appear as our selves, efforting, “trying” to be "myself" rather than just “being myself.” Leading to nothing but self-deceit and much stress, many folks then spend huge amounts of time and energy searching for who they really are without arriving at an answer. The difficulty is that discovering one’s authenticity is the work of the soul – and most folks “think” they can do it “in their heads”, that it’s something one “figures out.” Hmmm.

So, becoming (consciously or unconsciously) obsessive over how we appear to others, we manifest the need for unusual amounts of admiration, recognition and approval from others. So, we “do what we have to do” to get it…and this means, not being myself, not being authentic, with "warts and all", or being and feeling vulnerable, etc. So, we then behave in ways that are grandiose, false, inauthentic, and reactive.

The greatest obstacle in being authentic is that most folks have come to identify with self-images they have taken on from their parents, their friends, their schooling, the media, etc. and this is who they take themselves to be. When we let go of these “mental” self-images, and come from our Inner Core and True Self, we can be authentic. But few are able or willing to do the deeper exploration of our selves to look at the “spiritual” truth of who we are…so another day, another mask, another persona, another attitude, another new expensive car, another new outfit, another in-your-face, overbearing, controlling, egotistical, self-centered, superficial and narcissistic “me” – a “me” I really don’t know at all.

So, when we separate from our Core self, this disconnect manifests largely as our ego-self, which leads to a loss of self-esteem and sensing this loss of self-esteem, we try as hard as we can to recover our sense of value and worth from the outside…shoring up our self by being phony and fake - in thought, word, and deed, failing to be, and fearing to be, authentic.

The $10 question is “What’s right about not showing up as my true and real self...?”

(c) 2007, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and SpiritHeart. All rights in all media reserved

Peter is an author and his remarks above are copyrighted.

Note the paradox in Peter's remarks. The act of trying to be that which we are not actually lowers self-esteem instead of achieving the desired results.

Thanks, Peter.

Photo attribution:  www.maccs.mq.edu.au/ research/programme/belief.htm

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Management Stress And "Stuffing Thoughts"

Whatever is unresolved becomes a stressor.

Yesterday's post was really about how we literally terrorize ourselves when we pile on mental burdens that need to be released. Managers add stress to their lives by postponing important conversations and letting them build up until their heads start to feel like a balloon waiting to burst. Or, we try to submerge those thoughts until we discover that they tend to pop out in strange and often harmful ways. How many times have we received--or given--a terse comment that really was the result of some long- unspoken feeling?

Marketing guru Mike Wagner responded with a good question:

" I had to acknowledge you're living in the head of nearly every leader I meet with that observation! So, what is the "do something" you recommend when a manager has been stuffing thoughts about someone's performance?

I know what the negative thing looks like - I've seen plenty unload in a less than healthy manner."

Maybe the place to start is with:

Why Is Feedback Important?

Feedback started as a term used to describe the signals sent from a rocket back to earth in order to determine the accuracy of the rocket's course. By tracking speed and trajectory, ground crews could determine when and where to make corrections.

At some point in time, the term Feedback was incorporated into business language as a way to talk about performance. And, as in rocket flight, it has been determined that the best way for a person to stay "on course" is to assess where one stands at any given moment in relation to the task or goal at hand.

Here's the really important point: The chances of impacting performance increase with frequency and timeliness of feedback. That implies the need for ongoing "How are we doing?" conversations. It's our best chance at knowing whether we're on track or not.

What Gets In The Way of Giving Feedback?

1. Let's face it: few of us enjoy hearing about those areas of worklife where we're coming up short. It's human nature. The flip side is that managers are people, too, and they have the same thoughts and feelings. So it's not exactly a peak experience being the proverbial "messenger" even though it comes with the job.

2. The term "feedback" has morphed into "Here's what you need to correct" instead of "Here's how I think we're doing."

3. Feedback has been institutionalized to the point where it is often done at yearly or semi-annual performance reviews. That's usually too far away from the actual performance for a person to make the kind of changes that will alter an outcome. So it's almost like a "Gotcha!"

4. It takes a relationship built on trust to have meaningful conversations about performance.

Trust comes from a series of interactions where people have made agreements, talked about how things were going, and then lived up to what they said they would do. And if something goes wrong, one person points that out to the other. They talk about what to do differently. And they learn that, even if something does go wrong, they care enough to bring it up and do something about it. I've said this before: The people you trust the most are the people who tell you the truth--good and bad. If it's good, they offer encouragement. If it's bad, they offer ways to work with you to sort things out.

5. Lack of ongoing, natural conversation about work life gets in the way of building relationships that breed the level of trust we need to have ongoing, natural conversations. It's circular.

What Can You Do About This?

1. Managers: Start the conversation from Day 1.

Set the tone for the future early on by asking, "How are things going with project x?" What didn't we anticipate? What's going well? What isn't going well, so we can find out how to get it on track?

Then make sure that both of you do what you say you'll do.

2. Employees: If there isn't a conversation, start one. Turn the questions in #1 into statements. For example, "Here's how project x is going." "Here's what we didn't anticipate."

Sure, maybe your boss doesn't like bad news. Here's a secret: Surprises are worse than bad news.

If you start the conversation, you have a better chance of putting your boss at ease with the whole idea of "How are we doing?"

3. Keep talking about having conversations, not feedback.

Language conveys feeling. The whole notion of feedback has degenerated to the point where the word contains more negative connotations than positive. Why? Maybe because it was never meant to be associated with the human condition in the first place.

From the time we're kids we have conversations. We talk about "What's going on" and "How are things going?"

Start having ongoing "How are we doing?" conversations. Start now.

I absolutely guarantee you that two people of goodwill can increase their combined performance and reduce their stress-inducing baggage by having regular, honest talks about their progress and the factors impacting it. These kinds of talks are the foundation of every good relationship, on and off the job.

Bonus Thought: The longer you wait, the larger the "negative" becomes and the more difficult it is to discuss. Regular, frequent conversations mean that the problem areas will be smaller and easier to talk about!

Bonus Resource: Read what Dr. Ellen Weber has to say about The Power of A Stress-Free Mind. 

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Where Have All The Men Gone?

Yesterday I was lounging at Barnes & Noble drinking expresso and reading a stack of magazines.

Best Life  magazine grabbed my attention with the headline that I used here. Here's why:

I've wondered for a long time why mentoring has subsided while coaching has blossomed. And I've always had a hunch that it had to do with a change in the nature, frequency, and depth of relationships. This article really does the topic justice and is a must read for men--and women--as well.

What does the Best Life article point to?

According to the author's research, there are four contributing factors:

1. Men who have been managing their careers for years but who find themselves, midstream, feeling bereft of the kind of friendships they once had seem to have made four critical life mistakes, according to experts. The first and biggest problem involves time constraints, according to sociologist Theodore F. Cohen, professor of sociology at Ohio Wesleyan University, who has studied men’s friendship networks. “Friendship ties,” Cohen writes in the discussion of one study, “seemed always to rank behind both marriage and parenthood in terms of the salience and legitimacy of their claims on one’s time.” Add to the mix the time pressures of one’s career and you can see how male friendships can slowly start to vanish.

2. The second problem is a little more insidious and involves the way men tend to forsake their male friends and elect their wives or girlfriends as their new and primary best friends in their social worlds. Call it the Yoko Ono effect. You’ve heard it before, say, during a bridegroom’s toast to his new wife. “And most important [emotive pause], she’s my best friend.” [Applause.] One of the strongest findings in the “Social Isolation in America” study was about friendship networks: “Core confidants surrounding the typical American,” say the authors, “have become smaller and more centered on the close ties of the spouse/partner.”

3. ...the tendency for men to entrust their social lives to their girlfriends or wives. “Women have historically been the ‘kinskeepers’ of Western society,” writes sociologist Barry Wellman, Ph.D., a professor of sociology at the University of Toronto. (For a quick litmus test, ask yourself: Who does the holiday cards each year—you or your wife?) With the growth of the suburbs, explains Wellman, and the gradual evaporation of urban meetinghouses, where men used to gather and form friendships, the planning of a man’s social calendar gradually began to take place in the home, the wife’s domain. Gatherings of friends, moreover, began to occur more frequently in the home with cocktails and dinner—again territory staked out by the wife. (Suburban Man moved outside, to be alone with the barbecue.) On some level, we have never gotten over the regime.

4. The fourth mistake takes us to the problem of male friendship at its widest circumference. It has to do with the sense of manhood we inherit from our fathers and from the movies, a sense of manhood that is standard issue, handed out, as it were, when we were boys, and it is symbolized by the lone rider, brave, independent, and self-sufficient—the Clint Eastwood effect. This guy has so much shit to do that he doesn’t need friends. But dozens of studies in psychology, epidemiology, and the new field of (brace yourself) psychoneuroimmunology, or PNI, which investigates the links between the mind and the immune system, have made it abundantly clear that there are certain measurable risks involved in isolating yourself like the High Plains Drifter or reducing your life to the same dreary combination of work, home, Starbucks (repeat until the grave).

What Should We Be Thinking About?

Clearly, society--as always--is having an impact on how workplace relationships, mentoring, and the development of ensuing generations of leaders are being played out (or not). If mentoring and leadership development is a concern, then maybe we need to look at the changes in values, expectations, and demands that have pulled men away from performing those roles.

I'm always up for finding ways to be more attentive and understanding of the unique needs and differences when it comes to my wife, daughter, and women in the workplace.  Anything less doesn't reflect genuine caring. And to think that two people of different genders are the same because they both are "analytical" is sheer foolishness.

But if we're allowing flawed lifestyle and cultural shifts to override the roles that enable men to mentor and develop future leaders, then perhaps we should stop and think about where this is really taking us. Is this where we intended--and want-- to go?

The Yoko Ono Effect helped Yoko a lot, but it sure didn't do anything for the Beatles.

Photo Source: www.villagehatshop.com

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How Do You Impact Learning?

Yesterday's post asked How Big Is Your Learning Zone?

The idea was to start reading about disciplines other than our own. Find out how designers approach things and then ask "How can I apply that to work flow, manufacturing, or research? Discover how engineers look at processes and procedures...then see if there is a different way to deal with the ones we're using now.

After I finished the post I did a little blog exploration of my own. What did I find?

Tom Haskins talking about Affecting Other Learners. So I left a comment for Tom which included a "heads up" that I was going to take that theme and connect it to practical learning in the workplace. More and more, job candidates are asking the question "What will I learn here?"

If they don't like the answer, chances are they'll keep looking.

For leader, managers, and heads of projects, helping people learn is a critical contribution to both individual and organizational success.

So I'm going to play off of Tom's Four Effects structure and see where it leads the conversation.