Why "Why?" Matters

You ask your four year-old to do put away her toys. The response: "Why?"

Your eyeballs bulge.

Then, your teenager asks you for $20. You ask, "Why?" His response: "I just need it."

You go into your "money doesn't grow on trees" routine that you swore you would never do (because your parents did it).

You tell your boss you think you need about $200,000 to beef up your marketing efforts and $100,000 to outsource the graphics and production. She leans her head at a 45 degree angle, looks at you, and utters the magical, "Uh, why?"

You think to yourself, "Isn't it obvious given our targets for market-share?"

"Why" Does This Matter?

Purpose and Context. That's why.

The human condition requires context for what's being asked or done.

Idea people fall in love with their ideas.

Action people fall in love with do-ing.

But everyone around them needs to know why the ideas and actions are important. We talk about "engagement," then fail to provide the purpose and context that people need to become engaged.

I've watched managers bark absolutely appropriate directions at employees. The response was appropriate as well: "Why do you want us to do it this way?"

That's not insubordination, it's an intelligent question. Knowing the purpose allows people to make good decisions when problems arise. If an action is going to cost 20% of budget and part of the purpose is to stay within 10%, employees know how to respond effectively.

"Why" Brings You Clarity and Confidence

If you and I are at all alike, one immediate reaction to "Why?" is often defensiveness. ("How dare you question my thinking?")

Yet this is the question that will keep you out of trouble--but only if you are willing to take it as a gift and spend time re-visiting your answer. If you do, you'll gain the clarity that gives you confident strength to move ahead boldly.

And engagement--yours and theirs--won't be a buzzword.

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Boost Creativity: Make Rules To Be Broken

Counterdependence: The act of overcompensating as a result of feeling very dependent and subconsciously moving in the opposing direction.

Think "teenagers".

Once teenagers figure out the rules, they begin to look for creative ways to break them as a way to assert their independence. Adults do the same thing. You can choose to funnel that dynamic into productive counterdependence.

Here are some proven (that means I did it at least once) ways:

1. Implementing Changes.

The warm-and-fuzzy school of thought says to get people involved at the outset of a change to help create it. Well, that might work if they known what to do and how to do it.

a. If they don't know either, then they require direction. When people know the over-arching purpose of the change, they'll be able to help refine it.

b. If they know what but not how, they need educational direction.

c. If they know how but don't want to do the what, they need a darned good reason. Perhaps even an offer they can't refuse. Then, listen for the responses to get an accurate readiness diagnostic that you won't have to pay for.

2. Brainstorming Past Glazed-Over Eyeballs.

People who are highly expressive and verbal often enjoy brainstorming. That's who the "storming" part was meant to accommodate.

But what about the deep thinkers who want to reflect thoughtfully  before participating?

They need something upon which to reflect, then react. They need content. Give them some. Instead of expecting your engineers and accountants to view your blank flip chart page as a Monet canvas, put some of your ideas up there first. Don't worry about how lame they are. (Your ideas, not the engineers). Just get something up there for people to "bounce off of."

Think of yourself and your content as  "trampolines for engagement." (Did I just say that?)

3. Overcoming Senior-itis.

Frequently heard from managers:

"I don't want to tell anybody what I think of Project X until after they've discussed it in the meeting. Then I'll give my opinion. Otherwise, they may be intimidated and try to please me." The thinking is this: The most senior person in the room should wait until last to speak.

That may be true if:

a. You have an abundance of shrinking violets working with you, in which case it won't make any difference.

b. These people used to offer up a stream of ideas until they figured out that you always wait until the last minute to unveil your brilliance and tell them how wrong they all are. Gotcha!

c. You somehow believe that the accurate definition of "leadership" is "I'll go last."

I actually do understand how strong managers arrive at the "I'll go last" methodology and most of those with whom I've worked believe they are doing a good thing. They aren't.

At the beginning of the meeting the manager needs to say something like:

"Here's my thinking on this right now, and why. I don't have all the answers or the nuance. Let's talk about how to look at Project X in it's totality and see what we come up with." Then sit down, listen, and stick to clarifying questions.

Why go first? Because everyone in the room will hold back to some extent until the senior person puts a stake in the ground. Pound the stake, tell them you are more than willing to move it, and get out of the way.

Note: If you aren't willing to budge, say so and have a "best way to implement" discussion. Don't do a "faux" participative activity. You can get away with it once or twice but it will ultimately wreck your credibility and the group's participation.

That's what I'm thinking about this today. How about you?

____________________________________________

( "All Things Workplace" has been selected as one of the 10 finalists for the 2009 Best of Leadership Blogs competition hosted by the Kevin Eikenberry Group. It's an honor to be selected. If you are interested in voting for your favorite, please vote at Best Leadership Blog 2009 by July 31st.)

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Leadership, Happiness, and Satisfaction

Every so often I check the statistics here to discover what search engine queries bring people to All Things Workplace. I figured that the keywords were going to be mostly "leadership" or "management".

Wrong.

"Job Satisfaction"..."Happiness at Work"..."Where Can I Find the Best Job?"..."Strengths and Weaknesses"..."How Can I Find A Job Where the Boss Listens to Me?"...those are the themes. Career issues--sometimes disguised as communications--turned up on a second page of searches.

(Click on image to enlarge)

Make no mistake. People are searching for how to feel good at work. We want to do well...and we want to feel good in the process.

But these are leadership and management issues. What people are saying is: "We want to be in a place where the "orchestration of work" allows us to contribute our talent. There are times when we need direction and times when we need to improvise our own riffs."

Think about two variables

There's a relationship between how much people enjoy their jobs and how well they perform. That's not a mystery. But there is a dynamic you need to know about in order to manage yourself and others:

1. Some people have to feel good about their job and their workplace before they can get busy and perform at their max.

2. Others have to have to first achieve super results in order to feel good about their jobs.

It's a "Which comes first, the chicken or the egg?" phenomenon. I picked up on this during a stretch where I was diagnosing "performance issues" for a client.

My conclusion: Managers hadn't caught onto the validity of the two approaches to performance. Naturally, the "feel good first" people were perceived as weenie-like non-performers. However, they actually had a huge commitment to doing well. They just needed something else to help them be able to get there.

What was it? They wanted the managers to understand who they were and what made them tick. That went along way to having the "right feeling" about the job.

The second category of people wanted a scorecard. They weren't about to "feel" good until they checked off their tasks and accomplishments.

Target yourself and your people

1. Which approach most naturally fits you? Figure out what that means to the way you work and the way your work is managed. Then talk with your manager about your desire to excel and how you might use this natural preference to make that happen.

2. Managers: The next time you're in a meeting (or one-on-one), have an informal conversation about the two approaches. Let people talk about what comes first for them. You'll learn a lot about how to manage each person; and they'll get more of what they need in order to hit the top of the job satisfaction/high performance curve.

Punchline: First, know yourself and your own preference. Only then will you have a solid point of reference for understanding the distinctions of the people around you.

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Pay Attention to the Spirit of Change

We business types seem to enjoy--and gravitate towards--discussions about Change. And it's almost always in the context of managing it, leading it, overcoming resistance to it...as if Change is somehow different than life.

It isn't. It is life.

Which means that how we approach our lives and what comes our way will influence how we approach things that are new and different at work. How we choose to respond to changes will determine our sense of success and  contentment, regardless of what comes our way.

It is, in fact, a spiritual issue. The world view that you possess will determine how you lead or respond to changes, and whether you will lift people up or cut them down in a display of anger or negativity.

I've been involved in leading or assisting  "change" efforts at numerous Fortune 500 firms. Some quite successful, most actually mediocre, a few downright ugly. So it's something that I've thought about often and quite deeply. Here are some conclusions I've reached:

1. Once you announce that you are undertaking a large-scale "Change", you've set the conditions for adversarial relationships. The human condition doesn't necessarily want change; it wants control.

 Therefore,

2. You have set in motion a struggle for control. Self-control, control of the situation, control of other people...

3. If you want to do something new or different, tell people you want to do something new or different. Tell them exactly what it is, why it is (reality), and how it will improve the business/workplace situation (hope). Then be prepared to "be there"--even more than usual--to support the effort.

Change models, for the most part, evolved from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' work "On Death and Dying." She did a magnificent job explaining the emotional cycle that people experience who are facing or dealing with death. In my experience, the model does, indeed, hold up in any situation involving changes. And it is for that very reason that the issue is always a spiritual one. People who are dying need to reconcile not only what is happening to them now, but what has happened in their entire lives--as well as resolving any unanswered questions regarding eternity.

Those of us facing changes at work do the same thing: we attempt to reconcile what is happening, what our career in the organization has been about, and what the unknown future will hold.

For that reason, I believe it's important for organization dwellers at all levels to have an understanding of the model. Everyone involved can then know how to respond in an uplifting or supportive manner when they recognize someone else experiencing a particular step along the way. (That also means painting reality for those who are stuck on Fantasy Island).

That said, my own experiences show this: Making "Change" the overarching theme in communication, training, and managing is a big mistake. It's not what you are about and it will drain the energy from the specific, meaningful improvements you have to make.

What to Do

If you truly believe in what you need to do, then do it. But first check out the spirit with which you are about to deal with the people who have to make it happen. What is it? Really?

If you are on the receiving end, is your response any different than to any other change in your life?

Whether  you are leading or following, the spirit with which you evaluate and participate will impact the accuracy and wisdom of your choices.  And those choices will determine business effectiveness and personal contentment in the days and weeks ahead.

It is a choice. And your choices are the only thing over which you have control. Be careful of the spirit with which you exercise them.

_____________________________

For a thoughtful read that may change your views about leadership, check Jim Stroup's series .

Want to change how people are talking about you? Really. One of my favorites from Duct Tape Marketing & Seth Godin.

And when it comes to changing Employee Engagement, there's no better resource than my friend David Zinger at Employee Engagement Zingers.

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Change How You Deal With Difficult People

I've been presenting a program for clients on "How To Deal With Difficult People" for more than 20 years.

It sounds kind of grim but is really a lot of fun. Why?

Because everyone has someone who "bugs" them. And, when they think long and hard about it, what bothers people most is actually something they really don't like about themselves. There are lots of ways to have fun with this and learn a lot at the same time without navel-gazing.

What I like best about the approach we've developed is that it isn't about coping with jerks. Why settle for coping? It doesn't really change anything.

Do You Want To Change Something?

Good. Then here's a little synopsis that I hope will help.

1. What really drives your blood pressure north?

Identify the triggers are that push your buttons by thinking about past experiences in which your "favorite"  person finally got to you.

What did they do?  That’s different than why it bothered you. Simply identify their actual behavior.  Was it the way they approached you? Looked at you?  How did they look at you? Maybe it was a certain voice quality or tone of voice?

2. How did you react?

Do you immediately blame them for how you feel?  Do you act distracted or quickly find a distraction? Disavow what’s really going on? When they do their "special" thing, what do you do in response?

3. What do you want from yourself? 

What’s the very best you can bring to the situation? Regardless of what they did, what would you do to be delighted with yourself after the interaction?

4.  What do you really want from them? 

Yeah, I know: "Stop that stuff!"

Not going to happen. So, think about this relationship the way the Cheerios people do on their nutrition label. "What is the MDR (minimum daily requirement) of behavior you can hope for and accept? Then start expecting nothing more. (it's quite free-ing, really).

5.  Has someone else learned a way to deal with this person?

 How do they do it?  Who might know how to do it?  Describe your situation in a way that combines "behavior-then-how-I-feel." No need to dump on the offender; besides, it makes you less attractive and less of a good candidate for help.

When you've reached a point where you have an approach, use it. We train our muscle memories to play tennis, golf, and other sports in ways that become unconscious.  You can train your nervous system in the same way. Think about this: if you do just one thing differently you may change the entire pattern.

Most importantly: Life is not what happens to us. It's how we respond to what happens to us.

And you are in charge of your responses.

Go for it!

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Non Verbals Across Cultures: Start Teaching It

It's easy to misunderstand someone from a culture different than your own--especially when it comes to non-verbals. 

Despite this, there's not much intentional training on nonverbal behavior in global corporations. Perhaps there should be. I recall my initiation into this special "world" as a new  management trainer in Saudi Arabia in 1979. Since then, the whole idea of cross-cultural teams and travel has become the norm. I'm not so sure that the same is true with purposeful understanding. Here's my Day One experience; perhaps you've had a similar one:

Real Life

Our support staff was made up entirely of Indian, Bangladeshi, Pakistani, and Thai folks. When addressing the group about an administrative problem, the silent responses ranged from a head shake (Indian) to downward stares (Pakistani and Bangladeshi) to a bright smile from our Thai guy. I took this to mean lack of concern or a misunderstanding--perhaps I wasn't speaking clearly. I finally left the discussion puzzled by what appeared to be a collective lack of concern.

By the end of the day the situation was, without fanfare, totally resolved. Huh?

It was only later that another native English-speaking manager with considerably more experience sat me down and gave me a million-dollar lesson in cultural non-verbals. He shared that the Thai smile signaled an apology; the Indian head-shake wasn't a "No" (a U.S non-verbal) but in fact a "Yes, I understand." The other two fellows were from cultures that didn't value constant eye contact while being engaged--but they were listening carefully and clearly engaged.

Teaching and Learning, Explicit or Implicit?

So: is non-verbal behavior something that can accurately be picked up by informal exposure to other people or does it need to be specifically taught?

A study by  Damnet & Borland (2007) (don't seem to be able to access this any longer) suggests it may be better to teach nonverbal behavior explicitly.

This study examined Thai university students learning English as a foreign language.

One group saw videos of native English speakers along with being taught the meaning of the words. While they were not explicitly taught the nonverbal communication, they were implicitly exposed to it.

A second group was purposefully taught about nonverbal communication in addition to learning the grammar and vocabulary. It was this second group that showed the best understanding of nonverbal communication.

In Organizations, It Matters

It can be tough enough during meetings and normal interactions to interpret the nonverbal cues from our own culture . Add the global nature of doing business and one would have to ask: Wouldn't it make sense to simply put this out there as a training program? It could be a lot of fun as well as highly educational in a way that would reduce unnecessary misunderstandings.

Add your own examples to the comments. It would be a big help to readers everywhere.

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5 Powerful Ways for Managers to Open Discussions

Just imagine how disappointed you’d be after setting up a meeting or performance discussion, only to lose your listener(s) with an opening that didn't create momentum. Anticipation of a good meeting--followed by a weak opening-- is like inviting someone for a hot air balloon ride only to find the helium tank is empty.

Here are  5 openers  that will capture your listeners' imaginations and pull them deeper into the heart of your issue.

1. Ask a Question

Opening with a question is a rhetorical device. It creates curiosity and starts the listener thinking. Thinking means active engagement with your topic, and that’s just what both of you want.

2. Share a Quote or Maybe an Anecdote

Anecdotes are brief stories that can make people laugh or quickly establish the main point at hand. A  related quote from a professional authority or well-known person can magnetically hold attention in those opening seconds.

3. Involve the Mind’s Eye

A mental image in the listener's mind is one of the most powerful things you can create, so engaging the imagination is a powerful opening technique. Use words like “imagine,” “picture this,” “do you remember when,” etc.

4. Note a Shocking Statistic

I love starting off with a fascinating fact. Why?  People enjoy fascinating data if it is unique, startling, shocking, or counter-intuitive. Be sure it is directly relevant to your point as well.

5. Use a Metaphor, Analogy, or Simile

These are some of the most powerful devices available when it comes to telling a story in a single sentence. It's a great way to capture attention and also sparks the mental imagery that allows people to tell a story to themselves.

Whether you are sitting down one-on-one or kicking off a meeting, one or more of these will create the kind of engagement that will make you "listenable" and draw others into the discussion.

Wouldn't it be great to become known as the person people want to be with, regardless of the topic?

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Recognize the Seven Universal Emotions

This is useful to everyone, especially in a career world that is so overwhelmingly global.

You'll find "experts" on body language and rants about the meaning of this gesture or that one. Much of this is true, with one huge caveat: you have to be patient and carefully synthesize the totality of the gestures and mannerisms in order to develop some degree of accuracy.

If you are making a presentation, running a meeting, or in a management discussion, it may be more helpful to know what emotions are universal. This gives you a better chance at narrowing the possibilities of what kinds of responses you are really seeing. So, here goes.

The Seven "Universal" Emotions

These are common throughout all people and cultures:

• anger     

• contempt

• disgust

• fear

• happiness

• sadness

• surprise

Here's where it gets tricky:

There are 10,000 different facial expressions. About 3000 of these facial expressions are relevant to emotion and most people use only 50-60 in normal conversation. Those 50-60 do relate to the seven universal emotions.

These expressions can be "macro" expressions which last 1-3 seconds or even longer. An example would be a smile. The question: "Is the smile real or fake?" If fake, what does that mean? (Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar; people simply want to be polite).

We also make micro expressions that give up our more hidden feelings. These are like reflexes, because it's very difficult to stop them from happening since they are part of our brain's hard-wiring. That's why we get a "feeling" when we watch small discrepancies between someone's words and their expression.

These expressions last only 1/25th of a second. (That is faster than an eye-blink). Most people can't pick up micro expressions consciously. When viewed on film and played as slower speeds, these expressions look just like macro expressions. Many homicide detectives do this. If you don't happen to be looking for a serial killer, it's still a great way to watch what signals you give off when you are speaking or running a meeting.

How to Use This

The seven universal emotions are the ones that are most important to you. You want to know whether someone is angry, happy, etc., with your interaction. Memorize the list (or carry a cheat sheet) and increase your awareness of these.

Do: When you think you have enough visual information to believe that the person--or people--are, say, "surprised", don't make the assumption that you are correct. Instead, matter-of-factly state your observation: "You know, I'm watching the response to this slide and am getting the sense that maybe you are a bit surprised. Is that so?" This will lead to affirmation or will yield other responses that will help you--and them--stay or get on track. 

Don't: Try to be magically clever and tell them  you know how they feel. The last time you did that with your spouse or significant other, how'd that work for you?

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Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Say

Researchers at Oxford University have compiled what they are calling the "Top Ten Most Irritating Phrases."

The researchers who compiled the list monitor the use of phrases in a database called the Oxford University Corpus, which comprises books, papers, magazines, broadcast, the internet and other sources.
The database signals new words and phrases and can also tell them which expressions are disappearing. It also shows how words are being misused.

If you are reading this while in a meeting, get your paper and pencil ready for the tally. If you are about to speak, here are ten for your mental eraser:

The top ten most irritating phrases

1 - At the end of the day

2 - Fairly unique

3 - I personally

4 - At this moment in time

5 - With all due respect

6 - Absolutely

7 - It's a nightmare

8 - Shouldn't of (it is “shouldn’t have”)

9 - 24/7

10 - It's not rocket science

Confession: I was in the midst of a potential problem analysis some years ago with part of the planet Mars design team in Princeton. They were planning the entire exploration project. In a moment of frustration I actually uttered the words, "Hey, this isn't rocket science." They suggested that I might be better suited for exploring the New Jersey Turnpike.

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Change and Generational Differences

Is it more difficult to make changes after the age of 30?

The answer is "yes" according to some new research.

The Scientific American Mind ran an interesting article on why change is hard and suggest that most of us experience reduced "openness" after our twenties.  The article is currently available for review here

Here is a quote:

"Once a family and career are in place, novelty may no longer be as welcome. New experiences may bring innovation and awakening but also chaos and insecurity. And so most people dream of novelty but hold fast to the familiar. Over time we become creatures of habit: enjoying the same dishes when we eat out, vacationing in favorite spots and falling into daily routines."

I'm not sure this is a revelation but I do think it's well-stated and to the point. We all gravitate toward anchors of stability in life-- people and places with whom we feel secure. The research implies that through our twenties we're sort of roaming and looking for experiences. What we're also doing is taking in those experiences and making sense out of life...which then moves us toward a chosen "lifestyle" and  increased stability.

What this also implies is that, like all preceding generations, Gen Z will no doubt look at Gen Y as "the traditionalists".

What Does This Mean for the Workplace?

Read the italics carefully. Although we become creatures of habit the research says that "novelty may no longer be as welcome" and that most people still "dream of novelty."

That's why we need to spend time with, and listen to, the newest generation in the workplace. They are the ones who will ignite the dreams and bring the novelty into our lives and businesses. Instead of saying, "We can't do that here" replace it with, "How would you do that?"

Then sit back and listen.



The article by Nikolas Westerhoff was published in the December 2008 edition of Scientific American Mind.

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Is it more difficult to make changes after the age of 30?

The answer is "yes" according to some new research.

The Scientific American Mind ran an interesting article on why change is hard and suggest that most of us experience reduced "openness" after our twenties.  The article is currently available for review here

Here is a quote:

"Once a family and career are in place, novelty may no longer be as welcome. New experiences may bring innovation and awakening but also chaos and insecurity. And so most people dream of novelty but hold fast to the familiar. Over time we become creatures of habit: enjoying the same dishes when we eat out, vacationing in favorite spots and falling into daily routines."

I'm not sure this is a revelation but I do think it's well-stated and to the point. We all gravitate toward anchors of stability in life-- people and places with whom we feel secure. The research implies that through our twenties we're sort of roaming and looking for experiences. What we're also doing is taking in those experiences and making sense out of life...which then moves us toward a chosen "lifestyle" and  increased stability.

What this also implies is that, like all preceding generations, Gen Z will no doubt look at Gen Y as "the traditionalists".

What Does This Mean for the Workplace?

Read the italics carefully. Although we become creatures of habit the research says that "novelty may no longer be as welcome" and that most people still "dream of novelty."

That's why we need to spend time with, and listen to, the newest generation in the workplace. They are the ones who will ignite the dreams and bring the novelty into our lives and businesses. Instead of saying, "We can't do that here" replace it with, "How would you do that?"

Then sit back and listen.



The article by Nikolas Westerhoff was published in the December 2008 edition of Scientific American Mind.

Want Better Meetings? Introduce Each Speaker

Business meetings are supposed to produce good information, understanding and decisions.

Way too often (maybe most of the time?) they turn into marathons that are a series of individual "stand up/sit down" presentations where one speaker simply melts into the next. The result is low energy and some unnecessary confusion on the part of participants. Why should I listen to Sarah talk about this? Sometimes it's even, "Who the heck is Sarah?"

You and I need a change in energy and pace to capture our attention and hold our interest. So I'm going to offer managers and meeting leaders an easy way to improve meetings everywhere:

Introduce Each Presenter

Why is this important?

Sure, you may know Ralph from Accounting or Rita the Sales Manager. But do you always know exactly why they are speaking today, what they've done recently, or something captivatingly unique about them? To simply toss a speaker into the mix and push the button for the next slide makes every "speaker" the same. This forces them (if they are aware) to work harder at re-capturing the group.

Set Them Up for Success

Introductions set the mood for the presenter. The group has a chance to absorb some information that will set up the segment. Most importantly: It establishes  the credibility of the speaker. There is a psychological boost that comes from someone else--especially the boss--endorsing the presenter. What better way to show recognition for specific activity than in a meeting with "the team" or others from the company?

Here's what to include. Any one or all may be useful, depending upon the familiarity of the group with the next presenter.

1. Establish their expertise on the topic.

Tell what they've been working on, how that relates to their work and educational history, and one thing that you value about their efforts.

2. Capture  attention.

I once had to introduce a guy totally well-known to the group. His specialty? IT. But I also knew that his hobby was wine-making and he had literally cultivated a first-class vineyard on his property. So the intro slide was a photo of him (supplied by his wife) tending to the vines on the weekend. It completely shifted the dynamics. Then it was possible to quickly move into #3.

3. Make it relevant to the topic at hand

"Bill has spent the past 3 months at our site in Finland studying the pilot program for added manufacturing efficiency. He has those results for us today and I think you'll be intrigued by them."

Managers and meeting leaders: Think "Expertise, Attention, and Relevancy." Then do the intro for each. The presenters and the audience will appreciate it and you'll shift the energy in a way that will improve the quality of your sessions.

What tips do you have from your own meeting experiences? Inquiring minds want to know!

_______________________________

Meeting Bonus: In case your meeting leads to problem-solving, Art Petty offers 8 Suggestions To Improve Your Team's Problem-Solving Skills.

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Build a Culture of "Thanks"

I've been hearing more and more (you no-doubt have, too) about retaining good employees at all levels. Sure, there is plenty of downsizing. But organizations still want to hold onto the best. It costs a lot to find, hire, and get a new person up to speed.

Here are some thought-provoking statistics from an article I recalled some time ago from the UK's Management-Issues:

"Research by UK performance improvement consultants Maritz has found that almost one in five of us (19 per cent) have never been thanked for our efforts at work while more than a third only hear those two little words once or twice a year.

Perhaps not-entirely coincidentally, that's about the same proportion as another recent survey found have no loyalty towards the organisation they work for and couldn't care less about their job.

Yet at the other end of the spectrum, around a third of us do receive regular recognition and are thanked several times a week, something that (as more than eight out of 10 of those surveyed acknowledged) has a positive impact on their desire to remain with their employer."

"Thank You" & the "War for Talent"

Check out the screen shot of my " war for talent"  Google search. 504,000 results.  Books, articles,  training programs, software systems, and academic research. Conferences are being held to ponder the meaning of talent acquisition and retention.

 

Let's assume that the statistics noted in the article are a true reflection of the norm. The third who receive thanks regularly feel positive about their employer and are inclined to remain at the firm.

Easy action: Executives need to start thanking their managers regularly. Then they need to tell them to start thanking their people. Maybe we could get uppity and call it "Building a Culture of Thanks." Clearly, it would be more effective and less costly than conferences and software.

And it would make our mothers proud.

___________________________________

Note: My online friend and leadership guy Ed Brenegar takes this so seriously that he has a place where you can click and experience the transformational power of gratitude: Say Thanks Every Day. 

And you can help by...contributing to Norwegian friend and manager Frode Heiman's recognition survey at Never Mind The Manager.

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How Do You Spot an Emerging Leader?

You've seen this happen:

1. Totally random people are placed in a group.

2. They are given a task.

3. Lo and behold, a leader will emerge.

At work it may result in the acquisition of an Ocean Liner factory in Nebraska; if it's Aunt Ethel and your family, you end up eating at the Amish Country Buffet instead of Casa del Gnocchi.

What is it that prompts people to grant a person leader status?

 Research and Emerging Leadership

A study published in Personality and Social Psychology suggests that leaders emerge through a combination of:

a. Their own outspoken behavior, and

b. how that outspoken behavior is perceived by the others.

Anderson and Kilduff (2009)  looked at how dominant individuals in a group were perceived by others in the group. Perceived competence is important because it's difficult to become a leader if everyone in the group thinks that person is a jerk regardless of how dominant (s)he is.

Here's the punchline: Anderson and Kilduff's research shows a big gap between the actual competence of leaders vs. how they are perceived by the others.

In the second of two studies the researchers had participants compete with another group on a series of math problems. The groups were videotaped. Then, member behavior was closely examined. Dominant participants were inclined to offer more suggestions to the group. The result? These people were perceived by the group and the observers  as the most competent.

Here is some very practical food for thought: The "leader's"  behavior encouraged others to see that person as competent even though their suggestions to the group were no better and sometimes worse than others. So the truth of the matter is that the leaders didn't always contribute the best but their voices were usually heard first and most often.

What to Take Away

Leaders emerge through processes that are somewhat more subtle than we realize. Rather than dominating others in the traditional sense of the word, emerging leaders show their "competence" by adding greater amounts of verbal contributions to discussions. Others assume that the greater contribution means the group will more likely succeed under that person's leadership.

The next time you are part of an unstructured group, be vigilant. (Or, if you want to be the leader, be talkative!).

Note: This is about emerging leadership in random or unstructured groups. It's very real and worth being aware of.

Tip: If you hear a loud, consistent voice that is taking you in a certain direction, start adding structure by asking, "What is our real goal and what criteria do we all have?" Then take time for everyone to weigh in. The same leader may remain, but you'll know the reason why and your decison will be deliberate and purposeful.

In organizations, most groups of people don't start on random terms that produce an emergent leader. But it's useful to understand more about informal, everyday groups that can impact many other aspects of our lives, from community groups to politics.
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Bonus: If you want to know just how crazy "intentional" leadership development can get, then check out Dan McCarthy's "Another Too Dumb To Be True Leadership Development Program." (Maybe yelling louder and longer isn't so bad after all!)

All Things Workplace is honored to be named in the Top 10 Blogs for Advancing Your Career. Sincere thanks to über-coach Marty Nemko and Blogs.com.

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Help and How to Ask For It

We all need help: managers delegate (it's really about help), team members collaborate, and it would be great if our kids would take the trash out for us.

Yet asking for help seems to be unbelievably difficult for many. To some it's embarrassing; others see it as a sign of weakness; and there are those who fear the sense of rejection that comes from "no".

If you think about it you'll realize that most people are willing to help most of the time. After all, aren't you?

A Helping Hand

Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology  shows that we vastly underestimate just how willing others are to lend a hand.

In a series of studies Francis Flynn and Vanessa Lake of Columbia University tested people's estimates of how likely others were to help. They recruited people to ask others to fill out questionnaires, borrow cell phones and even escort them to the gym.

The result: people underestimated how likely others were to help them by as much as 100%.

So, what's going on?

It's embarrassing to say "'no"

We find it difficult to understand what others think and feel because we are kind of stuck inside ourselves. We may not like to think of ourselves as egocentric, but we all are to varying degrees.

The researchers say it's more than that. We also underestimate just how much social pressure there is on other people to say "yes". In effect, when you ask someone to help you it's a lot more awkward for them to say "no" than you might imagine.

Two Practical Tips For You

1. When you want help, just ask. People are much more likely to help than you think (especially if the request is relatively small). Most people gain pleasure in helping others who have a need.

2. Make it easy for people to say "no". Here's the flip side: most of us don't realize just how hard it is to say "no" to a request for help. People feel more pressure to say "yes" than we realize. If what you are asking for really may be a burden, think of ways to make it easier for the person to say "no".

Note: In the workplace, goals and deadlines may not be negotiable. If you are a manager you need to look at what you are delegating, the totality of activities an employee has to do, and set priorities. It's popular to parrot, "Do more with less."  In this case, the "less" is time. Can your employee or team achieve the standard of performance by doing more with less time? Get clear about what's most important.

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Leadership: The Art of Being Brief

I've never heard anyone complain about a meeting or presentation that was too short, have you?

My friend, Marty, and I were just discussing a surgical procedure. He may have to have the same one that I experienced a few years ago. Marty is a very intelligent, thoughtful guy who asks the right kinds of questions. But his most animated question was: "How long does it take?!"

I laughed, given that the Doc could probably make it last for about a week and a half depending upon the anesthesiologist's mood and sense of humor. 

But the real answer was '45 minutes'.

He looked relieved. And it occurred to me: I had actually asked my doctor the same question. Even though we know we'll be sound asleep we seem to have a sense of, and concern for, time.

 So…have you filtered your meeting-thinking or presentation prep the same way? Could you say and accomplish more with less?

The Leader's Guide to Slide Surgery

1. Do I need so many slides? (You don't).

2. Do I need every slide in this section? (Probably not).

3. Do I need this slide? ( I don't know, but you should be sure).

4. What can I say with fewer words? (You'll feel the love).

Your group will appreciate the brevity. This reflects preparation on your part that translates into respect for them. You'll also create the kind of "meeting white space" that generates the real discussion needed to make something happen.

What will you eliminate?

Bonus Leadership Reading: Check out how you view leaders and the notion of "institutionalizing them" at Managing Leadership. Jim Stroup will give you something to ponder.

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5 Tips to Ethical & Successful Influence

I was just asked how I built our speaking/consulting/coaching practice over the years (we incorporated and began it part-time in 1977).

Here is the answer:

I didn't know what I was doing. So I just did whatever I knew.

Looking back, the answer is clear:

a. I wanted to use my expertise to help people.

b. I had to do 'a' for money.

c. In order to do 'a' and 'b', people had to know me, trust me, and believe me/experience the results.

It would be easy to wax poetic about a structured business plan (didn't have one), raising capital (got a $5,000 loan on a handshake with the president of the local bank), or the drop-dead marketing plan (I just wanted to do what I wanted to do).

There are only five things that have been consistent and that I find haven't--and shouldn't--be changed.

1. First impressions are made within about four seconds but  can last a lifetime. Create first class relationships, presentation materials, and now a top-notch online identity. Only hire primo individuals as employees or contractors; they are who your clients will use to judge your business.

2. Stand for something unique. Differentiate in a way that resonates with your community without being whacko-trendy. (Unless, of course, your product or service is "whacko-trendy").

3. Network and do business through referrals. Your introduction to an opportunity changes how you are perceived and treated. Too many coaches, consultants, and training people cold call the world instead of networking with targeted groups of individuals who can be both informative and valuable connectors.

4. Let clients experience your performance. If they take your services for a test drive they will likely want more of you down the road.

5. Don't sell your services; build friendships. People do business with those who they consider their friends. Most people attribute positive attributes to all aspects of a person's abilities if they first approve of that person's character and personality. Pay attention to the depth of your character; your personality will reflect it.

Whether you are starting a retail business, a consulting practice, or interviewing for your first job, invest yourself in these five activities. No matter what is happening around you continue to hold fast to them. They have proven faithful for 32 years as long as I remain faithful to them.

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Speaking? 3 Ways To Satisfy Your Audience

Audiences--whether 6 or 600--really want three things from you. These apply to meetings, wedding toasts, or keynote speeches:

1. Connection. They want to feel connected with you. They've already endured too many distant, aloof presentations in their lifetimes. Give them you, not a veiled voice in the corner reciting PowerPoint bullets. In fact, to be the "real deal" and "authentic", be even more of you. Wear your enthusiasm for your topic on your sleeve, look into the eyes of participants, and have a bold, honest conversation with them.

2. We all love a bit of entertainment. No one expects you--or even wants you--to be Stephen Colbert or David Letterman. You can do a quick activity that energizes people and gets them thinking more about the topic. It also gives you a break and a chance to relax. Keep it light. Stay serious about your topic but not about yourself. A funny personal story, especially if the joke was on you, can will loosen people up and increase the connection. ("Wow, I thought only I ever had that happen to me.!) I watched my wife listen to a very well-known speaker/writer from Harvard. My wife has a dual Ph.D. She thought his presentation was so serious and ponderous that he came across as  self-important. He lost her, even though his information was accurate.

Note: Did you know that speakers who also sell product actually sell measurably more product when there is humor in their talk?

3. Create meaning. How does what you are saying fit into their business or organizational life?  Make the connection for them (don't assume they'll automatically do it themselves). Explain specifically how you or your idea will personally increase their satisfaction or reduce their pain. When you can you synthesize the meaning of your topic to that point, you've really got something worth saying.

Be bold, be convesational, connect and say it.

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Better Meetings, Better Leadership

You and I are looking for ways to be more efficient at what we do. People are looking for leadership that helps them be the best at what they do.

Meetings offer one of the best opportunities to display--and evaluate--leadership.

Getting together makes a lot of sense in a world that values teamwork more and more. When groups operate well, we leave those meetings with energy and a desire to move forward.  Inefficient meetings? we dribble out as if drained  of our life-blood and dreading the next meeting.

Both are indicators of leadership.

Since solid leadership is a big deal, this post is a bit longer than usual.

Change your Meetings, Boost your Leadership

1. This sounds simple but the best question you can spend time answering is: Does this really require a meeting? Often the answer is "no" and that decision will make a lot of people very, very happy.

2. The second question is: Who really has to be there? I can't tell you the number of meetings I've helped set up and then had to ask the client, "Why is Ralph invited?" The answers range from, "I think he'd be offended if I didn't include him" to "Ralph is on our distribution list". If I went and talked with one of the Ralphs of the world, they would more often than not scream, "I wish (s)he'd stop wasting my time with those stinking meetings!"

Who are your Ralphs? Nuke 'em. Everyone will be happy and more productive.

3. What's the real purpose of the meeting? Will there be a decision required at the end, is it educational, or do you want to discuss and refine the elements of a project? If you know your purpose--and tell everyone in advance so they can prepare accordingly--your leadership aura will glow a lot brighter.

A Solid Model to Follow

When I started out back in the early 1970s, Tannenbaum and Schmidt  developed a leadership decision-making model I found helpful in organizing meeting agendas. They cited seven modes of leadership; I've narrowed it to five for simplicity.

They noted that all meetings include two components:  participation by the members and authority of the leaders.  Before each meeting the leader has to decide how much participation and authority he or she desires.  In other words, the leader decides what to communicate and how to best communicate in a meeting environment. 

1.  The Tell Mode:  Let’s say you have a new policy to communicate and no one can change the policy.  You simply want all members to hear about the policy at once in order to create the most understanding.  According to the T&S Model you desire the most authority and no participation from the group.  In some cases when the Tell Mode is in play, you’d opt to send an email or other written communication in lieu of a meeting.

2.  The Sell Mode.  Let’s continue the example above with the same policy you wish to communicate.  This time, however, you want the group members to buy into the new policy.  Even though you cannot change the policy, you want to ”sell” the members on aspects of the policy.  Instead of just telling them, as in the Tell Mode, you are selling them.

3.  The Test Mode.  In this case, unlike the previous two examples, there is an ever so slight chance the policy can change.  You toss the policy out for input as a test.  If the group totally rebels, you can change the policy.  This is the first instance along the continuum where there exists a possibility for a change in the decision.  As a meeting manager you must ask ahead of time, can this decision be changed?  If the answer is maybe, you are at least in the Test Mode.  If the answer is no, you must either be in the Tell or Sell mode.

4.  The Consult Mode.  We have now moved down the continuum of participation in which there exists more participation from the members than authority from the leaders.  In other words in the Consult Mode, the leader gives up a lot of authority to encourage group participation.  Why?  This time the leader desires to hear from the group members as consultants to the decision.  This is the first instance in the model where the leader has not yet made a decision.  The members share ideas and suggestions, but the end decision lies with the leader.  The leader keeps the final authority and the group knows that.  If you, as the leader, go into the meeting with a decision firmly made, you are not in the Consult Mode.  You must either be in the Tell, Sell or Test Mode.  A Consult Mode leader spends a lot of time in the meeting listening.

5.  The Join Mode.  The final stage along the continuum is the polar opposite of the Tell Mode.  In the Tell Mode participation was zero and authority was highest.  In the Join Mode participation is highest and authority is zero.  The leader gives up all authority and joins the group to make the decision together.   These are the most unruly meetings.  When members know they are in the Join Mode, however, these meetings can also turn into the most rewarding experiences.

For meetings to operate effectively, leaders must decide before the meeting which mode suits their communication needs.  Tell, Sell and Test Mode meetings take less time than Consult and Join meetings.  It's easy to see where leaders often make mistakes.  They  enter meetings in the Tell or Sell Mode but sort of pretend they are in the Consult or Join mode. As a result, the group wastes a lot of time talking about things that go nowhere.

You can bump up your leadership presence by simply changing the value and impact of your meetings.

Wouldn't your next meeting be the perfect time to start?

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Speaker Tip: Take A Pause for The Cause

"Logical pauses serve our brains, psychological pauses serve our feelings."--Stanislavski

Watch a really good stand-up comedian. You see pauses between jokes. Sometimes even a pause between syllables.

Sometimes they do it to allow the audience a chance to catch a breath or to create interest about what's coming next.

Why?

Because good comedians are masters of change.

Night after night they move a new group of people from one intellectual and psychological state of being to another.They knew the flow of human dynamics.

The Importance of The Pause

Psychological pauses build tension and heighten curiosity.

Logical pauses between words and sentences give an audience the time needed to piece together the key elements of the joke or series of rapid one-liners. When it all comes together, you've got a room filled with laughter.

Make "The Pause" an intentional part of your presentation, meeting, or change initiative.

Psychological: When you pause to create a "curious" state of mind, the tension makes people want to listen. That gives you the opening to help them learn.

Logical: Change initiatives mean new information and new experiences. Periodic, intentional pauses allow everyone time to make sense of what's happening and create new context.

Where can you insert intentional pauses in order to become a really good "Stand-Up" leader and speaker?

photo source: Wikipedia

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5 Tips For Making Changes and Transitions

Decisions get made. It's time to start.

The Goal is clear. There is a picture of what the end should look like.

Now we just have to "do it."

Some don't make it...

.. .individually or organizationally.

Given that there are entire industries built around "doing it"--continuous improvement, change management, life coaching-- there must be some trick to that whole in between area. If you are involved in any kind of a change, here are 5 tips that you can take to the bank. (Ignoring them may put you in the collection agency).

1. Language matters.

"We're going to make a transition from___to____" impacts the brain a lot better than "We're going to change."

(Honestly, I don't want to change--do you? But I don't have any problem making a transition).

2. Friendships matter.

Be willing to talk and be willing to listen. When things change at home or in your family, you have coffee and conversation with friends. Why? It's cathartic. And you don't feel alone. Changes at work are no different.

3. Grace matters.

Transitions and change imply, by definition, that people are trying something for the first time. When your little child tried out her first steps and fell after the third one, you didn't offer a performance appraisal. You hugged her, made a big fuss, took a video, and called the grandparents.

Offer the same to adults who are trying something for the first time. Truth be told, they are feeling like kids at that moment.

Note: I'd avoid the hug and the video; it's your call on whether to phone the grandparents.

4. Accountability matters.

This isn't opposed to numbers 2 or 3. Accountability is an act of deep friendship. Friends don't let friends drive drunk. They also don't let friends do things--or avoid doing things--that are hurting their careers.

5. Small wins matter.

Make an example of anyone or any result that approximates the longer term ideal. Do it often.

If you wait until everyone gets it perfect, there won't be a celebration. There may not be a reason for it.

That's why continuous improvement is called continuous improvement.

What Are Your Best Tips?

I know the readers here are involved in changes of all types. Help someone else today with your favorite transitional tips and suggestions and we'll add them to the mix! (With attribution, of course. See #5).

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