Change How You Deal With Difficult People

I've been presenting a program for clients on "How To Deal With Difficult People" for more than 20 years.

It sounds kind of grim but is really a lot of fun. Why?

Because everyone has someone who "bugs" them. And, when they think long and hard about it, what bothers people most is actually something they really don't like about themselves. There are lots of ways to have fun with this and learn a lot at the same time without navel-gazing.

What I like best about the approach we've developed is that it isn't about coping with jerks. Why settle for coping? It doesn't really change anything.

Do You Want To Change Something?

Good. Then here's a little synopsis that I hope will help.

1. What really drives your blood pressure north?

Identify the triggers are that push your buttons by thinking about past experiences in which your "favorite"  person finally got to you.

What did they do?  That’s different than why it bothered you. Simply identify their actual behavior.  Was it the way they approached you? Looked at you?  How did they look at you? Maybe it was a certain voice quality or tone of voice?

2. How did you react?

Do you immediately blame them for how you feel?  Do you act distracted or quickly find a distraction? Disavow what’s really going on? When they do their "special" thing, what do you do in response?

3. What do you want from yourself? 

What’s the very best you can bring to the situation? Regardless of what they did, what would you do to be delighted with yourself after the interaction?

4.  What do you really want from them? 

Yeah, I know: "Stop that stuff!"

Not going to happen. So, think about this relationship the way the Cheerios people do on their nutrition label. "What is the MDR (minimum daily requirement) of behavior you can hope for and accept? Then start expecting nothing more. (it's quite free-ing, really).

5.  Has someone else learned a way to deal with this person?

 How do they do it?  Who might know how to do it?  Describe your situation in a way that combines "behavior-then-how-I-feel." No need to dump on the offender; besides, it makes you less attractive and less of a good candidate for help.

When you've reached a point where you have an approach, use it. We train our muscle memories to play tennis, golf, and other sports in ways that become unconscious.  You can train your nervous system in the same way. Think about this: if you do just one thing differently you may change the entire pattern.

Most importantly: Life is not what happens to us. It's how we respond to what happens to us.

And you are in charge of your responses.

Go for it!

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Performance Tip: Recognize The Talent You've Got

When I check the keyword searches that land people here, a lot of them have to do with "find my strengths" or "how do I manage talented people?"

People at work appear invested in clarifying their own strengths and understanding the inherent talent in others. If that's so, I was wondering why there is so much angst about retention. It seems that people would be committed for the long term if their strengths and talents are being valued.

The Managerial Equivalent of "Your Lips Say 'Yes' But There's 'No-No' In Your Eyes"

There is at least one reason why some people--including managers-- are shopping their resumes. It has to do with the distinction between advocating development and then doing the opposite.

Here's a real life example:

Luke (not his real name) is an operations manager at one of my client companies. He's experienced and has been in the manufacturing industry for 20+ years. He is the most well-read client ever. Whenever I see him, he waxes poetically about the wonderful "new" managerial ideas he's picked up from the most recent leadership books he's read.

One of those ideas had to do with recognizing someone's small successes and following through with verbal encouragement or even a small reward (lunch, movie tickets, a $25 gift certificate. . .) Better yet, acknowledge the person's fete during a regular departmental meeting. He also talked about the importance of those ideas during a meeting with his supervisors.

But he wouldn't do any of those.

I asked him why not.

His reply "I'm not going to spend time rewarding or telling someone how good they are if the company is already paying them a salary. They are supposed to do good work."

He doesn't have the same approach with his kids. I've seen him. He acknowledges them when they've succeeded at something. Anything. And he does it spontaneously.

What the heck happens in life(?) between:

and

.

Every day we're all trying to learn or do something new. Let's be honest: part of our day is spent being a kid again when it comes to struggling with a new problem that needs a solution. And we could use a few encouraging words of recognition when we demonstrate a talent that helps the organization.

("Gee, that felt good. I think I'll do it again!)

What would a well-known, successful business person say about the importance of encouragement?

"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me."
~ Henry Ford

What Do Our Brains Say About Encouragement?

According to the ATW resident neuro-gurette, Dr. Ellen Weber, brainpower is lost to common critiques. In this instance, the absence of acknowledgment can easily turn into the perception of a "critique." For those who can't seem to get their hearts in gear, maybe a look at how serotonin builds better businesses will offer an intellectual bridge to encouraging action.

What's going on at your workplace when it comes to recognizing and acknowledging people's strengths and talents?
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Looking for Hope? Stop Putting Things Off

Hope - "a confident feeling about what will happen in the future."

If you aren't feeling confident about some aspect of your work life, career, or business, chances are it's because you aren't acting to make it hopeful. You can't control what's on the news or in the news, but you can control what's in your news.

Hope and Action

Psychologically, Charles Richard  Snyder characterized hope as the will and the way to achieve your goals. More specifically, he defines  hope "as the perceived capability to derive pathways to desired goals, and motivate oneself via agency thinking to use those pathways" .

What does that really say?

• The first part involves feeling capable to create a reasonable plan of action (the "way")

• The second highlights the motivation to follow the plan (the "will").

Using this line of thought, hope is the opposite of procrastination.

Take action. Even if it isn't perfect, you don't have to get it right you just have to get it going.

Credit where credit is due: I had recalled an article I read some time ago that prompted this particular post. After Googling around, I found it. For the complete research study and the article partly paraphrased here, visit the excellent original by Timothy A. Pychyl, Ph.D. (with that name, his career was predestined!) at Psychology Today. 

________________________________________________

Something special tomorrow. I'm going to be doing a phone interview with Dr. Charles Polk, President of Mountain State University in the morning. Their action-oriented leadership program grabbed my attention because it's really how people "learn leadership." So, the post will give you a glimpse into what is happening with leadership education in two ways:

Becky Robinson of Mountain State has done a guest post for me that is to-the-point and explains their approach. I'll add some of the interview with Dr. Polk and, "Voila!"--some excitement about leadership education and its possibilities.

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Honesty, Boldness, and Sins of Omission

Do you ever think back on a situation and ask yourself, "Why didn't I say_______?"

We humans have a tendency to want to make things "nice". So we rationalize by committing a sin of omission: not telling the whole truth.

How does this happen?I

There are certain people in our lives who make us feel like being completely honest would harm the relationship with them.  So we smile and hold back the tougher parts of the truth. Then we walk away having to live with a sense of nagging  disappointment.

But it can have even greater consequences.

Why?

Because people are looking for boldness. (Aren't you?). We look for people who put a stake in the ground  and say, "This is the way it is." People want the truth because they actually can deal with it.  Heck, it's easier than dealing with a lie, isn't it?

I know what you are thinking: "If I tell (fill in the blank) what I really think, she won't like me anymore."

1. How do you know for sure?

2. Do you want to spend your time with colleagues, a boss, or others who want you to be someone else so that they can be comfortable? (It will drain you and make you unbelievably ineffective).

3. How long will it be before the entire truthfulness of the issues emerges and you look like the one who was untruthful?!

When you have a less than "real" relationship with someone who has a lot of power over you, the idea of putting that relationship at risk is scary. So it's important to deliver the truth with respect for the other person involved.

What You Can Do

Here are three sentences that model some ways to do this:

"I have some real concerns about our working relationship..."

"I sensed your frustration in that meeting, and here's how it impacted me. It may have impacted others in the same way"

"Let me tell you something that you may not have heard before..."

Honest relationships are energizing; hedging your bets will drain you.

The next time an opportunity comes up to be bold with the truth, remember that you have a choice.

That choice will live with you for a long time.  

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Do you ever think back on a situation and ask yourself, "Why didn't I say_______?"

We humans have a tendency to want to make things "nice". So we rationalize by committing a sin of omission: not telling the whole truth.

How does this happen?I

There are certain people in our lives who make us feel like being completely honest would harm the relationship with them.  So we smile and hold back the tougher parts of the truth. Then we walk away having to live with a sense of nagging  disappointment.

But it can have even greater consequences.

Why?

Because people are looking for boldness. (Aren't you?). We look for people who put a stake in the ground  and say, "This is the way it is." People want the truth because they actually can deal with it.  Heck, it's easier than dealing with a lie, isn't it?

I know what you are thinking: "If I tell (fill in the blank) what I really think, she won't like me anymore."

1. How do you know for sure?

2. Do you want to spend your time with colleagues, a boss, or others who want you to be someone else so that they can be comfortable? (It will drain you and make you unbelievably ineffective).

3. How long will it be before the entire truthfulness of the issues emerges and you look like the one who was untruthful?!

When you have a less than "real" relationship with someone who has a lot of power over you, the idea of putting that relationship at risk is scary. So it's important to deliver the truth with respect for the other person involved.

What You Can Do

Here are three sentences that model some ways to do this:

"I have some real concerns about our working relationship..."

"I sensed your frustration in that meeting, and here's how it impacted me. It may have impacted others in the same way"

"Let me tell you something that you may not have heard before..."

Honest relationships are energizing; hedging your bets will drain you.

The next time an opportunity comes up to be bold with the truth, remember that you have a choice.

That choice will live with you for a long time.  

When People Want "It" Now!

When "Change the Right Thing" Meets "Please, Just Do Something!"

Have you ever been involved with any of these in your organization?

• Merger/Acquisition
• Severely declining financial performance
• Arrival of new CEO

Armchair experts love to talk about employee resistance to change.

But what about the case where employees know something different has to happen in their organization and are getting anxious and weary from waiting? They've reached a point where the anticipation is a little too much to take and begin to wonder what the CEO is actually doing.

Is their CEO oblivious to the organizational dynamics?

In my consulting life I haven't met a CEO yet who didn't understand what people were probably thinking and feeling. So let's explore some of the valid reasons why the above scenario can happen.

Before laying out how this situation comes to pass, here is a graphic to help keep us focused:

There Are No Victims or Villains

There are simply people trying to get what they need.

The CEO

What do you and I do with a new situation?

The same as the CEO.

We gather information, ask advice, evaluate the information, check our resources, look at the options, and evaluate the risks and benefits of each. We also evaluate how each option will impact each of our constituencies.

In the case of the CEO, those constituencies may include stockholders, directors, customers, employees,  vendors, local and national governments, regulators...a mind-boggling array of interest groups that have to be satisfied financially, legally, and personally.

In the case of mergers, acquisitions, and turnarounds, there may be negotiations taking place that cannot be discussed due to confidentiality agreements and, in the U.S., related SEC regulations.

The result: You may have a CEO who knows everything there is to know about what, how, and when to communicate--but is not allowed to do so under penalty of law. Most people don't realize that CEO's often carry the burden of silence when they would like nothing more than to sit down with their people and explain what is unfolding.

The Employees

The world abhors a vacuum. Employees want to fill that vacuum by getting direction and information.  When they don't, the first thing most wonder about is the "leadership:"

Why aren't they doing something?

Why aren't they saying something?

Should I even stick around or is it time to shop my resume?

What to do?

This is one of those situations where history and corporate culture can help carry the day or lose it. CEO's and organizations with a strong track record of trust and integrity will find that they've earned a longer time line for ambiguity than those who haven't paid attention to issues of corporate and personal character.

If you find yourself in this situation as an employee, here are some suggestions:

1. Don't start off by assuming that silence means the worst. If you are used to a high degree of communication, it probably does mean that something is taking place behind the scenes. But it doesn't mean that it's bad. If you start thinking negatively it will drive you crazy...and won't do a thing to help the situation.

2. Do ask questions, such as "Is there a legitimate reason why communications and information have decreased?" CEO's that I know will answer that question in a way that sends the correct message but does not violate any agreements or laws. However, don't expect to get any information. And don't keep probing.

3. At a time when the inclination may be to slack off on performance, do just the opposite:  be a star. If there is a merger or acquisition and headcount is an issue, make sure your head is seen as firmly attached to the rest of you. It could increase your chances of remaining that way.

You may not have control over what's happening in your organization but you do have control over how you choose to respond. If your company has a solid history of dealing honestly with people, chances are that isn't going to change now.

And often, effective leadership means thoughtfully, quietly, and methodically affirming the right thing to do on behalf of hundreds or thousands of people. That may just require a little more time than usual.

What's your experience?

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Use Competence, Not Dominance

Communication Alert: A harsh, one-way leadership style just doesn't do what's valued now: building a good rapport with workers.

Everyone needs to brush up on actions that imply ability and competence (called "task cues" in the psych trade) and play down their dominance cues (actions that imply control and threat), reports a team of psychologists headed by James E. Driskell, Ph.D.

 In one study, 159 college students, male and female, listened to the pitches of task-oriented speakers and the same arguments from dominance-oriented speakers, male and female. Almost everyone thought men and women who exhibited task cues were more competent, group-oriented, and likable. Those showing dominance cues were thought of as self-oriented and disliked.

For a corporate decision-making group sitting around a table in a board meeting, poise, attitude, and approach matter more than most people realize.

Here's the rundown on which behaviors they say will earn you respect and which won't:

Task Cues

• Rapid speech rate

• Eye contact

• Verbal fluency

• Choosing the head of the table

• Fluid gestures

• Well-moderated voice tone

Dominance Cues

• Loud voice

• Angry tone

• Finger pointing

• Lowering eyebrows

• Stiff posture

• Forceful gestures

What do you think?

Bonus: Check this related article at Slow Leadership.

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Speaking Out About Silence At Work

"How many meanings can silence have? Let me count the ways.'
--Arnold Shakespeare, little-known descendant of The Bard

Silence Is Not Golden Unless You Are A New Parent looked at the danger of assuming--or wanting to assume agreement--in a meeting room filled with silence. Then, we rattled off a number of meanings we think are important for workplace dwellers to understand.

Naturally, my list was incomplete. So, the reader community chimed in with other reasons that are important to tuck away in your mental messenger bag. (Hey, we could have said briefcase but we are sooo 2.0).

Readers Say This About Silence

Chris Witt: "People disagree with what you've said and they don't know how or don't feel safe to voice their disagreement. Some people equate disagreement with conflict, and hate conflict."

Higher ups ask for feedback/questions when they really don't want it. (My paraphrase): People are accused of being disrespectful or not being team players . The crime? They put the boss on the spot by asking (unwanted) questions during a public meeting.

Higher ups blame poor communication on subordinates. One such case was the result of a president complaining about poor presentations. Yet he constantly interrupted the speakers, asked questions they couldn't possibly answer, and was rude and intimidating. Who would want to talk to him?

Dr. Peter Vajda: "Then there are those who feel emotionally lacking, deficient or insufficient as a result of some invidious comparison they are making between themselves and the speaker as a result of what they've heard or what they've seen. They may feel jealous, insecure, angry at themselves (depressed) for being 'stupid'."

Wally Bock: "This is aggravated by the concept taught in many sales training programs that 'silence means consent'." 

Hayli at Transition Concierge: My sales training was similar. . .Essentially, make your proposal and then wait for the silence to force the prospective customer into starting a conversation. We were taught that he who talks first "loses".

HR Jobs: "People may have lost interest and don't want to speak as they think it will look like a sign of interest."

Rodney Johnson: "Too often silence becomes a Silent Problem. When unleashed without warning, it screams."

What To Take Away?

We don't know the meaning of silence at a given moment, because there are as many reasons as there are individuals in the room.

What to do?

I'll repeat the advice from the previous article: Simply ask. Tell the person--or group--that you want to understand correctly rather than make an error in judgment. Then be quiet until someone speaks up. I find it useful to silently count to 10 or even 15. 

Bonus Tomorrow!

Kindred spirit Mary Jo Asmus looks at the flip side of silence with her guest post "When Silence Is Golden". Be sure to stop by.

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Silence Is Not Golden Unless You Are A New Parent

If you make a statement that is met with silence, the last thing you want to believe is that you have agreement.

It's easy to want to assume agreement because it allows us to move on and quickly avoid the potential for dis-agreement, conflict and, unfortunately, the truth about what people are really thinking and feeling.

Here are just some of the meanings that may lurk behind silence:

• People are too angry to speak.

• People are confused but don't want to appear "stupid" by asking a question. Why? Because as they look around, no one else is asking a question and each is assuming that all the rest are silent as a result of understanding.

• People are reflecting on what you said and haven't yet processed it completely.

• People who are counterdependent are actually rebuking you and protecting themselves with silence.

• Those who really weren't listening anyway don't want to do anything that will cause them to be asked a question. They may even nod slightly in the hope that you will "go away".

• People are, in fact, in total agreement with you and thinking more about your conversation/presentation.

(How many more can you add? Do send in your cards and letters via comments).

Think about this: the person in a relationship who maintains silence grabs the power. It's not healthy but it's a fact.

When you encounter silence, name it and neutralize it by saying something like this: "We just spent 45 minutes discussing Project Q. I gave you my take, but what you are thinking--pro and con--is important. Let's discuss it." Then, sit there and wait for the discomfort of prolonged silence to force the conversation to begin.

It will.

For more about the dynamics of talking and silence, check out Nothing Happens Until People Talk plus Employee Needs, Silent Communication, and What To Do.

BTW: I gave you my take, but what are you thinking?

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Four Ways To Spot Reduced Trust

We're all looking for trusting relationships to build a strong foundation for our businesses, careers, or favorite cause.

When things don't "feel" right at a gut level it's easy to say, "Let's do a survey and find out if something is going on with our customer/employee/donor relationships." That's both expensive and time consuming. By the time you get the results, here's what has happened:

1. The fact that people have participated in a survey automatically raises the expectation that something different is going to happen as a result. If nothing different happens, then trust diminishes.

2. People expect to at least hear the results. Again: if the results aren't shared, people wonder why they spent their time and energy trying to be helpful. And, they wonder what was so horrendous that it couldn't be discussed. A double-dip of trust reduction.

3. Unless you do a survey quickly and then respond quickly with the results, enough time will have passed that the issues impacting the survey may no longer be relevant.

Trust: Diagnose This!

It's helpful to learn to recognize for yourself the signs that things aren't quite right in the "trust" department. You can do an accurate diagnosis as the first step to getting back on track with your relationships--on and off the job.

Hedging Their Bets

Hedging is placing a bet elsewhere so that if a current proposal or situation fails, people have other alternatives. That certainly makes sense on the surface. The problem is that hedging becomes a distraction. It takes a lot of time for people to develop a Plan B. If you think about such instances in your own life, the alternative can start to look more interesting than the current assignment. The result:  You begin to see people putting less effort into the work at hand.

Lesson: When you see people talking more about options that protect themselves vs. actions that achieve the communal goal, you are seeing a lack of confidence and trust. 

Emotional Distance

Confession: When I don't trust someone, the easiest thing to do is to minimize my contact with them. The payoff is this: I reduce the risk of betrayal, hurt, or other consequences of failed trust.

When a person distances one's self themselves from their  work relationships, they aren't fully engaged. They may be occupied in task-oriented work 100% of time but they aren't contributing with their full potential.

Lesson: If you are a manager and see someone operating in this way, it's time for a quiet talk. That means: Listen. Start off by relating what you see and asking what could be getting in the way of the potential that you've seen demonstrated in the past. Be prepared: It may be you. Listen and hear what is being said. Whatever the issue, thank the person and allow that you need some time to ponder what was said so that it can be addressed in the most helpful way. Then, be sure to follow through.

I'm Outta Here

Leaving might mean finding another job within the company or even leaving the company for seemingly greener pastures. It's also a kind of retribution. "I'll leave you without my skills; then, your lack of trustworthiness will be laid bare for all to see."

Lesson: If one person does a disappearing act yet all is (genuinely) well with everyone else, it may be best to close the book and move on. But when you start to see the resumes hit the street, it's time to talk with each person and determine the underlying issues.

Alliances

When people don't trust someone, it's common for a group to gang up with others who share those sentiments: "The enemy of my enemy is my friend!"  When this happens, you get groups who start hedging and distancing themselves as entire teams or departments. This magnifies the negative impact of those behaviors on the situation.

Lesson: If there's a party and you are the only one not invited, congratulations:  it's probably about you. It's time for a sit-down that may very well call for a great deal of humility on your part and lots of mutual forgiveness to get things back on track.

Note: When you sense any of the above beginning to surface, sit down with people and describe what you are sensing. You may find out you are wrong and that nothing--or something totally different--is happening.

Experience has shown me that good diagnostic skills are the lifeblood of managers everywhere. So is action.

Don't wait until you've confirmed your diagnosis in a thousand different ways. Holding out for perfection may prove you correct but you'll show up just in time for the autopsy.

Gotta lay off of those CSI reruns.

Bonus: Apparently the folks at Forbes.com are hot on the trail of the trust thing as well.

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But They're Sooo Intelligent...!

When you are discussing individual performance issues and the last phrase out of someone's mouth is always "Yeah, but (s)he's so intelligent," you have a problem.

For years I've watched clients try to figure out what to do with high potential, poor people-skills managers. Most of the companies I've worked with have invested huge amounts of time, money, coaching, and education in an effort to prompt behavioral change in some "exceedingly intelligent" people. Maybe you've seen the same things.

Do any of these look familiar?

Global Operations Director who hits all of the monetary goals but no one wants to work with him. They don't trust him because he withholds information and doesn't include other managers in decisions that impact how they do their work.

 Brilliant Vice President of Finance who can't conduct meetings, doesn't like to plan, and knows more ways to help the company earn money on its money than its bankers do. Up for promotion for top job. Really doesn't want it. People love working with him because they learn from him. He wants to continue developing investment methods and models.

Director of Regulatory Compliance. No one explains new (regulated) products to the government better than this guy. So what's the problem? To the company it means the difference between a commercial product or nothing new to sell. His direct reports described their feelings toward him as "hate" (never a real good sign). They say he is a "bully," "condescending," and "has no patience with anyone he thinks is less intelligent than him." When offered the possibility of being a high-level individual contributor, the director said "No. I want to be a manager."

What are we seeing here?

It's actually easy to explain: we simply cannot believe that someone we see as "smart" could actually be so "stupid." What we're doing is responding to a single, outstanding talent or skill and ascribing other attributes to it that we think must certainly be there. We then look at academic credentials and technical performance and believe that, somehow, we must be wrong. (Otherwise why would we have hired the person and promoted them to this point--here it begins to become a little self-defensive but we don't realize it).

Misunderstanding Intelligence

It's easy to make the mistake of believing that making great presentations, investments, operational decisions, or engineering breakthroughs is a sign of superior intelligence. And they might, in fact, indicate an outstanding ability to think and reason within given circumstances and topics. However, take a look at just a few definitions from those involved in intelligence testing and research over the years:

"The capacity to learn or to profit by experience."
(Dearborn, 1921)

"A global concept that involves an individual's ability to act purposefully, think rationally, and deal effectively with the environment."
(Wechsler, 1958)

"A person possesses intelligence insofar as he had learned, or can learn, to adjust himself to his environment."
(Colvin, cited in Sternberg, 1982, p.30)

Learn, adapt, adjust. None of our managers is either willing, able, or both. So we need to stop praising their "intelligence" and start recognizing an inability or unwillingness to adapt.

What to look for and what to do

If you are trying to manage situations similar to those above, here are some tips from experience:

1. When "intelligence" becomes a mantra after you've coached and counseled a person, you are stuck. Stop looking at where you would like them to be going in the company and start defining what they do well and where they are not developing.

2. When you've defined what they do well, talk with them honestly about where they'll fit best over the long run. Yes, they may not see it that way and leave.

3. When you find that 90% of your energy is spent trying to figure out or explain 10% of your workforce, stop. Look at what you want from performance; compare it with what you are getting; and avoid explaining away the gap. We've all done it. We want people to succeed. And if they are likeable it's even harder. Fact: We aren't being helpful to them or the organization.

4. Bad managers are toxic. It's easy to believe we're dealing with a single performance issue. We're not. Toxic managers are impacting the performance of everyone around them.

5. If you think you can't live without someone, you can. What would you do if, God forbid, they dropped dead tomorrow? It could happen. And life will go on.

What about our friends in the examples?

The Global Operations guru will soon become an individual contributor and technical advisor. It will work well.

Brilliant Finance Whiz has become the Chief Economic Officer (newly created role) of a major global enterprise. His second-in-command, a good manager, got the top job. Everyone is satisfied with the outcome and performance is top-notch all around.

Regulatory Compliance bully: we don't know yet. The company is still willing to invest in professional development.

Do you have a "But they're so intelligent. . ." story? Help the workplace community and send in your story through a Comment or email.

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Bring Your Emotional Awareness To Work

Workplaces are filled with people urging you to "Stay rationale" and, by all means, "Don't get emotional."

That's just not sound advice. They  have a significant effect on us, but to what end?

Call To Action

Emotions prompt you to act. Without them you wouldn't do much, including survive.

When you start to feel an emotion your muscles tense or relax; blood vessels dilate or contract. What you feel emotionally produces a related physical response. As a result, emotions can make us feel uncomfortable or comfortable, sending signals to urgently do something or to stay in our comfort zones.

What Happens On The Inside?

In trying to understand a situation or make a decision, emotions help you deduce whether what you have concluded is a good idea. When you think about something that contradicts your values, your emotions will signal the contradiction. When thinking about something that could hurt you, your emotions will tell you that this is not a good idea. In fact: simply imagining what might happen sparks your emotions in ways that can lead to better decisions.

How You Signal Your Social World

Body language is very, very real, although the accuracy of interpretation by others is less than scientific. The fact is, you and I display our inner emotions on our outer bodies. Your face alone contains about 90 muscles, 30 of whose sole purpose is sending emotional signals to other people.

Unless you are playing poker these signals can be unbelievably useful because they help others decide how to behave towards us. If someone appears angry, then hassling them or trying to get an agreement at that moment is probably not a good idea. If they look fearful you could offer help or support, leading to an enhanced relationship.

So?

Everyone wants to be influential in some way. Cutting off or ignoring emotions at work actually reduces the chance of making effective decisions (ignoring the inner-twinge could be costly) and connecting with your boss and colleagues. They've  each got 30 facial muscles designed to provide you with reading material--heck, that's easier than War and Peace.

Don't worry about always reading the emotion perfectly. What others want to know is that you recognize something is going on, you aren't making judgments, and you are there as another human being if something is needed.

Finally: stay in tune with your own emotions. They're designed to tell you something is happening on the inside and you need to pay attention.

These are the original text messages of the heart and soul. At minimum, keep your inner-iPhone on vibrate.

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How To Create Creativity

You want to be creative and breed creativity in your workplace, right?

Do you consider yourself to be "creative?"

Ask a group of first-graders, "How many of you are 'creative?' " Watch most of the hands go up. They smile. They show their colorful drawings and finger painting and maybe even compose a song along the way.

What happens when the same question is asked of the same kids a few years later? The responses drop to nearly zero. And the kids are still in elementary school.

Fast forward to your business meeting. Someone says "Let's get creative about how to grow the market in Asia. We've got until 5 o'clock."

Are you and I seeing the same thing here?

We've got little kids who are convinced they are creative. Then we get bigger little kids who think, "Not so much." Now we've got adults being asked to create and who are sure they aren't creative.

This post is a call for thought, not a rant. (Well, a little one). It seems to me that we have taken an entire population of creative youngsters, told them to color inside the box (or else!), and now tell them to "think outside the box"--(or else!).

Nine things to encourage creativity

Silvano Arieti  wrote a book in 1976 called Creativity: The Magic Synthesis (you can get a used copy through amazon.com). Here are his nine conditions and the reasons why:

1. Aloneness. Being alone allows the person to make contact with the self and be open to new kinds of inspiration.

2. Inactivity. Periods of time are needed to focus on inner resources and to be removed from the constraints of routine activities.

3. Daydreaming. Allows exploration of one's fantasy life and venturing into new avenues for growth.

4. Free thinking. Allows the mind to wander in any direction without restriction and permits the similarities among remote topics or concepts to emerge.

5. State of readiness to catch similarities. One must practice recognizing similarities and resemblances across to perceptual of cognitive domains.

6. Gullibility. A willingness to suspend judgment allows one to be open to possibilities without treating them as nonsense.

7. Remembering & replaying past traumatic conflicts. Conflict can be transformed into more stable creative products.

8. Alertness. A state of awareness that permits the person to grasp the relevance of seemingly insignificant similarities.

9. Discipline. A devotion to the techniques, logic, and repetition that permit creative ideas to be realized.

So now we go to our boss and say "I'd like to have some extended alone time for inactivity and daydreaming so I can come up with a creative idea for your strategy."

(Please let me know how that conversation goes).

You can act to create creativity

The next time you have charge of a meeting or idea session, how about using some of the above items to lay a foundation for creativity.

• Build in "alone time" by having people think about the task well in advance.

• Use a mind-mapping activity to address numbers 4 and 5.

• Suspend judgment and encourage the craziest ideas in the room, because

• Alertness (number 8) will connect the "crazy" dots

I hope you'll use these to be intentional about creativity. It sounds almost like an oxymoron--"intentional creativity"--but according to number 9 it isn't.

Intentional Creativity--that's a lot easier to sell to your boss than some alone time.

Graphic Source: www.creativity-zone.ch/

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I Know You're Smart. Do You Play Well With Others?

"Collaboration is a key driver of overall performance of companies around the world. Its impact is twice as significant as a company’s aggressiveness in pursuing new market opportunities (strategic orientation) and five times as significant as the external market environment (market turbulence).

As a general rule, global companies that collaborate better, perform better. Those that collaborate less, do not perform as well. It’s just that simple.”

That is a pretty powerful claim. It is substantiated by a research study done through a collaborative effort of Frost & Sullivan, Microsoft, and Verizon. 

The researchers created a collaboration index to measure a company’s relative “collaborativeness” based on two main factors:

	An organization’s orientation and infrastructure to collaborate, including collaborative technologies such as audioconferencing, Web conferencing and instant messaging
	The nature and extent of collaboration that allows people to work together as well as an organization’s culture and processes that encourage teamwork

Do You Play Well With Others?

This may seem like an abrupt switch from the serious tone of the study. But I needed that kind of data to help lead into an important career trait: playing well with others.

The study is right on target by highlighting the need for the right tools, systems, and culture. Yet it ultimately comes down to the individual. If you work in a global organization, you've got some extra challenges: time zone differences, language differences, cultural differences in what constitutes teamwork...(add your own experience by sending a comment!)

I just spent 3 hours coaching a client who is now forced to deal with a highly intelligent, high-performing manager who isn't viewed as collaborative. By anyone. No one at any of their worldwide locations gave him decent feedback on teamwork and collaboration. And this has been happening for a few years. (He continues to achieve all of the goals set out for him--and no one dislikes him personally.)

His side of the story

I sat down and spoke with the manager some months ago about these perceptions and what that might mean to his career. He understood that people didn't see him as collaborative. His take on it is that they are universally wrong. He communicates when he believes it's necessary. I told him that he had to simply initiate more, share more information--even if it didn't make sense to him--and mend some strained relationships with those who thought he was actually hiding something. He  listened, gave intellectual rebuttals for why that didn't make sense, and chose not to do anything differently.

What happened?

His management career is finished...at least with his current employer. He'll probably have a shot at being an individual contributor in a specific discipline; but upward mobility is no longer a possibility.

Some people burn bridges. He never built them. We should take seriously the lessons we can learn from this real-life situation:

1. Organizations thrive because of collaboration. If you want to be seen as a player, then be one.

2. A high IQ doesn't compensate for low EQ. Your Emotional Quotient--your willingness and ability to relate and connect--can make or break your career.

3. Task results don't always matter if your behavior disrupts the rest of the system.

4. The study I cited noted the importance of processes, systems, and culture. This company's culture valued teamwork. That was one of their systems. Roesler's rule: Unless you have 51% of the vote, don't fight the system. The system ultimately prevails.

Photo source: Pacific Lutheran University

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The Business of Forgiveness

Downsizing. Corruption. Bullying. Harassment. "Do more with less." Reduced benefits. Add to that list some of the people with whom you have to work every day (see Bob Sutton's No Asshole Rule).

There's a lot of opportunity for anger and hurt on the job.

Where you find anger, you find the need for forgiveness.

Why?

It's good for you. For your physical and mental health. For your relationships. For your ability to move on peacefully and productively.

Why forgiveness instead of revenge?

Christina M. Puchalski, M.D. is the Founder and Director of the George Washington Institute for Spirituality and Health and Assistant Professor of Medicine at the George Washington University School of Medicine. She says:

"On a personal level, forgiveness of self can help us achieve an inner peace as well as peace with others and with God. Wrongdoing against others and ourselves can result in guilt and resentment.  This can then lead to self-recrimination and self-loathing; it also can create a distance or disconnect from self and others. Resentment can give away to hate and intolerance. Forgiveness is the first stage of self-love and acceptance. It is also the basic building block of loving relationships with others."

It's not the offense. It's your response to it.

I confess, I'm not always a quick-to-forgive person once I've felt "wronged". I give people a very long leash and a long time to "get their act together" if things aren't going well. But there is some point at which I just say "that's it" and cut them off from my life. It is very infrequent, but the pattern is always the same. I decide that the differences are irreconcilable. So, the relationship in its present form is finished.

Does that serve me well?

Only if I genuinely forgive. It is both possible and imperative to do that and, at the same time, acknowledge that the nature of the relationship may not be productive. This is the harder part, I think. It begs the nagging question, "If I can forgive, why can't I just continue?"

Sometimes it's possible. More often, it becomes apparent that I wasn't seeing clearly to begin with and that continuing the relationship--without changing expectations--would not be peaceful or productive for either of us.

Dr. Frederic Luskin specializes in Learning to Forgive. He explains that:

"The practice of forgiveness has been shown to reduce anger, hurt depression and stress and leads to greater feelings of hope, peace, compassion and self confidence. Practicing forgiveness leads to healthy relationships as well as physical health."

Dr. Luskin's 9 Steps to Forgiveness

1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a trusted couple of people about your experience.

2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else.

3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning their action. What you are after is to find peace. Forgiveness can be defined as the "peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story."

4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes--or ten years ago. Forgiveness helps to heal those hurt feelings.

5. At the moment you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique to soothe your body's fight or flight response.

6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you. Recognize that "unenforceable rules" you have for your health or how you or other people must behave. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, peace and prosperity and work hard to get them.

7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt seek out new ways to get what you want.

8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you.

9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.

If you would like to explore other resources, check out The Forgiveness Web  and Forgiveness Net.

Think about this today: Your workplace is a web of relationships. Being at peace with them can only make your own life a lot more satisfying.

photo attribution: www.thirdway.com 

 

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Communicating on the Right Wavelength

"The two words 'information' and 'communication' are often used interchangeably, but they signify quite different things. Information is giving out; communication is getting through."--Sydney J. Harris

Communication: Don't Mix and Match Your Verbal Wardrobe

I want to offer an easy, uncluttered model to use when you want to bump up your communication game.

Think about your levels of interaction on a scale of Nicety all the way to Intimacy. One of the keys to keeping your interactions on target is making sure that you "meet people where they are" and not try to take them where you want to go before they are ready. (They may never be ready).

Here's a way to look at it on five levels of increasing depth:

1. Niceties. "Hey, how are you?"

"Fine,how are you?"

"Ok."

Polite acknowledgment of another person is part of social graciousness. If you or the other person doesn't want to take it any further, that's fine. Just don't mistake it for anything other than what it is.  But don't discount the social importance of niceties, either. It' s amazing how many people get miffed when they offer a "Hey, waddup?" and don't get a response.

2. Facts. If the other person is into facts, stay with the facts until (s)he moves on. If that's where they stay, just ask if there is anything that you should do with those facts.

3. Thoughts and Ideas. These are different from facts. They reflect what's going on inside someone's head. This is also where we get into difficulty by passing judgment on someone in the middle of their personal brainstorm. Stay in non-evaluative brainstorm mode with them.

4. Feelings. When people start expressing how they feel, you've hit a pretty high level on their personal trust scale. The best way to keep it is to acknowledge the legitimacy of how they feel. The best way to lose it is to tell them they shouldn't feel that way.

5. Intimacy. Familiarity that reaches a deeply personal level.

In the workplace you may not reach this level inside the confines of the office building. In fact, it may be totally inappropriate. But highly relational people can have a tendency to unconsciously go here because it's so innately comfortable and meaningful (for them).

I can't tell you the number of coaching/advising engagements I've had with people who have gotten themselves into difficulty at this level. They've said things that were taken as "way too intimate" by others. Fortunately, most well-meaning people "get it" when they are coached regarding the distinctions in levels and how other people may interpret personal warmth or familiarity.

If you want to keep your emloyer--and yourself--out of litigation, save your intimacy-level conversations for home and friends.

How to Use This?

The next time you're engaged in a discussion, pay attention to where the other person is operating on the "depth" chart.

1. Listen and stay with them.

2. If you want to move from one level to another, say something like: "We've been talking about the factual data related to the Romanian project. Would you be willing to hear some thoughts and ideas I have about this?"

They'll tell you if they need to play with the facts some more. And your question will be appreciated because it acknowledges that you've really heard them and aren't going to automatically step on their "stuff."

3. Building trust takes place at levels 3 and 4. The more time you can spend there, the closer the working relationship can become.

Share this with the people around you. It may get you out of "mix" and into "match."

What do you think?

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But (S)He's So Intelligent!

When individual performance issues are being discussed and the conversation consistently ends with, "Yeah, but (s)he's so intelligent," there is a problem.

For years I've watched clients try to figure out what to do with high potential, growth-stunted people. Most of the companies I've worked with have invested huge amounts of time, money, coaching, and education in an effort to prompt behavioral change in some "exceedingly intelligent" people. You've no doubt seen the same thing.

Do any of these situational factors look familiar?

Global Operations Director who hits all of the monetary goals but no one wants to work with her. They don't trust her because she withholds information and doesn't include other managers in decisions that impact how they do their work.

Brilliant Vice President of Finance who can't conduct meetings, doesn't like to plan, and knows more ways to help the company earn money on its money than its bankers do. Up for promotion for top job. Really doesn't want it. People love working with him because they learn from him. He wants to continue developing investment methods and models.

Director of Regulatory Compliance. No one explains new (regulated) products to the government better than this guy. So what's the problem? To the company it means the difference between a commercial product or nothing new to sell. His direct reports described their feelings toward him as "hate" (never a real good sign). They say he is a "bully," "condescending," and "has no patience with anyone he thinks is less intelligent than him." When offered the possibility of being a high-level individual contributor, the director digs in his heels and says, "No. I want to be a manager."

What are we seeing here?

It's actually easy to explain: we simply cannot believe that someone who is "intelligent" could actually act so "stupid." What we're doing is responding to a single, outstanding talent or skill automatically ascribing  other attributes that we think must certainly be there. We then look at academic credentials and technical performance and believe that, somehow, we must be wrong. (Otherwise, why would we have hired and then promoted the person? Here it becomes a little self-defensive on our part, but who wants to look at that?:-)

It's Not Smart to Misunderstand Intelligence

It's easy to make the mistake of believing that making great presentations, investments, operational decisions, or engineering breakthroughs is a sign of superior intelligence. These certainly indicate an outstanding ability to think and reason within given circumstances and topics. However, take a look at just a few definitions from those involved in intelligence testing and research over the years:

"The capacity to learn or to profit by experience."
(Dearborn, 1921)

"A global concept that involves an individual's ability to act purposefully, think rationally, and deal effectively with the environment."
(Wechsler, 1958)

"A person possesses intelligence insofar as he had learned, or can learn, to adjust himself to his environment."
(Colvin, cited in Sternberg, 1982, p.30)

Learn, adapt, adjust. None of our managers is willing, able, or both. So we need to stop praising their "intelligence" and start recognizing an inability or unwillingness to adapt and learn.

What to look for and what to do

If you are trying to manage situations similar to those above, here are some field-tested tips:

1. When "intelligence" becomes the mantra-of-excuse after you've coached and counseled a person, you are stuck. Stop looking at what you think they are and start defining what they actually do well and where they are refusing to learn.

2. When you've defined what they do well, talk with them honestly about where they'll fit best over the long run. Yes, they may not see it that way and leave.

3. When you find that 90% of your energy is spent trying to figure out or explain 10% of your stunted performers, stop. Look at what you want from performance; compare it with what you are getting; and avoid explaining away the gap. We've all done it. We want people to succeed. And if they are likeable it's even harder. Fact: We aren't being helpful to them or the organization.

4. If it's a manager, remember this: bad managers are toxic. It's easy to believe we're dealing with a single performance issue. We're not. Toxic managers are impacting the performance of everyone around them.

5. If you think you can't live without someone, you can. What would you do if, God forbid, they dropped over tomorrow? It could happen. And life will go on.

What about our friends in the examples?

The Global Operations guru will soon become an individual contributor and technical advisor. It will work well.

Brilliant Finance Whiz has become the Chief Economic Officer (newly created role) of a major global enterprise. His second-in-command, a good manager, got the top job. Everyone is satisfied with the outcome and performance is top-notch all around.

Regulatory Compliance bully: we don't know yet. The company is still willing to invest in professional development.

Do you have a "But they're so intelligent. . ." story?

Can't wait to hear it.

www.researchinformation.info

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Make Some Real Music Managing Talent

They had a vision for what they wanted to be.

They looked at what was needed to do that.

They tried out their act in bars and nightclubs in cellars.

They thought their drummer wasn't good in the studio, so they got a new one.

They talked about all of the above with each other and their manager.

They were the Beatles

They managed their talent.

Something counter-productive is happening on the way to developing your workforce.

It's called Talent Management.

Right. I have sinned. I should know that Talent Management is "what's happening."

Not universally.

It has too often become a bloated, navel-gazing, bureaucratic, software-selling non-panacea that substitutes for the real thing.

What Does Real Talent Management Look Like?

Managers sitting down and talking with each other over a (insert your favorite drink) about the following:

1. Where is the business headed over the next few years?

2. What kind of talented people will we need?

3. Do we have them?

4. Where can we get the ones we don't have? (Maybe elsewhere in the organization before we go outside).

5. How can we set up the hiring process to make sure we get what we really need?

6. How can we develop our people to be able to do business the way we need it done?

7. Let's take the flip chart pages that we've written on and go make this happen.

8. Let's get together again in 3 months to see how we're doing and what we need to do next.

I know. That sounds like Talent Management. Except it's based on real people--who are responsible for managing the organization--having real conversations about the real thing.

If you can have the conversation above, you can manage your talent.

And it's time to go to the next step:

What Does "Developing People" Really Look Like?

Focus on these three people factors and you'll design a developmental program that works:

1. Who Am I?

Everyone needs to take honest stock of themselves and their professional wants, needs, strengths, and things they wouldn't do even if their lives depended on it.

Pick a good self assessment tool. Not  4 or the the tool-du-jour. Pick one and stick with it. Run meetings and workshops that clearly take the theory into the realm of personal application. Then show them how their results might interact with the way your organization wants to do business.

2. What's My Impact on "The Team?"

I've written this before: Most people don't get nudged out the door because of technical incompetence. It's usually because of some inability or unwillingness to play well with others.

a. Do a periodic team assessment among the members. Then have real conversations about the results.

b. Do 360/multi-rater feedback. This will help people understand the difference between how they think they're doing and how other people are seeing them. It's also the basis for an Individual Development Plan that will help them grow; and,it will give their managers the kind of meaningful information to have ongoing "how are we doing?" discussions.

Note: Don't forget that feedback is information from other people. Each of us then chooses whether or not we want to do anything about it. The first questions to ask after someone thoroughly understands the implications of feedback is:

• "Do any of these areas matter a lot to you?"

• "If so, are you willing to do what it may take to grow professionally and personally?"
  

c. Do "a" with sensible regularity. I trust that you know what is sensible.

3. Organizational Savvy: How does this place really work?

People need to know how to navigate your organization successfully in order to get things done.

Jim Brownhill, long-time manager at Minerals Technologies, uses a worthwhile activity to help people get at the heart of this issue. He brings people together and has them respond, in depth, to this question:

What are the unwritten rules of our company?

It works. All of us know that how things are supposed to work doesn't always match how they actually work. And, that there are values and principles that mean a lot.

Teach those to new hires and people with short tenure. Let them know how things  get done and what is and isn't acceptable. Tell them that, in organizations, savvy  trumps a genius IQ most of the time.

Note: I'm big on developing talent. When unwieldy programs get in the way of practical application, it's a red flag.

4. What Assignments Can We Give to Provide Real Chances to Grow?

Ask your people--no, ask yourself first--what the best experiences were for learning professional expertise or leadership?

That's correct. It was actually doing something. Having a chance to try, struggle, fail, learn, succeed...

The classroom gives a foundation for what to do. Only experience offers the chance to learn how and gain confidence. Put people in a role that allows them to learn. It's a risk. Not doing so will guarantee that you will never know what they are capable of doing.

Finally,

Keep It Simple. Whenever something becomes totally institutionalized and programmatic it somehow stops being an engaging solution.

Is your talent management approach unwieldy? Does it focus more on HR activity than on developing people? Are the managers responsible for results intimately involved or "kept informed?" If they aren't intimately involved, the talent isn't getting managed.

What's your experience?

Photo source: muziek.paginablog.nl/

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Three Ways To Persuade

I switched accounting firms a few years ago.

At income tax time, the CPA asked me for Occupation. I waxed poetic about consulting and the kinds of clients that I have.

He filled in the blank with "Salesman."

He was right. So much for my "boutique CEO" self-delusion.

I've always enjoyed the sales and marketing part of the profession and even did a stint as a regional sales manager for another global training firm. Many people cringe at the thought of "selling," especially consultants. I would imagine that they are the financially-challenged ones.

Everyone Has a Talent for Persuasion: What's Yours?

I'm convinced that the whole sales image thing can be traced to vacuum cleaners. They used to show up at the front door in the grip of a guy wearing a plaid suit, waxed moustache, and an easy payment plan that ran slightly longer than the one on your Toyota. (Actually, the Toyota guy was wearing the same suit). He wouldn't leave until you bought something. So, the average person's introduction to sales was all about being pushed until the white flag of surrender went up.

No moustache? No problem.

Whatever business you are in, your success depends on your ideas getting heard and acted upon. Period. And there is more than one approach to make that happen.

As a public service to humanity in general, here are the three distinct ways--talents--that offer the ability to persuade. (Note: these come directly from our proprietary assessment/autobiographical interview and are psychometrically valid and reliable in testing).

You may use more than one on occasion, but there is usually one at which you are most gifted.

1. Promoting. Do you find that you are really effective advocating an idea, cause, or another person (but not necessarily yourself)?

Promoters gain acceptance through their enthusiasm for a concept. At the end of a presentation they don't usually ask, "Will that be cash or charge?" Instead, they talk about how the listener(s) can get involved. They still "make the sale", but in a different way.

Related talent: excel at overcoming anger, negativity, and criticism. They know why they believe what they believe and can articulate it with discernible authenticity.

Is this you? Then become a first-rate salesperson by giving workshops, seminars, and briefings. Have a way for your audience to easily "get involved" before leaving.

2. Unifying/Negotiating.  Do you find that you are the go-between in sticky situations? Chances are you have the innate ability to understand the needs and desires of people or groups who need someone to pinpoint a common denominator within their issues. You're it.

This is a valuable talent but often isn't viewed in the "persuasion" category. Sales teams would be especially well-served to have someone with this attribute along when negotiating. They don't close. They allow for the close.

3. Selling/Recruiting. Do you find that you measure your persuasive success by the numbers? Then you probably are the closer and don't mind saying, "Will that be cash or charge?"

This talent bridges every aspect of organizational life, not just sales. HR recruiters, managers wanting capital or simply extra effort, and non-profit fundraisers all have to ask for the sale.

Take away:

Sales managers: Deliberately put together a team with all three talents represented. I don't have to tell you why.

Individuals: Identify where you are most talented and do your persuading in those situations; or, when possible, create the right situation. You just might learn to like it when you realize the benefits.

I'm curious. Have you ever thought about persuasion/selling in these distinct ways?

Dawud Miracle had a recent experience that illustrates the best of each.

For a look at what the Sales folks are saying, visit Brad Trnavski's Sales Management 2.0 network.

photo credit: www.arniesvintagecostumers.com/

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How to Really Connect

If you care about connecting the brain, heart, and soul, here's encouragement: David Rakel, M.D., is on the case.

Dr. Rakel talks about the importance of emotional experience in connecting with your audience. Listen for his science-based support as well as his call to the medical community to diagnose and treat from a different perspective.

If you are a manager, teacher, health care worker, speaker, generic human being. . .have a look and listen.

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26 One-liners for Employee Engagement

When David Zinger put out the invitation for an alphabet soup of employee engagement tips, it was too good to pass up. Others felt the same way. So David ended up producing the results as the 300 Free Employee Engagement Keys eBook which you can also dowload here.

David's dedication to professional development generated an entire network devoted to the EE topic. You can look and join here for free.

The idea was to use each letter of the alphabet to offer up thoughts on engagement, so I give you:

Steve's EE, A to Z

Amour: Am I doing what I love to do?

Bingo!: We have work experiences that make us want  to yell this every day.

Croon: Our projects make us want to sing about them--at least sometimes.

Destiny: We have a sense of more than just today.

Echo: What we do reverberates across the organization. We listen, so we know whether or not to make adjustments.

Federline: We don't make the same mistakes as Britney and skip the engagement part. Which means we also understand that winning a "trip to Paris" isn't always a good thing.

Glad: We take time to celebrate when good things happen.

Harpoon: When something starts to drag us down, we nip it in the bud.

Isolate: Only problems, not people.

Java: We're skilled at drinking it while the plug-in is downloading.

Killer-apps: We know how to apply our work to real business solutions.

Latitude: What we give to our colleagues.

Mojo: What our competitors think we've got an abundance of.

Nah!: What we say when others try to tell us we're too committed.

Oh yeah!: The kind of thing we say to each other when someone does something really good.

Prada: The stuff we'll never wear because we're too engaged to go shopping.

Quirks: What we admire in each other that the disengaged choose to criticize.

Rigor: We think this is a good thing, since the opposite is rigormortous.

Serious: About our mission, not ourselves.

Telemarketing: What we don't do with good ideas because we know the importance of face time.

Utopia: What we shoot for even though we know it doesn't exist.

Vacuum: We avoid operating in one. Because of our level of engagement, we may avoid using one as well. Life challenge: Learn the difference.

Why Not?: One of the first things we ask after hearing "Why?"

Xenogamy: We practice cross-fertilization of ideas. We also never say this word out loud in meetings.

Yin & Yang: We look for the complementary relationships in opposites.

Zone: What this is all about, as in, "We want to be in the . . ."

What would your alphabet include?

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