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Dan Erwin

Hmmmm. I didn't start out with the notion that we were in love. I'd been through the physical attract bit and found it wanting. I started out with the notion that "she" was really smart, was as interested in music and achievement as I, and just might share a few similar values. A NY analyst suggested to a friend of mine that people get married for a mix of three reasons: physical attraction (sex), emotional support, intelligence. I never thought about emotional support, but found it very important early on.

Twenty years into our 51 year long marriage, she let me know after an intriguing morning in bed, that she decided to marry me because she thought I might perhaps be smart. I long ago decided she was the brains and I was the creative side. Besides, she had the earning power and I wanted to go to grad school. Obviously, it paid off.

All of this personal openness reminds me of a statement that Meryl Streep made in the latest Vanity Fair, "“I’m very f---ing grateful to be alive,” she says fervently. “I have so many friends who are sick or gone, and I’m here. Are you kidding? No complaints!”

Is that 180 or is that 180?

Steve Roesler

Terrific story, Dan. As the "creative" side in my family, it sounds eerily familiar:-)

And I'm with Meryl: "I'm here. No complaints."

BTW: I wonder if we guys aren't even conscious of the emotional support thing, at least early on. Your reference got me thinking about it and I've got to say, it certainly wasn't anything I was aware of at the time. I am now, but not then.

Tom Glover

Steve, after listening to you on BEL and reading this just now it strikes me that what you are saying here is one of those times where someone's solution just seems SO practical that it almost seems too simplistic. But therein lies the whole point doesn't it! :)

I too have seen so many times where managers and leaders are thrust into situations with no clearly defined expectations or situations where expectations (both above and below) change drastically over time. You're solution of doing a 360 feedback is dead on and I contend that in the way I describe Reflection Leadership, leaders should really be doing this (though maybe in a more informal way) on a constant or at least regular basis.


Good point. But how do you determine what questions to ask?

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